Temper: Book One of the Taboo Series, page 14
An electrical jolt shot through my veins as his eyes opened and met mine. I swallowed the bile in my throat as he stared through me. I could feel his mind and heart focusing on something separate- something from another life. My eyes filled with the betrayal as he allowed her affection in front of me. There was no shame in the burning blue.
Elizabeth noticed his attention captured by something other than her and spun. A vicious smile spread across her lips as she wrapped around him.
I wanted to tear her apart all over again but my heart wouldn’t allow it. Even my darkest spirit had pride. I turned and fled from the treachery. My vision blurred as I slipped on the steps.
I saw the door to the red room cracked open. I flung myself into it before closing the door and falling against it. My soul screamed as my tarnished heart fought the realizations, denying the fact that he was no longer a part of me.
Chapter 27- Pulp
My tears drowned out all sensibilities. I fought to find excuses of why he bent to her will so easily but there were none.
I felt ridiculous and pathetic for not seeing the romantic intent behind her actions before. I never expected that outcome. He accepted her after everything she did to me. He knew that she caused the demise of her own husband. She hurt Hugh until he complied but he was strong enough to push her away. He simply didn’t.
I bit back a cry of shock as the knob turned above my head. I tore through the room and charged into the closet. He entered as I slipped the door closed. His face was drawn and pale but anger still flashed in his eyes.
He slammed the door closed and I backed further into hiding. Clothes brushed me I stilled. I allowed myself a shallow breath.
It all smelled like him. My fingers ran over the familiar fabric of a thin, long sleeved shirt. In the dark, I knew that it was gray and made his skin appear as though carved from pearl. He was there the entire time.
I scurried to the farthest corner of the closet as he stormed closer. He didn’t see me as he bent to pull luggage from where I had been standing. I willed my heart to stop beating, certain he could hear it hammering against my ribs.
He threw the suitcase on the bed and snapped it open. I clenched my eyes shut at the sound of drawers being pulled out and thrown across the room. In his violent storm, he emptied their contents into the luggage.
My heart stopped as he froze with his back to me. “Now you know,” he whispered. He turned his face for me to see his profile.
I didn’t know what to do, say, or how to behave. I didn’t want to show him the pain and grief he caused me yet couldn't let him walk away without explanation.
My feet fought against me as I forced them forward and stepped from my hiding place. He kept his back to me and his expression hidden. He never thought to defend himself or show a modicum of respect by facing me. It made me feel even more insignificant.
“Why?” was all that I could manage with a shaking voice.
He closed the suitcase with a snap. His voice was emotionless when he turned. The light of his eyes was faded. He seemed devoid of a soul as he spoke. “I didn’t want you to get hurt.”
I shook my head while fighting the tears that would destroy my dignity. “You hurt me.” I wanted to rage at him, throw my fists into his perfect features, and scream. My heart bled from the fresh wounds but my pride anchored me. The naive thought that repeated in my head slipped from my lips, “You loved me.” His eyes finally glowed with emotion but it felt diminished.
His scarred lips wore fresh blood from his habit. I saw everything in him: my flaws, my pain, and my love. I could never retrieve them and take them back.
The muscles in his neck and face tightened with a pained grin. He wasn't the man I loved. He never loved me. His words and hoarse tone struck me, “You should have never assumed that I’m weak enough to let romantic inclinations destroy my every other intention.” The practiced words came in his voice but it wasn’t his line.
The spark of lies shot sanity into my mind. I stepped to him, grabbing his wrists as he tried to push me away. “What does she want?” His body quaked against mine as he repressed his emotions. I felt cruel as I pulled them from him. “Let me save you.”
He fell to his knees at my feet and clung to my waist for safety as the tears shook him. I clutched him to me as fear climbed in my chest. “I can’t,” he whispered. The grief in his tone decimated me.
“Take me with you,” I whispered, unable to rationalize. My lips and my heart were in perfect synchronization. My mind was silent. “We promised to run away and get married. Let’s do it.”
His face lifted to mine. His anguish was blinding. I didn’t understand how my words maimed him worse. His spirit crumbled as his heart hardened and his mind found resolve.
He pulled himself to stand and stared into my eyes. “I should never have hoped for that,” he answered. His fury scorched me as he stepped back. His hands shook as he grimaced against the internal war she gifted him. “She can give me what I want.”
Words stumbled through my mind. “And what is that?” I asked though I didn’t want to know.
He lifted the suitcase as his eyes took in my face. He took a timid step towards me. His fingers ran through my hair and I didn’t know if I wanted to slap him away or beg him to stay. His lips lowered. My veins froze with his hesitation. I glared up at him as I seethed with rage, humiliation, and heartbreak.
He released me without the kiss goodbye and turned. His long legs stalked from the room as I choked on a silent plea for him to stop. I shattered as the pieces of him that I once used to heal myself walked away. My heart clung to his and I regretted every moment, every touch, and every word. I let myself break as he turned his back and left my soul weeping and incomplete.
✷✴✷
My birthday remained dark and untouched by hope. I was thrown away again. The Hugh that I knew died but I couldn’t grieve him. I mourned the parts of me that perished with him.
I never meant to fall in love. I would have given anything for his happiness but never expected to become the sacrifice.
I remained in Ruth’s bedroom with the curtains drawn against the storm. Memories twisted in my vision to create my own unique hell. I could smell their blood. I could see his eyes. I heard their laughter and tasted his kiss. My body numbed and my heart fought to do the same. My mind emptied until I could no longer understand the dripping tears.
Her heels clicked as she ran down the hall. I never thought to protect myself. The door slammed open and I curled deeper into my shadowed corner.
I refused to acknowledge her as a tantrum brewed. I expected her to taunt me but there was no way to make that day worse. She was wasting her time and energy by gloating.
“Where is he?” she hissed as she advanced.
I glared up at her. The fire in her eyes burned as my irritation turned to fear. The air squeezed from my lungs as her foot slammed into my ribs when I didn’t answer. I stared up in confusion and horror. She already won. It was pointless to fight me.
“Where is he?” she screamed again. Her face was twisted and demonic. The veins in her neck protruded with her fury.
“I don’t know,” I answered.
I tried to crawl away as she turned. Her posture was straight and her movements calm. I recognized the savage beast that shadowed my room.
She lifted the lightweight bench to the vanity over her head and spun on me. There was no time to rise and fight. I covered my face as it crashed down.
Chapter 28- Score
My skull throbbed as her brisk pace took her into the hall. Stars burst in my eyes when I tried to sit up.
When she appeared in my vision her expression was devoid of emotion. I pretended to be dead as I laid crumbled on the hardwood floor. There was no other way to feel safe. I listened to the soft patter of rain and her agitated panting.
She left the room again but hesitated at the door. I waited after she disappeared, uncertain if she would return. The door to the room was open.
I tried to pull myself up but an electrifying pain shot through my wrist. It was already swollen. A strange, blue tint wound around it.
I cradled my hand as I used the other to lift myself with the bedpost. I felt the cool floor and stared down at my bare toes. The closet lay open and I heard her first ever threat echoing in my mind. ‘Abide by these simple rules and I will tolerate your distasteful footwear.’ I obeyed nothing.
I didn’t know where she went, when she’d be back, or what she was planning. I stared at the open bedroom door as possibilities assaulted my brain. Run was the one thought that made sense.
There was one pair of old sneakers left in the closet. I grabbed them with my good hand and ignored my aches as I rushed barefoot and silent from the room. ‘Self-preservation,’ Hugh once called. I was finally listening, alone, terrified, and broken. I shot down the stairs towards the huge front door.
There was no plan. I needed to find a phone to call Stan but couldn’t chance to stop in the mansion. My head pounded as fear pumped through me.
A voice shouted me as I sprinted into the rain, splashing through puddles until mud-soaked my legs. The rough driveway tore at my bare soles but I couldn’t stop. My eyes and mind focused on the street- freedom.
I shot through the closing gate. I made it. My body doubled over as my feet slipped on the wet pavement. I shot off again, not knowing how far I would find another house in either direction. I slammed my foot into a shoe without stopping, afraid they were already chasing me.
The gasp stuck in my chest as my blood stilled. My leg seized in shock. I splashed onto the black street. The pain was worse than the broken bones, the heat of the belt, or the crack of the buckle.
The other shoe tumbled from my fingers and rolled into the street, scattering shimmering shards. My shoe filled with blood. The pain spread from my foot, through my hips, into my chest, and conquered everything. I stared at the glittering crystal, not understanding how I could have made such a terrible mistake.
My eyes caught the largest shard. I recognized the ribboned pattern that once adorned a small vase holding a single white rose a year before.
My mind emptied, focusing on the pain- my punishment for falling in love.
✷✴✷
I laid in the street as my body emptied. Rough hands lifted me as strong, masculine voices called out around me. They carried me through the house, indifferent to my blood and pain.
Elizabeth’s voice rose above the others, vicious and victorious. Her plans never seemed to fail. I was foolish to fall straight into another trap by holding onto worthless hope. She directed them to lay me on Ruth’s bed. It was the end of our strange battles. I would be lost to that room and receive no help for my wounds.
The door clicked closed as they left bleeding. I counted the minutes and hours. I never left my body. The pain never released me.
I struggled, inch by inch, minute by minute, to rise. I grasped at my ankle as my fingers began shredding the drenched, bloody laces of the sneaker. I hissed as the once gray shoe slipped from my foot. My head swam as I stared at the oozing blood. Splinters of crystal protruded in varying sizes and shapes.
Adrenaline shook me as I grasped the smallest pieces and began pulling. Flesh and muscles tore further. I could feel the grit of pebbles and mud in the cuts. Tears and panic blurred my vision as I pulled out another piece.
I fell back and gave up often. It was too hard. It wasn’t worth the effort. I wasn’t worth the effort.
I managed to summon strength, or stubbornness, at intervals. The largest piece didn't want to move. My foot had slammed down perfectly against it. I fought through the nauseating pain. My broken wrist was useless and my good hand not strong enough.
I twisted the glass gently, trying to release it. My blood screamed with the pain as I blocked out the feeling of my own body as the crystal scraped against my bone. I pushed away from the shadows at the edge of my vision. I fought against my instincts to pass out and ignored the reality.
It uncleaved and I fell back, unable to control the shaking of my body. My mind fogged as colors swirled. I allowed myself time to lay in self-pity.
I managed to hop and wobble on one foot to the wall and bathroom. Rage shoved against the fear as time passed and I proved my own strength to myself. I sat on the edge of the tub but didn’t stop the plug. He wouldn’t come back to save me.
I sat in the bottom of the tub fully dressed. My swollen foot and poured crimson beneath the faucet. I leaned back to escape the pain and sunk into the exhaustion.
✷✴✷
The swelling in my foot grew through the passing days until the pain became inconceivable. I tore apart the silk and satin of my clothes to make tight wraps for it and my wrist. The lump on my head healed but the discomfort returned as the heat crept from the wounds into my blood.
I tried to wash away every bit of dirt and debris but could still feel tiny pieces of glass pressing against the flesh, hidden in my body. I had been unable to remove it all.
It was agony to walk and unbearable to exist. The fever that climbed through the week began to touch my mind to relieve me of sanity. For days I slipped through the house, trembling, sweating, and freezing.
I heard voices that didn’t belong to my world. Too often I found myself staring into what I assumed was his room. I swayed in the dark hall and stared at the made bed and glassless picture. There was no sense of him.
I turned away and found his silhouette wavering in the hallway, watching me in the dark as I stared into the red walls. The suitcase fell from his hands as he reached.
His hands lifted me but I didn’t fight the vision. I saw him standing above me, a mattress beneath me. I heard his voice, so far away. I knew he couldn’t be real. He had never been.
✷✴✷
I blinked against the sun and rolled, sobbing into my pillow. I despised my own mind for the painful dream of his touch and kind words. His lips brushed against my damp forehead as his fingers danced along my wounds to inspect.
The day faded too quickly and night carried creatures into my room. He was there to hold me down. His hand pressed to my mouth as I screamed against the tearing of my flesh. The tiny being at my feet, cutting into me, whispered in the dark with a frantic voice. I could see nothing but his eyes as they feigned affection. His tears dripped onto my cheeks and felt too real.
I couldn’t move to escape more days of the same, his soul coming to torture mine while bringing another. Venom flavored lumps were shoved down my throat when I refused to swallow them. His pleading voice threw my mind into a frenzy as every day and night I fought against my own imagination.
The illusions became softer and fewer. He’d slip into the room to lay next to me. He rarely spoke as he stared at me through the night. At times he would hold me as his own tears seeped. The love was a fragment of my own mind but I never pushed it away.
The illusion of Hannah would return separately to help me consume more chalky medicine and large pills. I learned not to fight them or she would return with the apparition of Hugh. It would use the softest, most loving voice while pressing the pills into my mouth, ignoring the pain as I bit his hand until he bled and I swallowed.
Chapter 29- Brittle
Reality resurfaced through the days. The pain subsided with the fever. I pried the intensity of the nights away. The most terrifying, traumatizing pieces of them always came in his sincerity and the way his scent always lingered. The weight of his lips, apologies, and murmurs of promises all felt too real and too agonizing.
Nothing looked the same the morning I was able to sit up and squint against the pale yellow of the bedroom. I noticed a dip in the bed. Someone had laid next to me. I saw the bottles of pills on the floor beneath the dresser. The sheets were changed but blood stained the duvet.
I stood, expecting the searing pain. Instead, I was met with mild discomfort. It was still difficult to put weight on my injured foot but the tight skin was healing.
I looked down and cringed against the realizations. My wrist was wrapped in a store bought splint with my foot in gauze and medical tape. I bent to retrieve the hidden antibiotics and narcotics. I stared at the bottles in my hand, suffocated by the truth.
My stomach twisted as his whispers reverberated through the room. I could still smell him in my hair.
I left the bed to shower and sneak to the kitchen, hobbling and barefoot. I hid in Ruth's room with the lights off as night fell. I waited beneath the covers and trained my eyes on the door.
Hugh crept across the floor when it opened. He neared and pressed a hand to my forehead, checking for fever. I didn’t know if he was my enemy or a gentle ally. I couldn’t read the man I no longer knew.
He stared down into my eyes and I heard his silent questions. He pulled his hand away but didn’t straighten. I wanted to curse him while thanking him.
“Why did you help me?” I finally asked.
His eyes widened as he realized I was stable. “How much do you remember?” he whispered.
I wanted to lie but I wasn’t that kind, “Everything.”
He nodded as his eyes strayed from mine. He sunk onto the bed beside me, but I didn’t pull away. His quiet voice filled with malice as he asked, “was this her?” My stomach rolled, disgusted that he felt the need to even ask if Elizabeth was at fault.
The bitterness on my tongue plagued my heart yet my voice never wavered. “This was no worse than anything else she’s done.”
His eyes clashed with mine. The threat in the blue shook my soul. It was blinding and beautiful, regardless of how I wished I couldn’t admire him.
Hannah’s whisper bounced to us from the door, “Is she awake?”
Worry tinted her tone. I struggled to sit up and she grinned in the light from the moon and stars. She rushed to the bed and he pulled away. As his hands climbed through his curls, I could feel his tremors of anger and pain without looking .
Hugh backed into the shadows as Hannah sat. She asked if I remembered what happened and I tried my best to explain without indicating Elizabeth’s fault. I didn’t want Hannah stepping into the middle of a war she never knew existed.
