Never Kiss a Cowgirl, page 20
“You weren’t ever far from my thoughts, honey. Even when my head wanted to erase your existence, my heart wouldn’t allow it.”
The sound that escaped Reagan was a laugh combined with a sob, and Asher simply held her. She found a safe refuge from her emotions in Asher’s arms with her face pressed against her shoulder. It was as if a door opened to the place she’d wanted to get back to after being locked away for years leaving her in a frozen tundra of her own making. It wasn’t a shock that Asher was this forgiving—she’d always been considerate of her feelings—but this was a huge gift.
“Are you crying because you’re happy, or because you’re trying to figure out a way to lock me up for the next four months or so?” Asher asked softly, not letting her go. The joke made her laugh again, but her tears still flowed.
“You can’t imagine how many times I thought of you saying that to me again,” she said, holding on to Asher to keep herself tethered to the moment. “I didn’t think it would ever happen because of my stupidity.”
“Stop beating yourself up, and let’s go home. I believe you said something about lunch with the family.”
They drove to Moon Touch after she’d collected more clothes from her place, and she kept her eyes on Asher the whole way back. Asher’s appearance had changed over their years apart—smile lines at the sides of her eyes, the muscle that made her appear solid and strong, and the smattering of white hair along her temples like her father Dustin’s, who’d started to gray at an early age. She’d also retained so much of what Reagan remembered, which was mostly her smile. Asher smiled like she truly meant it.
“Do you remember the day in school when you told me—” She stopped, wanting the power to turn back time two minutes at a time. “Never mind.”
“The first time I told you I loved you?” Asher reached across the console and took her hand. “I didn’t have much romantic timing back then. English class wasn’t the best place to tell you that when I had about a thousand places around here to let you know.”
“We were reading George Bernard Shaw’s Pygmalion, so I thought it was a perfect time.” Her hand appeared so much smaller in Asher’s, but they fit. “I’m sure the moral of the play wasn’t that anyone could fall in love with someone who was their opposite, but I thought it was that there’s a perfect match for everyone.”
“I remember you saying that, and I thought about it after you left. Why do you ask now?” Asher was smart. There was no escape.
“It’s a nice thing to remember. That’s all, so forgive me if you thought it was something else.”
They turned into Moon Touch, where the house was closer to the road than Asher’s place. Before she could exhale and flee the SUV, Asher pulled over. The black fence was new across this section, a reminder that what was once one entity was now two, with one thriving and growing and the other slowly winding down.
“Was the fence your idea or Uncle Wade’s?” she asked, her attention outside.
“When I decided to go home for good, I did it for me, that’s true. I also did it for Uncle Wade. It was a break from having to sweat any visit you made.” Asher rubbed her face as if it was tough getting the words out. “He didn’t deserve for your time together to be awkward and distant because I was in the middle of that.”
“He talked about you more than you know. Sometimes I don’t think he knows he’s doing it, but he wanted me to know what you’re up to, and how you were.” Wade had also tried to steer her back to Asher and find what she’d thrown away. “He and Daddy thought you coming to live with us was a story they’d tell our children because of how it’d turn out.”
“We watched the game you worked the sidelines on when you were in Seattle. He couldn’t stop talking about how proud of you he was, and how you’d built this wonderful life.”
“It wasn’t wonderful, honey. There were parts of it I enjoyed, like that game, but I didn’t belong there.” She was upset by the sad expression on Asher’s face. “I’m sorry I brought it up.”
“It’s our new policy of talking, so don’t sweat it.” Asher put the truck in park so they weren’t moving. “Do you remember the rest of what you said about Shaw’s play?” Reagan nodded, not able to speak. “Once you find that perfect match, you figure out you have only one.”
“Losing that person…isn’t fatal, but you find that no one can be a total replacement,” she said as her tears embarrassingly started again. “God, you must be tired of all this crying. I promise I’m not.”
“No need to cry—you were right. If you’d been wrong, both of us wouldn’t still be single.” The gentle way Asher wiped her face righted something vital in her. Going through life a bit off-balance wasn’t something she’d recommend to anyone.
“You’re a nice person, and I missed that.” Asher waited until she could get her emotions under control so as not to worry Uncle Wade. “Don’t take any shit, honey,” she said as they got out and noticed Wade and Frida on the porch.
“Did you get lost on the way over here?” Frida asked, her hand on Wade’s knee.
Reagan wasn’t sure how old Frida was, but she was still a beautiful woman who knew her place in the world. That came from strength, and the confidence she often said was taught to her by her Cherokee family. If there was one certainty in the world, it was you always knew where you stood with Frida. That was a trait she’d instilled in her daughter—Rickie wasn’t one to hold her tongue.
“The doctor took longer than we thought,” Asher said, making Frida smile right away. There were clearly favorites here, and Asher was at the top of the list.
“Everything okay?” Wade asked.
“Let’s go talk about it,” Asher said, glancing at her before walking away with him. They’d discuss later what a great idea it was to leave her alone with Frida and her bluntness.
“Why’ve you been crying?” Frida asked right out of the intrusive gate. “And don’t lie and tell me you haven’t been. I’ve got eyes.” She went through the door Frida opened and took some deep breaths to fortify herself for the talk she couldn’t avoid.
“Asher and I have been working through some things, and I got emotional.” If this was what she was getting, then God knew what Uncle Wade was telling Asher. That’s all she needed after becoming a weepy mess every time she talked to Asher.
“So is sex now called working through things?”
Of course Frida knew. When she was a kid she often thought Frida could read her mind. “You could’ve started anywhere but there,” she said, shaking her head. “I don’t want to jinx it.”
“Jinx it? It’s Asher, baby. That kid is wired to do the right thing.” Frida poured her a lemonade and pointed to a chair at the table. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but are you serious?”
“How can I not take that the wrong way? No matter what you and Uncle Wade think, Asher’s not perfect.” She was actually perfect for Reagan, but her family needed to show some support. “She rides bulls, for the love of insanity.”
“She does, and if you start messing with her heart, it’s going to mess with her head. Being in a small space with a big animal that is intent on killing her means you might not get another chance to work through anything.” Frida sat next to her and took her hand. “You’re right, though, Asher’s not perfect. Never has been and the things that aren’t have only become entrenched with time.”
“You and I both know she’s your favorite, so don’t hold back on me now.” She made Frida laugh and a load of bricks slid off her shoulders.
“For years your uncle has been after me to marry him. I’ve told him for that same amount of time that all we’re missing is a paper from the state, but I’ve been taking care of him and this place for most of my life. I wouldn’t have done that if I didn’t feel married.” Frida covered her hand with hers and took a deep breath. “Wade is someone easy to love. He cares for me and my child, even though Rickie should’ve been a Wilson, but I messed up. She’s been a joy but a mistake I made twenty-four years ago.”
“Uncle Wade loves Rickie, and he loves you.” She often wondered about what had happened since she’d realized from the time she knew what love was that her uncle loved Frida. Why had Frida cheated? Or were they not together then?
“I can see your wheels turning like a hamster in a small cage. Wade and I became a couple when Rickie was eight. Her father ran and never looked back.” The story wasn’t easy to hear, but one glance at Frida’s expression, and she realized it was even harder to tell.
“I hate to ask, but were you and Wade together back then?”
“I knew how he felt about me, but no. It took me a while to convince him I wasn’t settling because I had a child when I finally said yes.”
She nodded and fell back in her chair. “Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me. I’m not sure why you did, but it’s nice to have the truth.”
“I told you because we have a lot in common. You screwed up and left. Granted, you didn’t come home with a kid, but it’s going to take some time before Asher won’t flinch every time you get in the car.” Frida poured herself some water and it was like she was searching for something to do. “When I came back, it was for two reasons. The most important was for Wade, and also because this is my home.”
“I came back for the same reasons, and I’m not going to mess with her, so don’t think that.” Reagan stood and stared out at the barn. “He’s not in there shoving sharp sticks under her fingernails, is he?”
“Come back here and wait them out. I doubt Asher will let anyone change her mind.” Frida seemed more relaxed after sharing her story and knocked on the table to get her moving.
“Let’s hope not.”
“Sweetheart, remember always that they’re nothing like us. They think differently, see and live life differently, and they love differently.” The declaration got Reagan back to the table.
“What do you mean?” She had to agree Asher and her family were a breed apart from everyone else.
“Where others would let betrayal rule their heads, I found Wade and your father more forgiving. It’s like they understood that life is made up of choices that shouldn’t define you until the grave.” Frida choked up and stopped for a moment. “They know because they’ve made mistakes, and not having a forgiving nature damns you to an existence of wanting what you want but keeping it at arm’s length.”
“Do you think Asher can be that forgiving?” She needed to know because in the last few weeks she knew with absolute certainty that Asher was who she wanted.
Frida nodded. “Before I answer that, think of your father and ask yourself one question. Why do you think Silas Wilson poured so much into who Asher is? He taught her not only to be forgiving, but kind as well as driven. She was going to need all those traits to take care of what was the most precious to him.”
“I hope you’re right, and since you were right about me being a slow learner, I’ll take it on faith.”
Frida laughed and it filled the room. “Girl, if she wasn’t forgiving, you’d be nowhere near her bed, and from the look of you, you’ve been there plenty.”
“God.” She felt her face heat up. “You do this on purpose.” That was true, but she laughed along with Frida. The world was back on its axis.
Chapter Seventeen
“Frida bought tickets today for Italy,” Wade said as they entered the barn.
The bucket of apples by the door was, as always, full, and Asher picked up a few for the horses that stuck their heads out of their stalls. “The ranchers in Tuscany raise some of the finest beef in the world. Make sure you order a steak when you’re in Florence.” She patted Wade’s horse on the neck before moving to the next one. Whatever was on Wade’s mind would eventually make it out of his mouth.
“I always order steak wherever I am, Buck. That’s a given.” He pointed to the haystacks at the back door and sat. “You want to tell me why Reagan was crying?”
“She was remembering something from high school, but it’s nothing bad.” She sat next to him and put a stalk in her mouth. “We’ve been trying to work things out.”
“How’s that going?” He sounded even-keeled, but she knew better. All that pent-up Wilson emotion was right under the surface like lava flowing underwater.
“You were right, old man. Shit has a way of working out.” She enjoyed laughing with Wade because he laughed with his whole body. “I’ve been mad for way too long, and it took one kiss to prove that I’ve been wrong.”
“Don’t take this the wrong way, but don’t mess with her. No one realizes more than me what Reagan’s running did, and your reaction to it, but don’t mess with her.” He wasn’t joking, and in the end, Reagan was his family. “I know what’s going through your head, and you’re my family too.” She needed better control over her emotions. “Come on, Buck. I love you both, but Silas is gone, and she’s my responsibility just like you are.”
“If you know, you don’t need to tell me not to be an asshole. Reagan is someone I never got over, but a happily ever after isn’t possible until I get over all my trust issues.” She leaned forward and rested her elbows on her knees. “I’m not leaving here, but she ran the first chance she got. Right now it’s easy because we haven’t made promises.”
“Sometimes you have to walk a million miles before you realize where you started is where you belong.” Wade put his hand on her shoulder and shook her gently. “It’ll make combining the properties a lot easier if it works out.”
“I convinced you, but she’s not going to be that easy. No matter what happens, I still want to buy it.” She turned and glanced out the door to a view she knew better than even her own land. “She just needs a little finessing.”
“Fuck you,” Reagan spat out behind her before turning and running out the door.
“Dammit.” She stood and ran after Reagan. The bucket of apples, of all things, tripped her at the door, and she took a few steps trying to regain her balance. All she remembered after was the sudden shock of intense pain as her head collided with the door to the first stall. “Uh, what?” she said, shaking her head as she tried to get away from the awful smell under her nose.
“Jesus Christ, will you stop scaring the hell out of all of us,” Frida said, waving the smelling salts under her nose again. “What in the world happened?”
She sat up and noticed Wade was gone. “I knocked some sense into myself before it was too late.”
Frida held her down and grabbed her chin to make eye contact with her. “Your pupils are fine for now, but you need to come in the house and lie down.”
“Sure,” she said. The more agreeable she was, the quicker this would be over. When they stepped out and Frida turned for the house, Asher made it to her truck and got in as Frida shouted at her. She waved and drove herself home. “One of these days you’re going to learn not to fall for the pretty words coming out of that pretty mouth. God, I’m a fucking idiot.”
She fishtailed onto the road and wanted to ignore the phone but noticed Jacqueline’s name on her screen. “Hey,” she said as she turned in to her property.
“Hey, cowpoke, it’s been way too long.” Jacqueline’s voice always sounded like it was infused with sarcasm. “How’s the healing coming along?”
“Back on my feet and will get back to practicing in the next few days. I want to do a few more gym days before I trust the dismount.” If Nero fiddled while Rome burned, then she was making small talk while her life dropped right back into a fiery hole dug by Reagan.
“Do you want to tell me what’s wrong?” She heard a loud tapping as if Jacqueline was beating her finger on the receiver. “Think long before you say nothing. I’ll ban you from all the restaurants for life.”
“Remember I told you who my physical therapist was going to be?”
Jacqueline laughed before apologizing. “When’s the wedding?”
It was her turn to laugh. “She just told me to fuck off at full volume, so that’s not funny.”
“Is it this girl who’s not real bright, or is that you?” Jacqueline’s question made no sense.
She pulled over under a tree and rolled down her window. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Babe, women aren’t that passionate unless they’re that passionate. Reagan might’ve committed a laundry list of sins against you, but she still loves you. I saw it on her face the first night you saw her and acted like one of your cows plopped in your mouth.” Jacqueline stopped a second, and it gave Asher the chance to laugh at the disgusting joke.
“I’m sorry I didn’t call and tell you, and if you’d waited a day, there’d have been nothing to tell.” Maybe she was meant to be alone. All she had to do was change her will and leave everything to Albert if something happened to her.
“No strings, remember? I’ve been busy here, but I’ve been on a few dates. Nothing serious but I’ve had fun, which is what I want you to do. Now, tell me you’re not giving up.”
“I’m not the one screaming obscenities.” Another reason not to get too caught up in fantasy relationships was that they only worked out in books. “All I’m going to do is concentrate on what I need to do to get back into competition. If you’re not banning me from the restaurants, I’ll see you in Vegas.”
Albert ran to the fence and neighed until she got out of the car. His girlfriend Booker was right there with him. At least one relationship was worthy of a romance novel. Why she did this to herself was something she had no ready answer to except that Reagan Wilson was her weakness.
