Aloha, page 43
I Can’t Love You
J.L. Baldwin
Chapter 1
Lora
“Oh, come on, Loralie! You know he has been dying to go to Hawaii for years. You also know his parents never took him as a kid because they could not afford it. I do not know why the fuck you’re making such a big deal about it!” If Logan could look any more ridiculous right now, he would probably have smoke blowing out of his ears. I sighed and shook my head.
“First of all, I hate when you use my full name. It’s why I insisted upon all my professors using Lora in my classes. And second, who gives a shit what he does? I certainly don’t!”
Logan groaned and paced my bedroom some more. It was bad enough we shared an apartment together which meant I saw his best friend, Mack, more often than I cared to admit, but that also meant he followed us everywhere.
Literally everywhere.
When my parents came up with a family vacation to Hawaii, I jumped at the opportunity. I was on break from my Ph.D program and needed a little getaway. And what better vacation than the beautiful island of Hawaii? I couldn’t think of a better place to relax and get some reading done.
“You know he needs to get away from Sophia. She’s driving him fucking crazy.”
“Then he shouldn’t have stuck his dick in her. Repeatedly. Or is that a lesson he can’t seem to learn?”
Logan grabbed the chair to my desk and spun it around until he was sitting in it backwards. “Lora, sis, come on. I know you don’t want him to go because it will bring up old feelings.”
I scoffed at that. “That’s crazy.”
He raised an eyebrow in a challenge. “Is it though?” No. Yes. I honestly didn’t know anymore.
Logan crossed his arms on the back of the chair and just stared at me, the larger muscles of his arms dwarfing the back of the small desk chair. It was easy to tell us apart. Brown hair, brown eyes, and a dark complexion. Thanks to our Polynesian side. But where we might have looked alike, that’s where our similarities stopped. On the inside, I’m a bookworm and my brother is a gamer. Two completely different ends of the spectrum. It paid off for both of us because I’m getting a Ph.D in English Literature and my brother founded a huge tech company that could rival some of the biggest companies out there. My brother may not have had the best grades in English or History but when it came to Math and Science, he was a certified genius.
Mack also worked alongside my brother and he has developed some popular games.
“You know Mom and Dad are going to be thrilled to have him go, right? Your argument is pretty much a moot point.”
I glared at him as my eyes cut into slits. “I hate you.”
Logan's smile lit up his whole face as he grinned. “You love me. And I know you love Mack, even if you don’t want to admit it.”
My whole face lit up on fire. “That’s wrong. Besides, I don’t want to be someone’s sloppy seconds. Or thirds. He’s been around the block quite a few times and I didn’t want to catch a disease.”
Logan rolled his eyes. “Stop being childish. He doesn’t have a disease. I’m sure he gets checked regularly.”
“It doesn’t matter. Not like I’m sleeping with him anyway.”
Logan smirked. “You keep telling yourself that, sis. We all know you turn into a puddle whenever he’s around.”
I stomped my foot down on the floor hard, like a child. “I do not!”
“Since you’re throwing a temper tantrum, I’m assuming you do?” The whole situation was fucked up, to say the least. The last thing we needed was Mack Danvers tagging along on our family vacation. I hated the idea, but knew our parents would take Logan's side because they do love Mack. Logan and him have been friends since they were thirteen and bonded over some dumb video game that was popular that year. They’ve been thick as thieves ever since.
I sighed, and pinched the bridge of my nose between my thumb and forefinger. “Is he bringing any of his floozies along for the ride?”
Logan grinned then reached into his pocket and pulled out his cell phone. He pushed a couple buttons and a few seconds later, Mack’s gorgeous face lit up the screen. “Why don’t you ask him for yourself?”
I gaped at him and I didn’t know who I was more angry at right now. Logan or Mack. “You had him on the phone?”
He shrugged like it was no big deal. “Knew you would throw a fit about it so I brought in reinforcements.”
Mack chuckled, the smooth sound sliding over my skin like silk. He was dangerous for my health. I hated him so much, but the shiver that shot down my spine at his voice was proving to make a liar out of me.
“What’s wrong, Lora? You don’t trust yourself around me?”
What the hell? “Do you just assume that every girl wants you? Is that how you sleep at night?”
Mack chuckled, then raked his hand down his face in a not-so-oh-my-god-why-was-that-so-attractive-way and shook his head. “No, but sooner or later, they usually cave. They all do. No matter how stuck-up they seem to be.”
He emphasized the word stuck-up like he was implying something. “What are you trying to say?” I spoke angrily. He was really beginning to get on my nerves and we left for the airport in less than six hours.
“Nothing, sweetheart. Just wondering why some girls are the way that they are.”
Sweetheart. Fuck. Why did he have to go there?
“I’m not your sweetheart so stop calling me that.”
Mack smiled, and damn if it didn’t light up his face. Mack was very much the typical country boy. He had a little bit of a dad bod, but it looked good on him. You would never think he was a smart tech genius like my brother. He liked his trucker caps, his family farm, and going out to the field on a Saturday night for a bonfire.
He loved his calm, relaxing life outside of work. And that was something we always had in common. Doesn’t mean we get along, because I still hated him.
“Would you like me to stop calling you that if I brought somebody else with me?”
“You are not bringing anyone else on our family vacation! You’re lucky we’re letting you come.”
“See, Mack? Told her she’d let you come.”
“Logan, buddy, I could make such a fucking inappropriate joke about coming, but I would hate to have your sister think any less of me than she already does.”
I rolled my eyes then bent over so I was level with the phone and plastered on my best smile because my next words were going to hit below the belt. Literally.
“Mack, I bet if you have a problem telling the joke, then I bet you have a problem performing the act. Plane leaves at five.” I pressed the end button on the phone but not before seeing his mouth drop open and I smiled triumphantly.
“Well, this is going to be fucking fun. Any chance of you guys leaving me there?”
I scoffed and smacked his arm. “With any luck, I’ll push both of you into a volcano as a sacrifice to the Hawaii Gods.”
“That’s a bit harsh.”
“Don’t mess with Texas, bro.”
Chapter 2
Lora
We were two, maybe three hours from landing on the island of O’ahu and I had about an hour left of the podcast I was listening to. I felt someone poke the side of my arm and I knew without turning that it was Mack.
“Hey.”
I sighed.
He poked again.
“Hey.”
I silently plotted his death. Multiple times.
Poke.
“What?” I whisper yelled, whipping the earbuds out of my ears and turned to face him.
Mack smirked, then straightened up in his seat. “What ya listening to?”
“A podcast. Now hush.”
Before I could place the bud back into my ear, Mack grabbed it and placed it into his right one. I should be grossed out about sharing an earbud with someone, but for some reason, I wasn’t.
He reached over to my phone and pressed play. The sounds of the author filling my ear made me relax back into my seat. I kept sneaking a peek out of the corner of my eye and seeing how he reacted to the podcast. When it was finally over, I slipped my phone back into my bag.
“Did you enjoy that? I hope you learned something.”
Mack nodded, then straightened up in his seat. “Thought maybe you were lying at first. Maybe you were listening to one of those dirty smut books you women like to read.”
I rolled my eyes. “Romance, Mack. Maybe if you took the time to read one, you’d know how women behave and what they want in a relationship.” Thank God I wasn’t listening to one of my romance novels. I would have died a thousand deaths of embarrassment if he had caught on. I was conveniently listening to a brother's best friend story and it was getting hot between the hero and heroine. They were fucking in the locker room at the gym and were moving into the shower to avoid getting caught. But he kept fucking her, even after people started coming in.
The idea of public sex should not make me hotter than hell, but fuck if it doesn’t.
“What has you so red in the face?” Mack asked in his low, country voice. Great, now he caught me thinking about that damn book.
“Nothing. Nothing at all.”
Mack eyed me suspiciously, then turned his attention away and picked up his phone. Thank God. Logan came walking back from the bathroom at that exact time, pulling Mack’s attention away even more when Logan started talking to him. I wanted to kill my parents for putting Logan, Mack, and me all in the same row.
“Hey, man. You catch the game last night?” Logan asked, pulling out his phone to check the football scores probably.
“Nah, been too busy working on the farm. My grandparents are thinking about selling it and they want to get it up to par before looking at any potential buyers. I’m really going to miss that place.”
“Why are they selling it?”
Mack shrugged. “Guess it’s becoming too much for them. I’m thinking about buying it from them, but I know they won’t take my money.”
“Maybe I will. I spent just as much time there as you did. I wouldn’t mind having a place out in the country.”
“You hate the country,” I said, speaking up and interrupting their conversation.
Logan glared daggers in my direction. “Doesn’t mean I don’t like the escape every now and then. I’ll call them tomorrow and see if they’d want to sell it to me.”
“Man, I would love that. It would be nice to still have it around.”
“I’ll let you know what happens,” Logan replied, putting in his own earbuds. The sound of heavy metal could be heard and I shook my head. It’s a wonder he wasn’t deaf by now.
Leaning my head against the seat, I stared out the window as the clouds rolled by. Flying has always given me a sense of peace and contentment. The ocean below was as blue as ever, and I felt the sun’s rays against my skin from outside the small, round window. A gentle poke against my arm brought me out of my serene moment as I slowly turned and met Mack’s piercing gaze.
He stared at me, and for the first time ever it seemed like he was seeing through me. The way his eyes flickered as the sun passed over them. Mack was beautiful, I’m mature enough to admit that. He had the typical country boy look. And it worked for him. The dark hair, scruff along the jaw that was turning into a full beard, and the way his eyes twinkled when he smiled and talked about something he loved.
Whoever was lucky enough to capture his heart would get one hell of a guy. I already hated the woman who would manage to tie him down.
As much as Mack got on my nerves, I wasn’t blind. I saw what other women see in him. I always have. It’s just that when he opened his mouth, annoyance came out. He was one of the people who had the looks, but the attitude didn’t match. From the outside, he looked like one of the good ones. Hell, maybe he was and I was just so far out of the loop, I wasn’t sure who was actually ‘good’ anymore. The books I’ve read proved that the ‘good guy’ isn’t as desired as the asshole with morally gray intentions. Mack didn’t have a morally gray bone in his body, and I liked that about him. For all intents and purposes, he was as close to the ‘good guy’ as one could get.
“Want to join the mile high club?” Just like that, the tender moment of me thinking Mack was a good guy was ruined. Shattered. I scoffed at him and shook my head. “Are you crazy?”
He shrugged like it was normal to partake in airplane sex surrounded by a couple hundred people. “Maybe. But it would be something of a first for me.”
“I find that hard to believe. It’s disgusting, immoral, and I’m pretty sure illegal." Then why did the possibility of sex in an airplane bathroom make my insides quiver? Clearly, I needed psychological help. Get your shit together, Lora. You are on your way to a Ph.D. You can’t be getting distracted.
“Maybe if you got rid of some of that stuck-up attitude, you’d have fun once in a while. Maybe even get laid more often too.”
“My sex life is none of your business, thank you.” He was really starting to piss me off.
“Awe, now don’t be like that sweetheart. It’s not like you’re a virgin or anything.”
When I didn’t say anything in response to that, Mack sat up straighter and put all his attention on me. And I wanted to push so far back into the seat as far as I could to avoid his gaze. The gaze that up until a few minutes ago was annoying the hell out of me.
“You’re not a virgin, are you, Lora?” He grinned wide, like he was uncovering the biggest secret known to mankind. I wanted to jump out of this plane and into the deep blue ocean. Nothing would have prepared me for that question. Technically I was not a virgin, but the one time in my undergrad year with my on and off again boyfriend was such a horrible sexual experience, I have avoided it ever since. With the exception of my handy vibrator, of course. A girl does have needs.
“Dude, did you just ask her if she was a virgin? Don’t make me sick.” Logan visibly gagged for emphasis and I flipped him the bird.
“Both of y’all are gross. And leave my sex life out of your mouths.”
“Duly fucking noted,” Logan said, returning to his music.
Returning to looking out the window, I felt his eyes on me the rest of the flight. I didn’t dare turn to look because I couldn’t take his scrutiny. Let him think I was a virgin. It was less humiliating than him finding out the truth. Or worse off, making him rehash a past trauma that I would rather stay buried regarding that particular topic.
10 Years Ago - Lora
Senior prom was the rite of passage for any girl. It was a night I had been dreaming of my entire life. Second to my wedding day, of course. I wanted everything to be perfect. It was going to be one of the best nights ever.
“Honey, you look beautiful. I can’t believe you’re growing up and you’ll be off to college soon.” My mom wiped a tear from her eye and clasped her hands together under her chin, looking me up and down. I beamed and looked back into the mirror at my reflection. The dress was baby pink with so many sparkles. Spaghetti strap with sheer cuffs that hung off to the side, and it dropped just below my knees. I had the perfect silver heels to match. The whole look was elegant, and gorgeous.
“Thanks, Mom. I’m so thankful for this night. I can’t believe it’s finally here.” I had spent many years saving up by helping tutor kids to get the money for my dress. When it came time to buy it, my mom insisted upon taking the money and putting it into a savings account for me for when I’m away at college and buying the dress herself. It was her little last gift before I left next year.
“Is your date here yet?” she asked as she dried her tears. My dad brought her a tissue and she blew her nose loudly. I shook my head and picked up my matching silver clutch.
“I’m meeting him there.”
“He’s not picking you up?” my dad asked in a stern voice. “That’s not very gentlemanly of him. I will want to have a firm talking to about treating you like a lady.”
“Daddy! It’s fine. It’s how dating is nowadays. Don’t worry so much. Logan is driving me. He’s meeting his date there too.”
Logan came barreling down the stairs just then and he stopped when he saw me standing there.
“You look beautiful, sis!”
“Thank you.” I blushed. “You look pretty handsome yourself.”
“Come on, let’s get a picture.”
Logan wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me against him. I smiled and shook my head. “You know, I hope when we’re old and gray and have lost our memory, we don’t look back on this and think we’re each other’s dates.”
Mom snapped a few pictures and Logan and I made silly faces before he spoke. “Dating me wouldn’t be all that bad. Think of Flowers in the Attic.”
I gagged. I never could read that book, despite how all my friends raved about it. “No thank you. Not gonna happen.”
“I was joking. But we’re going to be late if we don’t get going.”
We told our parents goodbye and when we were in the car and on our way, did Logan finally say something.
“You didn’t tell them you don’t have a date?”
“God no. They’d want to set me up with one of their co-workers' sons. I was not dating a trust fund baby.” Someone who had everything handed to them their entire life. No way. I wanted a guy who worked hard and was still sweet as apple pie to the woman he loved.
Someone like Mack, Logan’s best friend. He worked on his family's farm and it showed. Even at seventeen, he was so much larger than boys our age. And the girls flocked to him.
Me included.
We got to the dance and Logan kissed me on the cheek before he went in search of his date. I couldn’t remember her name, but it was pretty. Just like her. We got along and for once, I didn’t hate one of his girlfriends. I walked across the dance floor and smiled at a few of the book club members. They waved me over and before I took a step, a strong hand wrapped around my wrist and tugged me roughly against a hard chest. I gasped and stumbled, but caught myself by bracing both hands on this stranger's chest.
