Aloha, page 71
Or I could go back to the table. Take Esteban down to the beach. Try to find myself in his touch. And if I went out, I went out with a bang. A fleeting glimpse of the stars and possibility before the shadows came for me.
I’d lost love with my husband. I’d lost love with myself. I wanted to find something, anything, before I lost everything.
I went back to the table and saw Esteban standing, waiting for me with his chair pushed in. His phone was nowhere in sight. I quickly grabbed my purse and said, “Where shall we go next?”
His brows quirked up, as if unsure what to do with the question. “The beach?” he suggested. “There’s a path by the cliff here.”
I smiled. “You know everything, don’t you?”
“That’s why they call me the smart one.”
“I thought they called you the nice one.”
“Oh. That, too.”
“Who was that on the phone?”
His eyes sought the ceiling. “My boss is Javier. He controls the operation. In fact, he controls pretty much all of Mexico. Well, almost. We’re working on a few things.”
“Are any of those things the reason you are here?”
He smiled, white teeth against tanned skin. His scars rippled with the movement, so darkly beautiful. He held his arm out for me. “Shall we go to the beach?”
I nodded, my nerves buzzing with possibilities.
We left the restaurant and he led me down the tiki-torch-lit paths past fancy condominiums. The night was beautiful; the stars were out along with a fingernail moon. It was impossibly romantic, impossibly dangerous. The path down the cliff was unlit, and thanks to the dark and the instability of my flip-flops, I was relying on Esteban to keep me safe. I put my trust in someone who probably couldn’t be trusted.
And yet, eventually I felt sand beneath my feet. The wild ocean crashed against the beach in waves of ink dotted with silver sparkles, reflections from the moon. A balmy breeze caressed my face like a gentle lover. My whole body rippled with excitement I hadn’t felt in years and years and years.
I felt like I was waking up.
We walked along the sand in silence, heading toward the surf. The foam churned steps away from our feet. Esteban was now holding his shoes in his hand and behind his back. He stared out at the dark horizon, breathing in deeply through his nose. The wind pushed his wavy hair off his face.
“What are you thinking?” I asked him softly, though I supposed I had no business to.
He didn’t seem to mind. “I am thinking that I am lucky.”
“How so?”
He turned to look at me, the moonlight in his gaze. “That I met you. I was not planning on meeting anyone. But here you are.”
“But you leave soon.”
He nodded once. “I am leaving. And I will go back to Mexico and all I’ll have of you will be memories. We won’t call each other. We won’t write. We won’t e-mail. What we have will remain in the Pacific. Where it belongs.”
I didn’t understand. How was that lucky?
“You’re a beautiful woman, Lani. You’re talented, smart. You have a lot going for you, which you refuse to see. Maybe you’re too stubborn. Or maybe you still don’t think you deserve a second chance. But I will leave here having known you and having made you smile. The memories will be good enough for me. I’ll find someone else, someone available, someone who is cut out for my lifestyle. And I’ll thank you for that.”
Where the hell did his confidence come from, the idea that everything would be okay, even in the line of work he was in? I didn’t understand it.
He turned his body so he was facing me and put his hand behind my neck, holding me there. His voice lowered. “Sometimes people come into our lives for just a second, just long enough to let us know that hope exists. Will you let me be your hope, if not for just this night?”
I didn’t have time to react before he kissed me.
It went deep, deep inside, stoking a fire I never knew had been building.
I heard his shoes drop to the sand as he sank his hands into my hair. They tugged a little bit at the strands, and I cried out into his warm mouth. His tongue was silky and smooth, making me wet. He slid one hand down to my ass, cupping it firmly. I had never felt a need so powerful, and from the way he pressed his hard erection against me, I could tell he felt the same.
Until Darth Vader’s theme song filled our ears.
“Shit!” Esteban groaned and pulled away, pulling the phone out of his pocket.
I felt like I should be annoyed, but knew I had no right to. “It’s been more than fifteen minutes, hasn’t it?”
He nodded and adjusted his pants before turning his back to me, the phone to his ear.
“Sí,” he said quickly. There was a pause, then he hung up. He slowly turned to face me and a sober smile graced his lips. “I have to go. Now. I am so sorry.”
I shook my head. My heart was still beating so fast, and my clit was throbbing like I was going to die without release. But I understood. I took in a deep breath. “It’s fine. Go. Go do your job.”
“You can get back up the hill?” he said. “I can carry you on my back, but I have to run.”
“It’s easier to go up than down,” I told him reassuringly. “I’ll be fine. I’ll . . . talk to you tomorrow?”
“Yes,” he said. Then he grabbed my face in his warm hands and kissed me hard. He took off sprinting across the sand. I had no idea where he was going, but whatever he was about to do, it would be something bad, part of a world I would never have to know about.
Once he disappeared up the path and my hormones had calmed down, I turned to look at the ocean. There was a strange hollowness in my chest. Was this it? Was this all there was to my life? Just the waves again, beckoning me to join them, to sink into depths where love couldn’t touch me?
I stood there on the private beach, bathed in moonlight, and watched. And waited. Waited for my legs to start moving, to walk into the water and drown.
But I didn’t. Because tomorrow was another day. And someone wanted to see me smile.
Though it was dark, it was still paradise.
Thanks for reading. Check out the rest of my books at www.authorkarinahalle.com.
The End of Us
Kasey Metzger
The End of Us
In the beginning we lied.
We lied about being friends. That it was all we were. We lied to each other and to anyone who asked.
It was the kind of relationship that didn’t just end. It wasn’t quick. No, the end of us was a slow, painful death that took almost two years.
I remember the last night of our true relationship. Before that night, we’d spent almost every day and night for six months together. Then he went away for the weekend and didn’t come back the same. I barely saw him after that. I don’t know what happened that weekend. Why it was over for him and why he couldn’t tell me.
We lied in the end too. He lied about it being over, but he didn’t let me go. I lied about moving on, but I couldn’t. Not with him pulling me back in every time I thought I was over him. And then eventually, those lies took root and became true.
“Drinking tonight, Court?” Ryder nudges me.
“Sipping tonight,” I tell her. “I'm drinking exactly one drink tonight and it’s this one.” I swirl around the beer bottle.
“How are you holding up?” She asks in that knowing way only a best friend can. I know her eyes are stuck on me the way mine are stuck on Brooks. He’s engaged in one of Jimmy’s insane stories about his latest outrageous injury, like tonight isn’t goodbye and it’s just another summer night. We’re standing on the driveway of his childhood home on the last night before he leaves this place. He signed his life to the military the day he turned eighteen. A ticket out of this nowhere town in the Midwest.
“I’m good.” A lie. “Great, actually.” Another lie.
“Right.” She squeezes my hand. “Well, I’m going to take shots and hit on your brother.” She winks and walks away, leaving me to my own devices. I guess Ryder thinks it’s funny to set her sights on Jack, for my brother to have a fling with my best friend seeing how I did the same thing to him.
It makes more sense for Jack to be here than me. Brooks and Jack grew up doing everything together. They’re best friends while I was the annoying little sister, until I wasn’t. Little sister isn’t fair to say - we’re Irish twins and have always been in the same grade level.
“Glad you could make it.” Brooks stalks up to me.
I don’t remember the last time I was this close to him. “You know I wouldn’t miss this.” I look up at him. He holds my gaze and the butterflies erupt inside me.
Even after these past few months of being done with whatever it was we had, I have to fight the urge to lean into him. He’s not mine. Maybe he never was.
“Stay by me tonight?” He asks with a sincerity that makes me melt.
I can only nod in response. I’d stay with him every night.
The usual crowd shows. Any excuse to drink without being harassed by our parents, who are also present, just in the backyard. Over the years, our parents have all gotten close too. This is as much a goodbye party for them as it is for us. I think they’ve given up on the thought of us not drinking until twenty-one, and know we’d find a way to do it anyway with or without their consent.
Unfortunately, the usual crowd includes Rachel, Brooks’ ex-girlfriend. They had been together since pretty much elementary school. Almost inseparable until a year ago when she ended things. They had been a package deal and she was around as much as Brooks was.
“I should go say hi,” Brooks mumbles before leaving me for her.
I have no claim to him, and I was the one who came after her, but it stings all the same. When they broke up, he came around just as much as before, only he didn’t have her around. Our house had been home base for everything. Jack’s friends spent more time under our roof than their own. And when Jack and I got in trouble with our parents, his friends were invited over for the punishment as well. So, it wasn’t unusual for any of them to be in our house without Jack around. It happened often enough that I was used to sharing the space with them. They could have been my friends in a different life, if Jack wasn’t my brother. But he is, and that has always made me Jack’s sister.
I guess that’s how it started with Brooks and me. He stayed at our house the following weeks after their break up, with or without Jack. I’ve always been a home-body and was around. He didn’t talk about Rachel and I didn’t ask questions. We spent our time in the moment. Like the walls were a barrier and time stood still. It started with sharing blankets on the couch during shows. Then cooking together and sharing meals.
Soon we ventured outside the walls of the house for dinner or movies. The only difference from before when this happened was that we weren’t in a group. This was just us since everyone else is busy.
One night, Rachel saw us out together and confronted Brooks. They ended up arguing outside the restaurant, and I made the decision I’d rather walk home than deal with whatever it was they had going on. But then Brooks came in and paid, even though I’d been paying for myself each time before, and asked me to take a drive with him. I didn’t know what they fought about, only that something had changed. He didn’t joke or laugh; it was like his shine was gone. What would have been sing-yelling our favorite songs in the car became talks about the future and who we want in it. We drove for hours, just winding through county roads, in different circles until we ended at his house. Not mine. It was the first time I stayed the night.
We slept in the living room, on separate couches with some dumb comedy movie on in the background. Rachel texted me the next day, asking what was going on between us, and I told her the truth. Nothing. Nothing had happened with us.
Brooks kissed me the next night. And every night after for the next six months. We spent each one together, either at his house or mine. Jack didn’t have anything to say about it; not that we saw him much anyway. We stayed at Brooks’ most of the time. It didn’t matter if school was the next day or not. We were together.
In the halls though, we kept our distance. The looks Rachel shot me were enough to keep me away. I didn’t mean to hurt her, and not that she believed me, but there truly was nothing going on when she had asked.
That was how it went, until it stopped. One weekend, Brooks went on a guy’s trip with Jack and their other friends. When he returned, I surprised him in his bed. It didn’t go well. Still, I didn’t let one bad night ruin things, and since Valentine’s day was right around the corner I planned a date for us. He showed. That was about the only good thing for the night. Something happened and when he came back, we were done, even if it took me time to realize that.
I didn’t try after that, and neither did he. Slowly, we faded away into nothingness. He didn’t come over as much, and when he did, I hid in my room. I couldn’t see him, not when I didn’t have any answers. Jack wasn’t much help either. When I asked him about their trip, he told me the only time Brooks and I were mentioned was when everyone gave Brooks their approval. When I realized we were actually done, I didn’t ask Jack if he knew what went wrong. He’s my brother and Brooks is his friend. I didn’t want to place him in the middle now, when he hadn’t considered him when we started.
Jimmy rubs his hand on the small of my back pulling me away from whispers of the past. “Hey Courtney, you good over here?”
He’s been as close to Jack and Brooks as anyone else; always a constant in their group. He’s as handsome as Brooks and has never had issues finding someone to spend his time with. I can’t say I’ve been immune to his good looks or charming personality either. But we’ve always been playful and neither one has dared to approach the line drawn in the sand. Not like Brooks and I did.
“Yeah.” I smile but it feels hollow.
“How are you doing with everything?” He digs deeper.
“I’m okay, I guess. I’m going to miss him.” I take a drink of the beer I’ve been rationing.
“Hey!” Brooks wanders over as soon as he sees Jimmy and me talking. “You talking to my girl?” He throws an arm around me and pulls me in. I’d forgotten what being his feels like, and the way he is now has me spinning.
Jimmy pushes Brooks’ shoulder back light heartedly. “Only about how finally you might get some abs when they whip you into shape.” They both laugh, and Brooks lifts his shirt revealing his already chiseled abdomen.
“If you’re jealous just say so.” He drops his shirt and ushers me away. “I thought you were going to stay by me,” he whispers in my ear.
“I will,” I answer back.
I don’t remind him how he was the one to walk away from me to talk to Rachel when she showed up. I don’t care anymore. Not when he left her to come back to me. I guess that’s the game Rachel and I are stuck playing.
The end of the night finds us calling back to past days, and I end up in Brooks’ bed once more. It’s nothing more than sleep, but sleep where he holds me again. Another night when I think there will be no more.
But he’s leaving. And he’s leaving soon.
Breakfast is not much more than hungover grumblings between the usual crowd. I’m fine, having stuck true to my one beer for the night. Ryder looks rough, though. She took full advantage of parental-punishment-free drinking.
It’s unceremonious, with the dry eggs and flimsy bacon and terrible service at our last gathering before everyone goes their separate ways. While Jack is staying in town for community college, Ryder and I were accepted at the state school a couple of hours away and plan to room together. Brooks is going to training camp and everyone else is starting their own plans as well. This really is the last time we’ll all gather before life claims us.
Last night- last night with Brooks didn’t feel like goodbye it felt like hello all over again. And I’d wait for him if he asked me to. I’d be his once more, no matter the distance.
But he didn’t.
All I have is a couple more hours with him, reminding me that my heart has never really let him go.
The bill for food comes and I buy Jack’s meal. He’s my ride home and it feels like paying for him is the nice sister thing to do.
I’m not ready for the moment that’s coming.
We all walk out of the diner and the world shifted in the time we were in the restaurant. For me, it’s not the same. Not now, when everything I want is getting on a plane. The pit in my stomach opens up and might swallow me whole.
Brooks says goodbye to me first. He holds me tight and kisses the top of my head. He doesn’t say anything and I can’t either. I don’t ask him what we are. I can’t. Not when he’s leaving and all we had was the ghost of a relationship. He releases me and that’s it.
Small pebbles of hope I’d collected from lingering gazes and every “my girl” he said last night vanish into this abyss inside of me. As my stomach bottoms out, the muscles in my shoulders tighten.
I take a step back and Ryder gives him a hug while I say goodbye to the other guys. Jimmy picks me up and spins me around, causing me to laugh. It releases the tension built inside. While Brooks’ leaving hurts the most, I’m going to miss them all. Life won’t be the same without them as a constant. After Jimmy puts me down Jack approaches me and brings me off to his side before I can tell Ryder to call me later.
“Hey, I can’t give you a ride home,” he says and it looks like shame flashes over his face.
“Why not?” The pit inside opens again.
He sighs. “We’re taking Brooks to the airport.” He looks at the ground.
“Oh,” I say when all I actually want to do is scream. I wasn’t invited for this part. I don’t blame Jack for it. I’d assumed I was his ride since that was how it has always played out. I still would have bought him breakfast either way. And up until last night Brooks hadn’t shown interest in me being around him again.
