Their Save-the-Date Charade, page 9
Without saying another word, he bounded up the staircase, two steps at a time.
Behind him he heard Ladna calling his name again.
He didn’t need her help finding Lulu’s room—there was only one with the door closed—and he knocked briskly.
“Luula, open up. It’s me,” he said, his hands squeezing the doorframe, his eyes lasered on the door as if he could see through the white-painted wood into her room. “Lu—”
The doorknob twisted and the door pulled open wide.
Wearing her pajamas, Lulu stepped back from the doorway, her hands clutching the fleece throw wrapped around her shoulders and her hair covered by a silk cap. She had no makeup on, and her feet were shod in fuzzy slippers with adorable cat ears. Yet she’s still beautiful.
A vision of her like that in his home flashed through his mind.
“Why are you here?” she asked and snapped him back to focus.
Pushing out the image, Alwan lowered his hands off the doorframe and walked in, noticing that she slid back another couple steps as he did so. His heart twisted in his chest, but he kept the hurt off his face and out of his voice as he looked her over.
“Ladna told me you weren’t feeling too hot. I was… I just wanted to check in on you.”
Lulu rolled her eyes and sighed. “She shouldn’t have worried you. I’m fine. Or I will be, after I take a nap.”
A low yowl sounded from behind her. Alwan looked around her to where her cat watched him with those eerily bright blue eyes from the foot of her bed.
Her bed.
The rumpled bedsheets and distinct head print on her pillow fueled a different kind of fantasy, and it was one that had his body’s core temperature running hotter. Blushing, Alwan backed out and stammered, “I—I’ll just leave you to it, then. Hope you feel better. Have a good nap.” And before he embarrassed himself further, he spun on his heels and sped away as fast as he arrived.
* * *
After telling him she’d be sleeping, Lulu didn’t know what she expected Alwan to do other than to leave.
But his abrupt departure had her tiptoeing out into the hallway and listening in on his conversation with Ladna.
“I’m worried about her,” her sister was saying.
“I am too,” Alwan said.
Breathing slowly through her nose, Lulu rested her head on the wall, regretting that she’d eavesdropped on them. Because now their concern for her wrenched at her heart and almost made her go downstairs and reassure them she was all right.
But that would be a lie.
Lulu heard the front door close behind them, and as the silence of the house closed in, she wrapped her throw tighter around herself and shuffled in her fuzzy slippers back to her bedroom.
“Don’t worry,” she told Blue when he lifted his head and looked past her with a meow, like he’d expected Alwan to trail in behind her. Flopping down beside him on the bed, she rubbed between his ears. “He’s not coming, if that’s who you’re looking for. He just left and I don’t think he’s coming back anytime soon.”
Seeing Alwan at her home had shocked her.
Caught her off guard.
Particularly when he’d looked and sounded genuinely sincere about checking on her health.
“He wasn’t really worried. He couldn’t be,” she said to Blue. “He’s probably just worried I’d be too ill to parade around and play pretend couple with him. That’s got to be it.” But even as she spoke, Lulu wasn’t fully convinced it was that black-and-white, that utterly clear-cut. It’d help if a part of her hadn’t felt all warm and fuzzy when she fantasized about why Alwan might have visited. Had he really stopped by on a wellness check? Why would he do that?
Because maybe he cares what happens to me… Is that so hard to believe?
She didn’t know what to think anymore. Her temples began to drum the now-familiar beat of a brewing headache, her lower body squeezing with the stirrings of pain again too. Popping a couple painkillers, she lay back down with the still-warm heating pad pressed below her stomach and smiled at Blue as he took his cue and moved out of the way to curl near her feet.
She closed her eyes and just before sleep overwhelmed her consciousness, Lulu’s last thought was of Alwan.
When she awoke, it was exactly an hour later.
Lulu sat up, stretched and yawned, sniffing the air and rubbing her grumbling stomach. The pain medication had done its work, and coupled with the nap, she was feeling better. But now she had her hunger to solve. The mouthwatering scent wafting through from downstairs had her salivating.
Licking her lips, she shrugged at Blue as he hopped off the bed and trailed to the door, clearly enticed by the same delightful culinary aroma. “I guess Ladna’s back.” She knew it couldn’t be her mom and dad; they had been so busy flitting about with Alwan’s parents and wedding planning, they hadn’t had as much focus on their business and were now playing catch-up with the tasks that had piled up.
Stuffing away the guilt to sulk over later, Lulu grabbed her fluffy bathrobe off the back of her computer chair and strolled out into the hall.
She and Blue followed the delicious scent down the staircase, past the small entrance hall through the open living and dining area, and into the kitchen beyond—where Lulu came to an abrupt halt.
Because rather than finding her sister cooking, Alwan was standing there stirring a pot on the stovetop.
She almost rubbed her eyes in disbelief. “Alwan?”
“Oh, good. You’re awake.” Casting a smile over his shoulder, he opened the cupboards above the counter and pulled down two bowls. “Your timing is perfect because the chicken soup’s ready.”
Lulu didn’t know what was more shocking. That he was responsible for the delectable smell wafting through the whole house, or that he knew the kitchen well enough to know where her parents stashed their china. Not that any of that explained why he hadn’t left like she’d assumed he had.
“What are you doing here?” It wasn’t the first time that day she’d asked him that, but this time Lulu struggled for a reason to explain his presence. “And why are you wearing my mom’s apron?”
Facing her, Alwan swept a hand down the heart-shaped top half of the frilly laced apron. “Are you saying it doesn’t suit me? Because I really thought this sunny yellow brought out my eyes.”
He grinned when she folded her arms and huffed.
“Okay, not in the mood for jokes, I see. I’m here because Ladna suggested I should stay and keep an eye on you while she was out.”
“I bet she did,” Lulu grumbled, making a note to have a chat with her meddlesome younger sister.
“Don’t be too harsh on her. She’s just worried about you. Actually, we both are.” Brows creased now and his smile dimmed, Alwan moved a step closer.
Still at her feet, Blue growled.
Shooting a nervous glance down at her snarling cat, he stopped.
“Why don’t we sit down and have the soup before it gets cold?” he suggested, already spinning back to the pot on the stovetop. Acting like this homey scene that was playing out was the most normal thing ever, he stirred the chicken soup with a ladle, waving his hand over the curling steam and sighed. “Smells like it’s ready. Want a bowl?”
Stunned by how all of this was unfolding, Lulu bobbed her head slowly and watched him place two bowls of soup onto one of her mother’s silver serving trays.
Switching off the stovetop, he placed a lid on the pot and then hauling the tray up carefully, walked toward the dining table, but not before slinging her a sunny smile. “Food always tastes better sitting down. At least that’s what my mom says.”
Never had Lulu been more nonplussed in her life.
First, he dropped in for an unplanned visit. Then he cooked for her. And now? Now he was acting like a consummate gentleman.
Lulu looked down to Blue, who meowed up at her and lashed his puffed-up tail. Dropping to her haunches, she gave his back and tail a couple long strokes and whispered, “Should we trust him?” Her stomach gave a low answering rumble, reminding her that her hunger was at stake. “On second thought, I guess we have no choice,” Lulu said, and Blue chirruped back with what she presumed was a warning to be cautious.
Though the dining table seated six, Alwan arranged two place mats beside each other. Not wanting to be rude, Lulu pulled out the chair by him and sat down. But she’d barely picked up the spoon by her bowl before Alwan sprang back up.
“Oops, forgot something. Where’s your cat food?”
Confused, Lulu said, “In the pantry. Why?”
“I fed you. It’s only fair that I feed the little beast too,” he said, his charming grin drying up any urge she had to scold him for calling her cat a “beast.”
Yowling, Blue kept a far distance from Alwan, but he didn’t hesitate to creep up to his food bowl and dig into his favorite wet cat food the second Alwan stepped back.
“Maybe I was wrong about you, Beast?” Alwan stroked Blueberry’s back but tugged his hand out of harm’s way when her cat lifted his head and bared his fangs at him. “Or not…”
Lulu sucked in her lips to stifle her laughter, managing to suppress any trace of humor by the time Alwan rejoined her at the table. Feeling his warmth beside her again had her wanting to squirm, and needing something to do, Lulu feigned an inordinate interest in the soup before her.
But she paused with the spoon hovering in front of her mouth when she felt Alwan’s unrelenting stare.
“This isn’t poisoned, is it?”
His only response was a deep, sexy chuckle, but she took it as a positive sign when he dove into his own bowl.
They ate in silence for a while, but once their bowls were cleared, Alwan leaned closer to her, his features lined with anxiety. “Was it good?”
“I finished it, didn’t I?”
“Good,” he said murmured, exhaling and flashing her a relaxed smile. “I’m glad. I wasn’t sure if chicken soup was the right way to go, but I assumed since you weren’t feeling well, it might help. And hopefully it has.” He rushed out the last part, his face tensing up again.
My opinion really matters to him. That knowledge had Lulu’s heart fluttering just a bit faster. “It’s only my period, Alwan. It’s not that serious.”
He rubbed a hand over his beard, what she now recognized was his nervous little tell. “Oh. Was the soup a bad choice, then?”
“No, it was a good choice. Thank you,” she said, knowing he was blushing by the way he smiled shyly and ducked his head.
Again, it struck Lulu that her gratitude affected him so strongly. She’d never have believed it would, but she couldn’t deny it either now that she could see it for herself. Of all the people she’d have thought would care about what she thought and how she felt, Alwan would be her last guess. He’d always come off as self-centered to her, so completely absorbed in his own world—it was hard to talk to him without his ego taking up breathing space. Sometimes, it’d even felt as if he’d done it on purpose. Like he hadn’t wanted anyone to get close.
Lulu studied him while he had his head lowered, intrigued by who he’d turned out to be these last few weeks as her fake fiancé.
He was nothing like the bratty boy she’d thought he was once. Nothing like the man she’d written him off to be.
Whoever he was now had earned a level of trust from her that most people in her life didn’t have. Not even her family. Because aside from her doctor, Alwan was one of only two people in the world who knew about her miscarriage.
The other person being her ex-husband.
There was no logic behind telling Alwan. No explanation as to why she’d done what she had, only that it had felt right sharing her loss with him.
That same feeling took hold of her now, and before she knew it, Lulu cleared her throat softly to grab his attention.
Alwan lifted his head.
“I didn’t really expect you to still be here. I…haven’t exactly been holding up my end of our contractual relationship lately, and, uh, well, I wouldn’t be surprised if you wanted to back out of this—”
“That won’t happen, ever.”
Lulu pulled in a sharp breath at the vehement glint in Alwan’s narrowed eyes and the gravel now roughening his deep voice.
“Unfortunately, you’re stuck with me,” he said, his stare intensifying with every one of her heartbeats. “At least until the end. Until we’ve both decided we’re done.”
A dragging beat of silence passed, and then he asked, “Are we done, Luula?”
Eyes wide and lips parted, she shook her head slowly.
“Good. Will you help me clear the table, then?”
Still having trouble finding her voice, Lulu gave him a nod and trailed him into the kitchen. They cleaned up quietly for the most part, but near the end, he looked over at her.
“You are feeling better, right?”
“I am.” Wiping down the counter, Lulu hazarded a peek at him. “Just so you know, you don’t have to be worried about me. None of this pain I’m going through is new.”
“I figured it couldn’t be. You seemed to be able to handle it at the restaurant,” he reminded her.
“Yeah, I’ve gotten better at coping. Only because for as long as I remember, my body’s been this way, so I’m pretty used to it. My official diagnosis is lean PCOS. The awful cramps, the bloating, nausea, dizziness, headaches and mood swings.” Lulu stopped wiping, her fingers digging into the cloth in her grasp, her eyes glued to the now spotless counter. “The only part I’ve never been able to handle is the infertility issues…and the higher risk of miscarriage.”
She heard Alwan’s deep inhale right before he said, “We don’t have to talk about this.”
Stung that it felt like he was shutting her down, Lulu looked up, her brows knitted and a frown pulling down her mouth. “Is this about what happened in your car a few days ago? Because if you’re upset—”
“God, no.” Alwan pushed off the counter he’d been leaning on, walked over to her and, pulling the cleaning cloth fisted in her grasp free, tossed it aside. Then took her hand. Kneading her fingers softly with his, he gazed down into her eyes and said, “If you want to talk about it, then I’m all ears. But don’t feel like you owe it to me. The only thing that happened in the car was that you were protecting yourself, as you should. Don’t ever apologize for that. Not ever.”
Lulu blinked, the heat creeping from the back of her eyes summoning tears.
He squeezed her hand, and she quietly gripped him back.
“I—I want to talk about it.”
“Okay,” he said and then stood there silently and patiently waiting for her to speak her mind.
It took her a moment, but she stoppered the waterworks and successfully cleared most of the hoarseness from her voice. “Losing the baby was always a strong possibility. But Mohamed and I, we still wanted to try.”
“Mohamed’s your ex, right?”
She nodded, quietly clocking how Alwan’s dark eyes narrowed, his strong jaw stiffened and he jerked his head in understanding.
“We both knew that it wouldn’t be easy or fast, and that we’d need to exercise a lot of patience. IUI and IVF weren’t also options, not with our finances. And the publicly funded waitlist would’ve had us waiting years before getting a chance. Mohamed was hopeful we wouldn’t need to go those routes, and I… I let his hope carry us both away.
“We waited three years and a handful of chemical pregnancies before, finally, it happened. A positive. A real one this time.
“We were both so happy,” she said, looking down to where Alwan held her, his thumb drawing lazy circles on her hand, his fingers gently squeezing now and again.
“I let Mohamed talk me into shopping for the baby. Toys, clothes, we even started planning how to tell everyone. We were only seven weeks along. We should’ve known not to get carried away. Should’ve known to dial it down. It all just felt too good to be true. Too good to be real.
“A few days later, we lost the baby. And a little more than a month after that, Mohamed and I decided to file for our divorce.”
“Luula,” Alwan rasped her name, his fingers gripping hers. “I know no words in the world can convey my condolences, but I am sorry. Sorry that you couldn’t be the mother you’d dreamed to be. Sorry that you had to endure a pain no one should go through. Sorry that you couldn’t hold your child in your arms.
“I wish I could say I was sorry that your relationship ended, but no man—no life partner worthy of that title—would’ve let you go, not then, not when you needed support the most. I’m glad this Mohamed walked off when he did. He didn’t deserve you from the start.” Alwan interlaced their fingers and stared down at her as fiercely and passionately as he stated his thoughts.
Lulu pushed the numbness back from taking complete hold of her and looked up at him with a weary smile.
“It’s not his fault. It was just…too much for him to handle. I can’t blame him for that.”
Scowling, Alwan still appeared unconvinced.
As touched as she was that he was incensed on her behalf, she knew that it wouldn’t change what had happened. And she hadn’t told him any of this just to drag him down into the same dark headspace she’d felt trapped in for so long. It wasn’t a place she would’ve wished on anyone, least of all him.
Lulu pressed the hand he wasn’t holding to his warm, solid chest.
Alwan immediately lifted his free hand and clasped hers over his heart.
“Does your family know about your loss?”
She shook her head. “I don’t want to worry them…”
Alwan’s fingers massaged the back of her hand soothingly.
They didn’t speak, just held on to each other for what felt like forever. If it weren’t for Blue meowing loudly at their feet and redirecting their attention, Lulu didn’t know if they would have moved apart anytime soon. She’d been too comfortable letting Alwan hold her—far too relaxed in touching him right back.
Don’t confuse his kindness with something else.
Heeding her own warning, Lulu drew back. Alwan let her go.
