Twisted Ties, page 20
part #2 of Ties Series
“You were there. You tried to help me.”
He nodded. “I was.”
“Andy, too. She made me get out of the car even though it hurt. It hurt so much,” I whimpered as I remembered the pain. “My shoulder took most of the impact when she dropped me to the ground. We were on a bridge. She pushed me to the edge when she saw you and Andy. You tried to reason with her, but she wouldn’t let me go. You ran toward me, but she pushed me over before you could get to us in time. The water was so cold. I don’t remember anything after that.”
Jesse lifted my hand to his lips and kissed it. “I went in after you, but I couldn’t find you. I thought I was too late. Ally fell in, too, and Andy tried to save her, but he couldn’t find her. When I finally found you, you weren’t breathing. I almost lost you, Emma. I almost lost you.”
Tears ran down my cheeks as I stared up at him. We’d almost lost each other. Why had Ally done these things to me? Why had she hurt me so much? I remembered the cuts on my face. Unable to stop myself, I turned away from Jesse.
“Emma? What’s wrong?”
“My face,” I whispered. “She cut me. I must look horrible.”
He cupped my face and gently turned my head. “The cuts on your face were a lot shallower than the other ones. You still have black eyes, but the cuts have healed a lot while you’ve been asleep.”
“I’ll have scars.”
I wasn’t a particularly vain person, but the cuts bothered me. For the rest of my life, I’d see them every single time I looked in the mirror. They would be a reminder to both Jesse and me of what she’d done to me.
“No, you won’t, and even if you did, it wouldn’t matter. I love you, Emma. Nothing could change that, especially not something as superficial as scars.”
“I don’t want to remember.”
“You don’t have to if you don’t want to. You’ve been through so much, and you deserve to forget.”
“Emma! Oh, thank God!”
I looked up to see my mother rushing into the room. She pushed the nurse aside, and then she hugged me gently.
“Mom? What are you doing here?” I asked.
She was the last person I’d expected to see here.
“Jesse called me. He called your father, too. We’ve been here since they brought you in. You terrified us, Emma. We thought you’d never wake up.”
“Where’s Daddy?”
“He had to make a phone call, but he’ll be back soon. I’m so glad you’re awake.”
“I’m sorry for what I said on the phone.”
“Don’t even think about that. I want you to concentrate on getting better.”
I couldn’t even begin to process the fact that my mom was here, and she was worried about me. She never worried about me. She’d barely noticed me most days.
“Why are you here?”
She gave me a puzzled look. “Why wouldn’t I be here? You’re my baby, Emma.”
“I didn’t think you’d care.” It hurt to say it, but it was true.
She closed her eyes for a moment before opening them to look at me. “I’ve messed up a lot when it comes to you, Emma. Jesse made sure to point that out to me when I showed up. I love you. I’m sorry if I made you feel like I didn’t. I’m just…I’m not good with feelings. I drove your father away first and then you.”
“You hurt me.”
“I know, and I’m sorry, Emma. I will do everything in my power to make it up to you. You mean the world to me. I’ve missed you so much since you left. I just couldn’t bring myself to beg you to come back after I threatened you. I never expected you to be strong enough to leave.”
“I am strong, stronger than I thought.”
She smiled. “You are. You’re stronger than anyone realized. Jesse told me everything that happened, both before he left California and then over the past few weeks. I’m sorry that I made you think you couldn’t talk to me about the things happening in your life.”
“You never wanted to listen. I didn’t tell you about Jesse because I knew you’d push him away. He wouldn’t be good enough for you.”
She looked over at Jesse. “I admit that I would have before. Seeing you in this bed and knowing he’s the reason you’re here and not at the bottom of a river made me realize that I owe this young man a lot. You’re an adult now, Emma, and I couldn’t keep you two apart even if I tried. I don’t want to though. I’ve watched him, and I know that he loves you.”
“Thanks, Mom.”
She smiled down at me. “You’re welcome.”
It was a start. My mom and I still had a long way to go, but we might be able to have something close to a normal relationship one day. It would take more than one apology to forget everything that she’d done to me. But if Ally had accomplished anything, it was to show me just how unpredictable and short life was. I had to let go of the hate I felt for my mother and start over. I couldn’t spend my whole life hating her.
The past two weeks had been pure hell. I’d sat helplessly as I watched Emma lay unconscious in her hospital bed. I’d never felt so worthless in my life. I would have given anything to see her open her eyes.
I’d only left to shower and shave. Andy would bring me food every morning and evening when he came in to check on her. I’d even slept in the damn chair in her room, so I would be there when she woke up. I had felt terrified that she’d wake up alone and scared. I never wanted to leave her alone again.
I’d had words with her mother when she arrived. I hadn’t wanted to call her, but I’d known it was the right thing to do. Her number wasn’t in Emma’s phone, so I had called Lucy to get it. Of course, Lucy had freaked out the minute I explained why I needed it. She’d wanted to come out, but she couldn’t due to her classes. I’d promised to call her as soon as anything changed.
Her mom had been cold to me at first when I called her. It had been obvious that she’d felt like I was wasting her time. Once I’d told her about Emma, her attitude had changed. She’d gone from cold bitch to terrified mother in two seconds flat. I hadn’t expected that reaction from her. She had shown up a few hours later, crying and holding Emma’s hand.
I couldn’t help but snap when I had seen her reaction. Why did Emma have to almost die to get that kind of attention from her own mother? I’d called Emma’s mother out on her pathetic attempts at parenting. There had been a lot of shouting. Emma’s dad had walked in right in the middle of it. The look on her mom’s face when he’d strolled over to me and hugged me was priceless. Up until that point, her mom hadn’t even bothered to ask who the hell I was. All she knew was my name and that I was one of Emma’s friends. When her dad had explained that I’d been with Emma for years, her mother had been speechless. She’d finally managed to thank me for what I’d done, but we were still uneasy around each other.
As far as I was concerned, two weeks of good parenting didn’t make up for nineteen years of nothing. She still had a long way to go in my opinion. I was just glad that she’d actually shown up. Emma was going to need a lot of support when she woke up.
I’d watched each day as the bruises and cuts slowly started to heal. Once I had calmed down enough to see the extent of Emma’s injuries, I wanted to kill Ally all over again. She’d tortured Emma. Ally had beaten Emma and cut her over and over again in less than twenty-four hours. I didn’t even want to think about what Ally might have done if she’d had more time. I didn’t want to think about watching her push Emma over the side of the bridge. I didn’t want to think about Ally ever again. I didn’t want to think period.
The doctors had assured us that Emma would wake up. She’d needed time to heal, both mentally and physically. But as one day had turned into two and then three, I’d started to wonder if she’d ever come back to me. Would she want to? It was my fault that she’d suffered so much. If it weren’t for me, she never would have even met Ally. I couldn’t blame Emma if she hated me for everything that had happened to her.
Andy had tried to make me feel better, but it had been no use. Until Emma’s eyes had opened, I’d known I would never find peace. While I’d blamed myself, Andy had put the blame on himself as well. He’d kept saying that Ally was his sister, and he should have known something wasn’t right with her. I wasn’t sure which of us had felt worse.
Emma’s dad had been silent most of the time. For a rock star, he was certainly the quiet, thoughtful type. He’d taken time off from the recording studio to stay with Emma in the hospital. The nurses had brought in extra chairs, so her mom, her dad, and I would all have places to sit. Her parents had stayed with her all day just like I had. When nighttime had rolled around, they would both go to their hotel rooms, only to return first thing in the morning.
My mom had stopped in twice to see how Emma was doing. She’d known nothing of what had happened with Ally before we left California or what Ally had done to me recently. My mom had been shocked to learn that the little girl who had practically grown up at our house had become the ruthless person who tried to kill Emma. When I’d told her everything, my mom had cried for both Emma and Ally. She’d cried for Emma because of everything that she’d gone through, and for Ally because it was obvious that she had been very sick, and no one had noticed. Maybe if we had, things could have ended differently for her. Maybe she would still be alive.
I’d never wanted my mom to know what had happened, but I’d had no choice since I refused to go to class. The university had called her when they couldn’t reach me. She’d called me and demanded an explanation, thinking I was just skipping. She hadn’t expected for me to tell her that I was in the hospital with Emma. She’d called the school and let them know that I wouldn’t be back for a while before rushing to the hospital.
When she had seen Emma unconscious and battered in her hospital bed, she’d lost it again. I knew she always liked Emma, but I hadn’t realized how much until I’d seen the fear in her eyes. She had felt as terrified as I had that Emma would never wake up.
The day Emma opened her eyes was the single most important day of my life. I’d thought I’d imagined her eyelids fluttering, but when I’d begged her to open them, she had. It had been obvious that she had been in a lot of pain, but she had woken up. She would be okay, just like the doctors had said she would. The weight that had been sitting on my chest lifted as soon as she had spoken.
Emma’s mother wanted her to come back to California, but she refused. She said that West Virginia was her home, and she wasn’t leaving. Her mother finally caved after I told her that I’d take her to my house to watch over her. I thought I was slowly starting to grow on her. She’d promised to visit at least once a month, but I had no idea if she really would, and I didn’t care.
Her dad left the day after her mom went home. He wanted to stay, but was forced to fly back only a few days after Emma woke up. The band was three weeks behind schedule, and their label was pressuring them to get their latest album recorded. I promised to keep him informed on how Emma was doing.
Her dad had called the school and informed them of the situation before he flew back to California. She was pulled from all of her classes for the semester, and I went to her dorm room to pack the rest of her things. Only a few things were left there since she’d slowly started bringing her stuff to my house before everything had gone to hell. I packed what was left and brought all of it back to my house. I hoped that having the rest of her stuff with her would help her feel safer once she was back home.
We spent another week in the hospital before Emma was released with strict orders to rest. The doctor gave me a list of psychiatrists in case she needed to talk to someone about what had happened. She’d refused to speak with any of the doctors or nurses about what she’d gone through while she was with Ally.
The day I took her home, Andy helped me get her into my car, and he followed us back to my house. Emma was still sore and extremely weak after three weeks in a hospital bed. We had to help her inside and sit her on the couch. The doctor had prescribed her painkillers to help while she healed.
I had Andy stop by my house to change the locks the day before Emma came home. I didn’t want to take a chance that Ally would come back to hurt Emma again. We would never have closure until Ally’s body was found, and there was no certainty that it would be. I hated that Emma would always be looking over her shoulder. I knew deep down that Ally was gone, but it would be a long time before I stopped looking for her everywhere. I refused to let her or anyone else hurt Emma ever again.
Andy or I stayed with Emma constantly the first few days. Andy was sleeping in Ally’s old room, so he could help out. He would leave for work, but that was it. The guilt that tortured me was also eating him alive. We both felt responsible for what had happened.
Emma and I had never had a chance to talk about the events of that night while she had been in the hospital. Someone had always been around. After she came home, it seemed like Andy would appear anytime I tried to talk to her about it.
She was quiet for the first few days after she had been released from the hospital. She would spend hours on the couch, staring at the wall. I knew she needed to talk about what had happened, but I wasn’t sure how to get her to open up.
I slept on the couch while she stayed in my bed. I missed sleeping beside her, but I was afraid that she didn’t want me there. I didn’t want to push her when she was so fragile. I wouldn’t be the one to break her.
She had nightmares almost every night. She would wake up screaming, and I’d rush to her side. I could never get her to talk about them. Instead, I’d hold her as she cried.
Weeks passed by in slow motion as Emma’s body slowly healed. Once she was fully healed, Andy moved back into his apartment. I wasn’t sure if he had done it to give us space or for the simple fact that he couldn’t stand to look at her blank face anymore. She only spoke when we would ask her a question. The rest of the time, she was silent.
I finally reached my breaking point one afternoon when I came home to see her sitting in the exact same spot she’d been in when I left hours before. She hadn’t moved a muscle. I couldn’t take this any longer. Either she opened up to me, or I would call her dad. Maybe he could get her to talk or at least set her up with a therapist. She needed to talk to someone even if it wasn’t me. She couldn’t keep living inside of herself.
I slammed my books down on the bedside table harder than I’d meant to. She jumped and looked up at me. I didn’t think she’d even noticed that I’d come home until then.
“Emma, this has to stop.” I sat down next to her on the bed.
“What?”
“You can’t keep living like this. It isn’t working for either of us.”
“You’re right,” she said quietly. “I’m sorry that I came here. I never meant to bring you into this.”
“What are you talking about?”
“You want me to leave. I understand why.”
“Emma, I don’t want you to leave. I want you to talk to me.”
“I don’t understand. You’ve been sleeping on the couch, and you barely talk to me.”
“I’m on the couch because I thought it was what you wanted. I thought you needed space. And I’ve tried to talk to you, but it’s kind of hard when you only give me one-word answers. You’ve been living in your own head for weeks, and I have no idea what you’re thinking. You have to help me understand what’s going on in there. I want to help you in any way I can.”
“I don’t want to lose you, but I feel like you’re slipping away, and there’s nothing I can do to change that,” she said.
“I’m not going anywhere unless you want me to. I’ve been trying to give you space, so you can figure things out.”
“I’m so scared of everything. I keep reliving everything that she did to me,” she said as tears filled her eyes.
“She’s gone, Emma. She can’t hurt you anymore.”
“Part of me knows that, but the other part wants to hide under the bed. I keep waiting for her to show up again.”
“You’re safe. She will never touch you again.”
“I kept picturing you every time she would hurt me, you know. I willed myself to be strong enough to overcome it, so I could see you again.” She took a deep breath. “I tried to fight back when she showed up here. I wasn’t strong enough though. She won without even trying. Then, I tried to get away at the house where she was keeping me. I pushed her down a flight of stairs, Jesse. What kind of person does that make me to do something like that to another human being?”
“You were trying to protect yourself. No one thinks badly of you for it.”
I hated how much this was hurting her. Anyone else in her position would have done the exact same thing. Emma was one of the few people in this world who would feel guilt from causing pain to her would-be killer.
“She made me pay for that. That’s why she cut me. She said she wanted to hurt me because I’d hurt her. The pain was horrible, Jesse. I wanted to die when she sliced through my skin.”
I could barely stand to sit here and listen to her talk about what Ally had done, but I knew I had to. Emma had to talk to someone. She had to get it all out. That didn’t make it any less painful for me though.
“I’ve never felt anything like that. She did it slowly, so I felt every centimeter.”
“I’m so sorry that you had to go through that, Emma,” I choked out.
“It’s not your fault.”
“But it is. If it weren’t for me, you never would have had to go through that. I’m so sorry.”
“None of us realized just how sick she was. She loved you so much that it drove her crazy—literally. She kept telling me that once I was gone, you’d finally let me go and realize that you loved her back. She thought that you loved her but didn’t know it. She blamed me for the fact that you refused to love her back.”
“Maybe if I hadn’t been so cruel to her, then she would have reacted differently.”
Emma shook her head. “I don’t think so. I don’t think there was anything you or I could have done to help her. She was too far gone, lost in her own mind. It didn’t matter what I told her. She refused to listen. Whatever you said to her that night on the phone saved my life. She’d planned to keep me for a while, but then she said she didn’t have time for all the stuff she had planned because she had to meet with you. If you hadn’t talked with her, she would have tortured me and killed me slowly.”
