Aloha, page 72
“Ryder? Give me a ride home?” I ask, but don’t wait for an answer as I head straight to her car. Brooks leaving hurts, but I don’t expect the sting from not being included again. I guess I’d hoped after everything, after all this time, that I’d be more than Jack’s sister. That for an occasion like this, I’d be included in the group. I know that in the past I have been taken with the group when they started the evening at my house. The invites haven’t been extended otherwise.
She unlocks it just as I get there. I hold in the sobs until we’re out of the parking lot. I can’t let them hear me before we drive away. I don’t look at them, at Brooks. I can’t. I’m afraid that while I’m being torn apart from him leaving, I’ll see that he’s fine.
It’s funny how much sober realities rip apart intoxicated confessions. Maybe it’s not funny at all. Not when you believed them.
“He called me his girl,” I say through tears.
“I know.” Ryder sets her hand on my leg.
I think I could have gotten over him if I’d been able to forget what being his felt like.
Even in the bathroom, the speakers in our suite are entirely too loud. We would have normally gotten caught pre-gaming in our room solely because of how loud the music was. But Ryder assured me our RA was at a meeting halfway across campus and we were in the clear.
We’re weeks into freshman year and living for every second of it. Ryder has become our floor's party concierge. Somehow she has ins with all the parties happening everywhere and can get us invited to whatever ones we want.
“A sip for you, a sip for me, but we’re here to party. So, let’s take shots while we’re young and hot.” We down the cheap tequila and bite the lime wedge. “Cheers to football boys.” Ryder laughs.
“You’re a menace.” I turn back to the mirror to finish curling my hair.
“We’ve paid a lot of money to be here. I want to make the most of it.”
“You’re not going to remember your years here,” I joke.
She takes another shot and grimaces after.
“Is it that kind of night?” I ask.
She shakes her head as she bites another lime wedge.
“That one was for courage,” she says, avoiding my eyes. “Something came in the mail for you and I shouldn’t have kept it from you, but I did.”
I put the curling iron down and follow her out of the bathroom into our room. She digs through her purse and pulls out an envelope.
“I-” she pauses and holds the envelope back to her chest. “I don’t like seeing you hurt.” She extends her hand to give it to me.
I grab the envelope from her and see my name in the center, then look to the upper corner. It’s from Brooks. He’s in training right now so he hasn’t been able to communicate with anyone. I’ve asked Jack and no one has heard from him at all.
“When did it come?” I ask.
“Today,” she answers. “I saw it when I picked up your mail with mine.”
I beeline for my bed and rip it open. I can’t hide my smile even though I know Ryder is scowling, watching me. It’s seven pages long.
“How’s my girl?” It’s the opening line.
My girl.
I try to read past that but I can’t. It’s there, inked forever onto me.
“Do you think you’re going to come out tonight?” Ryder sits on the bed beside me.
I shake my head and show her the opening line. She releases a deep sigh and pats my leg before she stands without another word. I know she isn’t thrilled about this, but I can’t dismiss this. Not if there’s another chance.
I don’t write him back, but only because he asks me not to. He tells me how training is going, and about how much he misses home. How much he misses me. He has a graduation ceremony coming up, but I’m a college student and don’t have the time to fly out, not that he gave me any details on it. Then he goes immediately into more training. There’s no talk of when he’ll be back. He ends the letter telling me he is holding onto hearing about my life when he sees me next. And that’s what he’s looking forward to. To hold onto that too, that he’s coming back to me.
I read the letter before bed every night until the next one arrives a week later. It starts the same. “How’s my girl?”
I squeal seeing it again.
After the weekly letters start, I go out less. I can see that Ryder disapproves but she doesn’t voice it.
On Halloween night I relent and agree to go out since we had already planned out our sexy vampire costumes and, I have to admit, I was excited to have fun.
“We’re going to a house party off campus tonight. It’s going to be insane.” Ryder dances in between curling her lashes. “There are going to be lots of cute guys, too.” She glances quickly at me, I think to gauge my reaction.
“Well then, I will be the best wing-woman ever,” I redirect.
“I could set you up with someone, too.” She fumbles around in her make up bag.
“Ryder,” I say.
“He’s not even here! He sends you letters. That’s it! He hasn’t even asked you to wait for him or to write him back. He’s a ghost.” She meets my eyes, not shying away from the stinging words she spoke.
“That’s not fair.” My voice quivers. It’s a truth I refuse to see.
“No. He’s not fair. He’s stringing you along because it makes him feel less lonely while he’s gone. He could have actually officially asked you to be his girlfriend and take this on, but he didn’t. He’s a coward.” She snaps her mouth shut. “I’m sorry.”
My face reddens and I hold back tears. “It’s always going to be him,” I say. “I don’t want it to be him, but I can’t walk away if there’s any chance.”
She pulls me in for a hug. “Okay, okay” She shushes me, holding me tight.
Fuck. I drank too much. I peel myself out of bed and stumble to the bathroom, trying to keep my eyes as closed as possible. I splash some water on my face and brush my teeth. The person looking back in the mirror has definitely seen better days. I hear Ryder groan from her bed.
“What happened last night?” I call out with the toothbrush still in my mouth.
“I made you drink every time you talked about Brooks.” She shuffles into the bathroom, tying her bed head into a bun on the top of her head.
“Really?” I spit the toothpaste out and set my brush back.
“For a bit. After a while though, I made a rule where if it looked like you were thinking about him you had to drink.” She groans as she sits down to pee. She grabs make up wipes off the counter and starts to clean the residue of make up off her face.
“You’re the worst,” I say as I turn the shower on. I need to clean the night off of me. I have left over vampire makeup that I’m positive has stained my sheets. “You look like shit,” I comment because I know I’m in the same state.
“You’ve never looked better.” She remarks back sarcastically while I test the temperature of the water.
“Ouch.” I climb into the shower. “Will you go get us coffee, please? I’ll buy it. And maybe some cinnamon rolls?”
“Yes. Only because you drank like a champ last night,” she calls over the water. “Be right back!” She flushes the toilet and I scream as the water runs ice cold. I hear her cackle as she closes the door to our room.
I let the hot water come back before I scrub the previous night away. I remember bits and pieces with the information Ryder gave me. At least I didn’t throw up. I’d take a little bit of a foggy memory over being sick any day.
After my shower, I throw on sweats. I actually audibly moan with how comfortable they feel. I strip the sheets from my bed and stuff them into my hamper. Laundry is a future issue. I grab my extra set and as soon as my bed is made, I jump into it. I pull out my laptop- today is for streaming movies and nothing else. As soon as I find exactly what I want to watch and cozy up into the absolute perfect spot, there’s a knock at the door.
“Use your key!” I call back to it. I found my comfort and I want to live in it. Ryder can figure out opening the door herself.
Another knock.
I groan loudly before closing my computer and throwing my blankets off.
“I just got comfortable,” I whine as I open the door.
“Brooks.” I say in whispered shock. The world stills for a moment. There is nothing else but him standing in front of me.
He’s here. He’s here and he’s standing in front of me. “Brooks!” I throw my arms around him. He picks me up and I wrap my legs around him. He brings me back into the room before closing the door.
“I’ve missed you so much,” he says against my ear.
“What are you doing here?” I don’t let go. I don’t quite believe he’s here yet, and I’m afraid he’ll disappear if I do.
“I had a day and I wanted to see you.” He brings me to my bed. I’m not sure how he guessed the right one, but he did.
“But your family,” I counter.
“I saw them at graduation,” he says. “Plus, they grabbed me from the airport so I got to see them then.”
“I can’t believe you’re really here.” I bury my head in the crook of his neck.
The door swings open behind him. “Holy fucking shit. You bastard.” Ryder says in disbelief mixed with annoyance.
“Hey Ryder.” He chuckles.
“When do you leave?” she asks, walking into our room.
“Tomorrow morning,” he answers and my heart sinks.
“Typical,” she says as she sets my coffee on my desk.
I climb off of him.
“He can’t help it.” I grab my drink.
She stares him down. “I’m going to stay somewhere else.” She packs a bag quickly. I watch her, but she doesn’t look at me. Even knowing she hates seeing me hurt, I yearn for her approval. “I’d say it was nice to see you, but-” She leaves.
“So, she’s not exactly my biggest fan,” Brooks says.
“She doesn’t like seeing me miss you,” I admit.
“Aw, you miss me?” He grins.
“You know I do.” I playfully push him.
“Yeah? How come you never write then?” He winks and I gasp.
“That’s not fair! You told me not to!”
“I know. I’m teasing you. I wanted this. I wanted to hear about everything from you like this.” He grabs my hand and interlocks his in mine.
I lean into him again. “This doesn’t feel real, Brooks. You’re actually in my dorm room.”
“Are you going to show me around?” he asks. “I want to see where you go to class and eat and party.”
“The party tour would have to be led by Ryder,” I say. “But I can show you everything else.”
I change and finish my coffee before giving him a very unofficial tour of the main places on campus. We end up near one of the campus stores.
“Do you promise to wear it?” I tease.
“As often as I’m allowed.” He adjusts the hoodie in the store mirror.
“Jack doesn’t even have one yet,” I say.
“No? Well, he’s slacking then.”
After I pay, he grabs my hand as I show him the rest of campus. My favorite spot to read and the best place to get coffee. I tell him about everything that’s happened since I last saw him- except the heartbreak and ache. I leave that out. I know my time with him is limited and I don’t want my longing to put a damper on this moment, now that he’s actually here with me.
“Can I take you to dinner tonight?” he asks as we walk over fallen leaves.
“I would love that.”
“Where’s the fanciest place in town, then?”
“Brooks. You’re barely any money. I’m not taking the little you do have.”
“Oh no. I didn’t drive all this way not to take my girl out. Plus, what little I have made, I have multiplied in poker. Totally swept everyone last week.” He brings my hand up and kisses it. “So please, tell me which restaurant I can get the best steak made in and we are going.”
I relent. Not that I could ever truly say no to him.
We walk back to my room where I can change into something suitable for tonight. He does as well- as if he’d known he’d need nicer clothes. The butterflies in my stomach are in a fury.
He’s mine again.
I quickly curl my hair and apply makeup before giving him the grand reveal. He stands and walks to me immediately, bringing me in for a hug. “You are stunning, Court.”
“You smell amazing,” I say. “Is that a new scent?”
He blushes, like actually blushes. “I stopped at a mall on the way here to find something nice. I got the clothes too.”
My jaw drops slightly. “I can’t believe you’re doing all of this for me.”
“You’re my girl,” he says in response and it’s the answer for everything. I am his and he is mine.
He drives to dinner and holds every door open on the way. We don’t order wine because I don’t have a fake ID yet and he doesn’t either. But we do get the most delicious steak and potatoes. My eyes well up at the first bite. It’s honestly the best food I’ve ever had in my life. We sit in a secluded section of the restaurant, per Brooks’ request, with only dim lights and candles to illuminate the room. He sits next to me, instead of across. Finding a way in each interaction to touch me. His gaze lingers as we exchange more stories about our time apart. If he’s not holding my hand, then his arm is around me.
It’s been the most romantic date I’ve been on. When we get back to my dorm, Brooks pulls a bottle of Riesling out of his bag.
“I got my mom to buy us a bottle,” he says sheepishly. “I’m realizing now I should have put it in the fridge.”
I laugh. “No. This is perfect. We can drink it with ice.”
He climbs onto my bed as I find two clean glasses and grab a few ice cubes.
“I think this is the best day of my life, Brooks.”
He fills our glasses.
“Mine too.”
We clink our glasses together, in a silent toast to us.
I settle into him like we’re molded to fit one another. It’s so easy to get here. To fall back into us.
“I wrote you back, too.” I confess. “I just never sent them.”
“Can I see them?” he asks.
I sit up. “I don’t want you to read them in front of me,” I say.
“Can I bring them with me?”
I melt. I have melted and I am a puddle.
I get up and grab my polaroid camera. “Want some pictures too?” I hold it up.
“More than you can know.”
We take a few of us together on my bed. One with me kissing his cheek. Then he insists he takes a couple of me to keep as well.
I run to the bathroom to make sure my hair and makeup still look good before letting him.
“There is never a moment where you are not the most beautiful woman in the world, Coutney,” he says as I come out. “This morning. Right now. Always.”
Heat floods my cheeks.
“Do they teach you how to smooth talk in the military?” I deflect the compliment.
“‘I’ve learned a lot, but no. Not that.” He holds the camera up and I smile. After he snaps the first picture, he pulls the photo out and then brings the camera back up for another. I blow a kiss for this one.
After a few more photos, I take the camera. “My turn.” I give him a devilish grin.
He smiles and I snap a picture before he can change his mind about posing.
“These would be a lot better if you were in them,” he says.
“They would be a lot better if you were shirtless,” I joke.
“I can make that happen.” He moves up to his knees on my bed. I want to protest but he starts unbuttoning his shirt and there’s no way in hell I’m passing this up.
I snap a picture of him unbuttoning, then another when he’s taking it off, and finally one with him shirtless on my bed.
“How about you put the camera away and come here?” he asks and I immediately oblige.
I fall into him, like I’ve done it a million times before. My mind races but one thought stands out among all the rest. I’m his girl. He’s here and I’m his girl.
I spend the night tangled up in him. I’d spend forever if I could.
The morning comes too quickly. Bastard always ruins my nights.
“I wish you didn’t have to leave.” Tears threaten a grand entrance.
“The only thing I want is to spend forever in that bed with you, Courtney.” He pulls me in for a hug and kisses the top of my head.
“Can I write to you this time?” I ask as we finally untangle.
“I’ll let you know.” He winks and backs away. When he’s halfway down the hall, he turns around and yells. “You’re the only girl for me, Courntey!”
It dulls the pain of him leaving. When I can’t see him any longer, I finally close my door. I crawl back into bed and decide that responsibilities can wait until tomorrow. Afterall, it’s Sunday and there’s nothing that's absolutely pressing.
My bed still smells like him. I close my eyes and hold my pillow and I can almost pretend he’s still here with me.
“Do you two still need the room?” Ryder asks and I jolt up.
“It smells like him.” I say as the only explanation.
She looks at me like I’m a wounded puppy, and maybe I am.
“Oh shit, Court.” She climbs into bed with me. “You gotta stop doing this to yourself.”
“It’s different this time,” I plea.
Famous last words.
It’s been a week since I last saw Brooks. The night he left, I discovered his cologne with a note for me.
For my girl.
He left the entire bottle. I sprayed my pillow with it and the scent helped the ache at night. I still read his letters, and as I do, I imagine him reading mine. The pictures from the polaroid surround my bed, and I make one the background to my phone. The one of me kissing his cheek. I snapped a photo before he took it along with others.
I’m in the library studying when Ryder finds me. She looks annoyed. No, exasperated maybe.
“I’ve been looking for you.” She sits next to me.
