Simply Sinful: Lost Angels MC, page 11
Removing her from my arm felt like fighting against an octopus, little suction cups but invisible to the eye, and I'd get one arm free to only be grabbed again seconds after. In the end I yank myself from her, and crash into a couple.
"What the fuck!" a guy a foot taller than me, built like a brickyard stood scowling at me, the girl in his side looking shocked, holding her cheek.
"Sorry, I just…"
"Opf," I grunt at the impact of his fist, tears spring to my eyes. The crack of my nose cartilage loud in my ears and the ache in my teeth and head are unbearable. My hand flies up to catch the blood, "Fuck," I squeeze out, but the movement of talking actually fucking hurts. Looking up, the big guy isn't amused, but I could give two shits, "Dick, it was a fuckin accident."
"Watch it next time, or you'll have an accident," he moves away, dragging the girl behind him.
On my way to find a bathroom to clean up, I see her. My heart feels frozen in my chest on the last beat I ever wanted it to take, because I know after this moment it'll only circulate an ache. As I stare at her, I forget about my nose, the path the blood is making down over my lip to drop off my chin, the feeling of being jammed into a can of salted fish, and that I'm hundreds of miles from home. The girl I gave my frozen organ to, sits atop, no straddles another guy's lap, grasping his face in hands that have done similar to my own, kissing him with lips that I would know blind since they've been on every inch of my body. I want nothing more than to rip my eyes out, scrub them clean of the image as if it isn’t happening, but I know nothing I could do will take away the ache of knowing she left and is now moving on without me.
"No wonder," she taps the cigarette over the tray before exhaling another lung full of smoke.
"What?"
"No wonder you're ruined and gone on her."
"You're not making sense. I did let her go. I left that night without her being the wiser, came home, found my mom, and went straight into the system."
Her head moves side to side with an expression of pity. "She's been with you every step of the way. She's the scar on your heart you couldn't laser away, and with every pump of your love-gone heart a little dose of her runs through your fucking system. Your mom may have been an addict, but so are you, just of another kind."
"You don't know what you're talking about."
"I just witnessed it. Even when remembering the way she hurt you," she shakes her head, again, "you should have seen your face, heard your tone."
"Yeah, and so what if I am?" It disturbs me to hear I could have anything in common with my mother, especially that part of her.
"There's no 'if' about it."
I shrug and cross a leg over a knee. There isn't a reason to argue with her.
"Will you tell me something else?" she asks after a while.
I nod. "Seems I'm in the mood to share."
"Why did you attend dances after she left? You never took anyone and stood in a corner. Please tell me you weren't there just in case she would show up."
"It seems you already know the answer to that."
"Even to the ten-year school reunion… you sat at a table and didn't budge. You wouldn't even dance with me when I asked, and I was alone too."
My mouth turns down when I watch her face fall, her eyes shimmering as she remembers a conversation I no longer do. I had gone to see if Em would show, and when she hadn't all I can recall is the alcohol I consumed to beat out my bad mood. So I stand now, and hold out a hand to her. "Dance with me for the first and last time." She takes my words as the bittersweet offering they are. I wouldn't come visit her again after this. Our past no longer held any words unspoken, and she knows my path is set, but I can give her one last memory to hold on to. One that holds forgiveness and understanding as we sway to no other beat than of our hearts.
We come to the end, and I twirl her, she laughs, I dip her and she closes her eyes on a smile. When I bring her back up to standing, she wraps me in a hug, kissing me on the cheek, saying, "Thanks for that."
I shrug, "This is goodbye then?"
She nods, "All things come to it. I'll see you if I see you."
"Yeah I guess so. Take care of yourself and get out of this dead-end town."
She pulls me in for another hug, she buries her nose in my neck, whispering, "We've been apart for so many years, but it still hurts to now see you go."
I wrap her in the embrace this time, "It's for the best." As the last word slips out, I take in her house one last time. It's such a barren place than I knew it had been. I freeze, my body goes stiff as I notice something I haven't before, "Shit, not again."
Candy twists in my embrace to see what I am seeing. We let each other go. "You better go after her now before she has a chance to get to her car," I don't look back as I run out her door, leaving it for her to close.
I have no idea how long Em stood there, but enough to misunderstand the situation again.
"Em! Wait a goddamn second!" I yell, but the car door slams shut, and the locks are in place. She has the keys in the ignition, and she’s ignoring every word I shout through the glass at her. Her eyes are blank and emotionless.
As I watch her leave, I debate if I should follow her. I'm so damn tired of chasing.
Chapter 16
"Emmy? What's wrong?" Lidia's eyes grow wide looking over my shoulder. She grips her plain black robe tighter around herself, fingers curling in, gripping the fabric closer.
"I found Candy and Cole together," I hear the bewilderment in my voice.
"What?" her brows rise.
"I saw them dancing in her living room, dipping her, I couldn't see..," I wasn't making sense, and now that I’m saying what I saw out loud, I can feel my cheeks flush in embarrassment.
"Couldn't see what? Them kiss, smiling and laughing together? Em...I hate to say it, but I think you've done it again."
I put my head in my hands. "What am I doing?"
Lidia takes my hands away from my face and leads me inside. We sit on the couch. "Yes, tell me Emmy, what are you doing? What exactly do you want?"
"I don't know."
"Then that's where the problem lays. You've got to stop whatever it is you're doing, because all I see is the result, and it's driving me crazy to see you so unlike yourself. Where did my confident, take no shit Emmy go?" she lays a hand over mine, "dig until you find her, she'll know what to do. Now I need to get back to bed, come with me?"
"The guys aren't here?"
"No, Echo will be here later, he's at work. He can have the couch. Ric has Tank doing something else, so I don't know when I'll see him."
"Doesn't it unsettle you to not know where they are and what they’re doing?"
"No, why should I be?" her breath comes out as a sigh. "Look the way I see it, if they're doing something they shouldn't, knowing it may jeopardize our relationship, there's nothing I can do. I can't convince them of my worth, I have to be enough for them to keep, and I have nothing to do with that determination. I just have to trust that they see me as I see them, something I wouldn't want to lose. True love is about vulnerability, it’s allowing someone to see you want them and need them in your life, and trusting them not to hurt you."
"Why am I so frightened?"
"You love him, and it matters," she says with a shrug, "he's done nothing wrong, and in my opinion, you need to give in. Let the past go, you won't find happiness if you continue to hold on," she stands, "now, I'm serious, bed.” She holds out a hand to me, and drags me off the couch.
She hands me one of her shirts to sleep in, and once we're both in bed she turns out the light. She's fast to fall asleep, but I can't stop thinking about all she said.
I wake with a start. Lidia is still asleep beside me, her mouth slightly open, her eyes shifting behind lids, and I decide to get up to answer the door before she's woken by it. No use in both of us being awake.
I pad across the floor, rubbing my eyes. When I get to the door, I'm surprised to see it's for me. Cole's in the clothes I remember seeing him in, last night. He does his own perusal, and I can feel my body heat under his inspection.
"What are you doing here?" I say before I can think better of it. His eyes come back up to mine.
"I've been here all night, despite my better judgment."
"What?"
"I slept in my truck," he points his thumb over his shoulder, "brought back memories."
"Why?" Apparently this morning I'm only capable of one-word questions. I feel like an idiot standing there.
“God damn it, Em, have you not listened to me at all these last weeks! I'm selfish. Not in all the world, not in all the stars… would I ever give you up, not again, not even to save a hundred billion lives. I'd even damn alien life to hell, if death asked for their planets too.”
“I saw you, but…”
He growls. “You saw shit. Like last time you ran from me, again over a misunderstanding. Aren't you tired of running?” he pulls a frustrated hand through already disarrayed hair. “You should have stuck around to let me explain. Again for whatever reason, no reason I gave you, you can't seem to fucking trust me,” his mouth turns down sharply, “you know what, I can't, I can't fucking deal with this right now. This is on you. Come find me when you've figured your shit out.” He grabs hold of the door and shuts it for me. Too long I stand on the other side looking at the rose window in the wood of the door and let his words spin around in my head.
"He's right," I jump in surprise and find Echo sitting on the couch.
"Were you sitting there the whole time?" I respond.
He doesn't acknowledge my question but says, "Trust is important, in everything."
"You have a point," and everything would have been cleared up if Cole had let me get in a word edgewise.
"Stop fucking around," his tone is sharp. His eyes for the longest seconds of my life stare into me, goosebumps rise on my arms in protest to the sudden intensity. As soon as he tilts his head back down to the book in his hands I'm dismissed. Only a few words, but I feel thoroughly reprimanded.
I'm not sure how long I sit here watching him, but I jump when Lidia comes into the room calling my name.
She laughs. "Geesh, Emmy, I think you've already had too much coffee if you're that jumpy. How long have you been awake?"
I shrug, "Long enough," to know I should go patch things up with Cole, and to tell him to keep his trap shut while I talk.
When I stand to get up from the kitchen island, Lidia looks over her cup at me, an eyebrow raised. "Any news on your dress?"
"You know, I've not checked since I found it online," I pull up my email on my phone, and get excited to see it says it's arrived, "It says it's here! I'll go over to Dad's to check… wait. Oh fuck!" I groan.
She looks up from her coffee cup, "What?"
"I'm such a dumbass! I forgot to change the mailing address. It’s arrived alright, but in Chicago."
"You're kidding," her mouth twitches at the edges.
I shake my head, "It's not funny."
"It kind of is."
"Not even a little, Lidia. If I get on the road right now, I'll be back the day before your wedding. That's cutting it close!"
She waves me off, "It'll be fine. Brook is next door if there are any last-minute things. Spend the night at home, head back in the morning."
"What a mess," I sigh.
"You're wasting daylight."
I stand up from the bar stool. "God dammit," I whine, "I guess I'll see you tomorrow."
She blows me a kiss on my way out, and calls, "safe journeys," through the door.
On my way to the car I text Dad to let him know what's going on. I can't believe how stupid I'd been to forget such a detail. I wonder if I should also text Cole. He probably deserves a text, but with what happened this morning I doubt he wants to hear from me. I wish I had time to stop and see him instead, but it would be good to give him space and I can use the time to prepare what I want to say to him. After promising to give us another shot, then reacting as I did, again with no cause, I proved to him I haven't changed at all. Words aren't going to cut it, I know that, but they're all I've got right now, at least until another scenario arises. I cringe.
Five and a half hours later I'm back at my apartment. My doorman, Jerry, lets me in, and with a smile hands me my box.
"Thank you."
"You're welcome, Miss Burns. You know you're a popular lady. A gentleman has stopped by a few times since you've been gone."
"Oh? Did you get his name?"
He shakes his head, "He didn't give it, but he's a good-looking man."
I have a feeling I know who it could be. "Well thank you for watching over my package. I'm tired after my drive. Tomorrow I'll have to do it again, so better stock up while I can. Have a good shift, Jerry."
"Thank you, Miss Burns. Sleep well."
"I plan on it," I respond with a yawn.
Chapter 17
After getting the call from Tank, I arrive at their place an hour later. I don't like the idea of seeing Em right now, maybe I'll get lucky and she won't be there, but out of everyone I’m the most disposable. I need to find me another fucking job. The auto shop let me go when I told them I needed a few days off. I thought it was damn decent of me to say I needed the time off rather than being late or skipping work altogether. With all the running I've done it's a wonder I even took the time to make the call.
My anger has simmered down only a fraction from when I showed up last night. Echo had been the one to answer the door and said he wouldn't wake the girls for me. He said to stop fucking around, shit or get off the pot, and shut the door in my face. As if I'm the one fucking around. I'm damn tired of trying to prove myself to her. Maybe I should walk away.
If only it was that easy. The only time I've known happiness was when I was with her, and when we're not fighting, I get that feeling again, now… isn't that worth fighting for? Fuck, I'm not sure I know anymore.
When I knock and no one answers I follow the cursing coming from the backyard.
"Good, you're here!" Tank says even before I spot him. He’s balancing on a ladder, reaching out for a piece of wood handed to him by Bear.
"What the hell are you building?" I ask.
"An arch," Echo says as he looks around the ladder.
"You realize you could have just bought one, right?"
They all take turns looking at one another. "A wood one?"
I pull out my phone from my back pocket, a few types in I nod. "A real nice one for less than two hundred. Even has flower boxes on either side."
"Shit," Echo breathes as Tank says, "We paid more for just the damn wood."
"You can use it back here after the wedding," Bear suggests with a shrug.
"Yeah, we can. So, Chancy, stop making us look bad and help us get this done," Tank says.
"And look like an idiot along with present company. I'll pass."
"Don't be a shit," Bear says.
"Beer and pizza if you help," Tank wiggles his eyebrows, as if that will help to convince me.
"It would help to get Lidia to like you," Echo says.
"Fine," I say after a minute. "But you should have started building it on the ground."
"How do you know so much?" Tank asks.
"Took shop," the only class I had enjoyed.
After we're finished Lidia makes her way outside with the promised pizza and beer. She spends ten minutes exclaiming how much she loves it. She had better. It took all four of us two hours. Whoever came up with the plans went overboard. Arched top, purely decorative inner posts made in a design between the support beams, it could have been half the time if it weren't for the extra stuff. I had to hand it to us though, it looks pretty damn good.
Tank snakes an arm around Lidia’s middle. "You going to stay out here and enjoy the spoils of our hard work?"
She leans back and kisses him, but then sighs as she shakes her head, "I've got too much to do," she wiggles from his grasp, "but you guys have at it." She smiles at me and Bear before craning her neck to give a parting kiss to Echo.
They both watch her as she leaves. Completely transfixed by the sway of her hips, and admittedly I for a second am to. Since she's gotten more involved with Tank and Echo, she's become more brave in her outfits. Under the clothes she used to wear you couldn't see her figure. She's still a pain in the ass with a sharp tongue though.
"Wonder where Emmy is. Lidia could use the help," Tank says.
"Chicago," Echo says.
"What?" Tank and I ask together. We look at each other briefly before we look back to Echo for answers. He just shrugs. I want to fucking shake him.
"Isn't your wedding in two days? Kind of a shit time for the maid of honor to head home," Bear says, stroking his beard.
Echo shrugs again and I'm seconds from shaking him or more like punching him when Tank speaks again, "She must have a good reason. She wouldn't bail on Lidia like that."
No, I don't think she would. Me on the other hand… it puts a sour taste in my mouth. So if I'm responsible for it, I should fix it, though it pisses me off that so soon after I put my foot down I'm lifting it in order to chase her down, again, this time not even for myself.
Reaching in my back pocket I search in my contact for her number and hit call. When I put it to my ear, I expect to hear a ring, but instead I hear her voice, "I can't come to the phone, leave a message, I'll call you back…" I hang up, and my anger boils over.
"I gotta go," I grit out.
"You haven't even eaten yet. At least sit and have a beer," Tank picks up one and tries to hand it to me.
I shake my head, "Can't, gotta be somewhere," I turn my back to them, and head towards the front for my bike.
I try her cell two more times on my way to her apartment in Chicago. It's a damn good thing I thought to ask Ric for her address when we were at the florist’s. I didn't think I'd have to use it so soon. The anger chases me the whole ride, burns hot again, God dammit Em.
"Sir?" I stop in my tracks as a man in a security uniform stands up from the counter next to the elevators.
