Never Kiss a Cowgirl, page 17
Asher put her arms around her and brought her closer. “This time worry about me forgiving you, and I do. Then concentrate on the fact that the past doesn’t define you.”
“You make it sound easy.” She couldn’t trust this, but thinking too much right this second might lead to waking up, and she didn’t want to do that. That she’d been allowed to kiss Asher meant she was dreaming. Had to be.
“It’s not hard unless you go out of your way to complicate it. I’ve known you to do that, but try to avoid it this time around.” Asher kissed her cheek and didn’t fight it when Reagan moved her head and kissed her on the lips again.
“Right now what I want is not complicated at all,” she whispered in Asher’s ear.
Asher shivered and chuckled. “Slow down a bit, Speed Racer. We fixed this recently, and I don’t want to mess it up again.”
“You don’t want—”
“Don’t think for me, Reagan, please. All I want is to not rush something that shouldn’t be rushed.” Asher was too mature for Reagan’s taste at the moment. “It’s hard to forget I’m not what you want.”
“You can’t believe that.” Her actions would condemn her if Asher couldn’t come to believe her now. She’d been so confused, and it wasn’t until she was back in Asher’s arms that she knew the truth of that. Coming home hadn’t been only about Uncle Wade, but about getting back something she needed that was key to her happiness. “Will you be honest if I ask you something?”
“I’m not going to lie to you, honey. What purpose would it serve?” Asher wiped Reagan’s tears and kept her hand at the side of her neck. “It’s like you’ve worked yourself up into expecting everyone to act a certain way and getting upset when we don’t follow that role.”
“You’re probably right, but that’s not my question.” She leaned into Asher’s touch and remembered it all. “Why aren’t you married with children?”
Asher laughed, and it was another one of those deep from the belly laughs. “Are you upset I’m not?”
“Asher, I hate that what I did to you might have something to do with the way your life is now.” She felt Asher’s hold on her tighten.
“If there’s one thing I can tell you, it’s that I’m happy with my life. Do I want a family? I do, but I’m not going to rush into it because it’s the next logical step.” Reagan closed her eyes when Asher kissed her temple. “All you should take away from today is that I don’t hate you, and I’ll be here if you need me.”
“It’s late,” she said, not ready to let Asher go. It was strange after so many years of not seeing or talking to Asher that she’d be this pained by the thought of letting her walk out the door. “You can stay. I’ll take the couch.” She talked fast before Asher turned her down.
“I appreciate the offer, but I’ll be okay.”
She shook her head and held on to Asher. “Please, I’m going to be worried about you if you leave now.”
“How about I go, and I’ll call you when I get home?”
There was nothing she was going to say that’d convince Asher into staying. “If you go, then I’m coming with you.” She stood and put her hands on her hips. “You’re still hurt, and I don’t want you driving alone.”
“Okay, but I’m taking the couch, and I promise I’ll be here in the morning.” Asher started on the Velcro straps of the boot and freed her foot. The sock with sharks all over it was cute, and Reagan said so as she helped her off with the regular boot. “I’ll be okay if you want to go to bed.”
Reagan didn’t say anything as Asher texted someone before placing her phone and everything else in her pocket on the coffee table. What she wanted to do was unbuckle the alligator skin belt with the sterling buckle. Eventually she’d ask Asher when she’d developed such a sense of style.
“I’m not ready to let you go,” Reagan said, sitting down and putting her hand on Asher’s thigh. “And don’t make fun of me by telling me I’m good at that.”
“Only an asshole piles on, and I’d like to think I keep that side of myself down to a minimum.” The softness of Asher’s voice was familiar yet new in its pitch. She was familiar with a younger Asher, and that part of her was still there, only now wrapped in a more enticing package. “Go change and I’ll tuck you in.”
“You aren’t going to run out the door, are you?” She made Asher laugh again.
“Maybe in a week I can pull that off. Tonight, you’re stuck with me since you won’t let me leave.” Asher winked, and it made her stomach clench.
“I believe you. I’m the one who’s good at running.”
Chapter Fourteen
Asher stared at Reagan’s back as she headed for her bedroom. She wondered if her broken ankle was somehow affecting her brain. The kissing had for sure shorted out her cognitive thinking ability to the point she didn’t want to stop kissing Reagan, but protecting herself was her first priority in all situations. That she’d learned from the woman walking away from her. She also didn’t have it in her to be as cruel as Reagan had been.
Thinking of it now, though, had Reagan really been cruel? She’d done what she’d needed to in order to survive. It had hurt to be left behind, but her dad had taught her that no two people processed pain the same. He’d been adamant that it wasn’t their job to judge, but to try to love others even if it was hard. Loving Reagan even as a friend would be hard—she wasn’t delusional enough to think otherwise. There was so much between them, too much, but the last week had opened her mind to the possibility—her heart would take more convincing.
She stood again and unbuckled her belt and took off her pants. The tight boxers she’d gone with would have to do for sleep. It was ridiculous to act as if it mattered, considering Reagan had her naked every afternoon for the massages she was fairly sure she didn’t need to be completely naked for. Reagan had started covering her ass, which meant her ex was starting to sweat—which meant Asher wasn’t alone.
The truth was that Reagan had gutted her, but it didn’t make her less beautiful. It didn’t make her less sexy, and for sure not any less desirable. Those massages had become something to sweat over, and now adding kissing to that equation meant resisting Reagan was going to be a route that not only led to hell but to failure. She knew enough about herself to know that. Everyone had a weakness, and hers wasn’t exactly women, but this one particular woman.
“Do you really want to go home that bad?” Reagan asked, sitting next to her.
“I’m on your sofa in my underwear, so I’m not sure what you’re talking about.” She stared at Reagan and took in the navy-blue silk nightgown with the thin straps and perfect fit. One consistent thing about Reagan was she played to win. This was not what you wore to a friendly sleepover. “What are you talking about?”
“You were deep in thought and looking pained. I’ll still go with you if you want to head home, but I don’t want you to be miserable.” Reagan scooted closer and took her hand. “Believe me, you’ve already given me so much. I’m grateful.”
“You don’t have to be grateful for something I want to do, and I took my pants off because I want to stay.” She squeezed Reagan’s fingers and let go. “Now go to bed, and I promise I’ll be here in the morning demanding coffee.”
“Are you sure you don’t want to take the bed? My couch is shorter than the one in the cabin.” Reagan came closer and laid her head on her shoulder. “Do you want a T-shirt? I doubt I have one that fits you, but it’ll keep you from sleeping in that great shirt.”
“You get me out of my clothes often enough, so don’t worry about that either. Get some sleep, and we’ll go to breakfast in the morning. The only good thing about my ankle is that early mornings of work are out until I can get on a horse.”
“Speaking of, do you think Booker is pregnant yet?” Reagan seemed to be finding subjects to drag out their night.
“It’s not for Albert’s lack of trying. He’s so taken with your horse he won’t go near the other mare Helki talked me into buying.” She leaned back and Reagan went with her. “Once I can start riding again, I doubt he’ll be in the mood to leave the barn.”
“Has Helki been with you long?” There was a tone to Reagan’s question, and Asher had no idea what it was. “She seems nice.”
“She is, and she’s good with the animals. I’m glad she took me up on my offer to join us and expand the horse part of the equation. All the stuff I have going on will keep me busy once I retire. I wasn’t planning on breeding horses, but they’re making good use of the barn.” She clenched her jaw to keep from yawning.
“You know how much I love horses, so I’m glad she’s there.” Reagan moved closer and tapped the bottom of Asher’s jaw. “Are you tired?”
“I’m exhausted but glad to see you’re following Harry’s advice.”
“What are you talking about?” Reagan placed her hand on her chest and fanned her fingers over Asher’s heart.
“You’re wearing me out, but I’m starting to feel like myself again.” She couldn’t fight the yawn this time, but she kissed the top of Reagan’s head when she finished. “I may not act like it, but I appreciate it.”
“You have plenty of credit with me.”
That voice lulled her into closing her eyes, and she didn’t resist when Reagan eased her down the rest of the way. Reagan smelled different, and she was too tired to figure out if it was her shampoo or a new perfume. Whatever it was, it made her happy to be close enough to smell it. That was the only thing on her mind when she closed her eyes and fell asleep.
* * *
She woke up at three in the morning and had to take a second to remember where she was and who was lying half on her. A quick inventory of the situation made her laugh at herself for her nonexistent self-control. Her hand was on Reagan’s ass, and that nightgown felt as good under her fingertips as she’d thought it would when she first saw it. The one thing she was sure of was Wade was going to give her shit for this, and if she played with Reagan’s emotions, he’d dish out a hell of a lot more than that.
“Do you want to go to bed?” Reagan asked, her voice rough with sleep. “It’ll be more comfortable.”
“Lead the way.” Hell, it was no time to start pretending now. She followed Reagan to the back of the condo and briefly wondered if Steph had been at home here, sharing this space with Reagan. “Go back to sleep, darlin’.”
Reagan moved back into her arms and sighed before her breathing evened out. She closed her eyes as well and relaxed her body, hoping to go back to sleep. There were times when the restlessness caught up to her and she roamed the house until Rickie arrived in the morning or she saddled Albert and rode out to open the feed bins. In the early morning stillness now, though, she put her arms around Reagan and pretended she was eighteen again.
It felt like minutes later when she woke to Reagan running her fingers along her eyebrows. She hummed and closed her eyes again. Reagan must’ve taken it as an invitation and kissed her as she placed her hand against her neck. The kiss was soft, unhurried, and nice in a way that was like coming home after being away for way too long.
“Good morning,” Reagan said as she moved to caress her jawline. “This is like a dream.”
“Do you want to go out or stay in?” Right now, she’d be happy not getting out of this bed.
“I know you’d take me out again, but I’d love to make you breakfast, and then we can decide where we can go that you can wear an extremely wrinkled shirt,” Reagan teased. “I think days like today are made to be a bit lazy.”
“You think every morning is made to be lazy. Unless you’ve changed drastically, you’ve never loved early mornings.” She didn’t move much as Reagan lay completely on her. “If you’re up for going out for a bit, I promise a day in. That might be the best for us.”
“Where would you like to go?” Reagan framed her face before moving her finger to trace her lips. “I promise pancakes if you stay right here. I’ll even feed them to you.”
“I think you’ve taken the eight seconds I need to stay on a bull to heart. You’re quick out of the chute after we haven’t seen each other in forever.” She was teasing, but Reagan was quick to move off her.
“I’m sorry, I thought…never mind. If you give me a couple of minutes, I’ll be ready to go.” Her sad expression twisted something in Asher that prompted her to reach for Reagan before she got too far away.
“I was kidding, honey. Nothing that’s happened so far has been unwelcome,” she said, pulling Reagan back to her. Reagan’s face softened, and that lost appearance disappeared. “Just promise me one thing.”
“What?” Reagan moaned when Asher started the next kiss, slipping her tongue between welcoming lips.
“If you only want casual, tell me now. It’s not wrong, but I don’t want another miscommunication between us to turn into another long stretch of years that leaves one or both of us hurting.” Holding a sword over her own head was a risky move, but she needed to be sure before Reagan got so far in she wouldn’t know how to cut her out of her heart a second time.
“I know you,” Reagan said, “and because I do I know you won’t trust easily. That means I’m not going to make big promises you might not believe, but I’m not going anywhere. My mistakes cost us both, and I’d like to think I’m smart enough to learn not to repeat them.” Reagan kissed her while threading their fingers together. “I want you to give me a second chance.”
“Are you sure? You said the last person you wanted to see when you got back was me.”
“That’s true, and if you want the real answer, I’ll tell you why.” Reagan put her head down but stayed on top.
“I thought you did. Are you saying that wasn’t the truth?” Damn if this wasn’t like being trampled by a bull that then backed up and kicked you in the head.
“What I told you was true, but I left out the most important part. You’ve become this success that makes people take notice of you, that part I knew from Uncle Wade. That and the interviews you’ve given, as well as the couple of magazine layouts.” Reagan moved her hand to slip it into her shirt as far as it would go. “Seeing you, though—I knew from the second I packed my apartment and started driving here with Steph that if I saw you, I’d want this. I’d want it, and you’d refuse to give in because of what I’d done.”
“No faith in me, huh?”
“It was more like I believed I deserved to be punished, but there was also the chance that I was too late. Living with that meant living without who I needed most.”
“That’s sappy, but I know what you mean. When Wade told me you were coming home, I expected married, or on the way to that.” She laughed as she rubbed Reagan’s back. “Old Uncle Wade for once wasn’t full of advice, but I could tell he was itching to give me some. This time around I guess he thought we should figure it out for ourselves.”
“Do you think we will?” Reagan asked with her lips pressed to Asher’s neck.
“I’m in your bed in my underwear trying to forget what you’re wearing, which I’m sure you picked on purpose,” she said, slapping Reagan’s ass. “We’re well on our way.”
“That’s a good thing, right?”
“It is, so get dressed, pack a bag with dry clothes, and I’ll get my pants back on. We need to make a few stops.” She heard thunder outside and figured her plan was sound. It was better than thinking it was ill-advised. “Do you have patients today?”
“Harry assigned me to you until you’re well enough to ride. Before I put you back on a bull, you’re going to be strong enough to ride the worst hellion they think to put you on.” Reagan sat up and straddled her waist. “And I promise that’ll be way before you think.”
“Good, go pack. I want to get moving before the deluge outside gets any worse.”
A few minutes later, Reagan came out in shorts and a long-sleeved T-shirt with her hair in a ponytail. They didn’t say much as they headed back to the ranch and an empty house. Rickie had school in the mornings, so Asher packed what she needed and called down to the barn for the hands to prepare the rest of what she wanted. Owen promised he’d get everything on her list and deliver it for her so she didn’t have to worry about strapping it to the Gator. The four-wheeler was more fun, but the Gator had a roof, a windshield, and plastic doors that could be zipped up in bad weather.
“Put this on,” she said, handing Reagan a slicker that went past her knees. The weather had turned nasty, and the hands were driving the stragglers who loved the open range to higher ground.
She handed Reagan a hat as she pulled hers low on her brow and pointed to the door. The rain was coming down in sheets, and the weather report said it would be with them for most of the day. Her hands had checked with Wade to make sure he and his crew were okay, which was one less thing for her to worry about.
Luckily she could find the cabin blindfolded, since the visibility was terrible. She went slow, not wanting to get stuck in a pothole, and zipped up the Gator before following Reagan inside. Owen had already been by and everything she’d asked for was on the counter, including the bag Reagan had packed.
“I should’ve thought this out better,” she said, standing at the window. All she could make out was the porch. “We might be stuck for a few days.”
“You say that like it’s a bad thing,” Reagan said as she went through the supplies and put some in the refrigerator. “I promise to keep you entertained—or is that what you’re worried about?”
“Entertain away.” She sat on the arm of the couch and unstrapped the boot before jamming her other foot into the bootjack. They’d left their slickers dripping by the door, so she took her socks off to put with those since they were soaked.
“Let me finish,” Reagan said, already in her bare feet. If the nightgown the night before wasn’t enough to make Asher nuts, the dark red toenail polish might tip her over the edge. “Want anything?” Reagan smiled when she caught her staring at her feet.
