Spring Changes, page 11
“Okay,” I said. “I’m calling him out. Tomorrow night. I’m going to take him down or he will me.”
“Fuck.” Tyto turned away, closing his eyes. “Tomorrow?”
“If I can’t defeat him now, before we stand against Edward, before I tackle the one thing everyone is going to look up to in this whole system, then I am not the person to lead, or close that rift for good.”
He looked back at me. “Close the rift?”
“We’re not just going to join the front line, Tyto. We’re going to finish it. We have everyone here and everything in our destiny pointing us to that one war. That one thing we must do above everything else. If I die tomorrow, then everyone else will carry on, and the front line will last for many more years, but if I go out there with him over my shoulders, I could lose everything for everyone in this whole universe.”
“I don’t—”
“This is up to me,” I said. “It was my cross to bear the moment I accepted the help from him. Each time I push him away, his debt grows because I’m growing. The stakes around me are too high, and they’re only getting higher every single day.”
Silence. It echoed around us both as we thought. I wondered what he was thinking, feeling. The uncertainty for us was heavy for us both.
“Do you ever doubt we’re on the right path?” he asked, glancing back to me.
I let a sound escape my lips. “Every second of every single day.”
“You keep going though?”
I reached for him, the sun warming my skin once more. “Because of everyone around me. Every one of you means the most. My core team. You, Hiroto, Dylan. Jai. Paul and Craig. Everyone on this team means I get out of bed every day with that fight in my core.”
“You’ll kick his ass.” Tyto started to smile. He leaned on the wall behind him and crossed his arms. “You know why?”
I shook my head.
“Because you are stronger than he is.”
11
Tyto meandered around most of the morning, lost.
All the baby stuff is really bothering him, Hiroto said.
I found myself with some time alone and headed to where I could make the connection to Shion. I needed to ask her now.
You want to do this via kenosi instead of comms? Hiroto asked.
Yes, I replied. I don’t want anyone else to hear this, and it’s something I should do in person, but there’s never any time.
No, time runs out for all of us far too fast.
His sadness washed over me, and I felt for him.
I’m okay. I just got used to actually touching someone, and someone who wanted to touch me too.
I sucked in a breath and made the spark fire. Reaching out with my energy and mind to find the one person I wanted to and who had touched me. I saw her. And tapped lightly on her consciousness.
Kyle? Shion asked. What’s wrong?
I should have asked you this. I felt I just didn’t know how. I should have.
Wait one minute. It was almost as if she put a hand up to stop me babbling. Let me get somewhere I can concentrate on just you.
I waited, and it was the longest minute ever.
I’m here, she said. What’s going on?
I have a question to ask of you. I couldn’t tell her, could I? This was so hard. But I loved Tyto like no other. I don’t want you to think anything wrong of me for asking this.
You’re worrying me, Kyle. Please just tell me.
Tyto’s close to his time, I said. He’s experiencing the first signs of stress for the sickness that I and Xirob suffered with.
She pulled back from me. You’re wanting me to take his child?
I don’t know if you’re able to, or if you’d even want to, but I have to ask. Lara lost Vitya’s child, but they’re going to try again.
She wavered, hesitating to talk to me. Faith and Xirob had something special. But it wasn’t meant to carry over to another body. The bond broke. What we have is something totally different. But I don’t know if my body can. I haven’t had any inclinations, where I knew Faith had some.
Do you think you can ask, maybe see Sadie?
She sighed, and I felt the waves of emotion washing through her and then into me.
Oh, Kyle, Hiroto said. I’m sorry.
I wanted that child to be ours, to be yours, Shion whispered. But it wouldn’t have been. I can’t have one with you. I know this. It really hurts. Hurts more than I ever thought it would.
I wanted to hold her, to comfort her, but I wasn’t with her. Instead, I could only allow my love to cross the kenosi bond. If you feel this right now, you will understand all the whys. All the love I have for you and for him.
I do, she sobbed. I really do. I would take his child, if you are okay with it. I would do anything for you, and I care for him a lot too.
I wrapped my arms around her with everything I had and held her through kenosi. That feels wonderful, Kyle. I have no idea how you do what you do sometimes. But it only makes me love you more.
I stayed with her like this for quite some time. Just being a part of her. When she wanted to let me go, I didn’t want to. Will you speak with Lara, and I’ll let Tyto know?
Yes, she said. I like Lara a lot. I’m sorry she lost the first baby. I wish she’d reached out.
They’re all struggling, I replied. But knowing you’re there, and I’m okay here too, we’ll all pull together. I am sure she can carry a child for Vitya.
I hope so. I know Rojak does want a grandbaby.
I know. We’ll talk soon, I said. I attempted to kiss her forehead, and then pulled back from the connection. I walked away then, back to my friends. It was bittersweet, but it felt right.
Lunch came fast and we were ready to try the mega-merge afterwards. The team had a few glitches with the mechs and those who were managing the seven remotes. It had been a trying time, getting them ready to use in a merge, to command and work with full clarity.
Now the thirty-five mechs circled around me, and I looked at each of them. “We’ve gone over this a hundred times, we’ve talked and talked about the how, the feelings, the emotions which connect us as a team.” I looked at G’hale. “We’ve heard the stories a million times, but this will be different because I’m here.”
I almost heard the chuckles. “Guys, guys . . . you know I’m still nervous. Let’s give this a hundred percent, right?”
There were fists in the air and a chorus of shouts.
“Those in charge of the remote mechs, you ready?”
“Yes, sir!”
I looked at my controls. The regular feel inside here, my own. Everyone was green. All thirty-six of our mechs were good to go.
INITIATE MEGA-MERGE
Y/N
I didn’t want this to be like it had with Edward. This was different; this had to be different.
I pulled back slightly and spoke clearly. “To my merge team, you know how this feels. There’re others here who don’t and who might not feel the connection at first. If you can offer a little extra guidance to them, do so.”
“I dunno know how ta feel about this,” G’hale said.
I closed my eyes and thought of the merge. What it represented to all of us.
“On my mark, merge,” I said. “Three.”
I focussed in on the energy this needed, the stretch that I had, and that I needed to make this seamless. Much more than any other merge we’d done in the past, even as the wolf-merge.
“Two.”
“Mark!”
It was pretty simple to see they were professionals. The first two to hit the feet with their remote-controlled positioning were Reece and Rei. Then they joined above them for easier control. The merge filled up then, with four others remote mechs in the middle, taking a place where they could easily do nothing and we’d be okay. The last one I had placed as part of the neck, with me. I waited while they were holding. The energy fluctuations around them were holding.
Our turn, Hiroto said, and we ran for it.
This time the leap up top was a lot higher than just a single merge.
MEGA-MERGE CONNECTING
MEGA-MERGE PAUSED
It wasn’t going to work. I could feel the rejection already. I connected, and immediately sickness spread through me. It paused.
I thought only for one more second and disbanded it, making my mech jump. I landed rather harshly on the newly filled-in training ground, almost toppling over, my hand to the shaking ground. As the rest of the merge collapsed, there were a few grumbles.
They didn’t disband totally again. I hit the comms through to all of them. “I think it’s this mech. I don’t know, but something is just telling me I can’t do this without the older ones on our side.”
I pulled the mech remote along with me. Not sure I could hold a remote in the older ones, or even if I should try with what I had planned, but as I glanced back, the others hadn’t moved. They waited for anything I was going to try.
I disengaged my mech in the bay next to the older one, and then I climbed up and into it, lighting everything up green. I had to focus across the bay to the one next to me to even attempt to light up the other. It was difficult, but when all the lights were green, I knew I had it. I could at least get the both of them outside.
I did just that, one step at a time. One push. The energy it used was huge, but I still had plenty around me. That was enough, that was all I needed.
I focussed and said once more to my team, “On my mark.”
My energy dipped as they prepared once again for a mega-merge. “Mark!” I shouted with as much enthusiasm as I could.
They were much faster this time, sure of their connection. I watched as they did it, all of them in one connection. It whooped into the air.
Then it was my turn.
I sucked in a breath and I ran. My legs were slow. Heavy. I struggled with each step.
The distance to make the jump stretched so far in front of me. Had I actually run anywhere?
I pushed myself harder, despite nausea washing over me. Nerves, I tried to tell myself.
Just about to make the jump, legs dipping, throwing all my energy down to that leap.
I knew it when I jumped. My line was off.
Fuck. I wasn’t going to make it.
My view changed, the torso of the mech smack bang where I was going to land.
This would be bad.
The reality around me slipped as I did. The ground hurtled up toward me, now at full speed.
Then a large merged arm reached out and grabbed hold of me, protecting me softly.
“I got your back,” Tyto said to me. When the merge collapsed around me this time, Tyto was the one who ordered, “Back inside. Food and debrief.”
I stood in shock, not understanding what had gone wrong.
What had I done wrong?
I followed the others a moment later, slotting both older mechs into their spaces and disembarking.
You did really well, Hiroto said.
Not well enough. I didn’t complete the merge.
No, but I also wasn’t expecting to, not first try. Everything worth having is worth doing right, learning the why, the process.
They all sat before me, eating and drinking. “So,” I said. “What did you learn out there? I know what I learned, and what I need to keep trying for this. What do you think?”
“You knew the way Edward was doing it was wrong,” Naylar said.
“You recreated the merge with kenosi, like you did with us on Flaoer.”
“Your mech didn’t feel right, so you wanted to use the older lead for the head.”
“What did you feel throughout all of this?” I asked. Watching each of their faces.
“There was only one point in the first try that did feel off, and you knew it, so went to rectify it.”
“Yes, the second merge felt right, a hundred percent right.”
“Here’s why it failed.” I sighed and looked at Tyto. “I’m just not strong enough.”
“You’re growing though, right?” Dylan asked.
I nodded. “I am, and I’m not going to lie to any one of you right now. We’ve worked hard for this, but there’s something holding me back, something I know I have to deal with, and I’m going to deal with it. Tonight.”
Tyto’s lips curled into a slight smile. But as I looked at the others, there were frowns and worry.
“I have to do this on my own. No one can follow me, no one can help me.”
Naylar stood up and came to me with her arms outstretched. I would never miss a hug, so went to her, and she wrapped me up.
“We’re with you, Kyle, whatever you face,” she whispered.
I buried my face into her uniform only so I didn’t have to reply. I wasn’t sure if I could. I might have known what I needed to do, but it didn’t mean I looked forward to it. This was dangerous.
I sucked in a breath, smelling the fruity tone to Naylar’s deodorant. I also felt something else. Warmth. I squeezed her, tight.
“Hey,” she said. “We really do have your back, you know.”
I risked looking at her, my eyes wet.
“You don’t get to be the only one to hug him,” Denn said beside her and there were more arms wrapping me up.
I chuckled at Naylar’s muttered “Jealous.”
“Damn right,” Denn said and squeezed me too.
I heard a familiar cry from Craig behind us. “Group hug!” And that was it, there were many more bodies in the pile.
I was squished beyond comprehension. I felt wonderful, though. For everyone that joined the group, I felt energised. They might not have been able to join me in my fight, but they were doing the next best thing.
When I eventually managed to push myself away, I looked to Naylar. “You sneaky little shit!” I said.
She laughed and slapped my arm. “There was no way we’re ever in a million years not having your kenosi at full. If you’re going to fight, you need it. You wouldn’t openly accept it. So . . .”
I side glanced at the others. “You all knew what she was doing?”
There were several nods and smiles.
“Thank you,” I said, understanding the real truth here. “Thank you, all of you. If I survive the night, we’re getting on the shuttle bus and going for breakfast in the main halls.”
I moved to leave them. I had to—I couldn’t stay with them anymore, or my feelings would overwhelm me.
I walked through them to pats on the back, words of encouragement, and I stepped out into the early night. I looked up to see the flowers making their final turn. Their petals closing over, disturbing some of their precious pollen. I retrieved my sword from my bunk and walked back towards the tree line at the far end of the field, inhaling deeply. I didn’t know where I was walking to, but it had to be far enough away that no one would see what was coming.
It wasn’t far before the trees grew taller and the surrounding forest opened up once more.
This will be perfect, Hiroto said.
Should we merge now? I asked him.
I found a spot to settle and sat, crossing my legs.
No, he replied, then paused. If we do this, if we risk it, we need to hold until the last second. He might not agree to a fight if he sees you’re stronger.
I believe in us, I said. We’ve got this.
Okay, he replied.
I pulled my sword out and settled it across the top of my legs. My hand hovered over the hilt, but instead of settling on it, I placed them on either knee while I breathed in and out.
In and out.
We waited.
Waiting came easy for me. I kept calm and gathered more energy around me.
The kenosi I focussed started to swirl, faster and faster.
“I know you’re here,” I said. “I know you’re watching everything I am doing. Everything I am.”
The rustle of trees, grasses. The drifting smell of pollen in the air.
There it coasted to me; I felt him before I heard him. “Of course I am, Kyle. I’m waiting for the opportunity to claim what is mine.”
“There is going to be no more debt after tonight,” I said and looked out into the now darkened skies.
Nothing but silver moonlight illuminated the surrounding tree lines. There before me, the split in our world where he was and also where he wasn’t.
My kenosi trickled down my arm into my hand, and I moved it, placing it softly on the cool metal of my sword.
“What are you offering?” he asked, his glee in that last word evident.
“I’m not offering you anything. What I am doing is challenging you to a fight. There was someone once who told me you couldn’t resist a good bet, and from all the dealings I’ve had with you, I’d agree. You like to wager more and more, dragging the person that owes you further into your debt.”
There was a deep chuckle. “Oh, so there are people out there that pretend to know me. I like that a lot.”
Ahead of me, something formed in the darkness. Solidifying. Large. I remember his form when I’d seen him fighting with Tiftia while I rescued Dylan.
“There are no Sitha with you, Kyle. You think you’re a match for me, all alone?”
He drew a sword. It shimmered blood red in the dark, just like the power rippling through him in solid waves.
“It has been some time since we conversed,” I said. Still sitting, hand on the hilt of my sword. “And the last time you came to me, I refused to allow you to help at all.”
“You’re good at chasing me off. And it seems you now know the reasons why we allow you to do so.”
I stared at him, meeting his eyes with mine. My energy ached to let loose and hurt him in every way possible.
Flames licked down his sword, brightening the world around me. “You wish to fight me for the debt you owe?”
“Yes. I wish to fight you for the debt I owe.”
“There’s no coming back from this, Kyle. If you fight me for it, if you lose, you forfeit your life.”
“I understand,” I replied.
He drew in closer and closer, waiting for the exact time to strike. With the hopes he could take my head off. I was still too slow, too weak to match him in any way possible.
