Never Kiss a Cowgirl, page 15
“No need to be afraid.” Her cell rang, prompting Reagan to move away. One of the ranch hands had found Reagan’s car on the road and was worried it was someone messing with the herd. “Ride to the cabin and pick up the keys. You can park it by the house.”
“I apologize for keeping you out so late. If you give me a ride back I’ll get out of here, and we can start later than usual tomorrow.” Reagan leaned forward and rested her elbows on her knees and combed her hair back with both hands.
“You get a break tomorrow, remember? I have a doctor’s appointment, so with any luck this thing will come off, and Harry puts me in a boot, so I can reach all those phantom itches.” She glanced at her watch, and it was after two. “And your choices are staying with me or in your old room at the house. It’s late, and I don’t want anything happening to you.”
“Asher,” Reagan said as if that’s all she could think to come up with.
“Do you want to drive home this late?” Reagan shook her head. “Then take one of the spare bedrooms at the house and drive home in the morning.”
“Can I see the inside of this place before we go?”
Asher fished the keys out of her pocket and handed them over. The place wasn’t very big, but it was comfortable. The bathroom was the only other room off the open space and the fireplace was way too big, but she liked the solidness of it. Reagan stood in front of the hearth and touched the stones. It was surreal, in a way, seeing her standing here.
“It’s not much, but it comes in handy when I want to save myself the hour’s ride to get out this far.”
The arrival of the ranch hand for Reagan’s keys meant the end of their night, and she was glad. She was exhausted and yawned as the hand told her four of the cows were in labor, and they’d call if there were any problems.
“You must be tired,” Reagan said when she went back in. “Why not save us the bumpy ride back? I’ll take the couch.”
“Sounds good.” She pointed to the bathroom after pulling out a sleep shirt for Reagan to borrow. The last thing she remembered was sitting on the sofa to wait for Reagan to finish. It had been an exhausting day, but it did seem like she’d put down a heavy load, and she had no plans to pick it back up.
* * *
The fog outside was thick as the sky started to lighten from the dawn. It was another too-early morning for Reagan, but this was so different than the previous day. She was in Asher’s bed watching her sleep on the sofa, her feet hanging off the end and her arm thrown over her eyes. It was surprising Asher was still asleep considering a lifetime of waking early to do hard physical work. Cows waited for no one, and they expected to be fed, milked, and pampered no matter the weather.
So she sat with her knees bent, alternating staring out the window to staring at Asher. Once she woke up, she had a gut feeling they’d go back to their corners and the night before would be forgotten. What she knew for sure was not having Asher hold her again would hurt as much as it did the first time she lost the privilege. She’d always prided herself on her intelligence, but it turned out she was an idiot for ever thinking she’d be completely happy away from here.
“What are you thinking so hard about over there?” Asher’s voice was cigarette-and-too-much-whiskey rough, and the sound of it made her nipples hard.
“It’s so beautiful out here.” The rest she’d keep to herself. “You picked the perfect spot.”
Asher lifted her head and squinted as she looked outside. “It’s been a while since you woke up with cows in your yard, I bet.”
She laughed and got up to turn on a lamp. The small kitchen had a coffee maker, and she pulled two double shots—she couldn’t imagine Asher not liking coffee. Asher sat up and made room for her on the couch. “Does Uncle Wade know you drink high-end Italian coffee?”
“I’m not stuck in my ways when it comes to all things,” Asher said and smiled. “Thanks for making it. Moving around with hot liquid on those damn crutches is a pain.”
“Do you have time for breakfast?” She was pushing her luck, but stretching out her time with Asher was worth a few chances. “I see you have eggs.”
“That’d be nice if you don’t mind.” Asher held her cup with both hands and stretched out, putting her feet on the coffee table. “Did you sleep okay?”
“I did, and I’m glad you talked me into staying. At the risk of forcing you to throw me out, can we talk some more?” It was encouraging when Asher’s reaction wasn’t to tense up.
“Sure. We haven’t spoken in years.” Asher turned her head, and the intensity in those hazel eyes cut right through her. That face visited her in her dreams more often than she liked, and she wondered if she’d ever be free of it. “What would you like to talk about?”
“You,” she said, and it got her a belly laugh. That’s one of the things she loved about Asher—her laugh was as genuine as her. She stood and moved to the stove.
“You’re off-limits, then?” Asher patted the seat next to her as if encouraging her to come back. If they were going to talk, they weren’t going to do it across the room from each other.
She sat, but on the edge of the cushion. “I’m an open book with a lot of blank pages.”
“Ah,” Asher said with a smile that reached her eyes. She’d known her long enough to know the difference. “You know what?”
“What?” God, she wanted to be held again. She didn’t want to compare Asher to everyone else she’d been with, but last night had made that impossible. There was no comparison, and not realizing that at eighteen damned her to this life she didn’t like. Not one damn bit.
“I want to be mad at you, and stay mad,” Asher said. “All those steps they talk about when it comes to grief are true. Anger came up the list fast and stayed.”
“I’d argue with you, but it’ll be hard to explain a cast up my ass at the emergency room.” She tried humor wanting to keep Asher talking.
Asher obliged her by laughing. “What I figured out, though, is it takes a lot of effort to stay mad at you, and I’d rather concentrate on something else.” Asher lifted her finger when she opened her mouth to thank her. “Before you thank me, just remember that I’m trying to rush PT so I can compete again. That means real bulls and not those mechanical rides outside the grocery store. You haven’t liked me for a long time because of the choices I made.”
“I’ve always liked you even when my brain went on vacation. You’re a part of me, Asher. I can take it that you’re mad at me, but I can’t stand that you don’t want me as a friend.”
“That’s what I’m trying to tell you. I’m tired of being mad at you.” Asher seemed so sincere. “But if you can’t accept what happens when this cast comes off, you need to tell me.”
“It was always about the fear. Not the best excuse, but I was eighteen and terrified of losing you.” She reached over and placed her hand on Asher’s thigh. “Bulls scare me, and you on a bull scares the shit out of me.”
“I started because of Silas, but I’m finishing for myself.” Asher took a couple of deep breaths and placed her hand over hers. “It’s kind of strange you’d come back now.”
“Why?” She had to calm down and be patient not to scare Asher into silence.
“This is my last year. It’ll either happen or it won’t, but my life is here. Don’t tell anyone since I haven’t made that public yet, but this should prove to you that I don’t hate you. In retrospect I think you were the person who deserved to know first.”
“Don’t quit because of me. That’ll make you hate me forever.” The words were coming out of her mouth, but it was like she had no control over them. She shouldn’t mean them, but she did. “And you don’t have to say it to get me to help you.”
“I’m sorry, but did you forget everything about me?” Asher squinted again as if trying her best to see her clearly. “There are plenty of physical therapists in the city, Reagan. I’m telling you because it was what I decided before you moved back.”
“You won’t hate me?”
“According to you, I already do.” Asher smiled in that lopsided way she’d had since she was a kid, and Reagan wanted back in to her heart more than she’d ever wanted anything in her life. Man, had she been wrong about so many things, but especially this. She’d known love, and no one could tell her she’d been too young for it to be real.
“But you don’t. Not really,” Reagan said as a ball of emotion formed in her throat. “Please tell me that’s true.”
“It’s true, but I need an answer. I want to finish this season, so don’t try to talk me into an earlier retirement. If it makes it easier, we can take up this friendship once I finish.” Asher reached for her crutches and stood with ease. “Think about it. Let me hop to the bathroom, and I’ll take you back.”
“Not until you have breakfast.” Reagan watched her walk away before moving back to the kitchen. “Maybe you were listening, Daddy.”
She whisked eggs and heated butter in a perfectly seasoned black iron skillet. The eggs went in as Asher came out of the bathroom. Once upon a time this was all she knew how to cook and she’d fantasized about taking care of Asher and a family every morning. She was ashamed for ever making fun of that particular fantasy.
“Hey, you didn’t have to go to all that trouble.” Asher sat back on the sofa and rubbed her face, then combed her hair back, only to have it stick out in a hundred different directions.
“It’s a thank-you for last night.” She plated the plain omelet and carried it over to Asher. “And I don’t need to think about what you said. I’m going to be your therapist, but I would like you to answer the question Steph asked you last night.” She handed over a fork and napkin when she sat with another plate.
“What question?” Asher instantly cooled, and Reagan panicked, not wanting to lose ground.
“What’s it like? I never gave you the opportunity to tell me.” She tapped her fork against her plate and sighed. “I yelled at you, then ran off like a shit. Back then I didn’t really want to know why.”
“But now you do?” Asher stopped and took a bite of her eggs and chewed as if navigating this conversation was like tangoing through a minefield while having a rattlesnake wrapped around her head. “Why do you want to know? The circuit was and, I suspect, still is something you hate.”
“I need to know because it’s a big part of you. It won’t matter if you retire this year, or a decade from now. You’ve rewritten history when it comes to the sport. You love it, and you’re good at it. Not many people can say they’re the best in the world at something.” It appeared the right thing to say since the tension left Asher’s shoulders.
“The United States is a bit conceited when it comes to declaring things like that. There might be some kid in, say, Norway who’s way better than me, he just doesn’t compete.” Asher was funny. She’d always had a talent for making Reagan laugh, but she seemed to have a sharper wit now. “I was being honest last night. There’s no easy answer.”
“I don’t want the anyone else’s answer to why they climb on one of those beasts—I want yours.”
“Are you going to use my answer against me?” Asher’s question didn’t seem to have any kind of malice behind it, and again she couldn’t blame her for the suspicion. She’d made her skittish with her past behavior, and it was time to change that pattern.
“I want to understand because I doubt you did this only to please my father.” She tapped her fork against Asher’s plate and smiled. “Now, eat and answer my question.”
“Your dad got me started, but he couldn’t prepare me for the moment that chute opened. At first I thought you were right and I’d lost you over something that was totally foolish, not to mention stupid, but then I remembered my training.” Asher sounded so animated. “It’s strange.”
“What is?” She took another bite of her eggs, hoping Asher would keep going.
“The crowd is always so loud right before I bust out, but once the ride starts my head goes quiet, and I only hear the creak of the leather, the bull’s snorts, and the sound of my breathing. It’s like nothing else I’ve ever tried, and I’ve gone as far as I can in the sport. That means I can walk away and not regret that choice.” Asher finished her breakfast, and Reagan took her plate. “I took advantage of the opportunity Silas gave me, and it’s helped me build all this.”
“You’re not quitting because of me, are you?” Reagan heard how that sounded. It was self-centered and conceited. “Listen to me,” she said and laughed. “This is about you, not me.”
“I’m quitting because I want to enjoy the rest of my life without facing a lot of this,” Asher said, pointing to her foot. “Your dad stayed at the party a little too long, and I can understand that. This isn’t some noble pursuit, but the chase is addictive. Wanting to win is hardwired.”
“Like you said, he died doing what he loved. I might not have liked it, but he would’ve been miserable if I’d kept him under lock and key.” Letting go of the anger and the regret wouldn’t be that easy, but she had to try. Talking about it would help. “All I want is for you to believe me when I tell you I acted the way I did because I was scared.”
“I do believe you. The only thing I don’t understand is why you were gone so long.” Asher still sounded like she wasn’t upset, but there was a chance that would change.
“Think of me as a runaway cart going down a steep hill. Once I started making mistakes, they got easier and easier to pile on.” She wiped her face, not believing she was crying again. “I didn’t want to face the mistakes, and they only compounded.”
“We grew up in the same house, Buckaroo. You should’ve learned that your family is always going to forgive you, and they missed you.” Asher smiled at her, but in a way, the smile made Asher look sad.
“How about you? Did you miss me?” She was pushing her luck. “Feel free to lie in a big way.”
“I’d be lying if I said I didn’t think of you often, but let’s not talk about what I thought about.” Asher laughed, and it was another one of those great laughs that made her nostalgic.
“I’ll just bet.” She took the dishes to the sink and practiced some more deep breathing.
“Come back here,” Asher said to be heard over the running water. “You’re dating an attorney, so you don’t get to act like the wounded party here.”
“Would it be better if she worked in the restaurant business?” If acting like the wounded party was out, then acting like the jealous girlfriend was not one of the multiple-choice answers.
“Jacqueline is a good friend and a customer.” Asher’s smile made her want to wipe it off. “Come here,” Asher said again.
She dried her hands and sat on a cushion across from Asher. “There’s no way I can handle you piling on, Asher, even if I have it coming.”
“Leave the dishes,” Asher said, taking her hand. “The guys will come by and take care of things, and we have places to be. Maybe it’s time you remembered what you’ve been missing.”
“What are you talking about?”
Asher pulled on her finger and her smile widened. “Go put your pants on, and I’ll tell you.”
Chapter Thirteen
The ground was still wet from the heavy dew, making the four-wheeler skid a bit as they drove through the pasture, heading to the farthest eastern side of the property. Asher had received a text at four that morning that the cow was in labor so they should make it in time.
She stopped far enough away to not spook the cow that was braying as if she had plenty to complain about. “You want to go help out? I’d join you, but the crutches will make me useless.” Asher turned and offered Reagan the opportunity.
“That’s a big cow,” Reagan said.
“It’s going to be a big baby, so get in there.”
Reagan was a mess by the time the calf was standing next to her mother and nursing for the first time. With any luck they’d repeat the same process another twenty or so times before the day was out. Their birthing season had been successful so far, and if Reagan and Wade were willing to let it go, she wanted the rest of the land to fit a bigger herd, but she’d be happy with what she had if they didn’t. If experiences counted for anything, today would get Reagan more involved next door.
“You’re going to have to lend me a towel,” Reagan said, holding her arms away from her body.
“Tell me that didn’t bring back memories.” Asher smiled when Reagan plucked at her shirt. When a cow needed a little help calving, it always turned into a messy situation. There was nothing like it, though. Even if she was supposed to be a rancher and tough bull rider, the birth of a calf was something special, and she was lucky enough to experience it all the time.
“You’re still a softie when it comes to these guys. It’s good to know not all things change,” Reagan said. “The only thing is, you didn’t think this through, did you?”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You have to give me a ride back to the house, and I’m not taking my clothes off to climb on behind you.” Reagan was a smart woman, so she knew exactly what she was doing when she said that.
Asher cursed the heat in her ears that confirmed she couldn’t control her blush. “There’ll be a shower waiting for both of us, so don’t worry about it. Let’s get moving,” she said gruffly, but Reagan only smiled. “I have that appointment with Harry, and I’m sure you’re ready to get the hell away from me.”
“If that’s what you think, you’re wrong,” Reagan said. “Thank you for last night and this morning.” Reagan’s voice was like velvet, and it wove into her ear like a warm breeze. She got back on the four-wheeler and leaned in to her.
Just like the blush, Asher couldn’t control her response, and like Pavlov’s dogs, her body reacted like it had hundreds of times before when Reagan was this close to her. All she could think to do was nod and start the engine. She needed to put some space between them and concentrate on a life where Reagan was only her friend. There would be nothing more.
