Hard Rock Love Box Set, page 9
“Lillian, I’m so sorry. I don’t know what’s going on right now but know that I’m so sorry.”
This made her sob harder, the thought that he cared about her. He was supposed to be the bad boy, uncaring, cool, aloof.
“Lillian, princess, listen to me, can you calm down enough to text me your address? I’ll be over as soon as I can with ice cream, some old movies, and a big blanket, if that’s what you want.”
She nodded, then, realizing he couldn’t see her, added, “Yeah, that sounds great.”
“Okay, I’m going to hang up now, I’ll be over as soon as I can, okay?”
“Okay.”
The other end of the line went silent as Ash hung up, and Lillian took a deep breath before texting him her address.
She was rewarded with an immediate reply.
Be there in fifteen.
True to his word, Ash arrived with an armful of old sci fi movies, a big blanket, a couple of tubs of ice cream.
“I didn’t know what your favorite flavor was,” he said as she opened the door, “so I got a few. Hope you like dark chocolate and…” he consulted his stash, “brownie batter. I don’t know, they sounded pretty good to me.”
“Sounds delicious.”
“Good, because we’re not moving until we get through at least a good chunk of these.”
He strode past her, setting his pile of movies down on the table next to the couch, and glancing up at her TV screen, where 13 going on 30 was paused.
“Ahhh, I see what the problem is.” He ejected the disk, inserting one of his own, some old alien movie from the 80’s with a terribly designed cover. “Now, I don’t want to assume what you’re going through, but I find the best way to deal with my problems is by consuming media that is as far from it as possible. Hence, terrible sci fi films. Because there’s no possible way your problem is related to alien invasions or bad special effects.”
Lillian laughed at the comment, nodding in appreciation. “You know, you might be right.”
“Of course, I’m always right.”
Ash set about making a larger nest on the couch, grabbing another spoon from the kitchen for himself, and then turned to Lillian when he was satisfied with his set-up. “Hey, you okay? I mean, I know you’re not, but like, in comparison….”
Lillian realized she’d been standing awkwardly off to the side as he set up everything. Her eyes were still red, and her face was probably puffy and swollen. She stifled another sob and shook her head. “It makes me embarrassed…that you’re seeing me like this.”
Ash threw his head back and laughed, then caught himself. “Baby doll, if you think I care that you’re in sweats, or that you’ve just been crying, you’re mistaken. You’re human, and I know that. If anything, I feel honored that you would trust me when you’re in a vulnerable state, nothing less.”
Lillian nodded, feeling a little bit better. She sat down next to Ash, and he helped her get wrapped up in the blankets, pulling her close with an arm around her shoulders. He felt so warm, so secure and safe.
“Now, you don’t have to, but do you want to tell me what’s going on? It might help me know how to help you.”
Though the thought of it all made Lillian want to start crying again, made her want to disappear under the pile of blankets and never come out, she knew she had to tell someone eventually. If only to get it all out.
She took a deep breath, and then launched into the story, Ash rubbing her back in slow circles as she got caught up in certain parts, giving him basic background and then explaining the events of the last couple of weeks.
Ash was a good listener. He didn’t pressure her, didn’t interject. He nodded to let her know that he was listening and didn’t rush her if she was struggling to tell a part of the story. He made her feel safe, like she could tell him anything without any worries.
When she had finished, he was silent for a few minutes, contemplating everything she had said.
“I think what you’re feeling is valid,” he said. “The way that your brain works makes you feel uneasy in that relationship, which is understandable. I don’t think you have anything to be sorry for. If you were feeling strange, then the relationship wouldn’t have lasted much longer anyways. And if that is how he responds when you’re having a difficult time, you deserve someone better.”
Lillian nodded. “Thank you.”
“You said your roommate was his sister, right?”
“Step-sister.”
“Right. Are you okay to stay here for the night?”
“What do you mean?”
“I think you need some time away from this whole situation and living with Sebastian’s step-sister may be a little bit difficult at the moment. I don’t want you to feel like you have to explain everything again to her.”
“What are you suggesting?”
“I have plenty of room in my apartment—no pressure of course. I’m attracted to you, but I wouldn’t take advantage of you, especially not in this situation. It would just be movies and sleep, I promise.”
Lillian knew Ash was right. Last night had been hard enough with Rebecca, wondering if she was going to ask for an explanation, or act as a messenger on Sebastian’s behalf. And his offer was very tempting.
“I think that’s a good plan,” she said at last.”
“Perfect. Let’s pack up then,” he said, grabbing what he had brought. Lillian said goodbye to Coby, scratching him gently between the ears, and gathered up another couple of blankets and slipped on some shoes.
She followed him outside and was honestly surprised when he pulled out some keys from his pocket and clicked a button, making a car nearby beep and light up.
Noticing her expression, Ash laughed. “What, you seriously thought I came to your house on a motorcycle?”
“I don’t know, it wouldn’t be out of character.”
“Riding a motorcycle with a large blanket is definitely unadvisable.” Ash hefted up the blanket. “A car comes in handy for times like these, and when I need to transport other things, like instruments.”
“Apparently not when you’re transporting a photographer.”
“Awwwwwwww, come on princess. You know you enjoyed that.”
“But my camera.”
“Was fine. I didn’t crash, did I?”
“No.”
“Exactly. A guitar can’t hold on to my waist, but a photographer definitely can.” He said this with a wink, opening the backdoor to his car and tossing his armful of items in. “You can put those in the back, then come sit up front with me.”
Lillian put all but one blanket in the back, then wrapped the remaining one around herself before sitting in the passenger seat and sticking her tongue out at Ash. He laughed and patted her on the head, reaching across to strap her seatbelt in for her.
“My little cozy gremlin.”
“I hope that’s not your new nickname for me.”
“What, you prefer cabbage?”
“Cozy gremlin please, carrot stick.”
“You’re going to have to seriously come up with something better than that. Didn’t you have one before?”
“Yeah, but if you’re calling me a gremlin then you don’t deserve to be called Rockstar.”
“What?” He started up the car and it hummed low. “I thought it was cute, all things considered, you wrapped up in a blanket in the passenger seat of my car just past noon.”
She stuck her tongue out at him again, content to be childish and petty, and settle into a comfortable silence. Ash didn’t play any music on the drive over, seeming to understand her need for space to contemplate, and he didn’t try to push any conversation on her either.
He lived not too far from her, in a large apartment complex with underground parking. He parked his car, next to his motorcycle, Lillian noted, and then got out, gathering up the items from the back seat.
Begrudgingly, Lillian followed suit, keeping the one blanket wrapped around her like a protective casing.
“Now, my apartment isn’t too big, or posh,” Ash said as they entered the elevator and he swiped his key to go to his floor. “But it’s homey, and I think that’s the most that anyone could ask for.”
“I like that better, actually,” Lillian replied. “Big can be too much. Posh can feel like you can’t properly live in it.”
“You got that right. That’s why if my band ever makes it super big, I’m keeping a smaller place, thank you very much. As long as it’s just me in the apartment, I don’t need much space.”
The elevator stopped at the ninth floor, and the two of them exited. Lillian was thankful that the hour of the day was just odd enough that no one was around to see them, because although she didn’t mind being seen with Ash Bennet, she was currently a mess, no matter what he said.
“Welcome to my apartment,” he said, opening his door to reveal a room filled with warmth and obvious care.
It was the kind of place Lillian imagined when she thought about the apartment of an artist. It was eclectic, but still clean. There were candles everywhere, and little trinkets were proudly displayed. The couch was covered in a couple of brightly patterned quilts, and there was a handwoven rug on the floor that looked to be from the middle east.
Ash set down the DVD’s and ice cream on the coffee table in front of the couch, then popped the disc of the first of the pile into the disc player of his tv. “Make yourself at home,” he said, turning back to Lillian, who realized she was still standing outside. She took the first step over his threshold, feeling almost as if she was entering another world, one that was safe and warm and where her problems didn’t exist.
“Thank you,” she said, closing the door behind her.
“It’s nothing, really,” he replied, already setting up another nest on the couch. “I wasn’t doing anything today, and I’m always more than happy to spend time with you.”
“I mean, for inviting me into your house.”
“What are you, a vampire?” Ash laughed at his joke, then stopped, noting how serious Lillian seemed. “Don’t tell me you’re actually a vampire, if it’s going to be one of us, it should be me by all means.”
“No. It’s just, this space feels sacred. I feel like I’ve been let in on a secret, like we’re kids, and you have a hide away that you’ve invited me to.”
“Ah, yeah, I get that.” Ash smiled. “It really is quite a place, isn’t it?”
“It really is.”
“Come on then, sit with me,” he said, patting the space next to him on the sofa.
She did, sighing as he pulled her in close, tucking her into his side with a gentle embrace. She could hear his heartbeat through his chest, feel the rhythm of his breathing. It was calming, to be this close to him, to understand that she was safe with him and that he wasn’t going to let anything happen to her.
True to his word, Ash didn’t try anything that night. Instead he held her close, only leaving her side to go get them some dinner, and after they were done eating, he pulled her onto his lap and wrapped his arms around her waist.
They fell asleep like that, with the tv still playing another old sci fi movie, content in each other’s company, comforting each other with their presence.
In Ash’s apartment, with him breathing steadily next to her, Lillian had the best sleep she had had in a very long time.
Eleven
When Lillian woke up on the couch and Ash wasn’t there, her first instinct was panic. In the half-conscious state of her worried mind, she thought that he had left her without a word, that she was alone in a strange place that she did not know. But then her senses came to her, and she remembered that Ash wouldn’t do that, and she smelled the scent of pancakes cooking in the kitchen and heard the soft indie music that Ash was playing from his phone’s speaker.
I’ve been waiting
For a sign
To tell you what the stars
Have been telling me
Ash sang along, his voice still drowsy from the spell of waking, and Lillian could picture him without even getting up—the messy dark hair falling in his eyes, the red rim around them as he tried to rub away the dreams, an old t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants hanging just so on his hips. She smiled at the thought, all her worries gone now, and stretched, taking a deep breath of the morning air.
“I was wondering when you’d wake up,” Ash called from the kitchen. “I was getting worried that I’d have to encounter morning-Lillian if I wanted to get you to work on time.”
Right. Work. She had completely forgotten about that responsibility in the daze of waking, and she checked the time on her phone now with a sigh of relief, happy to see she still had plenty of time to get ready.
“Oh, come on, I’m not that bad in the morning.”
“If I had woken you up though?”
“Ehhh, nothing too terrible.”
“I’m quite convinced I would have encountered gremlin-Lillian.”
“I thought you liked gremlin-Lillian.”
“I like cozy-gremlin-Lillian. I don’t know about morning-gremlin-Lillian.”
“Well, you’re bound to encounter her at some point,” Lillian said, wrapping one of the blankets around her and then waddling over to the kitchen to rest her head against Ash’s back as he continued flipping pancakes.
“Does that mean we’ll be continuing this?” he said, waggling his eyebrows.
“Shhhhh, don’t ruin the moment,” Lillian said from within her blanket.
“Says the cozy gremlin.”
“You love this cozy gremlin.”
“I do indeed.” Ash turned around, pressing a kiss to Lillian’s forehead. “In all her forms, though there are some I would wish to avoid if at all possible.”
“Guess I won’t be sleeping over here again then,” she teased.
“Noooooo, I didn’t mean that. Princess, come on,” Ash teased back, pressing kisses to her forehead as Lillian giggled. “I’ll brave morning-gremlin-Lillian if it means I get to kiss this cute face and cuddle this incredible woman.” He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close to him and nuzzling his face into the crook of her neck. “You’re so goddamned perfect and I bet you don’t even realize it,” he said, his voice muffled, but Lillian heard him anyways.
“Your pancakes are going to burn,” she said, and Ash reluctantly pulled away from her, returning his attention to his lightly browned pancakes.
“It’s your fault,” he mumbled, and Lillian poked him, laughing.
“What was that? My fault?”
“You’re just too irresistible, princess.”
“Not my fault.” She stuck her tongue out at him, and then shuffled over to the table, seating herself down. “I’ll just take my irresistible self over here then.”
“Awwwwww, baby doll, no, come back,” Ash teased, pouring another set of pancake batter onto the hot pan. “Do you want to get dressed while I finish up?”
“I didn’t bring any of my clothes….”
“That’s alright, you can borrow any of mine you want. My bedroom in just back there.” He motioned with the spatula to a doorway just in the living room.
Lillian supposed she should probably get changed at some point, so she stood, shuffling to Ash’s bedroom, still wrapped in her blanket. When the door was safely closed behind her, she let the blanket fall to the floor like a pool of water around her, then surveyed the space.
It was a little more minimal than his living room, but not by much. There was a large bed that took up most of the room, a couple of bookcases stuffed with well-loved volumes, DVD’s, and little trinkets, and a dresser and armoire along the other wall. She sifted through the dresser first, pulling out a soft grey t-shirt that still had a warm scent to it. She found a belt hanging up in the armoire, a pair of mostly intact black jeans, and a large dark green sweater that was so soft she wanted to curl up and take a nap on it, right then and there.
Happy with her acquisitions, she changed, bundling up her own clothes within her blanket to take back to her apartment whenever she ended up getting back there.
When she came back out to the living room Ash was setting the table, pulling a jar of jam and some maple syrup out from the fridge. The pancakes, mostly well made, were already in a pile on a plate in the middle of the table.
Lillian sat down, waiting for Ash to turn around and comment on her appearance.
When he did, setting the condiments down on the table and then sitting across from her, he winked. “I like the way my clothes look on you.”
“Oh, shut up. I bet you orchestrated this whole thing just so you could say that line.”
“Me? Come up with overdramatic schemes just to get the opportunity to say a suggestive one-liner? Never.”
Lillian snorted and rolled her eyes, then grabbed the first couple of pancakes off the pile. As they were Lillian-distraction-free pancakes, they were quite a lovely golden color. Some of the other ones, on the other hand…Lillian just hoped Ash would be the one eating the fruits of his own attention issues. She refused to take responsibility.
“Thank you for the pancakes, they’re actually decent,” Lillian said after taking her first bite.
“Drown them in maple syrup, that’s my suggestion,” Ash replied, offering her the jug of real maple syrup.
“Are you not going to comment on the fact that I basically just insulted your pancakes?”
“Did you though?”
“I mean, I really didn’t expect your cooking to actually be palatable.”
He shrugged. “I mean, that’s fair. I am a lead singer of a rock band, after all, not a chef.”
“Well, you make some pretty mean pancakes for a Rockstar.”
“Why thank you, I appreciate it,” he winked, and Lillian laughed. She enjoyed this, this sort of domestic interaction with no pressure, no need to please. She didn’t feel embarrassed for her appearance, wasn’t worrying about how much she was eating or how it might look. She was just laughing and enjoying her time.
Per Lillian’s pleading, Ash drove her to work in his car instead of on the motorcycle, promising he would pick her up after work, and then they could swing by his apartment to grab her stuff to go home, or she could stay another night, whatever she needed.
