Return of Condor Heroes, page 42
As soon as he said this, he heard a noise; ahead was a carriage. Tens of people were crowding and pushing around; there was a wedding taking place. Although it was the countryside, the event was done with an extravagant air; it was done with much enthusiasm and energy.
A thought suddenly popped up in Yang Guo’s mind, he asked, “Do you want to be a bride?”
Chapter 9 - A Hundred Ideas to Avoid the Enemy
Lu Wushuang seemed to still feel the pain of her broken ribs in her dreams. When Yang Guo saw her face like this he immediately remembered Xiao Long Nu and then remembered the oath he swore. He broke out in a cold sweat and two slapping sounds were heard, he had slapped himself heavily across his cheeks.
Lu Wushuang was frightened at this moment in time, when she heard him ask such a stupid question she angrily said, “Sha Dan! What the hell are you talking about?”
Yang Guo laughed and said, “Let’s play bride and groom. Why don’t you pretend to be a bride? Won’t that be beautiful? With a red veil covering your face, when people look they won’t see your face.”
Lu Wushuang was startled and said, “You’re instructing me to pretend to be a bride to avoid my master?”
Yang Guo laughed and said, “I don’t know, you pretend to be a bride and I’ll be the groom.”
This was an urgent matter, Lu Wushuang had no time to scold him, she thought, “Sha Dan’s idea is a strange one, but apart from this idea, there’s nothing else.” She asked, “How should we do it?”
Yang Guo didn’t want to waste time, he lashed the donkey and it hurried forward. The small roads of the countryside were tight and narrow, with eight people carrying the sedan chair lining up along the road; the two groups had nowhere to pass. When the people saw the donkey charging forward they all shouted, telling the riders to rein it in and slow down. Yang Guo squeezed his legs, and urged the donkey to go even faster, in a flash it had come up to the crowd. Two strong men had earlier stepped up wanting to pull the donkey back so that it won’t knock into the sedan chair. Yang Guo’s rope lashed out and wrapped around the two men’s arms, he raised his arm and let go, the two men fell onto the ground. He turned around to Lu Wushuang and said, “I want to be a groom.” He leaned forward and stretched out his hand to grab the groom who was riding on a white horse. The groom was about seventeen or eighteen years of age, he was fitted out with new clothes and with gold flowers on his head; the sudden grab by Yang Guo frightened him. Yang Guo lifted his body and flung him up, his body flew up over a distance of ten feet, when he was about to land, the people shouted and called out, stretching out their arms to catch him. There were about thirty people who were helping to celebrate, half of them were tall strong men of Guanxi but when they saw his skills and the groom in his hands, how did they dare attack? An experienced old man dashed up; thinking it was bandits, he said, “Please spare the groom Da Wang (king). The amount of money that Da Wang wants, we can discuss it.”
Yang Guo turned around to Lu Wushuang and said, “Wifey, why are they calling me Da Wang? My surname is Da? I think he’s even more stupid than me.”
Lu Wushuang said, “Don’t waste time, I think I can hear the bell of my master’s donkey.”
Yang Guo was startled, he listened carefully, and indeed he could hear a faint ringing sound. He thought, “She’s quick.” He then said, “Ling Zi (Bell) What Ling Zi? It’s a sweets seller? Great, let’s buy some sweets to eat.” He turned around to the old man and said, “If you listen to my instructions then I’ll let you go, otherwise” he lifted up the groom and threw him up in the air. The groom was so frightened that he began to cry. The old man made a bow and said, “We’ll do as Da Wang instructs.”
Yang Guo pointed to Lu Wushuang and said, “That’s my little Wifey, when she saw that someone was getting married she thought that it was amusing, she herself wants to take part too.”
Lu Wushuang scolded, “Sha Dan, what did you say?”
Yang Guo ignored her and said, “Quickly take the bride’s clothes and put them on her, I’ll be the groom.”
It’s not unusual for kids to pretend to be a bride and groom. But who would think that a bandit on a narrow road would suddenly want to play this game? The people all looked at each other in dismay, and refused. Looking at the two, one was a young man, the other was a young girl, and one could describe them as a married couple. But the crowd of people didn’t care. Yang Guo heard the ringing of the bell getting closer so he leapt off the donkey and placed the groom on the saddle letting Lu Wushuang guard him and went over to the sedan chair, he pushed aside the curtain and pulled the bride out. The bride screeched out in fright, her face was covered with a red veil and didn’t know what was happening outside. Yang Guo brushed aside her red veil and saw a face like the moon, a face full of joy. He laughed and said, “The bride is beautiful.” He lightly touched her cheek. The bride froze in fright and didn’t make a sound.
Yang Guo’s left hand held up the bride and called out, “If you want me to spare her, quickly take her clothes and give them to my Wifey to wear.”
Lu Wushuang heard the ringing of her master’s donkey getting closer, she gave him a stare and thought, “That Sha Dan doesn’t know how high the sky is or how deep the earth is and his mouth is still joking at this time?” She heard the old man following his instructions, “Quick, quick! Quickly change the bride’s clothes.” The nanny accompanying the bride quickly took off her phoenix headdress and her bridal costume and dressed Lu Wushuang with them. Taking off the groom’s costume, Yang Guo changed himself. He turned around to Lu Wushuang and said, “Good Wifey, enter the sedan chair.” Lu Wushuang told the bride to enter the sedan chair first and then she entered, lowering the curtain afterwards.
Yang Guo took a look at his grass shoes and wanted to change them when he heard the ringing sound from just around the bend in the road, he called out, “Turn around and head in a southeast direction, quickly! If someone comes and asks about us don’t say you’ve seen us.” He leapt onto the white horse and rode along with the groom on the donkey. When the crowd saw the couple had fallen into their hands, they didn’t dare to disobey; they raised their gongs and cymbals and started their tune.
The sedan chair was picked up and turned around but after about a hundred feet, the ringing sound was becoming quicker, two donkeys trotted after them. Lu Wushuang was thinking about whether she would be able to escape from this danger and heard the now much closer ringing sound; her heart jumped and she carefully listened to the activities of outside.
Yang Guo pretended to be embarrassed and lowered his head looking at the horse’s neck. He heard Hong Lingbo call out, “Hey, have you seen a lame girl walking past here?”
The old man from the crowd called out, “No…no…”
Hong Lingbo asked again, “Have you seen a girl on an animal pass by?”
The old man said, “No.” The two passed the crowd and rushed on by. After a short while the two pulled the donkeys around and returned. Li Mochou’s fly whisk flew out and wrapped around the sedan chair curtain, she pulled back and after a ‘chi’ sound, the curtain ripped in half. Yang Guo was alarmed and rushed forward, as soon as the fly whisk comes out a second time he will make his move and rescue her. He didn’t know that after one look in the sedan chair, Li Mochou would smile and say, “The bride is handsome.” She raised her head and said to Yang Guo, “Little punk, your luck isn’t bad.”
Yang Guo lowered his head not daring to face her, but heard them trotting away.
Yang Guo wondered, “Why did she spare Miss Lu?” He opened the sedan chair curtain only to see the bride scared out of her wits, and Lu Wushuang had disappeared. Yang Guo was even more baffled and called out, “Ai Ya, where’s my Wifey gone?”
Lu Wushuang laughed and said, “I’ve disappeared.” He saw the bride’s dress move and Lu Wushuang darted out; she had hidden underneath the bride’s gown. She knew that her master was very meticulous and careful, she would examine all possibilities; she knew that her master would come back so she hid.
Yang Guo said, “You can relax and be the bride from now on, sitting in the sedan chair is much more comfortable than riding on the donkey.”
Lu Wushuang nodded and said to the bride, “You are suffocating me, quickly get out.” The bride could do nothing and exited the sedan chair and rode on the donkey that was previously ridden by Lu Wushuang.
The bride and the groom had never met before, the groom saw that the bride was healthy and attractive, the bride saw the groom and she too was pleased. The two were delighted even with their fear, and soon forgot that they were being held hostage by a bandit.
They walked on for about twenty li (10 km/6.2 miles) and the sky gradually became dark. The old man kept on pleading with Yang Guo to let them go in case they missed the wedding’s lucky period.
Yang Guo scolded, “Why are you so annoying?” As soon as he said this, something flashed by the roadside and two people hurried into the forest. Yang Guo was suspicious and chased after them. Indeed he saw the backs of two people, their clothes were old and torn, and they looked like beggars. Yang Guo reigned in his horse and thought, “Could the Beggar Clan have seen through us and set up a trap ahead? But at this moment in time, all we can do is head forward.”
Not long after, the sedan chair caught up with him. Lu Wushuang poked her head out and asked, “What did you see?”
Yang Guo said, “Your curtain is torn and your face is not covered by the red veil. To be a proper bride one must cry and sob, even if the bride wants to get married, tears should flow and noses should run, calling out for your father and mother but not daring to leave. Where can you find such an unabashed bride as you under heaven’s skies?”
Lu Wushuang heard his words and understood the meaning behind it, their movements seemed to have been discovered. She lightly called out ‘Sha Dan’ and didn’t say anymore. After a while the mountain path in front of them became steep, narrow and rugged, the people leading the procession were extremely tired long ago but didn’t say anything in case they incurred Yang Guo’s wrath.
In the wink of the eye the sun was now above the mountain, crows screeched as they flew in the sky. Suddenly, voices were heard around the mountain, they were singing, “Little Miss do a good deed, please spare us a silver saber.”
Lu Wushuang’s face turned pale, and she thought, “So the four beggars are hiding around here.”
After the sedan chair turned a corner, three men could be seen in front of them, they were beggars. They were tall and strongly built; they were completely different to the four beggars they previously encountered.
Yang Guo saw that there were five pockets on their shoulders and thought, “These three five pocket beggars must be better than the other four, it looks like I’m going have to use my real skills.”
The crowd carrying the couple had waited impatiently, one of them had taken a whip and lashed out at one of the beggars calling out, “Move out of the way… move out of the way!” The beggar did not move, he held the tip of the whip and pulled, the person holding the whip fell down. If this happened normally the crowd of people would have rushed up, but they had been frightened by Yang Guo previously and all thought, “So the three beggars are with him.” No one dared to move forward and instead took a few steps back.
One of the beggars clearly said, “Congratulations Miss, little beggar here just want to beg for some money.”
Lu Wushuang quietly said, “Sha Dan, I’m injured at the moment and can’t fight, get rid of them for me.”
Yang Guo said, “Fine.”
He galloped forward on his horse and said, “Today is my wife’s special day, she doesn’t want any beggars to spoil it, now move.” One of the beggars took a few glances at Yang Guo but couldn’t recognize him from anywhere. The four beggars who had been struck in the wrist by the chopsticks all thought it was Lu Wushuang who did this and so did not tell their Martial Uncles about Yang Guo.
One of the beggars waved out his right hand. Yang Guo’s horse was frightened and reared up. Yang Guo pretended to wobble and fell off the back of the horse and didn’t pick himself up for a long time. The three beggars all thought, “So that person really is the groom.”
The Beggar Clan is a righteous and chivalrous clan; they have always helped the weak against the strong and aided those who were in danger. They had only decided to go after Lu Wushuang because she hurt a member of their clan. When they saw Yang Guo falling onto the ground and didn’t seem to know ANY martial arts they all felt apologetic, one of the beggars stretched out a hand to pull him up and said, “Sorry.”
Yang Guo mumbled, “What’s wrong with you people, if you want to beg for money then beg for money, why are you scaring my horse.” He took out some change and handed it out. The three beggars thanked him according to the clan’s rules.
Yang Guo laughed and said to Lu Wushuang, “You told me to give them money, I’ve already done it.”
Lu Wushuang angrily said, “What use is there of pretending to be stupid to me?”
Yang Guo said, “Yes, yes!” He stepped to the side and brushed off the dirt off his body.
Lu Wushuang saw the three beggars were still blocking the way, she calmly said, “What do you want?”
One of the beggars said, “Miss is a skilled fighter of the Ancient Tomb sect, the three of us admire your skills and want a few pointers.”
Lu Wushuang said, “I have a serious wound, how can I fight with you? If you don’t like it, then we can arrange a later date and test out each other’s skills after my injury has healed. You are skilled fighters of the Beggar Clan, today you are ganging up on an injured young girl; can you still call yourself a hero?”
After hearing her words, the three beggars felt that they were indeed in the wrong. Two of them said, “Fine! We’ll come back for you after your wound has recovered.”
The other beggar said, “Wait, where exactly are you injured? You have to let me take a look to see whether it’s real or fake. If it is a real wound then I’ll spare you today.”
He didn’t know that she was hurt in the chest; his words had no harmful intentions. But Lu Wushuang’s cheeks immediately turned red, and couldn’t stop herself from being angry. Feeling this anger she wasn’t able to think of anything to say, after half a minute she scolded, “In Jianghu the Beggar Clan is known to be heroic and chivalrous, this is a lie, you people are in fact shameless scoundrels.”
When the three heard her denigrate the Beggar Clan’s name their faces immediately changed, one of them was rash and impatient; he dashed forward, stretching out his hand wanting to grab her out of the sedan chair.
Yang Guo saw that the situation had become urgent, he called out, “Wait… wait. You lot asked for money, I gave you money, why are you still arguing with my wife?” He dashed forward in front of the sedan chair and said, “Although you three are beggars now, according to your faces you will became rich and become officials in the future, how can you do such disgraceful things and treat my new wife with such disrespect?”
The three beggars were startled and had no reply. The impulsive beggar said, “Move out of the way, we just want to test out the Ancient Tomb’s kung fu, who’s bullying who?” He lightly pushed out his hand. Yang Guo called out loudly and dropped to the side. The Beggar Clan has a rule, one must not hit out at someone who doesn’t know martial arts. The beggar didn’t know that this groom was so useless, just a light push and he fell onto the ground. If he was seriously hurt he would be punished within the clan and the other two would not be able to escape punishment as well. The three of them were startled and went over to pick him up.
Yang Guo shouted and called out, “Ai Ya, Ai Yo, mum!” The three beggars could not see clearly if he was hurt or not.
Yang Guo called out in pain and said, “You three are stupid, my wife is shy; how can she speak to strangers? And about this, what do you want to test out? First tell me. I’ll then go and ask my wife and then come back to speak with you, is that alright?”
The three of them saw that he was dumb but not stupid, they had had enough of this but it wasn’t suitable to attack him. The oldest of the beggars thought, “That Lu girl is pretending to be a bride; if that young man really is the groom then he should help her. But if he is pretending to be a groom then he shouldn’t be so useless.” He carefully studied him but couldn’t find anything wrong. The impulsive beggar waved out his hand and shouted, “Are you going to move?”
Yang Guo spread out his two hands and loudly said, “You can’t harm my wife.”
Another beggar said, “Miss Lu, are you ordering this Sha Dan to block for you, could it be that you think we won’t be able to get to you with this obstruction? Just get it over with and come out here.”
Yang Guo said, “Oh, you know that I’m called Sha Dan, how strange.”
The impulsive beggar faced Lu Wushuang and said, “We don’t have to fight, we just want to see how you used your saber to hack into someone’s shoulder, what is this move called?”
