I grabbed Sam’s shoulder and pulled him off of Emma.

  He spun around. “What the hell?”

  “She has a boyfriend.”

  “She never mentioned him, so I think you have her confused with someone else. Mind your own business.”

  I laughed. “Emma is my business.”

  “This is my house. Get the fuck out.”

  “I’m not leaving until you let Emma go.”

  He lifted his hand so that it was no longer wrapped around Emma’s waist. She stumbled a bit, but she managed to catch herself before she fell. It was obvious that she was drunk.

  Where the hell is Andy?

  “See, I’m not touching her,” Sam said sarcastically.

  “She’s fucking wasted. She’s leaving with me.”

  “I don’t think so. Get the fuck out.”

  I ground my teeth together, trying to keep my cool. “She’s leaving with me.”

  Sam stepped closer until we were inches apart. “I’m going to tell you one more time—get the fuck out of my house.”

  I knew I shouldn’t have done it, but I was pissed off. I drew back and hit him as hard as I could. He dropped to the ground. I’d knocked him out cold with one punch.

  Emma looked at me with dazed eyes as I stepped over Sam to get to her.

  “Emma, you need to come with me.”

  She only nodded as I wrapped my arm around her waist and led her to the door. No one got in our way as we walked out the door and back to my house. I was practically carrying Emma as we went.

  I kept my arm around her as I unlocked my door and pushed it open. I stood in the doorway, debating on where to put her. The couch was the most obvious choice, but I didn’t want Ally to come home and see her. With the way she’d been tonight, I wasn’t sure what she would do if she saw Emma. I had no idea how long Ally would be gone, and I didn’t want to take a chance. I had only two other options—Ally’s room or mine. Again, things would definitely end badly if Ally came home and Emma was in her bed.

  I knew it was stupid, but I carried Emma to my room anyway. I put her down on the bed and placed a trash can beside it in case she needed to puke. Her eyes stayed shut as I covered her up. I sat down beside her and watched as she slept. This was a big mistake, but I couldn’t leave her there with Sam. It was pretty obvious what he’d wanted from her. I wondered again where the hell Andy had been while his girlfriend had been out, getting trashed.

  She moaned and opened her eyes. They widened in surprise as she stared up at me.

  “Where am I?” she whispered.

  “My house. You’re drunk.”

  “Am not,” she mumbled as she closed her eyes again.

  I couldn’t help but smile. She was always so damn stubborn. I made sure that she was lying on her side in case she got sick. Once I had her situated with a few pillows behind her to keep her from rolling over, I slipped silently from the room to go take a shower. On my way to the bathroom, I grabbed a pair of shorts from the dryer. After stripping down, I turned on the water and stood beneath the spray.

  The simple thought of Emma so close and in my bed was enough for me to turn on the cold water.

  “Get your head out of your ass. She’s drunk,” I said out loud to myself as the cold water covered me.

  I knew I was avoiding the situation as I prolonged my shower, but I couldn’t help it. I loved her, and she was in my fucking bed. Drunk or not, it was enough to drive me nuts.

  When the cold shower finally calmed me down, I shut off the water and stepped out. I took my time drying off before finally pulling my shorts on. I took a deep breath as I opened the door and returned to my room. Emma was still in the exact same spot where I’d left her.

  I settled down next to her on the bed and moved the pillows so that she could roll over if she wanted to. As soon as they were gone, she rolled until she was facing me. I was silent as I watched her sleep. She looked so damn peaceful as she slept. She looked like the Emma I’d known long ago, not the person she was now. I couldn’t forget the look in her eyes when I stumbled across her on campus. In her sleep, her guard was down.

  She mumbled something in her sleep. I leaned forward, trying to hear her better.

  “Jesse.”

  My heart started beating faster as she said my name again. She smiled in her sleep as she mumbled something else that I didn’t catch. She was dreaming about me—that much I could tell.

  Her lips parted, and I couldn’t stop myself. I leaned forward a few inches and pressed my lips against hers. I knew it was wrong, but I couldn’t help it. I expected to kiss her and move away. What I hadn’t expected was her reaction. She moaned and threw her arm around me as she kissed me back.

  It was like the last two years had never happened. I was drowning in her as I kissed her with everything I had. My body was on fire, and I pulled her closer until there wasn’t an inch of space between us. She fit perfectly against me, just like she always had. I knew it was wrong to do this. She was with Andy now, but I didn’t stop. I kissed her lips, her cheeks, and down her neck.

  When she pushed her hand between us and cupped me through my shorts, I nearly came right then and there. When it came to her, a simple touch was all I needed. It took everything I had to push her away from me. If I didn’t stop now, I knew I wouldn’t.

  She opened her eyes to look at me. As I saw the tears in them, I felt as if someone had reached into my chest and ripped out my heart.

  “Why did you have to ruin it all?” she whispered before she passed out.

  I felt my world crumbling around me as I closed my eyes.

  “Ugh, my head.”

  My eyes snapped open at the sound of Emma’s voice. It took me a second to realize that I wasn’t dreaming. She was really in my bed.

  She gasped as she opened her eyes and saw me next to her. “Where am I? Why are you here?”

  “You’re at my house. I found you drunk at Sam’s house last night.”

  “Oh god.”

  “It’s fine. Don’t freak out. Sam was getting a little grabby, but nothing happened.”

  “I don’t remember very much from last night. The last thing I remember is Sam handing me a drink. Actually, I remember him handing me a lot of drinks.” It was obvious from her tone that she was pissed. “Where was I when you found me?”

  I didn’t want to tell her. “It’s not important.”

  “Jesse, tell me where I was at.” She glared at me.

  “You were still at his house. He had you up against the wall.” I felt rage fill me again as I remembered how I’d found her. Sam better hope that he doesn’t cross paths with me for a very long time.

  “Fuck,” she groaned.

  “It’s fine. I saw you before anything happened. I bet Sam has one hell of a headache though.”

  “Why?”

  “I punched him.”

  She smiled for a split second before she winced. “Did you hit me, too? Because my head feels like it’s going to explode.”

  “No, that wasn’t me. That was the alcohol.”

  We were silent as we stared at each other. Emma seemed to realize that she was in my bed because the next thing I knew, she was throwing the covers off and trying to stand up.

  “Where are you going?” I asked, afraid that she would run.

  “I shouldn’t be here. I need to go.”

  I wanted to ask her if she was going back to Andy, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I knew the answer, and I didn’t need to hear her say it. The thought of her and Andy together made me sick to my stomach.

  “At least let me make you some breakfast. You can shower here, too, if you want. You’ll feel better once you’re clean and have some food in you,” I said, trying to get the image of her and Andy out of my head.

  She seemed unsure. “I don’t know. I shouldn’t even be around you.”

  “Please? We don’t have to talk about…anything. Just a shower and food, and then you can leave.”

  She studied me for a moment before nodding. “Shower and food—that’s it. Then, I’m gone.”

  “Deal.” I stood up and walked to my dresser. I pulled out a pair of my sweatpants and one of my shirts. “Here—you can wear these.”

  I knew it was wrong, but I got some kind of sick satisfaction out of having her wear my clothes. I knew I should back off because she was Andy’s now, but I couldn’t help myself. I wanted Andy to see her wearing my clothes. I walked out first to make sure that Ally wasn’t home. When I was satisfied that she wasn’t, I showed Emma where the shower was.

  I left her alone and walked to the kitchen to start searching for food. I grabbed a bottle of water and a bottle of pills for her headache, and then I headed back to the bathroom. The door opened silently, and I walked in to put the bottles on the counter. I couldn’t help but look at the shower. The glass was fogged over, so I couldn’t see anything but her outline. I forced myself to turn and walk away before I did something stupid. I didn’t think she’d appreciate it very much if I decided to help her in the shower.

  That thought brought back memories that I’d tried to bury. When we had been in London, I’d offered to help her shower. I’d promised to be good, but she hadn’t. I felt my body tighten as I remembered what that shower had led to. I focused all of my attention on making breakfast, so I wouldn’t think about things that could never happen again. There was no use torturing myself.

  I finished making eggs and toast, and I put them on the table. I walked to the bathroom to let her know that the food was ready. I stopped short when I noticed the door hanging open. I knew she was gone before I even checked. Sure enough, when I walked into the bathroom, Emma was nowhere to be seen. Her clothes were still lying on the floor, and the pills and water bottle were gone. I rushed to the front door just in time to see her car go flying by.

  Damn it.

  “Jesse, what are you doing?” a voice called.

  I looked over to see Ally walking up the sidewalk to the house. She stopped in front of me and looked up at me questioningly.

  “I was just looking outside,” I lied.

  She pushed past me and into the house. “Look, I’m sorry about last night. I didn’t mean to say those things to you. My body is all screwed-up from the baby, and I blame the hormones. Will you forgive me?”

  “I understand you’re going through a lot, but damn, it’s like you weren’t even you.”

  She hung her head. “I know. I just get so jealous when I think about Emma. I just want you to be mine. I was just starting to break through your barriers. Then, she walks back in, and everything goes to hell.”

  “Ally, I think we need to talk. Let’s sit down on the couch.”

  She eyed me warily as she walked to the couch and sat down. I followed and sat down in the chair across from her.

  “Look, I’m just going to come out and say this. I don’t mean to hurt you, but I won’t lead you on.”

  “What are you trying to say?” Ally asked quietly.

  “I love you, Ally. I just don’t love you in the way you want. I told you that I would help you with this baby, and I will, but I won’t be its father. I can’t. Once you get on your feet, you’ll move on and find someone who cares about you the way you want, and he’ll make a great dad. It just can’t be me.”

  “Why? Because you still love her?” she asked tearfully.

  “It has nothing to do with Emma. Even if she hadn’t come back into my life, I still couldn’t do it. I don’t want to hurt you, but I don’t want to lead you on. I’m sorry, Ally. I can’t make myself feel something for you if it’s not there.”

  “If you gave us some time…”

  “Ally, no. There is nothing there. Please let it go.”

  I felt like the biggest asshole ever as tears streamed down her face. I never meant to hurt her.

  “I understand,” she whispered. “I didn’t sleep any last night, so I’m going to take a shower and try to sleep before I have to go to work.”

  I stayed silent as she stood and walked into her room. A few seconds later, she reemerged, carrying clean clothes. I winced as she walked into the bathroom and slammed the door behind her. It was obvious that she was pissed off.

  I stood and walked to the kitchen to clean up the breakfast I’d made for Emma. It was pretty obvious that she wasn’t going to eat it. My mind drifted back to last night. I’d kissed Emma even when I knew I shouldn’t have. She wasn’t mine anymore. She was Andy’s. I needed to accept that and let her go.

  That was easier said than done. I tried to keep things in perspective. Yes, she’d kissed me back, but she’d been drunk. But she’d said my name in her sleep. That had to mean that she still felt something for me, no matter how hard she tried to hide it. I shouldn’t be happy about that, but I was. The part of me that was actually a decent guy kept reminding me that Andy would get hurt if anything happened between Emma and me. The other part of me—the part that was a prick—couldn’t bring himself to care. He just wanted Emma. The prick side of me was winning.

  Just as I reached down and picked up a plate, I heard Ally scream in the bathroom. I dropped the plate, and it shattered everywhere. I paid no attention as I ran toward the bathroom. I threw the door open to see Ally standing by the sink.

  “What’s wrong?” I asked.

  She turned to glare at me. “Who the hell was here last night after I left?”

  I glanced down at the pile of clothes in front of her. I’d forgotten to pick up Emma’s clothes after she’d snuck out. I cursed under my breath as I reached down and scooped them up.

  “Who was it?” Ally demanded.

  “Does it matter?” I asked.

  I didn’t want to admit that Emma had been here. Ally had enough reasons to hate Emma without this.

  “Yeah, it kind of does. It was Emma, wasn’t it?”

  “It’s not what you’re thinking.”

  “Of course it’s not. You didn’t bring her over here the minute I was out of the house?”

  “It wasn’t like that. She needed help.”

  “Sure, she did. Of course, it was you who she called instead of Andy. You remember Andy, don’t you? In case you’ve forgotten, he’s her boyfriend.”

  “She didn’t ask for my help.”

  “It doesn’t matter!” Ally shouted. “She will always be the most important thing to you!”

  “Ally, just stop.”

  She took a deep breath before she spoke again. “You’re right. I’m overreacting. I’m sorry.”

  I had no idea where the hell these mood swings were coming from, but they fucking sucked. Ally had been acting like she was crazy half the time.

  “Just forget it, okay?” I said.

  “Yeah, I’ll forget it,” she said as she glanced up at me.

  There was something in her eyes that chilled me to the bone. While she looked calm, her eyes said otherwise. They were filled with hatred so strong that I took a step back. For the first time in my life, I was scared of Ally and what she was capable of.

  I didn’t tell Andy what had happened with Sam or Jesse. I didn’t want to make things hard for him at work with Sam, and I knew what would happen if I told him. Andy would beat the shit out of Sam for me. One thing was for sure—Andy never passed up the chance to fight. I didn’t tell him about Jesse for an entirely different reason. I knew he’d be mad at me for letting Jesse get that close. Plus, if I told Andy I’d ended up at Jesse’s, he would want to know how it had happened. Then, I’d have to tell him about Sam. It was a never-ending cycle of screw-ups. Andy and I would both be better off if I kept my weekend to myself.

  Besides finding out that his sister was pregnant with his ex-best friend’s baby, things were going well for Andy. He really liked West Virginia. He was making friends with the guys at work, and he had even spent a few nights out with them.

  I was happy for him. I just hated the fact that it meant I was alone a lot more. I didn’t tell him that though. Whenever he asked if I would be okay by myself for a night, I always smiled and pretended like I would be. Just because I was miserable didn’t mean that he had to be miserable, too.

  I always spent the evening at his house if he wasn’t out or working. My dorm room was too quiet, and right now, I couldn’t handle quiet. I started thinking when things were quiet, and that always led to tears. I was tired of crying over Jesse all the time.

  As hard as I’d tried, I couldn’t get that morning out of my head. He’d been cautious around me, like he was afraid that I’d run away, but he’d still been Jesse. It was the first time that we’d actually talked since he’d left California. We hadn’t discussed anything that mattered, but we’d talked nonetheless. I kept telling myself that it didn’t matter if we started talking, but my heart clung to that morning like it was something important.

  I kept having dreams about the night of the party, too. I dreamed that I would wake up in Jesse’s bed, and he’d start kissing me. As soon as I started to move to the next stage, he’d push me away. It seemed so real that I often wondered if it was. I knew it couldn’t be though. He was with Ally now, and he would soon be a dad.

  “Emma?”

  I looked up to see Abby walking next to me.

  “Hey, what’s up?” I hadn’t made much of an effort to get to know Abby better since school started. I’d been so preoccupied with finding Jesse and then trying to accept the fact that he was really gone that I hadn’t worried about making friends. I knew it was too late to start trying now. Most of the girls in my dorm had already formed groups, and I wasn’t welcome in any of them.

  “I was wondering if you were doing anything tonight,” Abby said.

  “Um, I don’t think so. Why?”

  She stared at the ground as she said, “Today’s my birthday, and I wanted to go out. I just don’t have anyone to go out with. You’re the closest thing I have to a friend.”

  “Oh,” I said, shocked at her words.

  Abby was a sweet girl, and I felt horrible for her. No one should have to spend her birthday alone.

  “I understand if you don’t want to or if you already have plans. I just thought I’d ask.”

 

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