Their Save-the-Date Charade, page 8
She sucked her teeth. “That’s my whole point. We’re not getting married, so you could’ve waited for the tour to end. Now it looks suspicious that you agreed to a venue that neither of us have seen fully. Let’s just hope your mother’s friend doesn’t suspect anything.” Then lowering her voice, she grumbled, “I already feel bad about booking a venue for a wedding that won’t ever happen.”
Alwan smiled sheepishly, though the damage was already done. Hawa ushered them into her office and handed them a couple different forms to read through and fill out together to secure their reception at the venue. Lulu took charge of that, but her irritation with him was palpable.
After the paperwork was done, all that was left was for Alwan to pay the deposit.
Once the payment went through, Hawa beamed and bounced up out of her chair, telling them that her mother would love to congratulate them personally and that she’d fetch her.
“I can see why she’s so happy, that deposit had a lot more zeroes than I expected it to. I’ll pay you back half of it,” Lulu said when they were alone.
He shook his head immediately. “No, you won’t. It’s the least I can do for rushing through the tour…and I’m not above using the money as a bribe to get you not to be upset with me anymore. So, did it work?”
Alwan only relaxed when Lulu gave him one of her patented eye rolls and finally smiled, her rosy brown cheeks lifting with the gesture, her deep berry purple lip stain popping up against her white teeth and complimenting the warm undertone of her gleaming skin. She’d dressed in a dark tan tunic and trendy mom jeans, the choice of loose-fitting clothing doing little to hide her naturally curvy figure from his suddenly hungry gaze. He raked his eyes over her from her plain white tennis shoes to the top of her curly ponytail, realizing that standing side by side, it almost looked as if they’d purposefully matched outfits…
…like a real couple might have done.
A week ago, that thought might have freaked him out. Now Alwan simply let it sit and marinate in his mind quietly. Before he could make heads or tails of how he felt, Hawa returned with her mother.
“Mr. Eltahir, Ms. Sadiq,” she said, “this is my mother, Gisma.”
Stylishly dressed in a colorful thobe complete with a matching scarf, and speaking a torrent of arabiyyah with a sprinkling of English here and there, the older Sudani woman embraced them both and every so often would pinch their cheeks affectionately with her henna-tipped fingers.
And that wasn’t even the most embarrassing part. He was glad Lulu only understood a handful of Arabic words. It spared him some humiliation.
Smiling and nodding his way through the conversation, he breathed a sigh of relief when Hawa intervened by reminding her mother they had other appointments.
Outside, the weather had taken a turn for the worse, the rain now pouring. Since Alwan had parked his car a little farther down the long drive, Gisma and Hawa offered to fetch umbrellas and wouldn’t take a refusal of their hospitality.
Alone once more, Lulu rubbed the cheek Gisma had squeezed and asked, “What were they saying? You looked like you wanted the ground to swallow you whole.”
He tipped his head at her amusedly. “Are you sure you want to know?”
“Would I have asked if I didn’t?”
“Okay, just don’t say I didn’t warn you,” he cautioned before translating, his face heating up as he did. “Gisma was offering us a blessing, wishing us many grandchildren—‘enough to fill a whole house,’ specifically.” Alwan laughed nervously and avoided looking at Lulu directly as he spoke. Though when she remained silent, he glanced over at her and swore ice pooled into his veins despite the oppressive humidity in the air.
Standing still, Lulu gazed through him, her eyes on him but he could tell she wasn’t seeing him. She probably wasn’t even with him mentally.
“Lulu, what’s wrong?” he called, raising his voice to be heard over the rain pounding the pavement.
When she didn’t respond, Alwan waved his hand before her face.
She blinked, visibly startling, but the glassiness to her stare was, thankfully, gone.
“Hey, are you okay?”
She didn’t answer, just gazed ahead at the long driveway with that distant look in her eyes and bit her lip. Just as he noticed her chin trembling, Lulu started forward, stepping out from under the cover of the porch and striding into the heavy rainfall.
“Lulu!”
He pursued, the whole world fading away as he locked his sights on her fleeing form.
Nothing else mattered to him right then.
Nothing but her.
His heart pounding, Alwan saw Lulu heading for his car and he unlocked the doors so neither of them had to be caught out in the rain for any longer than they’d already been. Not that it mattered. They were both soaking. And normally he’d have cared about what that would mean for his car’s premium leather seats, but right then what concerned him more was what happened to have made Lulu take off the way she’d just had. Was it something I said?
Knowing that he wouldn’t get the answer any other way, Alwan shifted in his seat to look at her fully. He was stung when Lulu quickly turned her head away and looked out through her window, her arms folded over her chest, her body language closed off.
Fine, he thought petulantly, if she wants to be like that…
With a hardened jaw, he asked, “Why’d you run, Luula?” When she didn’t respond, he curled his hands into fists atop his thighs and forced himself to breathe until he was calmer. Whatever was going on with her wouldn’t be helped by his anger. Especially not if he wanted to get her to relax and trust him enough to open up.
And though Alwan didn’t understand why, he wanted her trust.
He could feel her emotional pain. Recognized it in the way her shoulders hunched and she banded her arms tighter around herself.
He had a flash of a similar scenario, only instead of Lulu seated beside him, it was Hashim.
Rankled by the comparison, Alwan shook that memory out of his head as fast as it resurfaced and before it played fully.
“I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what’s wrong,” he softly reasoned with her.
Lulu turned her head slowly back to him.
After staring at him for a while, she murmured, “If you want to help me, then drive. Please.”
Shoulders sagging from the letdown, he clenched his teeth and forced an exhale out through his nose. But he did as she asked, started the engine, set the wipers on high and drove away from the picturesque country estate.
Driving through the storm required all his concentration, which, lucky for Lulu, meant that he was too preoccupied keeping them safely on the freeway to grill her on her odd behavior. Though Alwan planned to as soon as he was able. Until then, all he could do was eagerly anticipate that moment as they sat in silence through the first half of the two-hour drive back to Toronto.
When the rain finally did let up, the sun even breaking through the gray clouds, Alwan flung her a quick look and broached the subject again.
“I want to know what happened.” No asking this time. No more pleading with her. He deserved an answer, even a vague one. Anything to plug up his worry for her and keep it from spilling out and causing him trouble. Again, he had a flash of his brother’s face. Wringing his hands over the smooth leather of the steering wheel, he kept his eyes forward and waited for her to speak.
And waited.
It was only when Alwan had finally accepted that she might not respond, that Lulu whispered, “I’m sorry.”
He snapped his head to her, brows raised and voice gruff with confusion. “For?”
“It’s not…easy for me.”
He pressed his lips tightly together and forced himself to simply listen. He sensed Lulu had more to say.
Sure enough, she sighed a soft, shaky note and, for a brief moment, their eyes collided.
“I had a miscarriage— Alwan!”
Lulu shrieked his name and pointed ahead to the car that had seemingly come from nowhere and merged in front of him. Arm flinging out to protect her, Alwan braked in time, bringing them to a screeching halt. There was a blaring of horns directly behind him, but no terrifying sound of metal crunching against metal.
Collision evaded, he whipped his head back to her and looked to where she was holding on to the arm he’d used to shield her.
Lulu stared back with wide, petrified eyes.
“You’re not hurt?” he asked, feeling her hands squeeze his forearm and breathing in relief when she shook her head slowly. But the solace of knowing she was safe didn’t last long.
How could he feel any comfort once he quickly remembered why he’d nearly rear-ended another vehicle?
Learning of her miscarriage had been such a shock that Alwan had taken his eyes off the road and almost sent them both to the hospital.
Though now it made sense. Why she’d run after he’d told her what Gisma had said about them having kids. Even though they both knew this relationship was a mere transactional exchange between them, it didn’t mean that being reminded of children when she’d gone through such a loss wouldn’t hurt.
“Lulu… I…” He didn’t know what to say to her.
Didn’t have the first clue as to whether his condolence was even acceptable at this point, or whether his sympathy would only cause more harm than good.
Throat clogged with emotion, Alwan clenched his jaw to hold back his useless words and just stared back at her, frozen with his helplessness.
“I don’t want to talk about it, please. I just… I wanted you to know.” She lowered her hands from his arm and looked out the window.
Registering the cacophony of car horns behind him, Alwan stiffly turned his head back to the road and got the car moving again, figuring that it was the only way he could be of use to her right then.
Even if he wished that weren’t the case.
* * *
Between planning a wedding and trying to get his business plans on track, Alwan should’ve had more than plenty on his plate.
He certainly shouldn’t have been obsessing over Lulu like it was his full-time job. What she did outside their fake engagement pact wasn’t any of his business, and he was wholly aware of that before she’d agreed to their deal.
Besides, she didn’t seem to care what he was doing. Alwan hadn’t seen her since he’d dropped her off at her home after their visit to the country estate venue.
That had been three days ago.
He tried reaching out to her on several occasions, but outside a succinct text or two, Lulu had made it clear that she’d wanted her personal space. And Alwan didn’t mind giving it to her, but he wondered if she had needed the break from him specifically.
After all, she’d trusted him enough to tell him about her miscarriage. And though Lulu had said nothing more, Alwan was honored that she had offered up that vulnerable part of her. He didn’t take her confidence in him lightly…even if he suspected that she was possibly regretting confiding in him.
That’s probably why she shut down right after.
And why she was avoiding him now.
I don’t want to talk about it, please, she’d requested. It was the sorrow radiating from her that had compelled him to leave well enough alone. She didn’t want to discuss the very sad personal thing that happened to her, that was fine by him. He was totally unbothered. Completely. Entirely.
At least that was what he had kept repeating to himself unsuccessfully.
Because no matter how he fought it Lulu claimed a good portion of his thoughts lately. And Alwan might have had a smoother time of forgetting what had happened with her had his mother not reminded him of Lulu’s absence at yet another one of their wedding planning get-togethers.
“Where is Luula?”
They were sitting at the dining table with his laptop opened between them and a plethora of different-colored and -sized card stock spread out over almost every inch of the tabletop. A self-professed DIY queen, his mother insisted on them making the save-the-dates for the wedding from scratch. It all just sounded like a lot more work for nuptials that weren’t really even going to happen—not that he’d told his mother that. Instead, he’d just attempted to talk her out of her plan. But it had been like trying to get blood out of stone. She was adamant to do it her way and persuade him into lending a hand.
And she’d succeeded, no surprise there.
Though if he had refused her, then he’d have been spared his mother’s version of a third degree now.
Biting back a sigh, Alwan stared at his laptop and said, “She’s busy…again.”
It was the same excuse from the day before, and any hope he had that his mother wouldn’t notice was dashed when she clucked her tongue loudly at him.
She didn’t need to say a word. He heard her suspicion-laced disapproval loud and clear.
Obviously, his mother thought he was the reason for Lulu’s no-show streak. And he couldn’t fault her, because he was starting to believe that too.
Not only that, with all this radio silence on Lulu’s end, Alwan had begun secretly worrying she wanted out of their deal. It wasn’t a far stretch to believe that she’d changed her mind. He’d promised her a no-strings-attached arrangement, and now that it had gotten more personal than they’d planned, she might have decided to end it.
Despite understanding if Lulu had come to that decision, Alwan still scowled at the possibility. He couldn’t recall the last time he’d felt so utterly exhausted and drained on every level and all because of someone else.
It was Hashim, a little voice chimed. His brother was the last person who had made him feel remotely close to what he was feeling now with Lulu. And though it was different, it felt too similar for his comfort.
So, Alwan told himself the only reason he cared was that he couldn’t have Lulu backing out of the engagement now. Not when his legal practice was on the line, and not when the shock of the truth would probably destroy the look of bliss on his mother’s face as they decorated the save-the-dates together by hand.
Although he and Lulu couldn’t avoid the hurt that would inevitably follow when they announced the end of their engagement and wedding plans, they’d already decided how to gently let their families down when the time came.
Four months from now.
Until then she was his fiancée.
Mine.
The possessive claim startled him.
Whoa. Where did that come from?
Baffled to his core by that dangerous thought, Alwan hardened his jaw, his body tensing all over from the need to leave his parents’ home and go clear his head someplace private. Because under no circumstances could he think of Lulu like that again.
She wasn’t his.
She’d never be.
And that was how they both liked it.
Liar, the one word curled through his mind like black smoke warning of trouble.
He gritted his teeth and clenched his fists, one around his computer mouse and the other—
“Alwan!”
He startled and looked from his mother’s deeply disapproving glare down to the card stock trapped in one of his hands. Loosening his fingers, he tried to smooth out the creases to no avail.
“Sorry,” he mumbled, offering her a sheepish smile.
“Something’s on your mind.” She held up a hand, the irritation gone and stark concern for him creasing her brow. “And please don’t say that you’re fine. You always say that, and it always means the opposite. Does this have to do with Luula? Is it why she isn’t here?”
The lie on his tongue evaporated at the sound of Lulu’s name. Tightening his lips, he bowed his head, knowing that if he looked his mother in the eye he’d divulge far more than he wanted to her.
Taking his silence as an affirmative, he heard his mother’s deep sigh.
“Whatever you’ve done—”
“I haven’t done anything though,” he groused, peeking up at her and grimacing when her glare quickly had him lowering his head again in deference.
“Then why are you sitting here with me, looking so miserable and ruining my card stock? Now, do you want my advice or not?”
Alwan knew that she’d be giving it whether he agreed to it or not, so he just nodded.
“Go to her. Talk. Apologize, if you have to, but don’t sit here and do nothing. I know you care for her,” she said with a pointed look that cautioned him about arguing with her.
Besides, he’d be lying if he didn’t want any excuse to see Lulu.
“What about all of this?”
Smiling brightly, his mother stood, gathered the save-the-dates and slid them into his laptop bag. “Think of it as a good excuse to go see her.”
Thirty minutes later he showed up at Lulu’s childhood home. He hadn’t told her he was coming over, uncertain whether his visit would be welcome.
Gripping the strap of his laptop bag, he rang the doorbell and anxiously smoothed a hand over his beard and down his knit sweater. While he waited for an answer, Alwan’s gaze swept the unassuming but peaceful neighborhood, a warm smile lifting his cheeks at the memories he had of being there. Although he and Lulu were far from friends, their parents would often visit each other and he’d always liked hanging out with her younger brother, Liban.
This was the first time he was there to see Lulu.
But it was her younger sister, Ladna, who opened the front door.
“She’s upstairs,” she said to him after a quick, friendly greeting and inviting him in. “She hasn’t been feeling well today and hasn’t left her bedroom all that much.”
He froze, one foot inside, the other on the threshold. He could hear Ladna call his name a couple times, but all that went through his mind was, Lulu’s sick. She’s sick and I’ve been upset with her. Picturing her lying in bed, delirious from pain and running a fever weakened his knees and unleashed a wave of nausea in him. Ya Ilahi. Alwan didn’t know how he was still standing under the tremendous weight of guilt threatening to flatten him.
But he remained on his feet, and stepping inside now, barely acknowledged the concerned look on Ladna’s face as he hurriedly set down his laptop bag and slipped off his shoes.
