Clueless (Squad Goals Book 1), page 11
“It’s a huge deal. I can’t believe you missed movie night.” Luke says, eyes bugging out of his face.
“Can’t believe she’s still talking to you,” Wyatt adds his thoughts.
“Well, she is. She burst in on us while we were still naked after sex, and then Ryder and I got into this whole confusion because I still had the DateMe app on my phone and the notification tone went off. He thought I just wanted him for sex, and I was trying to date someone else. We talked it out…in front of my sister, and we did the whole I want to be your boyfriend thing. Kait was happy for us, but she did say she would kick our asses if we ever miss movie night again. Which is valid,” I add on.
I really don’t think I could be any happier right now.
“Like, totally valid.” Perry nods.
“We should go get changed,” Gio says. “We need to lather Perry in body glitter.”
“I’m not the only one who needs to get lathered up, jerkface. It is an important part of cheerleading.” We walk past the STU cheerleaders as they make their way to the away team’s cheerleader locker room.
“Hey, you guys entering the LGBTQ+ charity competition in a couple of weeks?” Adam, one of their spotters, stops and asks.
“Yeah, cannot wait. It’s gonna be so much fun,” Bradley says, fist-bumping him.
“Fuck yeah, definitely is. Can’t wait to see what you come up with.”
“Same,” Brad says. “I heard there will be another group cheerleader party Christmas thing. Caleb, the head cheerleader on the Beaumont squad, is hoping to organize something like that.”
“Great, we’ll see you there,” Adam says, smiling at us all. “Good luck today.” He runs after his squad, who smiles and waves but goes straight to their locker room.
”See, why don’t TV shows and movies ever show that. The fact that, you know, we can just be nice and kind to each other. Cheerleading isn’t all bitchy girls and sassy gays,” Luke says, throwing his hands in the air.
“Speak for yourself,” Perry says, making us all laugh. We head into the male locker room, and I start changing immediately. I put on my Flora Vista cheer jersey and forest-green pants over my sparkly green jock.
I don’t tend to wear much makeup, only a coat of mascara, a bit of highlighter, and a couple of little green hearts by my eyes. Then I’m ready to go. Luke, Perry, and Hudson tend to go all out. Glitter everywhere. I think they even use spray glitter in their hair. They look gorgeous, and I do it for special events, but the removal is too much effort.
We meet the girls outside the locker room and make our way onto the field, where the stadium is already packed.
“We’ve got pompoms,” Sammy says, bringing out a big bucket on wheels that holds them all. “Right, we’ve got this. We’re going to help these guys get that win, and we’re gonna kill it.”
We all start clapping, getting ourselves pumped up. I love this. I love the rush. I love participating in our team winning and commiserating with them when they lose. The people in the stadium enjoy our show. It’s hard fucking work, but we get to have fun and do what we love.
Coach Phillips calls us in. “The football guys are going to be coming out in five minutes. I know we talked about this, but I’m laying it out again. I want you to do only the basic cheers today. I want to make sure you’re on either side, as usual, to welcome them onto the field. Got it?” she says, and we shout our agreement. “We’re not doing any of the competition stuff today. We’re going to want to keep that tight. Basic cheers unless we start to lose. Which is not going to happen. Let’s go get this crowd pumped.”
We all clap and whoop. The coaches go over by the stands as we line up boy, girl, boy, girl along the field, facing the home crowd.
And then we start our chant.
Give me an R.
R
Give me an H.
H
Give me an I.
I
Give me an N.
N
Give me an O.
O
GOOOOOOOOOOOO RHINOS
The stadium erupts in cheers as we jump up and down and clap. Luke and Liz throw in a couple of backhand springs.
Who’s gonna win this? CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP
Rhino’s gonna win this CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP
Who’s gonna win this? CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP
Rhino’s gonna win this CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP
We see the signal that the team is about to run onto the field, so we make our way over. Cheering and clapping as we go. Tucker is one of the first on the field, winking at Gio as he runs on. I look at my best friend, who is definitely not making eye contact with me. I wonder what’s going on there?
As the game starts, we’re doing well, but when it gets to the final quarter, we’re down by three, and the crowd has gotten a bit lackluster.
“Okay, let’s do the FVU chant!” Kait shouts, and we turn to face the home crowd.
Flora Vista, you can do it. Flora Vista, get into it. Flora Vista, you can do it. Flora Vista, get into it. Flora Vista, you can do it. Flora Vista, get into it.
Slowly the crowd starts chanting with us until it’s all anyone can hear. And then we notice one of the STU players fumbles the ball, giving our guys a chance to get it up the field and run it into their endzone just as the buzzer sounds.
We did it.
We start screaming and shouting. The atmosphere is absolutely electric. Everybody starts hugging each other. I look up at the stands at Ryder, who’s been watching me all along, and blow him a kiss. Which he catches and puts in his pocket.
He’s an adorable little dork.
Chapter twenty
Ryder
“Kait, how okay are you with me talking about your brother?” I ask as I walk into the living room and flop onto the couch next to her. It’s Thursday night, which means nineties movies and takeout. Lexi is collecting the food on his way home from class, and we have Jurassic Park all lined up to start as soon as he gets home.
“You can’t talk about your sex life, but other than that, chat away.”
“Not even to tell you I’m having the best sex of my life?” I ask with a dopey grin. She flops her head back.
“Ryder, seriously, no,” she groans. “I didn’t want to hear about your sex life when it wasn’t with my brother.”
“Okay, fine. I’ll tell you all about how obsessed with him I am instead. I want to crawl inside his skin and live there.”
“I don’t think normal people say they want to crawl inside someone’s skin and live there.”
“Obviously,” I tell her, rolling my eyes. “I don’t want to crawl into just anyone’s skin. I want to crawl into Lexi’s. He’s perfect and smart and gorgeous, and I’m an idiot for never seeing it before. Kait, there were four years where he and I could have been together.”
I keep thinking about this. All that time, we could have been together. It’s not even the sex. It’s just being with him. He makes everything brighter just by being around him.
“Yeah, that’s true,” she says with a shrug. “But just think, if Lexi had told you he was in love with you all those years ago, you might have had a fling or whatever, but you might not be where you are now. You probably needed those extra years to grow up.”
What the fuck?
“What about Lexi telling me he was in love with me?”
“Yeah, like if he told you in high school, you might not have what you have now,” she says, smiling.
“Lexi was in love with me in high school?”
“Since high school. Why are you repeating everything I’m saying? It’s annoying.”
“Because I didn’t know.”
“What do you mean?” Kait’s eyes go wide and the color drains from her face.
“What do you mean, ‘what do I mean?’ I didn’t know he had a crush on me. Why didn’t he tell me?”
“Shit, has he not told you this?”
“No. No, I thought we just started liking each other this year. I didn’t know how it happened. That thing with Tucker went down, and then we were hanging out.”
I take a deep breath because I can’t wrap my head around it. Something sticks out though.
“You knew?”
“Yeah, I knew. I think everybody knew,” she says with a nervous smile, her knee bouncing anxiously.
“Lexi told everybody?” Why does that hurt? “Why didn’t he tell me?”
“Lexi didn’t tell anybody,” she says softly, stroking my arm. “Everybody could just guess. He looks at you like you created the moon and then hung it just for him.”
I would so fucking do that if it made him smile. I’d do anything to make my man happy.
“I’m so fucking clueless.”
I don’t know what to think about him being in love with me this whole time and not telling me. What to do with this information.
I hear a jangle of keys. I guess I don’t have any more time to process this.
The front door opens and shuts, and Lexi comes bounding into the living room with a huge smile.
God, he’s beautiful.
“So, I picked up the Indian food. We have definitely ordered enough for leftovers tomorrow. What movie are we watching, Ryder?” Lexi asks as he kneels in front of the coffee table and starts taking containers out. It feels like my voice has abandoned me.
When Kait and I don’t say anything, he looks up at us, eyebrows knotted in confusion. “What’s going on?”
“Are you in love with me?” I blurt. Lexi’s jaw drops in surprise. No shit, even I didn’t realize I was going to say that. He looks between Kait and me before taking a deep breath. I can see his resolve strengthen before my eyes.
“Yes, I am.”
Is there a word stronger than shocked? Because that’s what I’m feeling right now.
Lexi is in love with me.
I don’t even know how to process this right now.
He’s been in love with me for four years. Am I going to be playing catch-up? Do I even deserve him if I can’t tell how he feels about me? I need to think this all through.
“I should go,” I say, but I don’t move a muscle. His face drops.
“Oh, okay, but you should take the food with you. I’m…I’m not really that hungry.” He turns away and repacks the takeout bag. “I’m going to go to bed,” he says without looking at me as he rushes down the hall.
“I know I’ve interfered enough. More than enough. But I really think you need to think about what you do now,” Kait says seriously. “If you leave now, I’m pretty sure it’s going to break his heart, and you’ll blow your chance with him.” She stands from the couch and walks to the door. “Just message Gio or me if you leave so we can be here for him.”
The front door slams.
Fuck that.
Fuck anyone being here for him other than me.
Lexi is mine.
I may have been shocked, but I am not letting him walk out of my life. Four years he’s been in love with me, seeing me with hookups, hearing me talk about it. I would violently throw up if I knew he was with another man. I take a deep, calming breath. I am not going to let that happen. I am his now. I will be the best fucking boyfriend ever because he deserves that. He deserves everything he wants.
And it sounds like what he wants has always been me.
I rush to his bedroom and knock once before barging in. Lexi is sitting on his bed, looking totally despondent, with tears rolling down his face.
The sight breaks my heart. I vow then and there that I will never make him cry again.
Chapter twenty-one
Lexi
Chapter 21: Lexi
Running into my room, I shut the door behind me and start pacing up and down the bottom of my bed. I should have just told him I’ve had a crush on him since the very first time I met him. That I’ve been in love with him this whole time, but now I’ve ruined everything. All because I was too scared to say something.
I’m such a fucking idiot.
I’ve ruined it all.
When I admitted to being in love with him, he just stared at me as if he’d never seen me before. He’s never looked at me like that. I can’t help the tears falling from my eyes. I don’t even bother to wipe them away, knowing they’ll be replaced moments later.
I sit on the bottom of my bed and silently sob into my hands.
It’s all over, and it’s all my fault.
At least I got to be with Ryder for a short time. It was everything I had fantasized about.
My door crashes open. My head snaps up, and Ryder storms in with a wild look. He pauses in his tracks for a split second when he sees me.
And then he’s on me, pulling me into his arms and burying his face in my neck.
“Baby,” he says, stroking my back. “I didn’t mean to make you cry.” I cry harder, but this time in relief.
I wrap my arms around him. “I’m so sorry. I should have told you. I wish—”
He pulls back to cup my face. “No, you didn’t have to say anything until you were ready. I was just shocked. I’m the only person in the whole world who didn’t know you had this crush on me. I’m so sorry, Lexi. So sorry I was a clueless idiot who didn’t see you properly.”
He brings me in for a kiss.
I love the taste of him. He tastes like Ryder. Delicious and amazing and right. But I can’t relax because I’m scared to hope. I don’t know what kind of kiss this is. It doesn’t feel like a goodbye kiss. But what if it is? I break the kiss.
“Why are you sorry? It’s me that’s sorry,” I tell him, staring straight into his stormy gray eyes.
“I’m sorry that I didn’t know. I’m sorry that you dealt with this, and I’ve gone through this. I mean, the thought of you not loving me back, watching you be with other people, not being able to touch you whenever I want…it shreds my heart. I can’t imagine what you’ve gone through the last four years, feeling like that.”
Everything he says just makes me fall a little bit more in love with him.
Something he says sticks with me.
“What do you mean if I didn’t love you back? Does that mean you…I mean, what does it mean?” I stutter, my heart hammering so loudly in my chest that I half expect we’ll get noise complaints.
“It means I love you. You’re my Lexi. You’re my everything, and you’re gonna be my everything forever.”
This time, I’m the one attacking his mouth. He loves me. He loves me. He’s not breaking up with me. This is the best day ever.
“You haven’t actually said the words to me,” he says with a cocky smile.
“I love you, Ryder,” I say as intently as possible. I want this man to know I’m not messing around. “I thought I’d lost you. I was so scared when I thought I wouldn’t be able to do this anymore. No touching. No anything.”
“That will never happen. But I think we need to promise to be open about our feelings.”
“I promise.”
He kisses me harder, and his hands move down to my hips, pulling them against him as he grinds his cock into mine.
“I’m gonna need you, Alexis,” he sighs. “I’m gonna need you.”
“You’ve got me. Always. Now tell me, what are you gonna do with me?” I grind into him, letting him feel my rapidly hardening cock.
“Oh fuck,” Ryder says. “I know exactly what I’m gonna do to you if you let me.”
“Anything.”
“You don’t know what you’ve agreed to, my love.”
He lets go of me but doesn’t go far, grabbing my hand and taking me into the bathroom. He turns the shower on and starts stripping me naked while we wait for it to heat up.
“I love your ass all the time, but especially in these jeans.”
As soon as I’m naked, he works on himself. Stripping out of the long-sleeved tee and black jeans he’s spent the day wearing.
“Get in the shower now,” he says. His bossy voice goes straight to my already rock-hard cock.
I walk past him into the shower, and he slaps my ass.
“Yes,” I moan, and he smacks my other cheek.
“I’m going to mark up this beautiful skin. Cover it in me.”
“Yes.” I put my hands on the tiled wall, arch my back, and wiggle my ass at him. “I want it. Want you. Please.”
“You’re going to get me, but first, I’m going to wash you.”
And he does just that.
He takes his time putting shampoo into his hands and then running them through my hair, lathering me up. I’ve never felt so cared for and so loved. Once he’s satisfied I’m clean, I do the same for him before taking his mouth in a kiss that is meant to be sweet. It doesn’t last that way long. Our cocks line up against each other, and I can’t help trying to get some friction.
“Turn around,” he growls. I do as he says, my hands back on the wall. I look over my shoulder and watch as he drops to his knees and spreads my cheeks apart. “Fuck, I’ve needed this all day.”
Then he’s on me, licking my hole and groaning in pleasure the whole time. He ramps it up a notch, and then I’m the one moaning when he spears me on his tongue.
It feels so amazing. Like, I could probably come from this alone. Ryder groans, making everything sexier. He moves his tongue around, and that’s when I realize he’s not only eating me out. He’s also stretching me. I can’t help but thrust back into his face. I want that. I want to be stretched by his mouth.
“I think I’m gonna come?” I tell him when I feel the tingling at the base of my spine.
He pulls his face back.
“No,” I whine.
He stands, wrapping his arms around me from behind, pressing kisses to my neck.
“When you come, it’s going to be on my cock,” he promises.
He turns the shower off and we get out. He grabs a towel and dries me quickly and roughly before leading me back to my bedroom.
“Wait there, baby,” he says, bending to my bottom drawer and pulling out a bright-blue satin nightie. Just like the one I was wearing the first time we had sex.
“Arms up.”
I do as I’m told, and he slides the outfit over me.
