Never Kiss a Cowgirl, page 19
The rain finally slacked off in the late afternoon, but the sky stayed dark and overcast. They went out and sat on the porch wrapped in the bedsheet and watched the cows graze in the distance. There were no words to describe the peace of stillness, and of having Reagan pressed against her front. Asher had shared this with Jacqueline, but this was different. The history between her and Reagan was something she’d always wanted to build on, and she wanted to believe that was possible.
“You know, when we first started sleeping together”—Reagan spoke softly as she ran her fingers along the back of Asher’s hand—“I thought you were the best thing I’d ever laid eyes on, and that’s even more true now. It’s too early to make big proclamations, but God, I’ve missed you.” Reagan turned in her arms and kissed her neck. “I never dreamed I could be here again.”
“How about we take it a day at a time and concentrate on getting to know each other again. Only this time we’ll do it from a different frame of mind.” She ran her fingers through Reagan’s hair and loved the feel of it.
“What do you mean?”
She took Reagan’s hand before answering and kissed the tips of her fingers. “We’ve been together for days and days, but we don’t know anything about each other except the superficial. Let’s find out who we are again and move on from there. Hell, you might not like me very much.”
“Do you honestly think that could happen?” Reagan pushed up a little and stared into her eyes. “Do you think you might not like me very much?”
“Not what I said, but after I got over the urge to fire a few warning shots every time you drove up, I realized I like you a lot.” She didn’t glance away, wanting Reagan to know she wasn’t trying to avoid the conversation. “I might be jumping the gun, so let me ask you one thing. Are you only interested in this”—she waved down their naked bodies—“or do you want something more?”
“Will I freak you out if I’m honest?” Reagan held her by the jaw as if wanting her full attention.
“All I’m asking is for you to be honest.” She made a mental note not to appear freaked no matter what Reagan said. When she asked for honesty, she sometimes got it in spades, and it wasn’t always what she wanted to hear.
“I didn’t come back with any kind of plan. About six months ago I couldn’t take it anymore, and I decided to come home. The emptiness in my life was painful, and it was like I was always alone.” Reagan pressed her fingers to Asher’s lips to keep her quiet. “You can call me out on whatever you want, but let me finish. I’m not here because I’m settling—that’s the last thing I’m doing.”
“Like I said, you don’t need an excuse to be here,” Asher said. “This is home, and you never lose that.” She pulled Reagan closer and watched the rain falling in the distance. From the cloud cover, it looked like they were in for another night of bad weather. “We’re not following a script here, so stop worrying I’m looking for an excuse to toss you out.”
“You’re amazing,” Reagan said before she kissed her like she wanted it to last all afternoon. “Do you know that?”
“I’m glad you think so, and I want you to remember that when I’m getting on your nerves.” That made Reagan laugh, which felt like an accomplishment. “How about a shower and we pack up? If we don’t want to spend another night out here, we need to get going.”
“Do you need to be somewhere?” Reagan stood and held her hand out. “Let’s go inside and shower, and then we can plan what we’re eating tonight. The earlier we do that, the earlier we can go to bed.”
They got ready for bed after a light dinner Reagan made and made love again. They’d slowed down and found a bit of that old magic, and she liked how Reagan stayed close once they’d tired themselves out. Asher lay on her back so Reagan would be comfortable pressed against her and watched her sleep.
She’d had more orgasms in the last day than she’d had in months, and she smiled at how quickly life changed. It made her think of her father and how he always encouraged her to try since it was the only way to win. Right at this moment she couldn’t talk herself into a downside to a relationship with Reagan.
“You’re thinking,” Reagan said, throwing her leg over hers. “Is that a good thing?”
“I was thinking about you.” She was too comfortable to move, so she held Reagan in place. “This has been a good day.”
“You’re still scared, aren’t you? Scared that I’m going to flake out on you again.” Reagan held her and sighed.
“I’m not, really. There’s no way to know what the future holds, but I’m not going to cut you out because I can’t guarantee the outcome.” She kissed Reagan as she pressed their foreheads together. “I’ll be here, and I’m not changing my mind.”
“You won’t be sorry.”
The next morning Reagan helped her stretch and guided her through some exercises to improve the range of motion in her foot. She was at a point where the movements didn’t cause a tremendous amount of pain. Reagan was so careful, and she closed her eyes and waited for her to finish. All that was left was coffee, and then they had to head back to the house, which at the moment wasn’t something she was looking forward to.
It was a long time since she’d had Reagan all to herself, and she wasn’t ready to let the real world back in. The downpour had slowed down to a drizzle, and another day of this would be more than welcome. Reagan brought her daydreaming to an end when she tickled the bottom of her foot.
“Are you overthinking again?” Reagan moved from the foot of the bed to lie on her.
“I’m thinking I don’t want to leave, but the damn cows don’t deliver groceries. How about we go back to the house and spend some time in the gym—then I’ll take you out to eat?”
“Is Rickie working all day?” Reagan asked as she moved her hand right under the top of her boxers. “If she wants the day and night off, my plan is to put you through your paces in the gym, followed by a naked massage so I can put you through your paces in the bedroom. After that I’ll cook again.”
“Let me take you out, babe. You’ve cooked plenty.” The muted light in the room was enough for her to see the slope of Reagan’s butt. This had always been one of her favorite views in the world. “If we go somewhere casual, I’ll spend the night in town with you, and we can head back here in the morning. Or I can go into the clinic if you want.”
“I like taking care of you, so I’m cooking. Now that I know you’re not going to kill me, I’d like to walk around your place.” Reagan didn’t make a move to get out of bed. “If you bring me into town, I can pick up some clothes, and I’ll stay so we can work longer.”
Asher rolled her over so she could study every part of her. “Right this second I’ll give you whatever you want.” She put her hand between Reagan’s legs and cursed in a soft voice. It didn’t take much buildup for Reagan to scream and pull her down so all her weight was on Reagan.
“You’ve gotten much better, and that doesn’t seem possible since you were excellent in high school.” Reagan opened her legs wider and ran her hands up and down Asher’s back.
“You’re good for my ego,” she said, pushing her hips down. “You’re also driving me over the edge.”
“I’d get used to that,” Reagan said, putting her index and middle fingers between Asher’s legs. “God, this is heaven.”
“What?” Getting that word out while pumping her hips was harder than eight seconds on a bull. The sensation of Reagan under her and her lips against Asher’s neck was driving her to orgasm faster, and her mind cleared. It was like coming out of the chute—everything flew from her mind. Now it was only Reagan she could sense. How she touched her, loved her, and brought her to the brink.
“I want to keep you this way, so you never come to your senses,” Reagan said before they kissed passionately.
The declaration was all it took for her to jump off the precipice Reagan had led her to without fear. She wanted this…Reagan and everything she entailed. “Fuck,” she cried out as she tensed, “fuck,” this time much more softly as she slumped into Reagan. She tried to roll off, but Reagan crossed her feet at the small of her back and held her in place.
“I like this,” Reagan said, pressing her lips to her temple. “It’s not great to think about all the people we’ve been with since I left, but I never shared this with anyone else.”
“What?” She drew herself up enough to see Reagan’s face. The answer seemed important enough to need to see her expression. “You can tell me.”
“With people like Steph and a few others, it was all about the release. To not feel so lonely, and not be so alone.” Reagan combed Asher’s hair back and traced around her ears with her finger. “It was always on my terms, though. I didn’t want this, to be pinned down, touched, and devoured by anyone else.”
“It’s like coming home,” Asher said, understanding what Reagan didn’t say.
“Yes, exactly. You are imprinted in here,” Reagan said, putting her hand over her heart. “We’ll go as slow as it takes to convince you, but my heart knows you, Asher.”
“We’ll be okay, I promise.” The dilemma now was whether to believe in salvation or total destruction. If Reagan got in as deep as she had before, then ran, the pain wouldn’t be so easily conquered this time. It would be like being bashed against rocks by relentless waves that would leave her more battered than any bull ever could.
“We will, because I promise too,” Reagan said as she framed her face with her hands. It was as if she could see the fear in Asher’s eyes and wanted to reassure her.
Faith, Asher thought, was easier for some than others. A strong belief in something intangible and ethereal took courage. You had to believe no matter your doubts, and this was what Reagan was asking her to do—only this time, there was history to put cracks in that faith. Reagan was asking her to stand on the cliff that overlooked the waves and jagged rocks and trust her to keep her from falling, trust her to keep her and her heart safe. She was sitting at the table and gambling all she held dear.
“We’ll have to have faith, then.”
Chapter Sixteen
Two weeks of therapy and taking care of Asher in every way she could think of—from cooking dinner, to riding the ranch with her—was making a difference. The dairy barn was starting to take shape, and Asher was out of the boot for most of the day, so she was starting to take shape as well. Their appointment with Harry that morning would dictate their next step.
“Do you want your jogging shoes?” Reagan asked, holding them up as Asher was about to slide her feet into a pair of boots.
“Do you want me to wear my jogging shoes?” Asher laughed and put her boots aside.
“I don’t want to put any strain on your foot until I absolutely have to.” She sat next to Asher and took her hand. “Boots can wait for another week.”
“I have a month to get in shape, darlin’. Putting strain on the foot needs to start somewhere. If it can’t hold up, it can’t hold up, but I want to at least try.”
“Honey, you’re going to do a lot more than try. I promised you at the beginning that I’d get you back on a bull, and I’m keeping that promise.” She pulled Asher’s head down and kissed her. “Right now I need you to put these on. If Harry approves your boot wearing, I’ll polish them myself.”
“Come on, smart-ass. If we leave early for the appointment, we might be out early enough to grab lunch.” Asher stood and put her wallet, phone, and keys in her pockets.
“Are you getting tired of my cooking?” She smiled, jealous of Asher’s shorts and linen shirt. Harry was her boss, so she had to look a bit more professional than that. “And Uncle Wade invited us to lunch at the ranch when we get back. I think he and Frida want to go on a fishing expedition since he hasn’t seen either of us lately.”
“If Frida’s making fajitas, it’s worth the interrogation.” Asher held her hand out, but Reagan flattened hers on Asher’s chest before they left the main bedroom.
“Is it going to bother you if he knows?” They’d been in a bubble where it’d been only the two of them, and at times Rickie.
“I’m not keeping you a secret, so I don’t care who knows how close we’ve become.” Asher had a way of sounding confident that everything and everyone would simply fall in line. “Unless you have a problem, I want to tell him and Frida if we go over there today. Do you think he’s going to have a problem with it?”
“I don’t, and he’s going to be thrilled.” Asher kissed her as if they had all the time in the world. “I’m sure he’ll give me a talking-to, as he likes to put it, but I think that’s a good thing. You need people who love you in your corner.”
“Are you in my corner?” She’d been too afraid to ask if Asher had reached out to Jacqueline because it didn’t seem like that was a closed story. “I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop and I can’t help it.”
Asher led her to the chairs next to the window that overlooked the back pastures. “Are you not sure anymore?”
“No,” she said emphatically. “I’m sure, and I know what’s coming. The real world hasn’t touched us in days, and I’m scared what’s going to happen once it comes crashing in.”
“Tell me what you’re afraid of. I can’t help you unless you tell me.” Asher held her hand and seemed open and earnest. “I’ve felt you wrestling with something every night, but I haven’t pushed.”
“Asher, I—” She didn’t know how to finish in a way that didn’t make her sound unhinged or bitchy.
“When you say you’re worried about the real world,” Asher said, “does that mean Steph and Jacqueline?” It was like she had a window on her forehead that allowed Asher to read her thoughts.
“Does that make me a fool for worrying?” There was no reason to deny it now.
“Think about where you are, and why. I want you here, and only you here.” Asher stood and put her arms around her. “I haven’t reached out to Jacqueline because I’ve been too wrapped up in, well, you. The way you should look at it is she hasn’t reached out to me either.”
“We’re going to be late,” she said, not ready to hear that Asher might still have feelings for someone else.
“You know me, baby. I’m not lying about what I want. If you want, when we get back, I’ll give her a call. She should know I’ve found someone that means everything to me.”
She inhaled, enjoying Asher’s cologne. “You have a way with words, cowpoke, and you can take your time with your friend. All she needs to face is there will be no more benefits.”
“Maybe we can all have dinner and introduce Steph to Jacqueline. I know you said you and Steph weren’t together, but the way she looked at you made me think she’d missed that headline in the paper.” Asher smiled when she moved her hands from her hips to her backside. “We should have dinner with Steph again no matter what.”
“Why?” she asked as Asher picked her up and let her feet dangle off the ground.
“I wasn’t in the best mood that last time, and I owe her some answers about the rodeo. She did sound like she was a true fan, but she needs to know you’re off-limits.” Asher kissed her again before putting her down and taking her hand. “Let’s not be late.”
Harry didn’t keep them waiting and didn’t show any surprise when Reagan followed her in and sat next to the exam table. She did, though, hike an eyebrow at Reagan—she guessed it was for holding Asher’s hand when they stepped in. But dread started to set in with the knowledge their little routine was about to include bull riding. There was no way Reagan would have given Asher the go-ahead without Harry’s consultation, but her lover was healed and ready.
“You should thank your brilliant doctor and therapist,” Harry said as she manipulated Asher’s foot in a variety of different ways. “Have you been weaning her off the boot?” Harry glanced Reagan’s way, and she nodded.
“We’re up to four miles without any pain. Only walking, though. I wanted to wait for clearance before she starts jogging.” She couldn’t help but let her eyes go to Asher. “No pain, and she’s making it through the strength-building exercises well.”
“You two can ask me, you know,” Asher said and winked at her. “Reagan’s been great. The Buffalo event is in five weeks.”
The announcement was like a bomb exploding in Reagan’s head, the shrapnel hitting her heart full force. She kept a smile on her face, but she could see that Asher wasn’t buying it. “You’re ready now,” Reagan said, “and if you have any doubts, climb back on. The foot will hold. I did everything to make sure it does.”
“Harry, could you give us a few minutes?” Asher asked.
“She’s right, and you’re done with me unless you have a problem during a practice round. Even a twinge and you call me, okay?” Harry shook hands with them both before closing the door behind her.
“Are you having second thoughts?” Asher asked, swinging her legs off the side of the table. “It’s okay to say it, and it’s okay to wait until I’m done. I realize it’s a gamble to let you go for the next four months since I doubt I’d get you back, but I have to finish.”
“No more letting go. Believe me, it was a hard mistake to walk back. But don’t ask or expect me not to be worried.” She stood between Asher’s legs and put her hands on her shoulders and squeezed. “It’s way too early, but I love you. I’m wildly in love with you, and imagining you hurt kills something in me. I can’t stand it.”
“How about we concentrate on the wildly in love part?” Asher held her as if she was the most precious thing she’d ever had in her arms. “That’s mutual, by the way. I love you, Reagan Wilson. I have since I was twelve and didn’t know shit about anything except that I was in love with you. We don’t have to figure out the logistics of everything now, but I want a life with you and a bunch of cows and horses.”
“Oh my God, really?” Her first thought was that her father was brainwashing Asher from the Great Beyond, as he always called it. Or maybe he really had heard all those wishes she’d thrown off her balcony and moved the heavens to make them a reality. Whatever it was, she was truly happy for the first time in years. She hadn’t been totally miserable, but this kind of joy was hard to find once in any lifetime, much less twice.
