Their Save-the-Date Charade, page 6
What his parents didn’t know, what he hadn’t told anyone, was that he’d helped Hashim escape. At the time Alwan had thought he had been saving his brother, but all he had done was more harm than good.
It secretly made up a big reason why he wanted the fake relationship with Lulu now. Disappointing his parents again after everything they’d gone through was all he wanted to avoid.
With great difficulty, he said, “Eighteen summers ago. The day before Hashim left to go to the States for college on a rugby scholarship.”
“Right. I almost forgot you had a brother,” Lulu said and looked back out at the lake.
Me too. Alwan squeezed the balcony railing tighter, hating that he had that thought but knowing it was true. Because just as there were moments where all he could think about was where Hashim could be and what his brother could have been possibly up to all this time, there were days that went by where Alwan had gotten caught up in his own life and hadn’t spared one moment for his runaway brother. Guiltily he admitted that he liked the times where he forgot more and more. But it was exhausting thinking of his brother, knowing possibly that Hashim might not ever have spared a thought for him in return.
Of course, it would be easier to forget him if Lulu hadn’t reminded him now.
“I haven’t seen Hashim around in a while,” she observed. “He’s still in Sudan, isn’t he? Has he visited you since then?”
That lie about his brother being with extended family in Sudan was concocted by his parents right after Hashim had disappeared sixteen years ago. Rather than letting everyone know what truly had happened, they’d crafted another narrative. One that they’d kept going for a decade and a half now, but it did the trick and spared them the grief of gossipmongers.
Alwan hadn’t agreed with their decision.
Why should they cover for Hashim all this time when he’d made the unusually cruel choice to abandon them? It wasn’t fair that he’d shattered their trust and broken their hearts and left them to pick up the pieces. Why should we be the ones hurting and hiding how we feel?
Fueled by that thought, Alwan toyed with the idea of revealing his family’s long-guarded secret to Lulu. This way he could finally unburden himself, though only at the cost of betraying his parents.
Is it worth hurting Abu and Yumma?
Picturing their heartbreak when they learned he divulged the truth cooled his blood. And, in the end, he decided to keep quiet…as always.
“He hasn’t visited, and I don’t really know what he’s been doing. He actually hasn’t spoken to any of us in a while. We had a falling-out…of sorts.”
Alwan waited for Lulu to ask more questions, or at the very least offer her condolences.
She surprised him when instead she said, “Well, at least you don’t have to worry about lying to him.”
He blinked his confusion.
“It wasn’t hard to lie to my parents,” she explained, “but when I told Ladna and Liban, I could almost sense them feel that I was lying my face off.”
Hearing that about her sister and brother pulled a small smile from him.
“Why do I get the feeling you’re jealous that I’m not speaking with my brother?”
She shrugged. “I’m probably a terrible person, but yes. I kinda am.”
Shaking his head, Alwan let out a soft laugh. Unbelievable. He didn’t know what shocked him more: that Lulu had made light of what he had told her, or that he was struck by the oddest urge to pull her in and hug her for it. Because the darkness that always seemed to crowd in with thoughts of his brother scuttled back at the first sound of his laughter.
Because of her.
Again, he fought the instinct to embrace her, the immense relief and gratitude he felt lodging in his throat. But he couldn’t say more without risking her finding out the truth about Hashim, so he looked away and hooked his arms over the guardrail beside her.
“It goes without saying that I hope you and your brother work it out.”
Her kind words made it that much more of a challenge to bite his tongue. Needing them to move past this, he hoarsely thanked her and said, “Don’t be too jealous of me. I had my own problems lying to Malek.”
“I thought you said your cousin knew about you going to Alberta. That he helped cover for you with your parents.”
“He did,” Alwan said, his elbow brushing her hand on the railing as he leaned in closer to her and whispered the rest, in case their parents were eavesdropping. “I just don’t want him knowing any of this is fake. Malek and I, we’re close. Because of that, like your brother and sister, it was hard getting him to even believe in all of this.”
“It’s hard, isn’t it? Lying to them,” Lulu said with a fluttery, tired-sounding sigh.
“It is, but it’s best that we keep this between us. Remember, this is how we get what we want. Your RV. My business.”
She frowned but nodded, now anxiously twisting the ring on her left finger.
“Speaking of keeping things between us, is that the engagement ring I’m supposed to have given you?”
Lulu stopped fidgeting immediately and, covering a hand over the ring, looked down, mumbling, “Maybe.”
“May I?” He held out his hand.
“Are you going to break one of our conditions already? No unnecessary physical contact, remember?”
Alwan felt his lips kick up, amusement coursing warmly through him. “That won’t be a problem if you allow me.” And then because he sensed she’d approve, he added, “Please.”
That appeared to do the trick because Lulu slowly, cautiously placed her hand in his upturned palm. Though she held her fingers still in his grasp, her nervousness was apparent. She had her glossy bottom lip tucked between her teeth and her head turned to the side, though Alwan didn’t miss her peeks every now and again when she thought he wasn’t looking.
Curling his fingers gently around her hand, he lifted her ring up closer to the light, the sun glinting off the larger cubic zirconia in the center of a circle of similar but far smaller stones. Not that he was a jeweler, but as pretty as the silver band was around her finger, Alwan knew he could’ve given her something far less…simple. Cheap.
A ring that better matched her beauty.
With Lulu looking away, he found a rare opportunity to study her and he didn’t squander it, drinking her in shamelessly.
She’d dressed up for the meeting between their parents. Her shoulder-length dark hair drawn up into a tidy bun with two thick tendrils coiling down from her temples, her makeup only enhancing her glowing, warm reddish-brown skin. The long-sleeved black jumpsuit she wore was as sparkly as her gold chandelier earrings, and gone were her hiking boots, replaced by a pair of kitten heels that weren’t as dainty as their suede appearance belied. His poor toes could attest to it.
She looked different, but not in the way that made her unrecognizable. Still enticingly pretty to him no matter how she appeared or what she wore.
And the ring was her choice, so he’d respect it.
She must have felt his stare because Lulu turned her head back to him and asked, “Do you not like it?”
“Would you change it if I said so?”
Without missing a beat, she breathed, “No.”
“Then,” he rasped, “it’s perfect.”
Just like this arrangement could be for them, so long as Alwan kept his emotions in check and Lulu did the same.
Chapter Five
ALWAN WAS BEGINNING to believe that the reason he wasn’t already married was because he’d suspected just how exhausting wedding planning could be. And even though he wasn’t really getting married, that fact didn’t exempt him from the tortuous activity of venue searching with his parents and Lulu’s.
It had all started when the subject of not finding a suitable venue in time came up in conversation.
What if all the good places are booked up? his mother had said.
We should help them look, Lulu’s mother had then suggested.
To keep up appearances, he and Lulu had no choice but to agree and be hauled along for the search.
The only upside was that he had her to commiserate with.
And from the amount of times Lulu flung him comical looks that said she’d rather be anywhere else as they strolled the newly blooming garden grounds of the famed, historic Casa Loma, Alwan safely guessed that she wasn’t happy either.
Unlike him though, she was faking her good mood far easier than he ever could.
“I thought the library and conservatory were beautiful, but this pavilion is lovely,” she gushed at one point when her parents and his looked to them for their opinions. Despite the grand Gothic Revival castle being the third venue that they’d visited already that day alone, and all by noon, Lulu smiled brilliantly and said all the right things to please his parents and her mother and father.
With her doing all the heavy lifting, all he had to do was trail closely by her side and nod and beam on cue.
When the tour finally, joyfully, came to an end, the venue staff member showing them around guided them to the pavilion’s exit. Their parents followed, chattering excitedly, and as Alwan began to stalk after them, already dreading the next venue they likely planned to drag him and Lulu to, he noticed that his bride-to-be wasn’t by his side any longer.
Looking back, he didn’t have to search far for her.
Bathed in the sunlight pouring in from the pavilion’s glass roof, Lulu stood still and stared up transfixed at the mansion’s towering turret and stony exterior.
“Luula, everyone’s left,” he said, walking up to her.
She blinked over at him as though she’d lost track of time.
But that wasn’t what robbed him of his breath temporarily. With the light outdoors brightening her brown eyes, he saw clear as the sunny day outside a longing in her gaze that went beyond the power of any words in any language on this planet. So palpable was that yearning, it eked a shiver out of him before a strange pining to give her what she quietly desired squeezed his chest.
“You like this place.” He knew he didn’t have to say it, but she confirmed it when she looked back up at the castle.
“It’s stunning, how could I not?”
Alwan surveyed the impressive pavilion, seeing exactly why she was taken with the naturally lit space with its touches of indoor greenery, all glass walls and roof, charcoal-stained cedar flooring and sparkling crystal chandeliers hanging from the metal rafters. Still, it wasn’t anything he hadn’t seen before. Though he couldn’t recall specifics from having attended countless work-related gatherings, Alwan swore he’d dined in a similar pavilion. Maybe even this very one, he mused. Not to mention he had lost track of the times his parents had dragged him to one of their boring business networking soirees, from silent dinner auctions to ballroom charity galas, and all hosted in elegant venues just like this one.
Of course now in hindsight he wished he’d hobnobbed more with Toronto’s upper-crust, networked on his own without his parents’ intervention, and spared both him and Lulu this marriage charade. Still, as hard as it was for him to smile and lie while looking his family and hers in the eye, Alwan could only imagine what it was like for her.
All of this had to be reminding her of her divorce.
And that knowledge made him feel like a heel. She’s getting something out of this deal too. But even though she’d benefited by taking his money, it didn’t make him feel any better.
Rather than pretend like he was thinking about anything else, he asked, “Is this the kind of venue you had for your first marriage?”
She gave a light snort. “Hardly. Our budget was modest, so the event space was smaller. Weren’t you there? I certainly recall seeing your parents—they gave generously to my wedding money box.”
“No, sorry, I missed out. And yeah, that sounds like them.” He said the last part with a proud smile. The one trait he’d always admired was how readily his mother and father swooped to the aid of others, whether it was for extended family or a stranger they had met only once, they were openhanded to a fault. But that was where the power of their compassion ended because even with their millions, his parents couldn’t prevent Hashim from running away and leaving them—
Leaving me behind.
But this wasn’t about his brother, and training his sights back on Lulu, he smiled to mask the darker path his thoughts had taken.
“Were you happy with your wedding? I know little girls dream of their big day, so the expectation had to be set high.”
“Oh, and little boys don’t?” she taunted with a quick smile.
He grinned and shrugged. “Hey, blame society’s gender stereotyping. But if you’re asking me specifically, no, I never really dreamed about getting married.”
“Not even a little bit?”
“Not in the least. Always seemed like a lot of pressure, and after today, I know my gut instinct’s proven. Weddings are a lot of work and certainly not for the faint of heart.” And that was saying plenty given he’d sat through his rigorous bar exam and the grueling hours of studying and prep work required for it. Still, he would rather do that all over again than plan a wedding anytime soon. Lucky for him, all of this with Lulu was make-believe.
Alwan didn’t know what he’d do if it were actually real.
If we were really getting married.
Staring down at her lovely side profile, he blinked out of his momentary stupor when Lulu suddenly strolled away from him, through the open doors of the pavilion and into the estate gardens.
“Where are you going?” he called after her before hurrying to catch up.
“For a walk,” she replied, her strides slow and carefree as she walked the cobbled path from the pavilion onto the green, well-kept lawn. Drawing her wavy dark hair from her face, she looked back over her shoulder at him and asked, “Are you coming?” Even though she extended the invitation, he had the feeling that either way Lulu seemed determined to take a stroll with or without him.
Glancing around, Alwan followed.
As soon as he fell into step with her, she said, “One thing I’ve discovered is that a happy wedding doesn’t guarantee a happy marriage. Sometimes a fairy tale is just meant for a storybook.”
“Was it that bad? Your divorce?” Normally he wouldn’t have dared to be so nosy, but there was something about the way she looked just then—sad yet resigned to the fate of her previous relationship—that hooked its claws into him. But considering it wasn’t any of his business, Alwan was prepared for her to ignore him, possibly even snap his head off.
Instead of doing either of those things, she bowed her head. “It was…tough. I think it ending was the best for both of us, but obviously most people marry thinking it’ll be for a lifetime. At least that’s the hope, and we trust it, but sometimes that trust is misplaced.”
“That’s why I haven’t married yet,” he said.
Alwan swallowed when her eyes locked onto his. This wasn’t where he envisioned their once-harmless conversation heading, but after witnessing her unexpected vulnerability, it not only seemed fair to reciprocate—it felt oddly right to do.
“I find it hard to trust others easily, and before you ask, it isn’t because a woman tore my heart out and ripped it to shreds. I’ve been this way for as long as I can remember.” He could’ve left it there. Possibly should have, but under Lulu’s watchful gaze, the urge to tell her more pressed in on him, squeezed in from all sides until he burst.
“I told you about how my brother cut communication off with my parents and me. What I didn’t tell you is that his silence has made it harder for me to trust others and I resent him for it,” he said, speaking so fast, his tongue tripped over some of the words. Breathing deeply, he tried and failed to ease the anxiety tightening his muscles and adrenaline priming him to flee.
Rather than running though, Alwan glanced away from Lulu to the fountain they were standing beside and waited for the regret to slam into him.
For his brain to scream that he’d made a big mistake, and then push him to retract everything he’d just said. Lie to her. Tell her that none of what I said is true. That I’m not as pathetic as I just made myself out to be.
“Alwan?” Lulu called to him, her voice rising above his nagging thoughts.
He forced himself to turn his head back to her. And what he expected he didn’t see. The pity that he’d been so sure would be present wasn’t there. She had nothing but a smile for him, small but full of compassion and sympathy.
“Trust isn’t an easy thing to hold, and it’s even harder to give away,” she said softly, soothing his soul in a way she’d never know…not unless he told her, and he’d said enough today.
Curiously, the weight in his chest he’d grown accustomed to for so long had shifted. Shrunk, he realized in shock.
He was lighter. Not entirely freed of the burden tied to the memories of his brother, but no longer shackled all over either. He had Lulu to thank for it.
The irony that he’d trusted her with his feelings wasn’t lost on him.
Alwan had always thought Lulu was the best option for a fake fiancée for the sole reason that she’d never get swept up in their lies and fall in love with him. But now he was wondering if there was more to his selecting her…
Don’t go there.
None of this was real, and pretending otherwise would only end in the kind of trouble and grief he was trying to avoid all along by choosing Lulu.
Needing more of a reminder, he gazed up at the gushing waters of the fountain and said, “I’m doing this because I don’t want to hurt my parents too. Everything I’m doing is just to make all of us happy. I don’t want them to worry about me…”
“But they will be worried, even if we do our best to reassure them that neither of us holds hurt feelings and the decision to end things was mutual. It’s just what parents do,” she said quietly.
Steel shooting through his jaw, Alwan lowered his head and leveled his eyes on her. “That may be true, but hopefully by that point I should have a successful legal practice. Then I’ll tell them the truth, that I have no interest in marriage. At least that way their disappointment might be mitigated.”
