Hard Rock Love Box Set, page 11
Lillian thought it through carefully. Part of her definitely wanted to stay, was tempted to spend the night in Ash’s bed, and not for innocent reasons. She knew she could, that no one was going to fault her for it, that they would both definitely enjoy it, but she also knew that it hadn’t been that long since things had ended with Sebastian, and she didn’t want to mess up whatever it was she had with Ash.
Going that far again tonight…was out of the question.
But that didn’t rule out doing some…other things.
“Hmmmmm, well Coby has really been missing me,” she started in a teasing tone, sauntering towards Ash with an extra sway in her hips, enjoying the way his eyes flicked up then down, and the hitch she heard in his breath. “But I guess I could stay for a little bit longer.”
She rounded the couch, seating herself on the armrest and facing Ash with desire in her eyes. He looked back up at her, waiting for her to make the next move, and Lillian realized then that she had all the power. And she enjoyed this. She enjoyed being in control.
She pressed her finger to Ash’s lips, tracing them with her thumb, and parting them just slightly. Ash’s hands came up to rest at her hips, and she liked how they felt there. She leaned in, her hand now on Ash’s cheek, guiding him, and then she kissed him.
It was gentle at first, just bare contact, then he opened his mouth and she opened hers, and everything blurred together.
As he held her in place on the armrest, she leaned her weight on his shoulders, teasing his lips with her teeth, his tongue with her own. She worked her way along his jawline, peppering little kisses and grinning in satisfaction at the pleased noises Ash was making.
It was onto his neck next, tender little teasing, behind his ear, just below it, pulling on his earlobe with her teeth to hear him sigh.
Ash’s hands moved up to grip her waist, and then pulled her down onto his lap. She could feel him underneath her, already hard though they hadn’t even started.
“Do you like that?” she whispered as she kissed his neck, and Ash sighed.
“Yes. I love that, Lillian.”
She came back up to his mouth, and then he took control, pulling her close against him, hands running up her back to cup her face and guide her to fit perfectly against him. She could feel a slight bit of stubble on his chin from where it was growing back after shaving, could taste the spices he had added to the fried rice still on his breath as he held the moment there, a space between their lips, keeping eye contact with her as his thumb traced circles on her cheek.
“I really don’t think you know how attractive you are,” he whispered, seeming in awe, as if she was some celestial event that only came around once every thousand years. “In more ways than just one. In ways that I haven’t ever seen before. Lillian, I’m self-centered, and I still can’t believe you would choose me.”
And then he kissed her.
Twelve
Dreams of Compass Gods was having one more show that week, on Friday night, before they took a break to work on their next album and arrange for tours. And of course, Ash had invited Lillian to attend.
“I want you to be there,” he had said. “I want to know you are in the crowd.”
And of course, there was no way Lillian could resist. No way she could refuse. Not with that voice. Not with the way he was looking at her. Not after that kiss.
So now she was standing in her bedroom, trying to decide on what outfit she wanted to wear. She didn’t have anything nearly as nice as the pieces Sebastian had given her, but she did know how to compliment the shape of her body, how to bring out those features of hers that people found most attractive.
Since it was a rock show, she decided to dress the part, slipping on a pair of denim cut-off shorts over the lacy red panties she was wearing, then pulling on a pair of thigh-high socks to keep out the cold. She slipped on a tight top that gave her the figure of a Grecian goddess, and then contemplated her options for a moment.
It didn’t exactly go with her outfit, or the theme of the event, but she still had Ash’s sweater from when she had borrowed it. Her other option was a leather jacket that Rebecca had leant her upon hearing of her plans for the night. She slipped it on, and then looked at herself in the mirror.
With the whole outfit and her dark, dramatic makeup, the jacket certainly made her look the part. She looked like she could be part of the band, or another solo artist showing alongside them. And she felt powerful, sexy, like she could take on the entire world.
She had to wear the jacket. She knew that now.
She put on a pair of boots and then admired herself in the mirror once more, trying to decide if anything was missing.
Rebecca walked by then, pausing to mess up Lillian’s hair a little bit.
“There, now you look like a proper rock chick,” she said, and Lillian had to agree. She looked wild, ready to party.
“Thank you for letting me wear your jacket.”
“Of course. It’s an important night for you, after all. And I was just gonna watch tv shows with Sebastian at his place anyways, so it’s not like I needed it.”
Lillian laughed. “Yeah, he might freak out if you showed up looking like this.” She gestured to herself.
“He’d certainly wonder if I’d forgotten that we’d had plans and had accidentally gone to another party first, that’s for sure,” Rebecca replied.
“Are you sure you don’t want to come with me? Ash did say I could bring someone if I wanted to.”
“No, I don’t usually cancel on Sebastian, and I don’t want to start the habit now. Besides, I’m pretty sure Ash wants you there, alone.”
Lillian couldn’t help but giggle at the suggestion behind the words. “Well, have fun watching tv with Sebastian then, I think my cab is here.” She waved bye to Rebecca as she exited the apartment, and then made her way down to the street, where a cab was waiting to take her to the venue. She was reminded then of another time, when she had first gone to one of Ash’s shows to photograph him and been completely entranced. She would never have guessed then that she’d end up as she had now.
It was dark when the cab pulled up a ways from the venue, and the lights of the city were bright around them. There were so many people, lined up and waiting to go in, all looking like they belonged in dark, distressed clothes. Some had hair as colorful as a meadow, others’ bodies were covered in art—jewelry and tattoos alike. Tonight, Lillian was one of them, striding to the front of the line with a nod at the security guard.
People were already filing into the building, and Lillian’s heart was in her throat as she found a place to stand, closer to the stage this time. There was no need to stand in the back, because she wasn’t going to be taking pictures tonight. No, tonight was all about watching the show.
When all of the audience was inside, the lights dimmed, and the band filed out onto the stage to the cheers of the crowd. But Lillian couldn’t hear a thing but the beat of her heart pounding in her ears and the thought that there was Ash, standing there, and he had kissed her earlier that week and had seemed to mean it as more than just a passing moment of pleasure.
“Ash,” she breathed, but the word was lost as the first note was played on the guitar, and Ash Bennett held the microphone close to his lips and began to sing.
Lillian was reminded then of why she had fallen for Ash in the first place. The way his voice sounded, like waves crashing on the shore, and how his hair fell just so, and the passion in his eyes. His translucent skin and sharp cheekbones paired with the lights really did make him seem to be from somewhere other than Earth, other than this plane of mundane existence.
And the fervor with which he sang, with which he moved. Lillian couldn’t help but imagine those hands on her, holding her, as she listened and watched.
It was all over too soon, the show passing over her like a wave, and then fading away as Dreams of Compass Gods played their last song for the set and thanked their fans. There were calls for an encore, but the band was already exiting, and the vibe in the place changed immediately.
With the lights down and the music playing, it had felt as magical to Lillian as a clearing in a moonlit forest. Now…there seemed to only be the traces of magic left, just a sprinkling of fairy dust.
Eager to find the magic again, to extend the wonders of the night, Lillian pushed against the flow of the crowd and headed backstage.
The security knew her by now, and so they let her through, and Lillian found her way to the dressing room of the band. It was cracked open, but she knocked anyways, a thrill going through her at hearing Ash’s voice say, “Come in.”
She pressed a hand to the door, pushing it open and coming into the light of the room, to the suggestive glances of Ash’s bandmates.
“I thought I saw you in the crowd,” he said, “but you looked so punk I couldn’t tell if it was really you.”
He was across the room in a couple of strides, looking Lillian over with a practiced eye.
“I didn’t know you owned a leather jacket. I would have thought it too harsh for you, but it works.”
“I don’t, actually: own a leather jacket, that is. My roommate let me borrow hers for the occasion.”
“Well you look stunning in it.” Ash brushed a stray piece of hair away from Lillian’s face, and for a second she thought he was going to kiss her, but then one of his bandmates whistled at them.
“Get a room, would you, Bennett.”
“Of course, of course, all in due time,” Ash threw back over his shoulder with a laugh, then turned his attention back to Lillian. “Shall we get going?”
“That sounds wonderful, let’s.”
Ash took her hand, and in spite of everything they had done, everything she had done, Lillian felt her heartbeat increase, and she felt tingly all over.
Ash led her through the hallways, aiming for the back exit, his pace quick and eager, but they were stopped by a couple of girls waiting around the corner.
“Ash!” one of them crooned, walking towards them, her hips swaying. “It’s been too long, honestly. Who’s the new girl?” She pointed at Lillian as she said this, and Lillian found herself shrinking behind Ash.
The two of them were intimidatingly beautiful. They had the same kind of beauty as Ash, all sharp features and skin of almost unnatural colors. The first one had skin so dark she seemed to be night herself, and Lillian wouldn’t be surprised if she had stars for freckles. The second was so pale Lillian could see the blue of her veins. They were both dressed in the style of the place, and it only complimented their beauty even more.
With girls like these around, Lillian didn’t know why Ash would even pay an ounce of attention to her.
“We haven’t played for a while,” the second said, coming forward to meet them and linking arms with her counterpart. “And I’ve been getting bored of everything else. Do you want to come play with us tonight, Ash?” She said his name like it was honey, sweet, sugared.
“Come play with us, Ash.” The other said his name like it was a dark wine, and she tugged on his sleeve with a coy smile. “You’re welcome to bring along your shy little companion.”
“She’s cute,” the second agreed. “She looks like she would be fun too. Come on, Ash, let’s play.” She grabbed his sleeve now too, and Lillian could feel the panic building up inside of her.
So far, Ash had done nothing to stop their advances. He even seemed to be… enjoying it. Had she merely been a distraction while he waited for these two to get bored and come back?
And then there was the matter of the type of world he lived in….
Lillian had been pushing the thought away, not allowing herself to remember it, but he was a Rockstar. His world was filled with drugs, and sex, and all manner of other things. She had seen him get high before, had watched him flirt shamelessly with every woman in sight, even if he hadn’t been showing that side of himself to her as much recently.
Unpleasant memories came flooding back, and Lillian couldn’t hold herself back anymore. She ripped her hand from Ash’s grasp, already feeling the tears coming to her eyes, and rushed out of the building, just catching the faint words of one of the girls saying, “What’s her problem?”
She imagined Ash shrugging, going home with the two of them, doing whatever it was the three of them usually did, maybe get high and then have sex, she didn’t know, and she didn’t want to care, but she did, and that hurt more than anything.
She barreled out of the back exit, almost not noticing that it was raining now. It was true that the clouds had been thick when she had left her apartment, but the forecast hadn’t said anything about rain, and she was woefully unprepared.
It was no matter; she didn’t care anymore. She just needed to wait for a taxi to come pick her up, after all, and nothing more.
She wanted to get further away first though, further from these people and this place and the memories it was bringing up within her.
As she was turning to run further up the street, someone grabbed her arm, whirling his around and crushing her to a solid chest that smelled faintly of marijuana and tobacco, as well as a deeper amber scent that was so very familiar.
“Please don’t do that ever again,” a voice whispered into her hair, and Lillian recognized it as Ash’s. He sounded like he was about to cry. “At least tell me what’s wrong first. Please.”
Lillian thought about it. All of it. Why she had stopped playing piano. What had happened after Sebastian and his family moved away. And she began to sob into Ash’s chest, huge sobs that racked her whole body.
“Baby doll…I didn’t realize it was so serious. Come on, we should get out of the rain.” Ash hugged her even more tightly to his chest, then let her go so that they could search for somewhere to stand that was drier than in the middle of the sidewalk.
There were some alcoves on the outside of one of the buildings, and Ash pulled Lillian into one of these, giving her the space, she needed to breathe and talk, but keeping her close all the same.
Just having him near her was comforting. She had begun to associate a sense of safety with him, in the short time they had been spending together recently.
“Hey, what’s going on?” Ash asked, cupping her cheek with his hand and gently guiding her to make eye contact with him.
“I—” Lillian wasn’t quite sure how to start. Should she explain her apprehensions? Should she demand to know who those girls were? It didn’t seem right, given that there had been no discussion of exclusivity, or really anything of the sort between them.
Ash must have seen the panic on her face, the conflicting emotions obviously warring, because he began to stroke her hair, whispering, “Shhhhh, it’s alright. You can tell me whatever.”
“Those girls—” Lillian began, but broke off because she wasn’t sure how to continue.
“Them? You don’t need to worry about them. We had some things together in the past, but I don’t plan on doing that anymore.”
“It’s not—it’s not just that.”
“Okay, then what is it? What are you worried about?”
Lillian turned her face away from him, no longer able to look at him as she explained what was wrong. “Your world is so different from mine,” she started, holding up a hand for silence when Ash tried to interject. “There are things…things in my past that I don’t know if I can share with you yet, but they make me wary, and there are things that you do, that you’re a part of, that bring back their memories.”
“What can I—”
“Nothing! I don’t think there’s anything you can do. I’m so afraid that you’re going to end up hurting me, that you’re going to end up breaking my heart, or something even worse than that. And I know you’re going to say you’re not, but my memories keep telling me you will.”
“Until you tell me what it is I’m doing that’s making you feel this way, I don’t know what to do, princess. I want to reassure you; I want you to feel comfortable with me. I’m not about to let something like this—something that only comes about once in a lifetime—to get away. So please, talk to me.” Lillian could see that his eyes were full of tears, and there was a desperation in his voice that just made her sob harder.
“It’s this world you’re a part of,” she finally managed to get out. “You live so differently than me, Ash. You’re used to this.” She gestured around them. “The Rockstar lifestyle. The drugs, the alcohol, the concerts, the sex. I’m not. And there are parts of that that….” She trailed off as more sobs wracked her body and panic welled up in her chest at the thought of what had happened in her past. “There are parts of that that remind me of things I don’t want to remember. And it scares me, Ash. It really does. I don’t want to watch you become changed, become reckless or violent or—or—or—”
Ash cut her off by hugging her tight to his chest, stroking her hair and making soft, soothing sounds. “Shhhhh, it’s going to be okay, you’re okay, you don’t have to talk about anything you don’t want to, shhhhh, it’s okay baby, it’s okay.”
Her hands clutched at his shirt and she squeezed her eyes shut as the flow of tears began to calm down.
“Shhhhhh, whatever happened in your past, I promise, I’m not going to let it happen again. Never again, I swear it. Don’t worry baby, I’m not going anywhere. I’m not going anywhere. I’m not changing, I promise.”
The words had the desired effect, and Lillian found herself gradually calming down. The grip of her hands relaxed, and she slowly opened her eyes, still held tight against Ash’s chest.
“We’re gonna work this out, okay?” Ash said, gently pulling away from her and looking her in the eyes. “Whatever is, we’ll figure it out. I promise. I’m not going to let it stand in our way.”
“Thank you,” Lillian whispered, searching Ash’s eyes and finding sincerity within their gaze. “Thank you.”
“Of course, princess.”
Then Ash leaned down, his hand coming up to cup her cheek, and kissed her. It was soft and sweet, there was no lust behind this kiss, just care. An immense amount of overwhelming care.
