Judas: Indignant Few MC Book 1, page 7
“If you take me to the truck stop you’re probably going to have to carry me back out to the truck,” I said with a laugh. “I couldn’t tell ya the last time I had diner food.” I debated a little bit with myself before getting in the truck. I didn’t really like this guy. Never had. Even this afternoon, he rubbed me the wrong way, but out here in the darkness, it was a lot easier to pretend like he wasn’t Isaac, the creepy kid who harassed me and my girlfriends. Underneath the street lamp, he almost looked like my old friend. Maybe I could just pretend.
“Have you talked to Judas at all since you moved away?” he asked, pulling out of the parking lot. I almost gasped. Were my thoughts that transparent?
“I haven’t,” I said, point-blank. “I haven’t talked to anybody except my mama, to be honest. It’s easier that way. Sometimes when you move away, you start getting sentimental, ya know? You start imagining things were better than when you left ’em.” I wasn’t sure why I was so willingly pouring my guts out to this guy, but it felt good saying it out loud. If I had a dollar for every time I almost gave up on my dreams and retreated back home, it’d probably fill up at least two backpacks as big as my other one.
“Well, you had to have at least wanted to come home a little bit. It wasn’t like anybody held a gun to your head.” I laughed nervously.
“Not to my head,” I said. “What about poor Harold, though? Y'all know how to make an entrance, that’s for sure.”
“Poor Harold?” he asked, eyeing me sideways. Even this stranger could see through my bullshit.
“Listen, don’t tell anybody, but I’ve been thinking about getting away for a while now. Not like this, obviously. I really really don’t want to go home, though. I like being on my own.”
“Fair enough.”
When we got to the truck stop, I sent him into the convenience store to buy me a pair of flip-flops. The soles of my feet were filthy black. I’m sure the rest of me wasn’t looking so hot either. I didn’t care. If I couldn’t have Montana, I was at least getting my cheeseburger.
We sat in a booth close to the door in the diner. Isaac might have just been a prospect, but he had all the mannerisms of the men I’d grown up with. He sat with one leg out of the booth, a clear view of anyone coming or going. It didn’t matter that we were nowhere near home. You never knew when shit was going to hit the fan.
I pretended like I didn’t notice. I pretended like I didn’t care. Normalizing the club life was the only way to survive it. As long as my french fries were salty and this burger was medium rare, that was all I had to think about.
I wasn’t trying to admit to myself the only thing I actually was thinking about was this man’s brother. I wondered if he’d ever thought about me, or hell, if he even remembered me. He probably had a lot more on his plate than worrying about his best friend’s porn star kid sister.
“Good thing Judas isn’t here,” Isaac said as I used my napkin to wipe up the cheeseburger disaster that was running down my arm. “He’d be side-eyeing you so hard right now.”
I laughed, squeezing the fistful of beef. “He’s still on that, huh? Good for him. How is he anyway?” I’m glad he brought up the subject so I wouldn’t sound like such a creepy stalker. I loved that Judas was a vegetarian, even though I wasn’t one myself. His commitment to his values just added this edge of dark sexiness to him. I liked a man who didn’t compromise.
“He’s not doing so hot, babe,” he said. “His old lady is giving him a hard time. Drugs and shit.”
His old lady. Of course he had an old lady. If he looked anything like he did back when we were growing up, he was probably swimming in old ladies. If the thought of him still made me feel some type of way even after all these years, I couldn’t imagine being around him on a daily basis without wanting to rip his clothes off.
In that instant, I started tossing around an escape plan in my mind. It made me crazy knowing the only reason why I was willing to go back home was a man, and knowing that the fact he was accounted for was making me want to just hop in a random stranger’s truck and tell them to take me west.
You’re being fucking crazy, Athena.
“He’s not doing drugs, is he?”
Isaac just shrugged. I couldn’t believe he wouldn’t eat chicken but he’d put a needle full of dope in his arm.
“I think that’s why he wanted me to come prospect. Someone to keep him accountable. He’s definitely been drinking a lot lately, but Betty Sue just got out of rehab, so who knows what happens next?”
I smiled a sad smile. Betty Sue. The junkie. She sounded delightful. I tried to envision in my mind what kind of woman he’d be with, what kind of woman it would take to turn the man who always had his shit together into an addict. I kind of always secretly hoped that if anyone was going to ruin his life, it’d be me. I didn’t do drugs, but I definitely knew how to drive a man nuts.
“I think having you back will be good for him, to be honest. I wasn’t supposed to tell you this, but he’s the real reason why we came and got you. He’s been telling your mom forever now that he’s worried about you. Putting ideas in her head that you’re not acting right on your show. He got her all worked up.”
I dropped my cheeseburger mid-bite. I was going to throw up. My blood started to boil, but I couldn’t decide if I was more angry or disgusted. What right did he have to tattle on me to my mom? What the fuck did he think he knew about me from watching me put on weekly sex shows? Why was he even watching?
It gave me the chills.
“I’m going to the bathroom,” I said. “And next time you go to start a sentence with ‘I wasn’t supposed to tell you this,’ you should probably think twice. You want to be a part of the MC, you need to learn to keep your fucking mouth shut, Isaac.” I stormed off across the restaurant, shaking my head the entire time.
Who the fuck did Judas think he was? I slapped some cold water over my face, the familiar sting of tears beginning to well in my eyeballs. If he wanted to save me, why didn’t he chase after me? Why didn’t he even try? I was just a kid back then… back when I needed him. Now I’m successful. I’m coveted. I’m powerful. Now, my life is none of his business. It’s none of any of these guys’ business.
“Take me back to the motel,” I said to Isaac as soon as I got back to the booth. I pulled some cash out of my backpack and slapped it on the table. I opened up my burner phone, trying to remember Harold’s personal cell from the top of my head.
I wasn’t going to let my brother and his crew control me. They had their chance a long time ago, and if they really cared about me, I would’ve been home a long time ago.
I was going to call Harold as soon as I figured out how. I could just frame this as a big misunderstanding and be on an airplane back to Vegas tomorrow. I’d waited this long to escape. A couple more months wasn’t going to kill me.
The ride back to the motel was mostly silent. Isaac kept trying to explain away his blunder, telling me that maybe he misheard, and that I was blowing things out of proportion, but I wasn’t trying to hear it. He needed to learn words couldn’t be unsaid.
“Fuck my life,” I muttered when we pulled into the dark parking lot and I caught the creepy clerk standing outside my door, hands in his pocket, fidgeting nervously. Could this night get any worse?
“You want me to handle it?” Isaac asked. I wanted to disappear was what I wanted. I didn’t want him to think I needed him. Technically, I didn’t. Still, it was late, and this guy had already proven himself a creep.
He rolled down the truck window and shouted, “Can I help you, man?”
The guy leapt nearly three feet in the air. I knew Isaac was just a lowly prospect, but the creep didn’t have to know that.
“I’m not gonna hurt you, buddy,” he said. “I just want to know what you’re doing outside the lady’s room.”
“Do you know where she is?” he asked. Against my better judgment, I peeked over Isaac’s shoulder.
“What the hell do you want?” I barked. I was used to crazy. Some guys wouldn’t take no for an answer. I figured a boot in his face fixed him up right quick, but apparently he was not that easy to shake. “I thought we told you!”
“Ma’am,” he said sheepishly. He was holding the cash cards I paid him with. “I can’t take these. They’re too much.”
“Keep ’em,” I said. “It’s no big deal.” I sank back into the seat of the truck and sighed. If he thought he was going to win me over giving me back my money, he was more than just delusional.
“No, seriously,” he said, approaching the truck, holding his hands up in the air. “I think there’s a mistake. These cards are worth ten thousand dollars apiece. I can’t take that.”
“Wait, what now?” I stammered. My heart stopped. I could feel the blood draining from my face. “I think you’re confused. That can’t be right.”
“I thought so, too,” he said. “I went to cash them at the ATM, though. I tried ’em all. All the same.”
“Gimme those!” Isaac said, yanking them from his hand.
That couldn’t be right. When I set up the software to hack the accounts, it was only supposed to take a maximum of one hundred dollars, in slow unnoticeable increments. Anything more than that was a dangerous game. Anything more than that would definitely get me caught. Sure, I was very careful about setting up an untraceable business to do my dirty deeds, but I figured if I ever got caught, I could explain things away as an accident. Ten thousand dollars was no accident. Ten thousand dollars was the kind of money that could get a girl killed.
In an instant, I went from being on the run by choice to being on the run. My backpack wasn’t full of petty cash anymore. It was full of chunks of money that even the rich and dangerous men I pilfered it from would easily notice. They were the kind of people who could afford to do digging. They were the kind of people who weren’t afraid to ask questions or do whatever it took to make criminals like me disappear. This wasn’t a joke anymore. It wasn’t a game. This was my life on the line, and the only people I had to rely on were the men in the very club that I spent my life trying to get away from.
“We gotta go,” I managed to stammer to Isaac, trying to gather my thoughts. “This is not good.”
“You’re kidding, right?” he asked. “How many of those you got?”
I didn’t want to think about it. “Seriously, Isaac. We can’t stay here any longer. We aren’t safe.” I thought about all the people who had seen me in the short amount of time we spent here in Kentucky. Maybe I was being overly paranoid, but I could’ve sworn people at the truck stop were looking at me like they knew me. Then there was this guy, this creeper, who had full-blown confirmation it was me. I reached in the glove box instinctively, knowing full well the pistol would be there, still relieved as I palmed it in my hand. I pointed it right at the clerk.
He raised his hands into the air and began to walk back slowly.
“Please, Miss Athena, I swear, I saw nothing. I don’t know anything. I was just trying to be a good guy. You gotta believe me. I don’t want no trouble.” The truth was, I did believe him. I didn’t think for one second he would throw me under the bus, merely because his giving me the cards back meant he wasn’t motivated by money. No, this man wanted to impress me.
“I’m not going to hurt you,” I said. “I just need you to know how serious I am right now.” My hands were trembling, the gun drooping up and down. If I tried to shoot it, I’d probably end up blowing a hole in the roof of the truck or rearranging Isaac’s face. “There might be some people coming here looking for me in the next few days. I need you to do me a huge favor.”
“I never saw you, I swear,” he said. “You were never here.”
“No,” I said. These men coming to look for me weren’t the kind who would accept that as a logical answer. They’d torture it right out of him. As sleazy as he was, I wouldn’t wish my shit upon anyone. “I was here. Can you remember a phone number?”
He nodded, his eyes wide with fear as I rattled off the number to one of my burner phones. “Tell them that’s the number I left when I checked in.”
“Got it,” he said. I put the gun back in the glove compartment and he relaxed, slinking over to my side of the truck. “So what do I get out of this?”
“How about not killed and disappeared?” Isaac asked, reaching for his holster.
“Stop,” I said. I slid my panties down my thighs and tossed them out the window right into the clerk’s hand. “Thanks for your hospitality… I never caught your name.”
“Steve,” he said with a chuckle, clutching the lacy red underwear in his hand.
“It was a pleasure to meet you, Steve. I hope next time I see you it isn’t under such distressing circumstances.” Isaac rolled his eyes and made a fake gagging sound. I rolled up my window and turned to him. “Take me back to the truck stop.”
“What the hell is going on, woman?” he asked.
“We’re going home a little early,” I said. “But first, I need to take this phone and drop it in the back of a random truck.” It might not completely solve my problem, but it would at least give me some time to think.
“I can’t,” he said. “I only answer to Colt.”
“Get him on the phone,” I said. “He wants his sister back with the crew? This is what he gets. Now drive, Isaac, or trade me spots.”
“Just so you know, you can’t pull that panties shit on me,” he muttered as he pulled out of the parking lot. “I’d never cave for some broad’s g-string. Fucking pathetic loser.”
I giggled, shrugging my shoulders. He was exactly the kind of man who would sing like a bird for a pair of used panties, but I’d let him hold on to his ego, at least until he got me back to the clubhouse. “That’s good,” I said, raising my eyebrows, “because I don’t have any more at the moment. Now get my brother on the phone.”
13
Judas
The pounding on my door shook me out of my dead slumber. I instinctively reached for my pistol on the nightstand, flipping on my lamp and letting my eyes adjust to the bright light. Never a dull moment around here, even when everyone was out of town.
“Judas!” the familiar whine of Betty Sue drifted from the other side of the door. “Are you in there?” I groaned and pulled my blankets back up over my body and rolled over. I didn’t feel like dealing with this bitch right now. “Please!” she said, pounding harder. “It’s an emergency.”
I looked at the clock on the nightstand. 4 a.m. I needed to be awake and functional again in an hour for dumpster pick up.
“Come back in an hour,” I said. “I’m busy.”
“You got a bitch in there?” she shouted. It was none of her business either way. We were done for over a year now. The only reason I kept her around was because I felt guilty. I brought her into this life, I wrecked her. The least I could do was try and help her get her shit together. Not at 4 a.m., though.
“Yeah,” I said, hoping that would scare her off. I smashed my face into the pillow and tried to drown out her incoherent whining.
“I know you don’t, you asshole. Why are you trying to be cruel to me? You know I’m fragile right now.” She wasn’t just knocking anymore. Now she was kicking. I knew she’d never get through the stainless steel door, but she was irritating the shit out of me now. I got out of bed and slid on a pair of sweatpants. I unlocked the door and only opened it a crack, bracing it tight so she couldn’t just sneak on in.
“What do you want?” I asked. “Why are you up? Why are you here? You’re supposed to be at the halfway house. Don’t you have curfew and shit?”
“Stop,” she said, driving her palm into the door, trying to push it open. “You’re giving me a headache.” I could tell by her sway she was obviously on something. Her big blue eyes were nearly bulging out of her head. I used to think they were so pretty; I could get lost in them hours and hours while we laid together in bed. Now, her eyes made me anxious, always darting around like she was paranoid about something. Nothing about her was pretty to me anymore. Not the way she looked, not the way she acted, especially not the way she made me feel. “Just let me in. I want to talk to you.”
“We can talk right here,” I said. “You know you’re not allowed in here anymore.”
Not since the incident.
We’d tried to work things out. I was even willing to put up with her constant verbal assaults and the idea that the rest of our life would consist of me trying to help her not to relapse. When she started fucking Isaac, though, there was no more working things out.
I’d never be able to get hard for her again, knowing that my brother was inside her. I could never look at her like the beautiful woman I fell in love with all those years ago knowing she was that willing to betray me just for a temporary fix. It was just one of those double standards. I could forgive Isaac for just about anything, as proven time and time again, but I didn’t deal with cheating old ladies. I’d been burned enough times by people I trusted.
“I don’t understand why you won’t just get off it,” she said. “You know I wasn’t in my right mind. You know that wasn’t me. It was the drugs. I’m clean now,” she said, those big blue eyes not even trying to make contact with mine.
“What do you want, Betty Sue? You need money? I’ll get my wallet. Let me put some clothes on and I’ll take you back to where you need to go.” Paying her off and making her disappear was always the easiest option.
She nodded before cupping her head in her hands. This broken woman standing before me, thin as a rail, white as a sheet, just a shell of the person I once loved, I couldn’t find it in me to just slam the door in her face, even though I knew that was the smartest thing to do.
She followed behind me into my room against my better judgment. Before I could pull a pair of jeans out of my dresser, she was laying across my bed.
“I’ll suck your dick if you let me stay here,” she said. “Just for the day.”
