In Command, page 13
“I’ll fix this,” Lorne said.
I wanted to ask how, but something about Lorne’s tone worried me. I wasn’t sure what he was going to do, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to know. Otherwise, I might try to stop him, and that probably wouldn’t help me.
I should let him fix it, and yet, that wasn’t how I wanted us to work. Judging from the cold look he was giving the vid screen, I was pretty sure that waiting a few minutes to bring that up would be best.
From the way my father moved in slow, deliberate steps to block the screen, I knew I was right to wait.
“Lorne.” My father’s tone held a soft warning. “It would be best for everyone if you—”
“I appreciate your concern, Rysden, but I’m not worried.” Lorne’s gaze slid from the vid screens to my father to me, where they lingered. “They’ll learn who she is with time, and with time they will accept her. They will know what we see in her and why she will rule.”
I looked at my father, but his face was blank. He was too good at that for me to even attempt to read him. It was almost as if my father had two sides. The one who laughed at the dinner table while I was eating worms, and this other man. This cold man who seemed incapable of emotions.
But I knew that was wrong. If he was this stony, then that had to mean he was truly angry and didn’t want to show it.
At least I hoped that was right. I wasn’t sure I wanted to be related to someone who could flick off all emotions with a switch.
Lorne turned off the vid screens with one quick command, and I wished it was so easy to turn off all the questions I had in my mind.
“How are we going to turn this around?” I asked.
My father’s gaze darted to me and his eyes widened just a little, as if to warn me away from saying anything more.
But I wasn’t so good at listening to warnings. Not when I needed to say something. “You guys seem to be upset about the news and the High Council calling a meeting, but I’m not as worried about that. Not when I have to wonder who told the press about the meeting with Captain ni Eneko and the fact that I’m now being used as a distraction. If I’m too busy in High Council meetings, then I won’t be looking for whoever is afraid of being found. I can’t let that happen.”
Lorne was quiet for a long moment and then his skin started to dim. “You’re right. I get angry, and I… but you’re right.” Lorne rose from his spot on the couch.
“This is a distraction we don’t need.” I kept my calm, in command, even though it felt like everyone and everything was against us. “So, we’ll hunt down the spies. We will find who is leaking information to the media and twisting it against us, and we will get rid of them.”
“We will, and I think when we do, the people will see what I see.” He stepped closer to me. “I want you to have time to learn how to be a leader, and I’m going to give you as much time as possible. But you’re right. This—” he waved a hand at the vid screens, “—is a distraction. Not just for the Aunare, but for us. So, you have to shut out all that and do your job.”
“And what is my job exactly?”
“To lead. To fight. To command our people. We will do it together.” Lorne turned to my father. “It’s late. We’ll meet in the morning, but for now, let’s call it a night.”
My father pressed his fist to his heart. “Goodnight, your majesty.” Then he turned to me. “I am proud of you. No matter what anyone else says. I hope you know that.”
My father gave me a compliment?
I was pretty sure that’s what he’d done, and it was nice. It wasn’t like he was always critical of me or really said much about what I did or didn’t do, but over the last couple of days, he’d started to slip in compliments here and there.
I didn’t need his approval, but having it meant a lot. It was more than I could wrap my head around, especially right then.
I knew I wanted to say something, but before I could think of anything, he was gone.
Lorne put his arm around me, leading me through the suite to our rooms. “Are you okay?”
“I think so.” I tried to take a quick inventory, but so much had happened today. From the failure of the High Council meeting, to training—complete with mini-meltdown over Eshrin’s offhand comment, to meeting with Captain ni Eneko, to our date, and now this… I wasn’t even sure what I felt.
There was something I was missing—something bothering me—but I couldn’t find the words.
I kept trying to figure it out while I changed into a pair of shorts and loose tank made from the same silky material and got ready for bed, but it was like there were too many thoughts bouncing around in my head. I couldn’t catch any of them. It left my head feeling fuzzy and gave me a faint buzzing in my ears.
At my bathroom counter, I finished brushing the fancy braids out my hair that Almya had put in, but I still couldn’t grasp any one thought. “Something’s wrong. I can’t seem to process everything that happened today. I think I’m—”
Lorne cut me off by hugging me tight, resting his chin on top of my head. “You’re exhausted. You have to be because I know I am.” He pulled away, and I looked into his eyes, searching for answers.
And I didn’t find them.
But I did find love.
He pressed his lips to mine, and the worry and the fears and that feeling of I-don’t-know-what faded away, and all that was left was him.
His hands reached under my tank, and I raised my arms, letting him pull it off me.
He tugged it slowly, slowly up, up, up and over my head, and then from one second to the next, we were both undressed, on the bed, my skin tingling everywhere we touched. Glowing so bright that it hurt my eyes.
I ran my hands down his stomach and wondered how this was possible. How I’d found this kind of happiness.
He gripped my hips and his thumb caressed my tattoo. The one of his firedrake. “I love that you have this.”
I laughed. “I’m not obsessed with you.” He thought the fact that I’d branded his emblem on my skin meant that I was a big fan, but that wasn’t why.
I actually had no idea why, except that maybe a small, hidden part of me remembered him.
He grinned. “Yes, you are completely obsessed with me. Admit it” He moved to hover over me, and I felt him against me and I wanted more. I wrapped my legs around his hips and I felt him press against me, and then away. There and gone.
“Stop it.”
“Admit it.”
He was teasing me and I couldn’t help but love every bit of him. “Okay. I’m obsessed with—”
He kissed me and as he slipped into me I gasped.
It was too much. This feeling of love and contentment grew until it nearly consumed me, and I knew that no matter what we faced tomorrow and the next day and ten years from now, it would be okay.
Because we were together. And when we were together, it was like my soul was whole again.
I never realized how broken I was until I’d found him, but I was okay.
I was better than okay.
His fingertips slipped up my ribcage, spreading warmth through my body, and I gasped. “You still with me?” he asked.
All I could see were his aquamarine eyes as they stared down at me, and I knew whatever happened, everything was going to be all right.
I reached up, pulling him down closer to me so that I could kiss him. “Your eyes are still my favorite color. That’s how obsessed I am.”
His already bright skin brightened a little more as he pulled away, searching my face. “They are?”
“Yeah. I don’t think that’s ever going to change.” I was with him. I was with him for whatever came next.
And I would find a way through whatever came at us.
He cupped my face in his hand. His thumb brushed back and forth against my cheek.
I leaned into the warmth of his hand but didn’t look away from his eyes. I gave him a small nod because I wouldn’t lie. Especially about that. Especially not right now, when we were together and so close it felt like we were inside the same skin.
“I love you,” I said because I had to. The feelings I had for him were building up to be too much for me to hold inside, and I didn’t want to hold them.
His skin lit bright. Like a beacon of his love for me had lit him from within.
He didn’t need to say the words—I could see them in his eyes—but he said them anyway. “I love you.” He muttered something in Aunare, and I wasn’t sure what it meant, but I knew it was good.
He began to move again, and I wanted to ask him what he’d said, but everything disappeared except me and him and us and wave after wave of feeling until I couldn’t do anything but surrender to him.
And he was good.
He was better than good.
He was amazing.
Chapter Thirteen
AMIHANNA
I was lying in bed hours later, drifting somewhere between awake and asleep, listening to Lorne sleep peacefully beside me, and trying to ignore that feeling creeping back into my mind.
Something was wrong. Something about what was happening right now was wrong, and yet there was so much happening that I couldn’t figure out what was bothering me specifically or how to fix it.
If I didn’t know what it was, how could I fix it?
I wasn’t going to be able to sleep until whatever was brewing in my subconscious bubbled to the surface.
My mind drifted through everything that had happened during the day—watching the people watch me at the market, the news reports, and going over the meeting with the High Council. I wasn’t sure what made it click, but finally, after way too long lying there, a realization hit me. I knew why I was so upset.
I hadn’t had a second alone to think about how to get the Aunare to approve of my rule—and this war—but the more I lay there and tried to think of a solution, the more complex the problem became.
I’d promised Lorne I would fix this, but I was starting to think that it wasn’t fixable.
But I wouldn’t give up. I would find a way.
There had to be a way. Earlier—for a fraction of a second at the market—I had an idea, only I couldn’t remember it now.
I glanced at Lorne. His face was relaxed and at peace. His dark hair spread across the pillow, and his arm was reaching out toward me, as if even in his sleep he was drawn to me.
I shifted a little farther away from him, not because I wanted to, but because if I didn’t, I would never get out of this bed. And I had to. I would. I just needed a few seconds to get my body to move.
I had to fix this, and not just because I’d promised Lorne I would. There were so many reasons why I needed the Aunare to not just accept me, but to rally for what was going to come next. I couldn’t keep being afraid of assassination attempts from the Aunare, even if that fear of attack was pretty familiar. I knew I couldn’t make the Aunare like me, but I needed them to accept me as a ruler because war was coming. Whether they wanted to ignore it or pretend it was my fault or whatever. They needed to see.
That seemed insane because I didn’t even know what I was supposed to be doing, but somehow, I had to make them believe I was not just up to the job, but I was going to be the frostiest High Queen they’d ever seen.
I wanted to wake up Lorne and ask for help, but he couldn’t. Not even a little bit. Not with this.
I let out a harsh breath as I studied his profile. This man loved me so much that he might actually be making it worse. He didn’t understand why the Aunare didn’t like me, and worse—he was intolerant of anyone speaking against me. Which I understood to some extent. If someone was talking about him the way they were about me, I probably wouldn’t even be able to think coherently. I’d just want to ice them all. That had to be why he was on this you have no choice, I will force you to love her or else kick.
It wasn’t helping. He wasn’t helping. But I knew someone who might.
I slid out of bed and froze, watching Lorne while I held my breath. When he didn’t wake up after a minute, I knew he probably wouldn’t. But I still had to be careful.
I tiptoed to our bathroom, and then through to the closet. I grabbed a pair of leggings and one of Lorne’s supersoft sweaters and tugged them on, then kept moving.
Deep in the back of the closet, behind a row of clothes, was a door. The door led into another room. My old room. The one I had when I was a child.
I pushed the clothes aside and pushed down the little door. It was for little-me so I ended up crawling through it.
I slipped out of the adjoining closet, into the empty suite, then out of the suite and into the hall. The lights were dim and, since the estate had been shut for the night, the estate’s security team was on duty while my guards slept. I knew some of Lorne’s were in the security room watching the cameras, but they wouldn’t wake him for this. Eshrin would probably get an alert that I was up and moving, but hopefully he’d just keep an eye on where I went and go back to sleep.
Because I wasn’t going far.
I moved quickly through the family wing to Roan’s room and pressed my hand on the panel. There was a faint click and then the door whooshed open.
I waited one step inside the door for my eyes to adjust to the dark again. It took a second, but then I could make out his small room—the tiny kitchenette off to the side next to the window, the large bed with two side tables, and then the sitting area with two chairs and a small table.
I couldn’t make out any odd lumps on the floor, which was surprising. I waited another second just in case my eyes hadn’t adjusted enough, but no, his floor was clear. On Earth, Roan was usually a fraction of a degree tidier than I was, but that wasn’t saying much.
I took one last look around, and then realized I was an idiot. The house staff must’ve cleaned recently, which meant no hazard of tripping over anything. Lorne would be so annoyed at me if I busted an ankle sneaking into Roan’s room.
I crossed quickly to the bed and sat next to him. “Roan,” I whispered.
He didn’t move or make a sound.
I tapped his shoulder. “Roan,” I said a little louder.
He wrapped his arm around my waist and tugged me on top of him. “What’s up, baby?” His words were slurred with sleep.
I froze in horror, splayed across him, before I shoved him.
He responded by wrapping a leg around my hips.
“Gross.” I shoved until I was free of him, then perched on the edge of the bed again.
Roan reached for me again, and I punched his shoulder—not hard, but with enough force to wake him up. “Roan.”
“What?” He sat up, blinking his eyes, searching the room blindly. “What’s happening?”
I stood and ordered the lights on dim. “Roan, I need you to wake up.”
“Am?” He rubbed a hand down his face. “What the hell time is it?”
“Just after four in the morning.”
“Was there an attack?” He sat up straighter and threw the covers off himself.
I had a second to cringe before I realized he was wearing pants. I never knew what I was going to get when it came to Roan. More than once I’d seen too much and it was awful. I mean—I was pretty sure other girls would disagree, but I didn’t need to see it.
“Is everyone okay? Were there any—”
“No attack. Sorry.” I held out a hand to stop him getting up. “I was about to freak out if you were naked under those covers, but—”
“You wish I was naked.” He ran a hand down his bare chest.
I gagged, dramatically. “Been there and gross. Just yuck.”
“Admit it. I’m just more than you could handle.”
I couldn’t help it. I had to laugh at his stupid smile.
“And hey, getting tangled up in bed with me when you wake me up is so much better than your reaction. I mean, if I reacted like you, I could’ve killed you.”
Now that made me really laugh. “Sure you could’ve.”
“Shut up.” His grin faded, and he studied me for a second. “Seriously, Am. What the fuck is going on? Why are you in my room this early?”
I blew out a breath. “I need your help. I’ll get the wyso.” I knew he had some chilled in his small kitchenette. “But you have to wake up.”
He groaned. “I’d been having a really good sex dream…” He grabbed his tablet from his bedside table, and then leaned back against his pillows.
Good. He was awake enough that I could leave him for a second and not awake enough to finished telling me all about his dream. I moved across the room to the kitchenette and grabbed down two glasses.
“I don’t have any alerts. Nothing’s going on. Did you have a nightmare?”
“No. Nightmare would require sleep, and I haven’t had any.”
“Oh shit.”
I spun to look at him. “What?”
“Did you and Lorne have a fight? You guys can’t fight. It’d be like—”
“Roan. Calm down.” I rolled my eyes at him. “I just need your help with something. Let me get the caffeine going so we can talk like normal people.”
“You did not wake me up for some shenanigans. We don’t have time in your schedule for—”
I gave up trying to respond to him because the man wasn’t listening. Instead, I poured two glasses and walked over to him, handing him one. When he finally stopped rambling to take a sip, I started over. “There’s something I need to talk through with my best friend, and I don’t have time with you anymore—or not enough time. So, can you just be my best friend right now?”
“Okay.” He took another sip. “Best friend mode activated. What’s on your mind at this ungodly hour of the morning?”
I moved to his little sitting area and curled up in one of the chairs. “They hate me.”
Roan followed me and sat in the opposite chair. He set his glass down with a thunk. “Who gives a shit what they think?” He didn’t need an explanation. He just knew.
