Simply Sinful: Lost Angels MC, page 8
He drops his arms. “Of course, I fucking did.”
“When?”
“I drove to every school you applied to. By the third I found you alright, at a party, wrapped around someone.”
It’s possible. Freshman year I would rather like to forget. Being an emotional wreck, I made more mistakes that I would like to admit to. “It was college.”
“And she, Poppy,” he points back towards the restaurant, “was a distraction,” he says, “I'm nice to her because I regret using her as one.”
“You must care for her more than just that if you regret anything.”
His mouth turns down sharply at my words. He moves past, where my keys are in the door and unlocks my car, he hands me the keys as he walks past, “Go, if you want.”
I watch him move away from me. “Why?”
He sighs and turns back, his arms crossing over his chest, “Why what?”
“Why are you nice to her?” Why are you nicer to her than you are even to me? I don't ask my second question but I go right into my third, “and why do you keep sidestepping? Just answer the question. Is there something else you don't want me to know?” And finish with a fourth. I can't find where the source of all this interrogation poured from, all I know was that in this instant it’s of the utmost importance to get the answers to them. My chest starts to ache, and there’s a stinging that hurts the back of my eyes.
Again, his face contorts in anger, his arms uncrossing to lay by his sides, his voice comes out harsh. “Because I couldn't love her like she deserved, I only loved who she reminded me of,” his fingers ball within his hands ready to strike, “happy now? Does it please you to know, that while she stayed with me, I punished her as I wished I could have punished you? Called out your name in the heat of the moment, but she was the one that happened to be in my arms? How she forgave me time after time, fuck up after fuck up, yet I only hated her more for it, because it’s not what you would have done? You’ve fucking tortured me for years, even while you weren’t here, so stop punishing me! Fuck!” His voice gains power through his speech until he is shouting. He is heaving and shaking as he stares at me, yet I can tell he looks right through me. Possibly the version of me that he wished to scold more than the one that stood in front of him. However, this one needed the scolding, and deserved it.
I look down in my shame and nudge the pavement. “It doesn't at all make me happy. I didn’t mean to push you, I... I’m jealous,” I don’t dare look up to meet his gaze. I’m embarrassed for how I’ve hurt him just to satisfy my own curiosity. I’m not acting my age, I’m acting like the girl that left him, as if I’ve learned nothing from our separation. I want so badly to shake myself of her, the lost vulnerable thing that she is, but she also brings a lightness that I’ve forgotten. He brings out so many sides of me.
Not once when I found out about Adrian’s betrayal to me or to his wife did I act the least bit cheated. I realize now I never invested in him, never expected for it to go further than what it had been. With Cole, it was different from the start, all my emotions were tangled up into a ball and I couldn't pull on one string without pulling on another causing a chain reaction.
“Jealous,” he says. When I look up, he's not looking at me, but a point above my head, his jaw working as if chewing on the word. When he looks back down at me, a smile tugs his lips. “I like you jealous,” he holds out a hand to me, “Ready to go back and act as if you’re not a psycho?” His smile grows as the last word leaves his mouth.
“Don't rub my face in it you prick,” I say but put my hand in his anyways. His fingers warm as they wrap around mine.
When we re-enter, I see Poppy took me at my word, her head popping up like a… well a poppy from the bench seat. I bring Cole up short as I stare not knowing if the apology is worth it, or if jealousy would color my words if I try. At the moment, it's not something I particularly want to face.
"It's fine," he squeezes my hand, and tugs on me until I start to move again.
Poppy looks up, her smile falters for just a second too long as it falls to me.
"Poppy I'd like you…" Cole starts.
"I know who she is." Her smile stays put, but I would know the sad tilt to it as she takes me in anywhere. I've worn it and have become intimately acquainted with it. "Emmaline, or Em for short," she holds out a hand, "you're Cole's girl."
Unsure of what to say to that I take her offered hand. The way she says it, with resigned acceptance, I feel as if I should apologize and not only for being green earlier. So, "I'm sorry," is what I say.
I expect many different things to happen next, but her laugh isn't one of them. "No need," she waves me off. She gestures towards the opposite booth seat, "The two of you sit. I think it’s past time that we get to know one another.”
Taken aback by her openness I am, again, unsure of how to react. “Are you kidding?” I cover my mouth and can feel my eyes grow large at my unfiltered question.
She giggles and starts to nod, “I’ve been wondering about you since he told me his little secret.”
I move my hand from my mouth. “What secret?”
Cole groans aloud, his cheeks pink, trying to keep his face hard and it makes both of us look at him until she gets my attention again by saying, “Take a seat and find out.” her eyes gleam, I think liking too much that she knows something that I didn't. Turns out most of it wasn’t all that much of a revelation.
“Cole here,” she glances over at him for a second before returning to me. Jesus I'm even jealous of a familiar glance between two people, whether it be innocent or not, “was a part of my rebellious stage. We got into a bit too much mischief back in the day. Caused a little chaos, but I knew soon after I met him that his mind seemed to be always, if not in part, thinking of something else. When he discovered that his foster brother stole something from him, we plotted to get it back. It wasn’t until he ended up in juvie, after his foster guardian caught him red-handed trying to steal it back, did I find out it was a ring.” Her cheeks pinken, “I naively thought he intended it for me. After that the shape of you started to form in my head, and I admit, despite the fact I knew it wouldn’t work between me and Cole, I became curious about you."
She doesn’t give me a chance to absorb the knowledge of what she’s saying before she asks her question, “So the first question, I have to ask, why did you leave?”
I look between her and Cole before I accept Cole isn’t going to help me out of this one, “I was led to believe something that wasn’t at all true.”
She looks perplexed, her nose scrunches up, and her head tilts a little to the left. “Why didn’t you just ask him? You know he can’t stop himself from spilling the contents of his brain, I mean...don’t you?”
"Of course," I snap. I can feel my cheeks blush once again. Jesus, this is going to be a continual blemish on my character. “It hurt enough, and I thought I had plenty of proof. I spotted him kiss another girl…”
“She kissed me,” Cole interjects automatically. I place a hand over his, and look over at him.
“I know that now,” without moving my hand I look back at Poppy, “but it was convincing enough to feel I knew the truth of it. Back then it didn’t need confirming.”
“Would you do it again, run I mean, if the same scene played out in front of you? Or would you confront him first?”
No one had thought to ask that question. The answer, I didn’t know, but, “I hope I’d have enough common sense to ask if it ever happened again.”
“Which it won’t,” he says wrapping my fingers in his.
She takes me in, with a stare that seems a little too piercing. Feeling exposed to this practical stranger, making it impossible to look away. She seems to be saying something to me, I feel I know what she’s trying to say. “If you screw up...I’ll be sure to come pick up the pieces as I did before, and this time, I won’t let him go.”
After hearing Cole’s confession earlier, I know that even if we don’t work out, that wouldn’t be the case. He knew now that he had seen more of life, that being with her was a punishment he had inflicted on himself, and I’m sure he’s past it. If he tries again it would be with someone completely different from me... or her. Though if I was in her position I can't confidently say that I wouldn't hope for the same thing.
She must have seen something in my face, and soon a smile lifts a corner of her mouth. She moves on with another question. She doesn’t ask anything more about Cole and me, and I thought that I also knew why she avoided it. She and I were more alike than I ever want to admit too. It must have been like gliding on a knife's edge for Cole to be with her. The moment in which we were alike cut a little deeper.
When our food comes it’s a relief to not need to speak or be drilled about my life. Now that it’s quiet at our table I can't decide why I indulged her. I didn't owe her a thing, she’s a stranger, but as I answered her questions it's almost as if she knew all the answers ahead of time. She had shown no surprise, no sympathy, she acted with clinical detachment.
"What do you do for a living?" I ask her, though I suppose I know the answer, just need it confirmed.
"I'm a high school guidance counselor," she smiles a knowing smile. It's not what I thought, but close enough.
"Why did you end up choosing that profession?"
"She's always liked to help people in her way," Cole says. The way they briefly smile at one another twists my stomach in knots.
"He's right, it was a decision I made partly due to him though. I didn't know how to help him then, and I thought to better myself in case someone else came along needing my help in a similar way."
I couldn't ask her anything else. When I was at the age when she made that choice, I was still running full long into others’ arms to forget the ones I wanted to be in. There hadn’t been a limit of how selfish, and self-pitying I had become. Being faced with that reality, it made me feel less than worthy. I turn my face so that I can look out the window, but truly, I see nothing outside of what’s going on in my mind. They continue talking about who knows what, right now, I need some distance from the truth. The truth that she may very well be the better of us.
I’m glad when we leave.
"Ice cream?"
"Hmmm?" I ask, looking over the car hood at him.
"Want to get some ice cream? That place we used to go to is still there."
I nod without much thought to it, chocolate sounds good. He doesn't even ask me what I want as we come to the window at Tinks Cream Shop. He hangs over the chocolate swirl cone. "Thanks," mhhhh.
"Can I ask you a question?" I ask after a minute of us indulging in our treat.
"Sure," he twists a little to look at me.
"Will you tell me about your time in the system?" His eyes drop to his cookies and cream cone, "I mean, if you don't want to, I get it."
“No,” he shakes his head, “it’s not that. It wasn’t like those types of horror stories you expect to hear. I just never found a home in any of the places I had to stop to get back here. Most were happy to get the extra money, or an extra hand when it came to chores. None of them were really interested in me, they would try half-hearted attempts, even when it came to discipline, but I never made it easy on them. Being an angry teenager is hard on the parents belonging to them, not to mention those that didn’t have a hand in bringing us into the world.”
“How many guardians did you go through?”
“Four. The last one being the one Poppy mentioned. He wasn’t at all lax on the discipline like the others. Surprisingly his son happened to be the hardest thing about living there. Kyle seemed to be as angry or even more so at times than I was.”
“Did he get away with stealing your ring?”
“Your ring, but yeah. When I got out there was nothing I could do about it. He scrapped it to pay for one of his addictions.”
“Will you tell me about it?”
“What, the ring I picked out?”
“Yes,” I nod.
“It was a delicate thing,” he chuckles, “I had my hand in my pocket constantly checking on it to make sure I hadn’t bent the band. The main stone was cut in marquee style, at least that’s what I think the lady called it, and it had two smaller circular ones on either side. I had no idea if you would like it, but when I pulled it out to look at it, I thought of you. Small, beautiful, and delicate.”
Small, beautiful, and delicate is not at all how I would describe myself. In fact, I didn’t think anyone could think of me like that, but as I think back, he had protected me as if I were. He saw me for all that I am, and all I couldn’t even see in myself. It frightened me to be so exposed, vulnerable, I’m not sure if I’m ready for this.
Chapter 13
Em’s quiet on our trip back to Lidia’s house. I wasn’t sure what to say to bring her out of the trance she seems to be in. When we finally park, I can’t handle the silence anymore.
“What’s wrong?” I ask, turning in the driver's seat to look at her.
She doesn’t look my way, her eyes fixed on something in front of her, but she does speak, “I fear that I’ve made a mistake.”
“About what?” Lead starts to fill the pit of my stomach, like it does when you think bad news is headed your way. Maybe in a poor attempt to ground you before the blow hits, sending you onto your ass.
She does look over then. She looks tired, her shoulders hunch in like the weight of them are too great. She opens her mouth ready to tell me, but I know I don’t want the words she’s about to say.
“No. You’re not doing this to me again, Em. I deserve better than this. You’re going to give us a sufficient try. Fuck Poppy and her psychobabble.” Her eyebrows come down over her eyes, casting them in shadow, her mouth turning down. “Yeah I knew what she was attempting. I even took a little pleasure in it after the fit you pulled in the parking lot,” her eyes grow wide, and I nod. “Yeah, I was being an ass. Though you or I, if we're lucky, will never have to see her again. Forget about what she said, or the in-between the lines bullshit you women are so good at, I know what and who I want,” I take her hand, and kiss the inside of it like I used to. “You, Em, you are what I want. So don’t give up on us.”
Throughout my speech her brows furrow even harder. “Don’t ever do that to me again.”
“Understood,” I kiss her palm again and then push out of her car. I meet her at the hood of the car. “Same time tomorrow?” I ask.
“Yes, I needed to reschedule to visit the flower shop and she agreed with tomorrow as long as we were there first thing.”
“Should I pick you up? I’ll bring the truck again for old time sake,” I can’t keep the husk out of my voice as I say it. It may not have been what I'm suggesting, well at least not entirely, but the truck is full of pleasing memories. When her cheeks brighten, I know she went there too, and I smirk. I’d love to finish what I had started in her car, this time interruption free. My dick, already semi hard with just being around her, grows harder, pressing up against my zipper.
“I think we should meet there,” her blush is even more prominent now, oh she was definitely there with me, I bet her panties are soaked. She’s driving me crazy with this bolting act. I lean into her, she backs up, the back of her knees hit her bumper and she catches herself on the top of the car, but it doesn’t stop me. I make it so I am hovering over her, we are a breath apart, and my eyes go for her mouth which is slightly parted.
“What are you so afraid of?” I whisper. Her mouth opens wider to let out her tongue. When it swipes across her bottom lip, the urge to kiss her and give into what we both know we want is overwhelming.
“Nothing,” she denies.
“Prove it,” I taunt.
“How?” she asks, and this time she’s looking at my lips as I bite the bottom one in anticipation. The chase may be frustrating, but in the end, the build up to it, it’s so worth it.
“Let me pick you up,” I initiate the first touch, her ass is more to grab onto now that she has grown into her body, and I love it. She lets out a little squeak, her nails digging into my biceps as I pick her up and place her on the hood of the car. I push in between her legs, and cage her in. Our mouths are even closer now.
“That proves nothing,” she breathes.
“Em,” I tsk, “I think it would prove to be enough. To be in an enclosed space with me where there are so many hot and steamy reminders of what we were to one another. What we could be to one another again.” I move to her ear and let my hot breath touch her as I say, “Come on Em, you know you want to as much as I do.”
She shivers, her fingers dig in a little more, her thighs hug my hips bringing me slightly forward, and the heat between her legs makes me ache even harder.
“Hey, lover boy,” a voice says from behind us. I jerk up and look over my shoulder. Tank looks over at me with a smirk on his stupid face, “Lidia needs Em for something, so that means you and me,” he gestures at the space between us, “are going to jump in your truck and find a cold beer so that I can get a break from all the tulle, candles, and color coordination questions that shrinks men’s balls.”
“Get your own damn beer,” I bite back. Fuck! What the hell does a guy gotta do to get laid around here? When I turn back to Em she has wiggled down off the hood and is about to move around me. I grasp her arm. “Don’t go.”
Her smile is about as sweet as honey. “I’ll see you tomorrow. I think you need a beer to cool off,” she leans in and kisses the side of my mouth. When I chase for a full kiss, she’s already out of my grasp heading to the door. "Be at my hotel at eight," that mischievous smile makes my dick even harder. Christ.
Son of a bitch! Tank is already there blocking my way with the biggest shit eater grin, so that I know perfectly well he knew he cock blocked me, “I feel you dude, haven't gotten laid for like,” he looks down at his watch, “five hours.”
“Don’t make me fucking deck you,” I grumble.
He claps me on the back. “So about that drink,” he steers me to the truck and I reluctantly watch as the house and the girl in it gets smaller and farther away.
