Temper: Book One of the Taboo Series, page 15
Hugh glowered as his fury rose the more I spoke. Hannah explained in detail what they did to help me.
She turned to praise her son, “for staying so calm as he struggled to help a girl he barely knew.” His eyes filled as he stared at the door. Hannah jumped in shock as he charged wordlessly from the room.
“I must have forgotten to thank him,” I said as she stared in bewilderment into the hall.
She shook her head. “He’s still upset.” Her hands folded in her lap as she turned to me. “He found you as soon as he got home from Diane’s funeral. He’s been secluding himself more ever since.” She failed at hiding her grimace.
I recognized the name. “Your niece?” She nodded as her face scrunched in pain. “I’m so sorry.”
I reached, trying to comfort her. Regardless of how much he hurt me, Hannah never did. She was always there for me when Elizabeth allowed her into our wing of hell.
She smiled weakly and patted my hand. “Rest and take these,” she gestured to the medications I had moved to the nightstand.
“Thank you.” She turned away as the question burst through my lips, “When did Hugh move down the hall?”
She didn't try to hide her displeasure in his choice. “When he graduated in March. Elizabeth offered it to him and he said it felt rude to refuse it.”
Something about the room made her shift and her eyes avert mine. Did she know about the secrets hidden beneath her son when he slept? My mouth seemed to fill with sand before I could ask. She turned and left me to my own thoughts and curiosities.
He didn’t leave after graduation. I fell into desolation, knowing he stayed for her. I was never enough.
✷✴✷
My body healed but my mind couldn’t. He began to appear like the ghost I once affectionately named him, but the benevolence in his glare had dissipated.
His features hardened as time passed. He was taller but his clothes were loose as though she starved him, too. His cheeks were gaunt and his eyes grew alarmingly dark. My heart begged me to shake him into sanity but my pride was too brittle.
I struggled through time as I tried to numb myself. Elizabeth never seemed to mourn the loss of her husband yet I mourned every day. I grieved for what was lost in my life, as selfish as it seemed. I feared everything and everyone.
I still woke to nightmares. The brutal images of Elizabeth morphed into sweet kisses of the man I once loved. I understood he wasn’t the same and my mind displayed it in vivid pictures. The nights he held me down to aid me twisted into dreams of him doing the same.
In my sleep, he muffled my screams with his kiss as Elizabeth tore into me in the most gruesome ways. I eluded rest until I could barely move from the exhaustion
Time seeped unbearably slow. The strangely peaceful days didn’t seem to belong to me. There was no voice or presence except for those rare glimpses of him.
I felt him when he was near. His soul twisted mine. He would always watch me as though searching for answers. I couldn't wash him from my body or my mind.
I refused to join Elizabeth for meals by managing to make myself something edible after she went to bed. I still expected to find the locks back on the fridge but for some reason, they remained gone.
I drowned in solitude though it was the lack of physical abuse that felt most disturbing. I couldn’t predict what anyone might do next.
I understood one’s first love would hurt but doubted it was normal for the them to leave you for a cruel mistress. The fact that she was a grandmother baffled me even though she was fairly young for the title.
Avoidance was necessary but he made it so difficult. I could hear him on the other side of the wall. It piqued rage and humiliation in me daily. I didn’t know how to live with that form of torture.
The one place I was safe from his presence was the place in which I couldn’t heal. I sat in the overgrown gardens to stare at nothing and dream my days away.
Too many nights I heard her cross to his room, their muffled, indecipherable arguments, the breaking of furniture, laughter, and yet the most hurtful sound was silence. Many nights I laid on the bench and let the garden hide me through the night.
Months ticked by too slow. Time passed and I found relief in the realization and the hope of surviving. I felt balanced on a thin, fragile tightrope and never knew which way I would fall, or into which pit of hell I would land.
Chapter 30- Bitter
My soul trembled in trepidation as every day passed though I escaped unscathed. Elation fought with fatigue and disbelief as I stayed in my bedroom and listened to the annual ball beneath me on Christmas Eve. Fear captured my voice as the new year sprung forth and my freedom inched closer.
Time seemed to slow as the harsh, frozen winter seeped past and the storms of spring began to reign. The day was closing in and I found the courage to make the call I was avoiding. I snuck into the kitchen for the phone on the wall but it was disconnected. My heart sank.
I would walk for days in my bare feet if necessary.
I paced through the days, unable to contain myself. I packed nothing. There was nothing I cared for enough to bring home.
In the dark, I struggled with the anticipation, focused on slowing my pulse, and listened for the chime of the clock. I froze at a shuffling sound and turned as a sheet of paper slid under my door. I grabbed it and read it in the dim light from the bedside lamp.
Meet me in the gardens and I’ll get you home.
Love, Hannah
I bit back tears of appreciation and hope. I hadn’t heard from her in so long. I knew she was probably following orders to stay away from our wing by Elizabeth or found other work as she once threatened.
I stood with my hand on the door and listened. A shadow shifted under the door in the hall. My muscles tightened, prepared for a fight. The moment the first note of twelve rang I released a quivering sigh of disbelief.
My eyes welled. I made it. I was eighteen, free, and terrified.
I flung the door open and threw myself into the hall. I stumbled over a shoebox and fell on my face. I twisted around to catch whoever set the trap but the hall was empty and dark.
I pressed my back against the wall and lifted the lid. I stared at my own calloused feet. I didn’t want to accept the gift but desperately wanted to protect myself with any armor offered. I shook each shoe roughly before gingerly pushing my hand into them. They seemed safe but doubt still filled my mind.
I stared down the hall towards his door. It was his preferred brand in my favorite color.
I didn't have to trust him. He helped heal me but had also broke me. I forced my shaking lungs to fill and pulled the shoes onto my feet.
I sighed and relaxed when I wasn’t met with pain. A smile possessed my lips as I tightened the laces and stood. The sensation of shoes made my mind shake with horrifying memories but the safety they offered was comforting.
I crept through the house and out the dining room door. I contained my enthusiasm as I walked past the glittering pool toward the garden. I glanced over my shoulder, feeling as though I was being stalked.
I stopped at the path and called out softly for Hannah. I couldn’t imagine she would venture into the overgrown trap of brittle claws and sparse leaves. The most recent spring storm had uprooted large plants to block the path and made it impassable.
I knew she was in there. I couldn’t wait to hug her and express how much I missed her. I began the climb into the garden as a new sense of gratitude filled me. It would have been agonizing without the sneakers.
My eyes burned against the wind. I faltered as a faint chemical smell wafted toward me before the wind shifted direction. I shook my head and told myself it was from the decaying plants.
I stumbled over fallen branches as I climbed deeper into the garden. I called for her, but she never answered. I struggled over the mound of growth as it tore at me and tried to trap me. I fought against nature and won. I turned when I reached the cove.
I stared around, the silence deafening.The fountain was turned off. Even in winter, they kept it running to keep the pipes from freezing. I stared down into the empty basin.
The wind shifted and the scent stung my throat. I spun quickly as the realization rocked me.
It was futile to ever hope for an escape. I raced as fast as I could towards the foot of the path and felt the scream trap in my lungs as his menacing silhouette appeared.
“What the fuck are you doing, don’t you smell the gasoline?” Hugh bent and reached as far as he could. He watched me hesitate. “Take my hand. Now.”
I wanted to die rather than need his help again. I shoved his hands away. “Leave me alone,” I growled through the frustration. “Hannah was supposed to meet me here. She did this?” I glared into his wide, shocked blue eyes.
Realization dawned on his face. He opened his mouth to answer as I heard the sizzle.
I spun to see the first flames catch and creep towards us, engulfing the gardens. The fire was struck on the outer side of the growth. For a moment I couldn’t tear my eyes from the bench as it was devoured by the licking flames.
I pushed Hugh, shoving him back. I desperately needed him to run from me. I hated him so much. I realized how deformed I was. As I watched the glow of the fire reflect in his eyes I hated myself for loving him and needing to save him.
The inferno roared behind me. He lunged toward me despite my demands. His hands wrapped around my ribs to lift me. He held me against him as we struggled together.
I felt his need to get me to safety even as I hysterically began clawing a path for him. I couldn’t run fast enough. I wouldn’t escape. I knew it the moment I heard the first spark. I was doomed.
I didn’t care, as long as he lived.
A terrifying, slow groan of splintering wood filled the air. I never stopped fighting for the life that saved mine. I raked the embers and flames. My skin scorched as my clothes singed.
I spun as my eyes burned against the flames, too bright and closing in. The rage and indecency that was my being scorched brighter. I knew the garden was my end. I welcomed it. I was tired of fighting, tired of hoping, and tired of reaching for the minuscule dot of light at the end.
“BURN ME,” I screamed at the invisible demon stoking the flames. “I’ll return the favor in hell!”
He threw himself around me. His weight crashed onto my back. His hands wrapped into my hair to shove me further down as his head covered mine.
My knees buckled as his being surrounded mine. I tried to fight him off. He wasn’t going to sacrifice himself for me.
I felt his heart against me. Time stopped as I savored the sensation of him, the beating of the life in his chest. The fire roared higher, louder, and crashed around us in a heap of burning debris as it slammed us to the ground.
Chapter 31- Palate
His feral growl sounded above the ringing in my ears. The heat swallowed us. My face scraped the concrete as I twisted to see him rising above me.
He struggled beneath a burning branch as it seared across his back, trying to drop him onto me. The scream in his eyes charged through my soul as I ripped myself from the ground.
My hands tried to pull away from the heat as I pushed into the wood. It was too heavy. Hugh curled in agony as the flames continued to lash at his flesh.
The heavy wood crashed with a spray of ash and embers aimed for our eyes. My lungs rattled as I fought to find oxygen.
My knees were knocked out from under me. My hands climbed as I tried to cover his head. The mountain of fire gnashed its teeth as the foliage walls began to crumble. I buried my face against his shoulder, too terrified to glance at our fate.
The light began to fade and his steps quickened. My lungs burned and tightened as I gasped the fresh air barely tainted by smoke.
He paused to gulp much-needed oxygen when we reached the safe darkness. His tears spilled onto my hands. His chest tremored as he choked on disbelief, “You’re ok.”
His forehead rested against mine for a painful moment. I allowed my thumb to caress his charred lips. He was safe. His silhouette was faded and dark as my eyes adjusted. I couldn’t believe we survived.
It took too long to comprehend that we were alive. We had made it through the inferno. It felt like an impossible miracle.
I pulled my hand away sharply and struggled against him to let me stand. He pressed me tighter as he pushed off, sprinting again. We crashed through the house and flew down the turning corridor of servant rooms. The moment he plunged us into the black I knew he would free us.
He threw me into the backseat of the car before leaping behind the wheel. My lungs burned, my eyes were swelling, and my skin was raw.
His jaw was set and his eyes glittered with determination and rage as he shot through the opening garage door. I winced at his rattling cough as he spun us onto the street. I couldn’t understand why he was driving me home. The Hugh he had become would have left me on my ass at the gate.
He held his back rigid. I could tell by his shallow hisses he was in agony. He had burned for me. We always suffered at the hand of the other.
“I should have grabbed you and run off a long time ago,” he whispered. I grimaced. I was the damsel I once claimed not to be so long ago.
I mulled over his words. “Where would we have gone then?” Somewhere in his mutilated heart he still cared.
I waited in silence for him to answer. His eyes flared regret and pain. His jaw convulsed as his teeth ground audibly. I choked on stunned laughter as he lit a cigarette and hung it out the window. It felt insane to watch him pour more smoke into his lungs.
“Are you hurt?” he finally asked, dodging the question.
I stared at his rigid back. “No. But you are.” His teeth shredded his lip but he refused to answer.
I stared out the windshield and listened to the pattern of his pained gasps. I jumped at the sound of his lighter every time it sparked but fear eluded me. I could taste freedom on the wind as it pulled the hair from my stinging face.
“That’s why you didn’t come to the funeral.”
My eyes snapped back to his profile at the grief in his voice. “Earnest's?” I asked. His head shook softly.
“Mom’s. You didn’t know.”
My eyes felt as though they wanted to jump out of my skull. “When? How?” It didn’t seem fair. I escaped death's grasp so often, even after taunting him myself, yet he took so many others.
“There was a car accident a while ago. She went through the windshield. They pried her head off the curb.” Trauma tinted his tone as his tongue fought to spill thoughts he repressed. “The paramedics said she asked for me. She needed to tell me something. I didn't get to her in time.”
My brain bled with my heart. “I'm sorry,” was all I could say, though it would never be enough. His eyes faded and glazed, unable to focus.
“We still don’t know who caused it, she was driven off the road.” I heard his lack of emotion and conviction. He wasn’t lying to me. He was lying to himself.
“Yes, you do.” I couldn’t bear to see him so empty. Elizabeth had stolen the heat and passion he used to possess.
I thought he’d deny more. He responded with a small, sharp nod as he lit yet another cigarette.
The car began to swerve more consistently. Blood soaked through the back of his blackened shirt. “Pull over,” I demanded gently. We would never make it home if he kept driving.
He threw back a glare to tell me I was being ridiculous but the wheel jerked with his gaze. He paled as he straightened and his eyes widened. He blinked rapidly and leaned forward as though he couldn’t see the road.
“There’s a motel two miles ahead, keep me awake?” he asked. I nodded and could feel his trust in me. I perched on the edge of the backseat, ready to jump and grab the wheel as his skin began to turn gray.
We turned into the gravel parking lot with a buzzing neon sign announcing vacancies. I sighed in relief. Hugh stumbled out and steadied himself before lurching into the front office. I twisted my hands in worry. It was likely the police would be called at the sight of him.
He tripped out the door, his chest staggering as he fought to catch his breath. I swallowed my sympathy as he settled behind the wheel. He pulled the car around to the side of the building and parked in front of the green door to a room.
I opened my own door as he reached. I held my head high as I eyed him. I wouldn’t accept false manners.
He had helped me again, but he still held my shattered pieces somewhere deep in his bones. My heart squeezed as it reached towards him, but I tightened its leash.
I stood close behind him as he unlocked the door and listened to his persistent cough. I flipped the switch and looked around at the shabby room with worn carpet, yellowed walls, and one large, lumpy bed in the middle.
“They didn’t have any more rooms with two beds, so I’ll sleep in the tub.”
I shrugged. I noticed the sadness in his eyes and taught muscles in his jaw and arms. I didn’t trust myself to acknowledge it. I didn’t want to feel for him.
I stepped away as his stare turned to me. I promised myself it was all fake though my heart didn’t believe my mind. It had to be synthesized affection meant to manipulate. He was Elizabeth’s student.
I silently guided him to the bathroom, knowing I should help him to show my gratitude. I searched under the rusting sink for a first aid kit and found one behind the trash can.
I stepped behind him and pressed his hips against the counter so he couldn’t escape. “You’ll take me home in the morning, but for now let me help you.”
I told myself I didn’t care where he went as long as he didn’t go back there. She hurt me again. She hurt him. He couldn’t possibly be so stricken.
He trembled beneath my gentle fingertips as I pried the shirt from his body. Worry began to weaken my lungs as I peeled the stuck fabric from burns across his back. He never cried out, but as I removed the shirt my stomach churned.
