Twisted Ties, page 21
part #2 of Ties Series
“I told her that I loved her.”
Emma smiled weakly. “She obviously believed you. I just wish that I could make myself forget all of it. I’m so tired of replaying it over and over in my head.”
“Is that what your nightmares are about?” I asked.
“Sometimes, I dream about what happened. Other times, I dream about what would have happened if she’d had the time. Occasionally, it’s about her sneaking in while you’re asleep on the couch, and then she smothers me in your bed.” She shuddered. “When she knocked me out, I had a dream that you saved me, but she killed you for it. I’ve never been so scared in my life. I thought it was real. I thought that I’d lost you.”
“I’m not going anywhere, baby. Don’t worry about that. If it’s okay with you, I’d like to sleep beside you again. Maybe it will help with the dreams if I’m with you.”
“I’d like that,” she whispered.
I pulled her into my arms. It felt so good to hold her again. “We’ll get through this, Emma. I swear, we will.”
“I hope so.”
“I think you should see someone. You need to get it all out.”
“A therapist?”
I nodded. “Yeah, the doctor gave me a few names when you were in the hospital. Will you let me call one of them for you?”
She was silent for a moment. “I’ll try to talk with one of them, but I can’t promise that it’ll help.”
“I think it will. I’ll call first thing tomorrow. Tonight, I just want to hold you in my arms.”
I stood and picked her up. She smiled for the first time in weeks as I carried her to my bed and laid her down. I crawled in next to her and pulled her close. I’d missed this. I’d missed her.
Things would work out. They had to. I wouldn’t let her go without a fight.
Three Months Later
Emma was healing. I could see the changes daily. It took a couple of weeks for her therapy sessions to start helping her, but I noticed the changes as soon as they happened. It was hard not to notice when I was watching her every move. I was terrified to let her out of my sight.
The only time I left her side was when I was in class or grocery shopping. I would make sure to stock up on enough food, so I only had to go to the store once or twice a month. Hell, I was even learning to cook a few things. It was a big change after living off of cereal most of the time.
The changes in Emma were small at first, beginning with a smile here and there. She started to talk more, and then the nightmares stopped coming every night. She still had them, but instead of being a constant in her life, they slowed to once or twice a week.
I nearly dropped my bag on my foot the day I came home to hear her talking to her dad on the phone. Up until then, she’d refused to talk to anyone. Instead, I was forced to tell them how she was doing.
Andy came over a couple of times a week for dinner, but he stayed away more often than not. When I asked him why, he told me that he couldn’t stand to look at Emma after what his own sister had done. The guilt was killing him inside. No matter how many times I explained to him that it wasn’t his fault, he refused to believe it. Emma noticed his absence and asked what was wrong. I lied and told her that he was working more hours. She had enough to deal with without adding Andy’s guilt to her conscience.
Valentine’s Day had been almost nonexistent in our house. In an attempt to cheer Emma up, I offered to take her out for dinner. She refused, saying that she wasn’t in the mood to celebrate any kind of holiday. I agreed not to go out, but I still bought her a present. Instead of being excited when I handed her the small box with a necklace inside, she was upset that she hadn’t gotten me anything. I told her that it didn’t matter, but she refused to listen. A few days later, a package showed up for me with a new CD. I couldn’t help but laugh at her choice of music. She was trying at least.
Emma was meeting with her therapist three times a week. When she first started seeing him, she refused to talk about her sessions with me. I hated that. I felt like she was trying to keep me away. I didn’t want her to push me away or protect me from what was going on inside of that head of hers. I wanted her to feel like she could trust me. She finally started opening up to me a few weeks after she’d started. Even though she didn’t share much, she was still sharing. I’d take anything I could get at this point. I wasn’t picky. I just wanted in.
She decided to start going to school again. She only took a few classes, but they were enough to keep her occupied. Before then, the only time she would leave the house had been for her sessions. It was good to see her out again. I even convinced her to go watch a movie with her friend, Abby.
Emma was slowly coming back. The only thing that wasn’t healed was our relationship. I knew she was trying, but it still felt strained. I was afraid that we’d never be the same again. I didn’t want Ally to win. I wanted to show Emma how much I still loved her.
I decided to do something special for her. I’d racked my brain for days, trying to come up with an idea that would mean something to her. I wished that we were closer to the beach, so I could take her surfing. Since that was out, I had to come up with another plan. I was getting a lot better at cooking, so I decided to do a romantic dinner. I even went as far as picking up a dozen roses, and I bought enough candles to put the store out of stock. I just hoped that my plan would work.
I hurried home after class to set everything up. Emma had a late class, so it gave me enough time to make dinner and get everything ready. I put the roses in a vase at the center of the table and covered every surface in the kitchen with candles. We were at the very end of winter, so I could count on the sun setting early enough to make sure we had a dark candlelight dinner to set the mood. I wanted to be the most ridiculously romantic guy in the world for her.
Everything was ready when she finally made it home. I was sitting at the table, waiting for her, when I heard her keys unlocking the door. I held my breath as I listened to her throw her bag down by the door before heading to the kitchen. I prayed that this would work. I needed this to work.
“Hey, I’m home,” she called out as she entered the kitchen. She stopped dead when she noticed the candles everywhere.
“Welcome home.”
“What’s this?”
“It’s…” What is it? A peace offering? Kind of. An attempt to show her how much I still love her? Definitely. “It’s a dinner,” I said lamely.
“I can see that. But why?”
I stood and walked over to her. I grabbed her hands and pulled her closer. “Because I love you. I want things to go back to the way they used to be with us.”
Her eyes widened in shock. “I don’t know what to say.”
“You don’t have to say anything right now. Let me talk while you eat.”
I pulled her over to the table and pushed her gently into a chair. I lifted the foil off the top of the lasagna and grabbed her plate. After filling it and placing it back in front of her, I did the same with mine. She was quiet as she watched me. I ignored her stare as I sat down and picked up my fork. I wanted her to relax before we started talking about everything. Tonight would decide everything for us. It was now or never. We couldn’t keep living the way we had been. I couldn’t take it anymore.
“I thought you wanted to talk,” she said as she stared at me.
I hesitated. “I do. I just don’t know where to start. I had all of this planned out in my head, but you walked through the door, and now, I’m blank.”
“Jesse, just say what you want to say. You won’t hurt me.”
“I can’t keep living like this. I love you, Emma, but it’s killing me. You’re doing so much better in every aspect of your life, except with me. I’m not sure if you’re still having a hard time with everything or if you just don’t feel what you used to feel when it comes to me.”
“I’m hurting you.” It was a statement, not a question.
I nodded. “I know you’re not doing it on purpose, but you are. I just want to know where we stand. I want things to be okay between us again. If you still want to be with me, tell me how to fix us, and I swear that I will.”
“I still love you, Jesse. It’s just that I still can’t get over what Ally did to me. I’m not in a good place right now. Granted, I’m a lot better than I was a month or two ago, but I’m still not me, not entirely. I don’t want to drag you down with me.”
“You’re supposed to drag me into it. It’s my job to be there for you when you need someone to talk to.”
“I don’t want to bother you,” she whispered.
“You could never bother me. I want you to feel like you can talk to me.”
She bit her lip as she stared at me. “I’m so scared…of everything. I’m starting to move past what she did to me, but I’m still terrified that she’s going to come back. I’m afraid that you’ll leave me, and I’ll be on my own. I don’t think I could handle that.”
I pushed my chair back and walked over to her. Her eyes were full of tears as she looked up at me.
“I will never leave you—never. I love you, Emma. I just want us to go back to the way things were.”
“I want that, too, but I’m afraid of what you’ll think of me if I tell you everything that goes on inside of my head.”
I grinned. “With the exception of you thinking about Andy naked, nothing could scare me away. Will you talk to me? Please.”
She studied me for a moment before nodding. “I can try. I just don’t know where to start.”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“Huh?” she asked.
“It doesn’t matter where you start. All that matters is where we’re at when you’re done.”
She smiled at me. “I know where I want to end.”
We finished dinner in silence. I wanted to give her space to figure out how she wanted to start. I didn’t want to pressure her or scare her into telling me. She had to do it on her own.
Once we were finished, we put our plates in the sink and cleaned up.
“Do you want me to put out the candles now?” I asked, unsure of what would happen next.
“No, leave them, but I want you to come with me.”
I raised an eyebrow as she took my hand and led me back to the bedroom. Now, I really had no clue what was going on inside her head. She walked into the bedroom and stopped next to the bed.
“I love you, Jesse.”
“I love you, too.”
“I want to ask you to do something for me, but only if you’re okay with it.”
“I’d do anything you asked me to do.”
“I want you to make love to me.”
That definitely wasn’t what I’d expected to hear. I stood frozen as I tried to process what she’d just said.
“I…”
“You don’t have to if you don’t want to,” she said.
“Emma, I can’t think of a time when I’d ever turn down that request. I just don’t understand where this is coming from.”
“I just…I need you.”
“I need you, too. I just don’t want you to do this and regret it. I want you to be okay first. I can wait for this as long as you need me to.”
“Being with you will help me get a little closer to okay. I’ve needed it since the beginning.”
“Why didn’t you say anything?” I asked.
I reached up and ran my thumb along her cheek. She closed her eyes as I continued to run my thumb back and forth across her skin.
“I didn’t know how to ask.”
I leaned forward and brushed my lips against hers. The simple gesture caused a shudder to run through her. I pressed my lips harder against hers. She wrapped her arms around me as she pulled me closer. I wanted this badly, but I was afraid that she would regret it later.
“One more time before we get too far into this—are you sure?”
“I’m sure,” she whispered.
I picked her up and laid her gently on the bed. I slowly crawled on top of her, afraid to make her uncomfortable or uneasy. I didn’t want to do anything to screw this up for her. If she was willing to take this step with me, I wanted it to be perfect.
I kissed her lips again before moving to her jaw. She moved her head to the side to give me access to her neck. I kissed there, too. It had been so long since we’d been together, and it was killing me to go slow. I wanted to rip off her clothes and bury myself deep inside her right now. I held back as I peppered her face and neck with butterfly kisses. I wouldn’t let my dick control me. After everything she’d been through, she deserved better than that.
She sat up and slipped her shirt over her head. I lifted my arms as she pulled my shirt off next. She reached behind her and unclasped her bra. I clenched my hands into fists as she lay down to keep from reaching out for her. I had to go slow.
She smiled shyly, and I was transported back to our first time together. She’d been so sweet and innocent then, and she still was even now. She’d been through hell, but she would always be my Emma. I ran my fingers down her cheek before continuing down to the swell of her breasts. Her chest rose and fell rapidly. I wasn’t sure if it was from nerves or excitement.
“You okay?”
“Better than okay.”
I smiled as I trailed my fingers between her breasts and down her stomach. I loved her softness. I’d missed touching her like this. I leaned over and ran my tongue over one of her nipples. She sucked in a breath as her hands grabbed my shoulders. I took that as confirmation that it was okay, and I did it again to her other nipple. Her back arched off the bed as I took one in my mouth and sucked gently.
“Oh god, that feels so good,” she moaned. “Don’t stop.”
“I won’t.” I didn’t think it was possible for me to stop at this point even if I wanted to.
This time was different from any of the others. It wasn’t just sex. It was a way for her to heal.
I reached between us and unbuttoned her jeans. I pulled them down just a bit and ran my fingers across the top of her underwear.
Her breath hitched, and she wiggled underneath me. “Take them off.”
I stood at the foot of the bed and slowly pulled her jeans and underwear down her legs. I couldn’t help but stare at her naked form on the bed. She was beautiful.
I pulled my jeans and boxers off before getting back onto the bed. I started kissing her ankle, working my way up her leg with light kisses. When I reached her knee, I pushed her legs apart. The scars were faint from where Ally had cut her, but I could see them. I kissed my way up first one scar and then the other.
“Does it bother you?” she asked as she stared down at me.
I shook my head. “Not at all.”
“I just wish they would go away. I don’t want you to have to look at them.”
“Emma, they don’t matter to me.” I eased up her body to where the thin scars went across her stomach. I kissed them, too. “You’re the only thing that matters to me.”
“Thank you,” she whispered as tears filled her eyes.
We didn’t speak after that. My lips moved against her skin as I kissed back down her body. I ran my fingers across her hips, slowly making my way down. She gasped as I ran my finger between her folds, stopping on that one spot that drove her crazy. I stroked her clit slowly, building her up, as I kissed my way back up to her breasts. I sucked on one before biting down gently. I started rubbing circles around her clit as she moaned and raised her hips up against me. I released her nipple and bit down on my lip as I tried to stay in control. I was hanging on by a thread and touching her naked body wasn’t helping. I pulled my hand away, and she cried out in displeasure.
“Don’t stop!”
“I’m not.” My voice was gruff as I pushed her body down onto the bed and positioned myself over her.
I couldn’t wait anymore. I had to have her. I slid into her slowly, afraid that I would come before we even started. Every part of my body demanded that I take her hard and fast. We hadn’t been together in months, and she was tight. I moaned as I filled her completely. Nothing in the world could compare to this.
“I love you, Emma.”
“I love you, too.”
I pulled out and pushed back inside, going slow to make sure that I didn’t hurt her. I wanted everything about this to be perfect for her. She wrapped her legs around my hips, pulling me deeper inside her. I groaned as my thrusts became harder. I couldn’t contain myself any longer. The need to be with her took complete control of me, and I let go.
“I’ll never leave you. I swear it,” I said as I continued to pound into her.
She moaned in response and squeezed her legs tighter around me. My thrusts became erratic as I tried to keep myself from coming. I wouldn’t come until she did. I leaned down and sucked her nipple into my mouth. She cried out, and I felt her body tense as she came. I continued to suck and thrust my hips, prolonging her orgasm as long as possible.
I gave one final thrust and exploded inside of her. Unwilling to let her go just yet, I rested my weight on my elbows and stared down at her. She looked beautiful, even more so than normal. Her lips were swollen from our kisses, and I leaned down to kiss her again, unable to stop myself. I felt closer to her now than I had in a long time.
“Thank you for that,” I whispered.
She smiled up at me. “No, thank you. It sounds stupid, but I needed that. I needed to feel close to you.”
I forced myself to pull out, and I rolled over to lie beside her. “That’s about as close as you can get.”
She laughed. “I guess it is.”
“Will you talk to me now?”
She bit her lip as she looked over at me. “Yes, I will. Just bear with me.”
“Take your time, babe. I’m all yours.”
I listened as she started at the beginning and continued from there. I let her get everything out that she needed to say. I held her as she cried for not only what had happened to her but for Ally as well. We lay together for hours after she was finished. I held her tightly in my arms until she fell asleep.
