#MeantToBe, page 14
I quickly turned my arms out, and it bounced off and into the air. I had aimed toward Nate, but the ball had come at me so fast.
He ran, and at the last second, I realized what he was about to do.
Instead of setting the ball so someone else could strike it back toward the other team, Nate struck it right back across the net, hard.
The other team, caught off guard, scrambled to defend, but it was too late.
The ball landed on the sand in between pompous guy and the girl who had rolled her eyes before.
Another point for us. Which meant…
Brooklyn screamed and ran over to Nate. She gave him a hug.
“Where’d you get that idea?” Nate asked her.
She smiled. “I watched Team USA do it in the Olympics.”
“Genius,” he replied.
So that’s what they’d been planning. It finally hit the rest of the team that we had just won the game.
That was it. We’d done it.
We were officially the best volleyball team on campus. The entire team came together to jump and scream in victory.
Austin being Austin literally screamed like he was on fire. Brooklyn flinched but laughed.
My eyes met hers for a second once we settled down.
The other team captain, a brunette girl, came over and shook Nate’s hand.
Was it me or were they shaking hands a little too long?
When he asked her out, I smiled, walking away.
Meanwhile, Brooklyn came up beside me. “Hey,” she said.
“Hey,” I replied, looking anywhere but at her.
I knew what needed to tell her… but now with her in front of me, I wasn’t sure I could anymore.
But more than ever, having her this close reminded me of what we’d almost had.
What we did have, even if it had only lasted a few moments.
“Good job out there today,” she told me.
I nodded and finally looked at her. “Thanks. You too.”
Her eyes met mine, and she held them there for a couple of seconds before she glanced away. “Okay, well, see you around, Adam.”
She began to walk off, but before she could leave, I blurted out, “Brook, wait.”
Twenty-Four
I turned around and faced Adam again. “What?”
He glanced at everyone else, and I did the same.
Shelley talked to Terry, obviously giving us space. And Nate and Austin talked to a couple of girls from the other team.
Adam came closer. “Can we talk? It won’t take long, and I promise I’ll leave you alone from now on.”
I opened my mouth to respond and then closed it again. Part of me wanted to say that I didn’t want him to leave me alone.
But I wasn’t supposed to be thinking that. I was with Ethan. And I couldn’t do this again. Not to him. Not to me. It wasn’t fair to anyone. Finally, I said, “What is it?”
He led me toward the shade of a couple of trees, where no one would be able to overhear our conversation.
Adam exhaled, his gaze on me, and I waited for him to say something. “Look, I know you have a boyfriend and all. I know you just met me at the beginning of the semester. And I know that what we had probably didn’t mean anything, but I need to get this off my chest.”
My heart fell along with my eyes. What we had didn’t mean anything? I bit my lip to stop from correcting him.
He needed to say whatever he needed to say so we could get back to our lives.
Adam went on. “Listen, I know maybe I don’t know anything about you and—“
“Ethan,” I interjected. It was weird to say his name around Adam.
“Maybe I don’t know anything about you and Ethan, what you’ve gone through, how long you’ve been together. I get it.” He paused, looking away for a moment. “But you also have to understand this, Brooklyn. Have you asked yourself if he really is the guy for you?”
I blinked, not saying anything.
“I mean, don’t you deserve better?” he asked quietly.
“You don’t know Ethan,” I began. “He…is a really great guy. He’s been there for me—”
“I know,” he said, catching me off guard. “I’m not saying you two weren’t great together, that he wasn’t good to you, good for you, Brooklyn. But that’s exactly my point. People change, and correct me if I’m wrong, but you can’t hang onto who somebody used to be. It’s toxic.”
Tears welled up in my eyes at his words. “And who do you think you are to say that?” I demanded, not caring that I sounded like the jerk all of a sudden.
Adam stood speechless for a second. “Just someone who cares about you.”
We stared at each other for what seemed like forever. My gaze softened the slightest bit.
He opened his mouth once and then twice. “Brooklyn, I would treat you so much better… I would never…” he tried.
My chest rose up and down, my breaths coming harder at his words. A tear ran down my cheek, and I immediately wiped it away. “You don’t know what’s right for me,” I choked out. “You don’t. You don’t know what we’ve been through. What he’s been through. You know his family treats him like crap? He’s not as horrible as you think.”
My words are loud and angry and full of hurt.
Shelley and the rest of the team look awkwardly at us before they turn away and try to go back to their conversations.
I looked back up at Adam, hating the pitiful expression on his face. “I’m with Ethan because I want to. Because he needs me,” I said, but it was no use. The more I tried to explain things, the more I felt like an idiot.
“I know what that’s like,” he said. “My parents were like that for years. They were miserable. I don’t want that to be you. You deserve someone who makes you happy.”
“It’s not that simple,” I replied. “Relationships never are. There are ups and downs—“
“But being with someone shouldn’t be this hard.”
His words strung more than anything.
“Are you done?” I asked, wiping more tears away and keeping my voice level.
“I’m sorry,” he said, looking down. “I didn’t mean to…”
I swallowed the tears back and crossed my arms.
Adam blew out a breath. “I probably said all of this wrong. I didn’t want to make you feel bad,” he said. “That wasn’t the point. I just wanted to tell you that even though we’ve only known each other a few months, I—“
He stopped again, making me look at him.
“I would do anything to be with a girl like you, Brooklyn. I care about you. A lot. And it kills me to see you like this.”
I shrugged. “Thank you. But I’m fine.”
He finally fell silent. The sound of people laughing and talking nearby was odd, out of place.
“Brooklyn, choose me, okay?” he pleaded, taking another step toward me.
I stared up at him in disbelief, his blue eyes full of sincerity and something else. “What?” I asked.
“Look, this whole time, I just wanted to say it, but I couldn’t. Brook, you’re amazing. And I—“ He shook his head like he didn’t know what to say next. “If you gave me a chance, if you let yourself start over…”
Oh, God.
I looked away, wishing he would go back to talking about Ethan.
Because that would hurt less than this.
What Adam was saying hit me hard, bringing the tears back.
He wanted me to leave Ethan for him?
Everything I’d been through the last three years spun through my head.
“I’m sorry,” I said softly. “I can’t.”
And I left.
I cried.
And cried.
And cried some more.
I cried because I’d treated Adam like crap.
And that was my fault.
I never should have let things get that far between us. Not if I was still unsure of things with Ethan.
Adam was genuinely a good guy, and I’d hurt him. I deserved to feel as terrible as I did.
I cried because maybe it would have been nice to be with someone like Adam. Who loved like he did. It hurt to tell him I couldn’t be with him.
Then I cried over Ethan. Over the Ethan I fell in love with, the sweet senior I’d admired from afar until he’d finally noticed I existed and asked me out.
I cried over the person Ethan had turned into the last year or so. I cried because of the way his family treated him, the way his mother never gave him any love or affection, and the way his dad so easily dismissed him from the family. I cried because Ethan was so utterly alone, except for me.
And I cried because, deep down, I knew that I’d never see the old Ethan again.
The tears didn’t stop until I was completely numb inside. In shock, maybe. Or cried out.
I lay in bed and stared at the wall inches from my face, still as a statue.
At some point, Shelley came in. I slowly and silently got out of bed, grabbed my toiletries, and headed to the showers without a word, craving to be alone again.
When I looked in the mirror, I didn’t recognize the person staring back at me.
Her eyes were swollen, red, and empty.
My crimson lips twisted down instead of up in their usual smile.
Someone walked in, their steps echoing on the bathroom walls. I immediately pretended to look for something in my bag until the bathroom stall closed with a loud bang.
Then I picked up my things and went into the farthest stall. My clothes fell to the floor, and I stepped into the steaming hot shower.
The water traveled down my back, and I closed my eyes, letting it consume me.
Fresh tears rolled down my cheeks.
I wanted to ask Ethan why we were eating at a fancy restaurant when he didn’t have a job.
But he spoke first.
“I have something to tell you,” he said with a smile as he stuck another piece of broccoli in his mouth.
“Did you find a new car or something?” I asked.
He’d been borrowing a friend’s car for the past several days, and I knew he really needed to find a new one.
“Better,” he said with a wink.
There was something about him that was different. Not like the old Ethan, but also not like the past year. He just seemed… different.
Ever since that huge fight with his family at Thanksgiving, it was like he’d walked out of there a completely different person.
It was weird, and I couldn’t put my finger on it.
He was happy all the time. Too happy.
Especially for where he was in life at the moment.
No job. No car. Crashing on a friend’s couch.
I waited for him to go on, a polite smile on my face.
“I got a paid internship. And I’m going back to school.” He waited for a reaction from me.
“Seriously? That’s great,” I exclaimed. “You’re finally going to do it, then?”
Whenever he’d graduated high school and confessed that he wasn’t going to go to college, I’d nagged him about it a thousand times.
But he’d promised maybe he would just go back in a year or two, which he hadn’t.
It wasn’t like he needed to go to college. He’d had a job waiting for him at his dad’s firm.
“Where will you be going?” I asked, excited about the possibility of us going to the same school.
“Out of state, actually,” he replied. “New York University.”
I froze. “Out of state?”
He nodded. “My dad’s old business partner set me up with a paid internship at his company. He’s actually pretty cool.”
He went on and told me more about it, but it was hard to focus on what he was saying.
“You’re leaving?” I blurted out.
He leaned in. “Listen, it’s only a quick plane ride away, and we can still see each other,” he said. “I can’t pass this up, you know? He knows the Dean of Admissions, and he’s pretty much assured me that I can get in next semester. Plus, he’s giving me the paid internship to help cover tuition and everything else. I mean, this is the best I could have hoped for, Brooks. I can finally do what I want, and I don’t have to ask my parents for a penny. I’m going to do things on my own from now on.”
“So you’re really leaving?” I asked again, already knowing the answer.
The waiter dropped off the check. I stared down at my plate. As bright as his smile was, I couldn’t even look at him.
We left the restaurant, and Ethan took me back to my dorm. Neither of us said a word the entire way home.
He found a place to park near my dorm. “I thought you’d be happy for me,” he said.
I looked at him. “Are you happy?”
He sighed. “Honestly, the thought of leaving this place, leaving my family behind, and starting over? Yeah, it makes me really happy.”
Even in the dark, I could tell he was sincere.
“Then I am happy for you,” I said quietly.
He put his hand on top of mine, then came in and kissed me.
We pulled back. I looked down.
But he wasn’t done. “I was thinking… Maybe you could transfer. Come with me. We can get a fresh start together. This internship, it pays really well.”
I shook my head. “I can’t, Ethan. You know I can’t.”
The thought of leaving my mom behind, and Shelley… I loved this town.
“Why not?” He held both of my hands in his. The look on his face made it almost impossible to him the truth, but I had to.
Something told me this was one of those defining moments in my life. I had to stand up for what I wanted, for what was right for me.
Otherwise, I’d wake up ten or twenty years from now and realize I only ever did what was best for us, for him, and not me.
“My mom is here,” I began. “I can’t leave her. My sister already did that. I can’t do that to her too. It would kill her.”
He let go of my hands and stared straight ahead.
“Ethan, if this is what’s going to make you happy, then go. We—”
“What are you trying to say?” he asked.
I thought for a second, knowing that what I said next would dictate the kind of person that I was and where my life was going to go from that moment forward. “Ethan, I love you. I want the best for you. But you need a new start. Away from this place, this town. Away from your family, who never treated you right, who never truly loved you. They’re toxic to you. They’ve been toxic to us, and you’ve changed. The past couple of weeks, you’ve changed again.”
He looked at me, confused.
“You need this.” I said. “You need to move away and start over, away from everything and everyone, including me. I think both of us know that.”
His face changed. “I think that if you really loved me, you would come with me, Brooks. At the very least, you’d be waiting for me. Now you’re breaking up with me? You’re going to end our relationship just like that?”
I fought the growing lump in my throat but kept going. “Ethan, we’ve both changed in the last year. That’s okay. Things happen. I’m in a new place now. So are you. I still care about you. I just think we’ve… outgrown this relationship.”
“No. I haven’t,” he replied. “I still love you, and I still want to be with you. Come with me. We can both get away from all this. You can start over with me.”
Tears pooled in my eyes, and my heart broke for him. “I want to start over too. But I need to start over on my own, Ethan. And so do you.”
The more I thought about it, the more right those words felt. This was the most sense anything had made all semester, including calculus.
Ethan clenched his jaw. “You’re cold, you know that? I need you right now. I don’t care if that means that I have to fly back and see you. I want to be with you. But you—”
I fought back a sob. “I’m sorry, but I’d be lying if I told you otherwise, and that wouldn’t be good for either of us.”
“You’re so selfish. I’ve never needed you more, Brooklyn. I thought I could count on you, and then you go and do this?”
The anger and betrayal in his voice rang clear, and they tore me up inside. “I think we both saved each other when we needed saving,” I said slowly, “and now we’ve forgotten how to be strong on our own. I can’t live like that anymore, Ethan. We can’t overcome things if we’re hanging onto each other for dear life.”
He looked away and didn’t say anything for a long time.
Then he shook his head. “You should go.”
More tears ran down my face as I stared at him, eyes wide.
“Ethan—”
“If you change your mind, call me. Otherwise, I don’t want to hear from you again.” He sat there, waiting for me to get out.
“I’m sorry,” I cried, and I got out.
I watched him drive away, and then I stood there, letting the cold air numb my bare skin.
Adam’s eyebrows knit together, his nose just inches from the textbook on the table in front of him.
I blinked, smiling as he scribbled some notes and turned to the next page.
After a couple of minutes, I tore my eyes away and went back to the essay I was supposed to be working on.
Adam had walked into the student center about ten minutes ago and sat down to study just a few feet away without realizing I was there.
Finals had been going on all week, and the student center was packed with study groups and dozens of people working feverishly on term papers and cramming for exams.
In a couple of more days, the frenzy would be over.
Finals. My first semester of college.
And I’d be going home for the holidays. My sister wouldn’t be coming home for Christmas. We hadn’t seen her since the summer. Her plans were to travel abroad with her boyfriend and spend time with his family. My mom tried not to show how devastated she was about that, but I’d told I loved her and reminded her I’d be home as soon as I was done with my last final.
That would be tomorrow afternoon. Mom would pick me up after work, and we were going to get mani-pedis to celebrate.
Christmas and New Year’s would just be the two of us this year, but it was enough. We didn’t need anybody else.
