#MeantToBe, page 13
“Okay,” I replied.
The entire way home, he looked anywhere but at me.
I had some time before my class, so I sat in the stairwell nearby and took out my phone.
There were plenty of notifications but nothing from Ethan. We’d hardly spoken since Thanksgiving. I knew he’d need his space so I’d only texted him a couple of days later, asking if everything was okay. He texted back yes and nothing else.
I couldn’t help but wonder about us, if we were going to be okay after all. The truth was I hadn’t really been happy in at least a year. Not with Ethan anyway.
Tears filled my eyes.
For a second, my mind went to Adam and how I’d felt around him, but I also knew that what had happened with Adam hadn’t been right. At least not my actions. That sobering thought only brought the tears closer to the surface.
Adam was such a nice guy, and I shouldn't have let what happened between us get that far. Not with what was going on with Ethan. Neither of them deserved it.
What really sucked was feeling like this person you’d been with and given everything to was your soulmate, the person you were supposed to be with, but things just weren’t working out.
During the course of our relationship, we’d fought more than we’d gotten along, and now we weren’t talking at all. Again.
At the same time, what Ethan was going through with his family was way more complicated and hurtful than what we were going through, but I was hurting too.
I needed him.
I missed Ethan, and I missed what we used to be.
But the more days that passed by without us talking, the more it felt like we were each trying to fix something that couldn’t be fixed.
I had been the first one to see it, but Ethan wouldn't let go then. And then the tables turned, and now it felt like I couldn’t let go of Ethan.
Oh, Ethan. It was almost like he’d born into the wrong family.
As much as I wanted to be there for him, I couldn’t keep going on like this. With him shutting me out constantly.
I’d never been in more than one relationship, but I knew that it wasn’t supposed be this hard.
With a sigh, I turned off my phone, put it my pocket, and stared out the window. I stared at the trees and the clouds, and I ignored the people running up and down the stairs besides me.
These were supposed to be some of the best years of my life, so why weren’t they?
Twenty-One
I didn’t expect to see Brooklyn after last time, least of all at the tutoring center.
But one night, she walked in.
Our eyes met as soon as she came through the double doors, but a split second later, she made her way toward the empty table Heather sat at. Heather gave her smile, shot me a questioning glance, and they started talking.
I got back to the lit paper I had been working on, trying my best to keep my eyes and thoughts there instead of on Brooklyn.
I’d been doing a lot of thinking since the night that I spoke with my mom over Thanksgiving break, and she was right.
At first, I’d felt betrayed by Brooklyn.
Seeing her that day with Ethan like nothing had ever happened between us? It had hurt like hell. I didn't want to see her again. I just couldn't understand why she would go back to a jerk like him.
The more I thought about it, though, the more I realized that if we’d ever have our chance, she had to want it as much as I did.
I was all in, but if she still had things to work out with Ethan, then there was nothing I could do.
But I’d be okay.
A student approached my table. I looked at Brooklyn one more time, resigning myself to the fact that the two of us just weren’t to be.
Twenty-Two
“Sorry what?" I asked Ethan, pressing my phone up to my ear.
”Did you even hear me?"
I grimaced. “Sorry, I just remembered that I have a test tomorrow that I completely forgot about.”
Ethan had actually called me, and I needed to focus on what he was saying.
He went on. “I was saying that we won't be able to go out for dinner tonight.”
I checked the time. He was supposed to be picking me up in a couple of hours. "Why not? Are you okay? I mean, it's okay if you can’t—“
“My car pretty much got repoed by my dad," he interjected.
"What?"
"Yeah, he gave it to me when I graduated. Remember when I first started working with him a couple of years ago? Well, now he's decided that since I still haven't gone back to work with him—I’m not going to, —that he's gonna take all his stuff back."
"That's ridiculous," I said. “I thought it was a graduation gift.”
"Yeah, but I don't care anymore, to be honest. Think about it. It's kind of a relief to see that thing gone. It only reminded me of him. And if he wants it back so bad, he can take it. About time I bought my own car anyway,” he finished.
I didn’t even know what to say to that.
He went on. “You know what else? I’ve been looking for a new place. He co-signed my lease, and I don't want him causing problems with my apartment too, so… I might be pretty busy the next week or two. I need a new car, and I'm going to start looking for a new place. Not to mention, I still haven't found a job."
He blew out a breath.
“So what are you going to do?” I asked. He probably thought I still wasn’t listening, but I was more shocked more than anything at how calm he sounded about everything. Like it had been a regular old day, not that his dad had taken away his car, he had no job, and now he’d decided to move.
“What do you mean?” he asked with a small laugh. “I just said I’m going to be looking for a new place to live. I’m kind of sick of this apartment anyway, Brooks.”
“But how? Don’t they usually ask how much you make when you apply for an apartment?”
I heard him sigh, and I could tell he was probably rolling his eyes at me.
“Yeah, but I’ll figure it out, okay? Jeez. I need you on my side, not questioning my every move,” he said, sounding irritated.
“Okay.” I cleared my throat, determined not to cry.
Why was I about to cry? Everything was fine.
“Listen, I’ll talk to you later, okay?” Ethan said, but he hung up before I could even reply.
Twenty-Three
Everyone showed up to the last practice except Brooklyn.
The entire volleyball team went out for dinner after. Even Sara and Brian were there. Brooklyn had said something about studying for a big test but promised she’d be there for the game.
“If we play at our last game the way we did today,” Nate said, “that championship trophy will be ours this weekend.”
Austin winked. “I’m already picturing what it's going to look like on my shelf.”
Nate scoffed but smiled. “Who said it's going on your shelf?" he retorted.
Shelley looked at them both. “Sounds like you two are going to have to work out some kind of custody schedule for that thing,” she joked.
The entire team could hardly contain their excitement at the fact that the championship game was coming up. According to Nate and Austin, we had a real chance of winning.
At the end of the day, the intramural teams were just for fun, but it was cool all the same to win at something. If we did win, we got to hold onto the trophy for a year and all the bragging rights it came with.
Brian looked down at his phone a couple seats over and said quietly to Sara, “It’s my sister. I have to pick her up. I'll see you later?"
“Yeah, see you tomorrow." Sara gave him a peck on the cheek, and he left, giving me a nod and saying good night to everybody.
I gave him a wave and then stared at my empty tray.
A few seconds later, Sara turned to me. “What is it? What’s wrong?”
I shrugged. “Nothing.”
We sat like that for a minute, just listening to the conversation at our table.
Finally, I said, “Look, I’m happy for you. You know that, right?" My eyes met hers.
She glanced away for just a second then nodded. "Of course."
“Good,” I murmured.
We listened to the conversation at the table for a few more minutes.
She turned to me. “You will find somebody sooner or later, you know that right?" she said.
I glanced at her. "Yeah. Although part of me still wishes that person had been you."
Sara rarely blushed, and I never said things like that to her anymore, but she opened her mouth a little before closing it again. Then she turned pink.
“Not that Brian's not a great guy. He is. I can tell you guys are right for each other, absolutely perfect for each other,” I said. "To be honest, I just thought—I thought maybe Brooklyn and I…”
"You still haven't talked to her?" she tried.
I shook my head. “It wouldn’t be a good idea.”
"Well, keep your head up. Don't settle until you find the right person. I think I just happened to find that person in high school. And who knows, maybe eventually Brian and I will break up, and we’ll each go our own ways. But right now, things are pretty great. And it feels like maybe we have something real, you know?” After a moment, she added, “I know it’s hard knowing she’s with someone else, but this campus is pretty big, Adam.” She smiled.
I nodded and gave her a small smile back. Ultimately, I knew she was right. I needed to move on. Meet someone new.
But I couldn’t help but keep going back to Brooklyn and how she deserved better.
Before I could move on, I needed to just get that off my chest to Brooklyn. That and so much more.
And then I’d let her live with whatever choice she wanted to make.
I needed to talk to Brooklyn.
But I went back and forth between whether I should talk to her before the game or maybe after.
What if neither of us could give it our best because things were still tense and awkward between us?
But what if we got into some kind of argument or something and she hated me after? And then neither of us would be able to focus during the game.
I still hadn’t decided how to approach her or when the morning of the game.
We played at eleven o’clock on Saturday morning, but the team was there twenty minutes early.
Brooklyn practiced her serve in her signature spandex and tank top along with Shelley, Nate, Austin, and Terry. Maddie waved to me from where she sat in the grass, her short blond hair dancing in the breeze.
Both teams warmed up. Nate didn’t say anything when Brooklyn and I hardly said a word to each other.
Whenever I chanced a glance at her, I immediately remembered the day I saw her and Ethan.
And also the taste of her mouth, the feel of her skin on mine.
I kept waiting for the right moment to walk up to her, but she was with Shelley, and we were supposed to be warming up for the game.
So I decided later would be be better, and I focused on the match instead.
It was chilly outside even though the sun was out. There definitely weren’t as many people out lounging around on the grass.
The game began. We’d beaten this team before, but apparently, they had been missing one of their players last time.
So it was a tough game from the get go, but we ended up winning by three points.
Austin slapped me on the back as we grabbed some water.
“Are those biceps I see?” he said with a punch on my arm.
I punched him back lightly and chugged some water down.
When I was done, I caught Brooklyn looking at me before she turned away less than half a second later.
“What’s going on with you two?” Nate asked, coming up beside me.
“Nothing,” I answered. “She has a boyfriend, remember?”
And I walked away because it was time for the second game of the match.
“Let’s not go to a third game,” Nate said. “Let’s finish this right now, guys. But whatever happens, let’s have fun out there, maybe wipe the grin off of that pompous guy over there, eh?” he finished with a wink.
Austin whooped before putting his hand in the middle of our huddle. We piled our hands on top of his, totally pumped.
I avoided Brooklyn as we walked out onto the sand again.
The other team was already waiting for us on the other side of the net.
The pompous blonde guy Nate was referring to was already getting ready to serve the ball while yelling out something at the team. Even his team didn’t like him because one girl rolled her eyes as she turned back towards us.
He threw the ball up in the air and hit it hard. It came right at Shelley. The ball sailed down so hard and fast that it hit the ground in front of her before she could even get in position to defend the ball. Sand flew everywhere. I walked over, grabbed the ball, and threw it back.
We all got in position again, ready for this guy’s serve.
He looked at Shelley again, clearly aiming right at her. What a jerk. He knew she had to be shaken up from missing the first time, and now he was going to try to do the same thing again.
Brooklyn went right over to her. “You’ve got this.”
Shelley nodded without taking her eyes off of that pompous guy.
He threw the ball into the air again, and before I’d even fully processed the sound of the slap of his palm on the ball, it hurled towards us.
It went over my head to Shelley, Brooklyn, and Austin behind us, heading straight toward Brooklyn and Shelley.
Right in between them.
“Mine!” Brooklyn yelled, and she dove in front of the ball. It hit her out-turned arms and sailed back up into the air towards Nate.
Nate set the ball, and it flew through the air to me. I didn’t tear my eyes off of it as I ran through the sand, jumped, and struck the ball down on the other side of the net.
The girl in the front row yelled as she dove to save it, but it was no use. The ball hit the sand, and we finally got our first point.
“That’s more like it,” Austin said, giving a Brooklyn a high five.
Nate gave me a smile and a nod, and I did the same as we got back in position. Now it was our turn to serve.
It went back and forth like this for about twenty more minutes, first the other team in the lead and then us. We couldn’t seem to get ahead, and finally, we made a mistake. The other team got ahead and won by two points.
Terry sighed. “Sorry, guys. That one was on me.”
Shelley patted him on the back.
Nate shook his head. “No, the way I set the ball was pretty bad. If there’s anyone to blame, it’s me. But no worries, guys. We’ve got one more game ahead of us. I believe we can still win this.”
“I believe,” Austin said, like he was preaching to us right now. “I believe! I believe!”
We couldn’t help but laugh even as the other team gave us weird looks.
“That’s right. I believe in you guys,” Nate reiterated. “We got this. And no matter what happens, lunch is on me after this.” He paused. “Not really. I’m as broke as the rest of you.”
We laughed again, and I couldn’t help but focus on the sound of Brooklyn’s laugh.
But it was time to get my head back to the game.
“Hashtag student loans,” Terry said with a laugh.
After that, the third and final game of the match began.
By then, a small crowd had gathered around the volleyball court. Whenever someone made a point, part of the crowd cheered and the other one booed.
As if there wasn’t already enough pressure to win.
Shelley nudged Brooklyn as she went to serve. “Bet this feels just like high school all over again,” she said with a wink.
Nate tossed the ball to her as she stepped behind the line. She grinned wide at Shelley. “Yeah. I love it.”
She threw the ball up into the air, her eyes locked on it, and then she slapped it hard across the net.
I watched it fly to the other side, getting ready for when it would inevitably come back over to us. Meanwhile, Brooklyn ran back to her defensive position.
Blonde pompous guy jumped to strike it back to us from just the other side of the net. Nate joined me, and we leaped together to block the ball with our hands, bending our fingers down when the ball made contact.
It rolled down the net and hit the sand on the opposing side. Half the crowd cheered when our unofficial scorekeepers added a tally for our team. We’d never had an official scorekeeper before, but two girls kept score in the sand nearby.
And so far, it looked like we had tied things up.
Brooklyn went to serve again. She was obviously in her element. So were Nate, Austin, and Terry.
Across our half of the court, Shelley gave me a knowing look. Me and her? We may as well have been fish out of water, even if we had learned how to play volleyball. We were mostly there to make sure the team had enough people to compete, and yeah maybe we exceeded expectations at times, like with the point Nate and I had just earned the team, but for the most part, we were pretty average (or even subpar) at this whole intramural volleyball thing.
There was a reason I never played sports in high school and stuck to solving math problems for fun.
Brooklyn served the ball again. This time, the ball hit the sand, barely touching the sideline. It counted as in. Our point.
“Yes!” Nate yelled. Brooklyn and Shelley clapped. This was the lead we needed. Just one point, but it was enough for now.
If we could just get one more point, we could win this thing for good.
But several minutes later, we were tied again, and it was the other team’s serve.
Brooklyn approached Nate. “I have an idea.” She quickly whispered something in his ear.
A girl from the other team grabbed the ball and ran to the serving line.
Nate nodded at Brooklyn, and I got in place, wondering what they were up to.
The girl hit the ball, sending it straight to me.
