In Command, page 18
“Mom.” She was making me out to be a saint, and I wasn’t. I really wasn’t. Especially not after what I’d done today. “We both worked hard to survive.”
She laughed. “No. Not like you did. And after years on the run, we eventually found a home. It wasn’t much, but it was mostly safe.” She reached a hand out, and Roan stepped toward her. “And most importantly, we had friends who became family. Who protected us.”
“Damn right you did,” Roan said. “The Crew had your back.”
I gave my mom a kiss on the cheek. The tiny cameras zoomed around us to get the action from multiple angles. I’d thought that when the cameras went back to their crew, that the live-feed and the recording had stopped. Apparently not.
I did my best to see past the cameras when I looked at Roan and motioned toward the door.
“I was hoping for a few follow-up questions.” Himani called out to me. “I’ve ended the live feed to give the audience—and myself—time to breathe. I think we all need it, but I feel like if I let you go now, I’ll never get to talk to you again. I know you don’t love giving interviews, but… I need a moment to compose myself, then I’d like to talk again. In an hour or so? If you’ll allow it.”
“I have to train.” I paused for a second. He’d signed off, and I thought we were done. But he was right. I wasn’t planning on doing another interview. Hopefully not for a while. I felt exposed enough as it was, but I wasn’t sure what to do.
“You were listening a few minutes ago, right?” I asked Himani. “You did hear the part about the ongoing war? About how we need to be ready, which means I should be spending every second I have preparing. I don’t know when I’ll have time for another interview like this.”
“Oh, I heard every word you spoke, but I’d love a little more of your time. Given everything you’ve shown me, I think I finally have a few questions. I need a moment to get my thoughts together and talk to my crew. Do a little research. Might I join you while you train? By the time you’re finished, I should be ready. I could ask you some things when you’re done. I’m happy to wait. It won’t be live, and I’ll show all of your people what I plan to use before airing.”
I wasn’t sure what to do, and no one seemed to be stepping in for me—so I dared a look back at Lorne. He was still sitting on the loveseat. His mask was in place as he watched me, and I desperately wanted to be alone with him.
Later. We’d talk later. And if he was upset with me, I would deal with that then.
I looked at Himani and then back at Lorne, hoping he’d understand my question.
He gave me a small shrug as if to tell me that this was my show. He was hiding something, but I wasn’t sure what. Other than anger. At me? At the past? I wasn’t sure.
I wanted to be done with Himani and this interview. I wanted to talk to Lorne. I wanted to take a minute to push the past back where it belonged. But I was okay with Himani coming to my training session. It might even be good if he came with his cameras.
“It wouldn’t be live?”
“No.”
“And if I want something cut?”
“Roan has been very outspoken about what’s allowed. He can work with my assistants to have anything sensitive either cut or important details blurred or skipped over.”
It seemed fair, but I wasn’t sure if extending the interview and letting him follow me to my training session was a good idea. His cameras were still following us, and I wondered if he ever really turned them off.
Screw it. This interview was supposed to be for the Aunare to learn more about me. What better way than if they saw me train? “Sure, follow me. You can ask questions as I take breaks in my training. Any footage to be released needs to be approved by Roan. Okay?”
“That’s very fair of you and much appreciated,” he said, rising from his chair, sending his assistants and production people scrambling to grab everything they needed from the room.
I nodded to Eshrin, who was standing by the door. I knew he’d follow me as I stepped into the hallway with Roan. Two of my guards stepped away from where they were leaning against the wall outside the interview room and started moving down the hallway, clearing the path for me.
The hallways were usually mostly empty, but today it was filled with guards, housemaids tidying up after the crew, kitchen staff making sure the narrow tables they’d lined the halls with were stocked with snacks and beverages, and then all the crew and everyone who had piled in the room to watch the filming that were now leaving. It added up to a lot of people in one hallway.
My guards knew where I was going next, even though they had to adjust the plan to include a crowd of observers. Eshrin was tapping on his wrist unit, and I knew he was most likely signaling for backup.
Oh man. This was going to turn into a circus, and I was already regretting inviting Himani to join us.
I peeked over my shoulder. Himani was a few feet behind me, whispering with one of his slew of assistants. My parents were beside him. My guards were mixed with Lorne’s and spread throughout the group. The little flying cameras started moving through the hallway, trying to keep up with me as they filmed. But Lorne still stood back in the doorway to the informal meeting room. He was leaning close to Fynea, whispering in her ear, probably so that he wouldn’t be overheard.
I faced forward and kept walking, but a second later, I looked back, and Lorne was weaving his way through the people to get to me.
He wrapped an arm around me as soon as he was close enough. “You could’ve warned me,” his lips brushed my ear as he whispered.
I put a hand over my mouth to hide my lips from the cameras and whispered back to him. “I could’ve—and I almost did—but I wanted your reaction to be honest. I didn’t want there to be any arguments that I had staged some big production to manipulate the Aunare and that you were somehow complicit in it.”
Chapter Seventeen
AMIHANNA
We reached the gym before Himani could ask any more questions, which was good. I needed a break as much as he did. Especially after Lorne’s freak-out.
I pushed through the gym doors and already felt more at ease. Gyms had always been my home away from home, and this one was by far the best I’d ever used.
I wanted to change clothes, but now that Himani and his crew were following me, I didn’t exactly have time for that. The pants Almya had put me in were actually really stretchy. I could train in them no problem, but I hoped the blouse held up. It was basically a halter tank. I was pretty sure it’d stay where it was supposed to—the built-in support halter bra was tight enough to keep me covered—but I wasn’t sure if I’d end up ripping the outer, more silky shell.
Oh well. I guessed if I ripped it, Almya would just have to fix it.
I motioned to the benches. “You and your crew can have a seat,” I said to Himani. “As I said before, you’re welcome to stay, film, and ask questions when I have a break.” He started to speak, and I held up a finger. “I may or may not answer them, but you can always ask. Mostly, I hope you’ll watch, listen, and learn what I am, who I am, and what I’m doing to play my part in the war against SpaceTech. Roan will stay with you to approve all the footage you keep.”
I knew Himani already had a question for me, but I needed more time. I kept walking past the stands that were nearly full with Aunare. The first few mornings that Lorne and I trained in here, we didn’t have any visitors watching, but slowly over the last few days, as everyone on the estate started to learn our schedule, more and more people showed up.
Now, it seemed that whenever I was in here, the stands were full, but it didn’t bother me, at least not very much. As long as Lorne was here, I was okay. Everything else faded a little.
But in the afternoons, there were times that I made Eshrin ask people to leave. Sometimes I just wanted to let go and not worry about what people would think.
Today, I was going to have a crowd, and that was okay. At least I wasn’t on a live feed anymore.
The magical gym floor softened as I sat down to stretch. I loved this gym so much, but the floor was my second love—Lorne was my first love. It gave me the confidence to try out new moves and push myself harder than I’ve ever pushed myself before. It was next level frost.
Lorne sat heavily on the floor next to me, but instead of stretching, he just stared at me.
This wasn’t good. I looked around for the cameras, but they were hanging back by Himani. I didn’t think they were close enough to get any of our actual words if they couldn’t see my lips. I bent over one leg. “Are you okay?”
“No.” Lorne moved to sit in front of me, putting his back to the cameras. “That didn’t go as I thought it would,” he said softly. “I’m sorry I got so upset after.”
“I’m sorry I took you by surprise.”
He shrugged.
“Are you mad?” He didn’t seem mad. His skin wasn’t flickering anymore, and I couldn’t feel any shifts in his frequency, but that didn’t mean that he wasn’t upset with me. He was much more experienced in shielding his frequencies and moods.
I spun my engagement ring around my finger with my thumb as I straightened. He wasn’t angry enough to ask for it back. I was sure of that much.
“No, but I feel like I owe you an apology.”
He owed me an apology after what I’d just pulled? “Why?”
“I just…” He took a long slow breath. Six. Then out three.
If he was still this out of control, then I knew I’d really hurt him. It was tearing me apart to see him like this and to know it was my fault. I wasn’t sure how to make it up to him. “Lorne—”
“The footage upset me.”
He would’ve had to be missing his soul for what I’d shown not to upset him. “I can tell. Is there anything you want to talk to me about specifically? Maybe if we talk about it, you’ll feel better.” I needed more information about what was really setting him off the most if I was going to help him calm down.
His eyes went a little glassy as he stared off at nothing. “Everything. All of it.” He shook his head and met my gaze. “You in a dumpster. You—the innocent, sweet Amihanna I used to know and love, who used to go through the door in our closet when she had a nightmare, who I swore to protect, crawling into a dumpster. That took my breath away and I can’t… I can’t seem to catch it.”
It was strange to me that the dumpster was the worst for him, but it really wasn’t the worst thing I played on those discs. It was only bad because it was me—the me he remembered from before—and he’d loved me.
It was weird how both he and my father found that clip the hardest to watch. All that death and horror I played, but it was me in a dumpster that got to them.
“That’s not the worst of where I lived, Lorne. I was really only in there for a day. It was a blip. I mean, being on Earth after Liberation Week was awful, especially those first few years.”
He closed his eyes. “You’re making it worse.” He started taking measured breaths again.
There was nothing I could say that could change the truth of what happened that day. It’d been awful. I tried to search my mind for anything positive about that dumpster, but there was nothing positive. No lesson I learned that was good. Nothing.
I tried to come up with something to explain how I was okay now, but he didn’t agree with that. I wasn’t sure how to help him other than shutting up, but I had to do something.
I leaned forward and brushed a kiss against his forehead, and said the only thing I thought might help. “I love you.”
His glow brightened, and I wasn’t sure if I’d just made it worse again.
Damn it. I should’ve shut up.
I went back to stretching, as if by going on, I’d will his frequencies to settle and balance. I pulled my arm across my chest and leaned into my shoulder.
My parents came to stand in front of me, and I stopped stretching to look up at my mother. “Am I in trouble?” Because she had that look on her face.
“No, but I feel like I owe you an apology,” Mom said.
There was no stopping my laugh. “What? Why in the wide universe of crazy would you ever need to apologize to me?”
“Because I’ve been ignoring what we went through.”
Oh. That.
Okay. That was fair.
“I just thought… I don’t know what I thought.” She brushed her hand over her perfect cascade of dark brown hair. “I’m your mother. You’ve always been stronger than me, but I didn’t help you as I should’ve since we’ve been here, and—”
I stood up then and turned to the stands behind me. Himani was still leaning close to Roan. Fynea was there also putting in a few words. I was sure they were already negotiating something, but I was ready for Himani to get something on camera.
“Himani. You might want to get this.” It was important because this went back to the previous part of the interview. I wanted to be clear.
Himani looked back at one of his camera people who nodded. One of the cameras darted forward, stopping just a few feet from my face.
“Okay,” Himani said to me.
“Good.”
I turned to my mother and hoped she’d really hear me. “My mother just apologized to me, and it’s important that everyone understand that I don’t need an apology. Not from anyone. And I won’t apologize either. While we were stuck on Earth, we were doing what we had to in order to survive. We did it together for so long, and it’s okay that my mother and I did it apart for a little bit. She has nothing to be sorry for or feel guilty about.”
I looked down at Lorne. “You didn’t do anything wrong either. You had a lot going on here, a lot that you were struggling with, a lot that worked against you going back to Earth, and I completely understand. I’m not mad at you for not coming to get me sooner. If you need my forgiveness, you have it. But you don’t need it. Not from me because when I was about to die on that moon, you came for me. You were there the moment that I needed you the most. I was dying and you saved me. You got there just in time.”
I looked at Himani. “You say that the Aunare didn’t know or understand what was going on. Okay. That’s all in the past. I don’t need apologies or explanations from you, the media, the people, or anyone else. I was lucky. I lived. And no matter how much I wish I could change the past and what happened, I can’t. No one can. But something can change now. Now you can do something. Now we can do something together. Today is a new day. Today we can unite against our enemy.”
I paused so that whoever ended up watching this would really, really understand this next part. “Today, we can save everyone who is suffering—Earther and Aunare and halfer—and give them a shot at a better life. It’s not going to be easy or quick or painless to get rid of SpaceTech’s rule, but billions of lives are on the line. Not just Aunare lives. Everyone. We have the ability to do what’s right today. The Aunare are the most powerful people in the universe. If we’re united, no one can stand in our way. So, today we unite.”
I turned to Eshrin. His skin was darker than most Aunare, and his black hair had a bit of a wave. It wasn’t quite as long as Lorne’s, but it was enough that he could tie the top part of it back to keep it out of his eyes when we trained.
He was tying it back as he watched me, which meant he wanted to get started. “Are you ready?”
I gave him one short nod. “Ready.”
I moved toward him, but my father grabbed my arm, stopping me. He tugged me until I was in his arms.
I froze, unsure of what to do. This wasn’t part of my plan. Ever. Why was he doing this? Why was he doing this right now?
Why was he hugging me?
“I knew you’d be a natural at this, but I didn’t expect that.” He whispered so softly that I wasn’t sure I was actually hearing him correctly.
“What?”
“You just gave us all absolution in one breath and hope in the next, even in times as dark as these.”
“I did?” I’d just spoken the truth as my heart and soul saw it, and I’d done it for a purpose. To make sure that the Aunare were ready for a fight. But absolution? Hope? That didn’t sound like something I would do.
“You did. You are going to be an amazing High Queen. I am truly proud of you, my daughter.”
I wasn’t sure what to say or what to feel. I pulled away from my father and looked down at Lorne for some help. He rose to stand beside me, and if there was anyone to give hope to people, I knew it had to be him. Not me. It couldn’t be me.
I didn’t set out to be a leader or to give anyone anything really. But one look at Lorne’s face and I knew he felt the same as my father.
Suddenly it was like everyone was staring at me and expecting so much from me, and it was almost too much to process.
So, instead of figuring out what I was feeling and why, I stepped through the people that loved me and walked to Eshrin. I had a job to do, and today, I’d make that job matter.
“Let’s do this,” I said quietly to Eshrin.
I glanced over at Roan—who was still sitting next to Himani—and nodded.
He tapped on his wrist unit, turning on my song.
The cameras ensured that today’s audience would eventually be much, much larger than the usual, but they weren’t physically here. I could forget about them if I focused hard enough. And that’s what I was going to do.
I faced the wall.
“Twenty times up fast, and then spar?” Eshrin asked as he stood beside me, shoulder to shoulder.
“Fifteen times up.”
“In a hurry to get started?” He grinned down at me. That stony look had already melted as it always did.
I shrugged. “I feel like everything I’ve been planning for years, everything I’ve wanted and hoped for but never thought would happen is about to happen.” I let out a breath. “I’m here. I’m safe. And I’m about to take SpaceTech down.”
