Judas: Indignant Few MC Book 1, page 10
I couldn’t deny my attraction to her, and now, with her nearly naked body so close to me, it was even harder to deny the way my cock was straining up against my jeans. In person, she was so much better: the way she smelled, the way she moved, the way she reacted to the way I was staring at her.
“I’m sorry,” I stammered. “I should give you some privacy.” I turned my back to her, fishing through my dressers for a t-shirt and some shorts she could throw on. I didn’t know what she had in her backpack. I turned to hand her the clothes, and her towel was gone, tossed on the floor. She stood in front of me, naked as the day she was born, and I struggled to pick my jaw up off the floor. “Here,” I said, thrusting the clothes at her, turning my eyes to the ground.
“Don’t act like you haven’t seen it before,” she said, reaching for my chin.
“That’s different, Athena. That’s a different you. That’s your career. When you’re under this roof, that’s not you. That’s not how I think about you. Now go put some clothes on and eat some food.”
It was hard to deny her beauty, but I knew right now this wasn’t a sex thing. This was her trying to work through her shit. Maybe she was trying to make me feel like shit.
“Then why did you watch? If you don’t think about me that way, why did you watch?”
“I gotta go,” I said. “Help yourself to whatever. I’ll crash at Colt’s tonight. Eat some food, get some sleep, figure out what the fuck you’re doing here.”
I didn’t have the words to tell her I watched because it was the only way I could be certain she was alright. It was the only connection I had with a woman I felt more strongly about than anyone I’d ever met in my life. I couldn’t help that she turned me on. That’s how the woman you loved was supposed to make you feel. I watched because I needed to make sure she was healthy. I needed to pretend like she was happy. I needed a sign that she had officially moved on from this life. When that day came, I’d stop watching.
Now that she was back here in the house, standing naked in my room, I felt like a dog chasing a car tire. I didn’t know what the fuck to do with her. She obviously didn’t want to be here. She definitely didn’t want me. She needed us, but I had no idea why.
I shut the door behind her and walked out into the clubhouse, trying to get my dick to cooperate, but I couldn’t get that vision of her out of my mind. Not her tits or the little strip of white blonde hair that looked like an arrow heading straight to her pussy, or the idea that I finally had a chance to make her mine once and for all. The two of us all grown up, I could give her the life she always deserved. I’d make her a queen. It was going to be her choice, though, not my demand.
17
Athena
How to confront your porn star career in front of real-life people you know 101:
Take off your clothes.
It’ll either make them really fucking uncomfortable or you’ll find out real fast exactly why they’re being so nice to you. At least that’s the way it’s always worked with most men.
Not Judas, though. That strange bastard didn’t even bat an eye. Of all the men in the world who I wouldn’t be completely disgusted with if he made a move, he didn’t even seem to notice. Now I was sitting here with a fist full of bacon, wrapped in a t-shirt that smelled like all things him, and I felt like, in this strange little standoff we were having, he had the upper hand.
Sure, I wanted him. How could any woman not? He had the body of a god, and that stoic darkness that he wore on his face, that strange peace with the life that he’d chosen that permeated the air around him, it was sexy as fuck. Electric. If I knew one thing about Judas, though, he always said what he meant, and something he said, I couldn’t let drop.
You left us when we needed you.
He thought I was a selfish bitch, but for some reason he didn’t hate me. Sure, he was being cold. Maybe I was, too. I often wondered what would happen if we ever saw each other again. It was going pretty much exactly as I imagined it.
I wrapped his comforter around my shoulders as I finished eating the giant breakfast laid before me. He obviously knew I was starving. I swear, between the half loaf of peanut butter toast and the pancake the size of my head, he was trying to put me in diabetic shock, but I ate every bite. The bacon made me laugh the most. I wondered if he had to put gloves on to touch it.
I hadn’t felt this safe and content in a long time, and yet there was a sadness I couldn’t shake. A sadness in knowing I couldn’t just stay here in this moment forever. I had to move on. Then again, maybe nobody was looking for me. Maybe nobody noticed the missing money. The men I stole from were all extremely well off. 10K was just a drop in the bucket.
There was really only one way to find out. I was so wide awake exhausted, my body was trying to go to sleep, but my mind wouldn’t let it drop. A simple google search could probably put my mind at ease, at least for a couple hours. Then, I could wake up, talk to the guys, and figure out my game plan. Hiding here was the best option for now, but it was a band-aid on a bigger problem. I had no idea who had seen me in the hours since I left Vegas, but the fact that the truck I was riding around in was wrapped in a giant sticker of the Indignant Few logo, and all the men with me were wearing cuts of the same pointed a giant blinking arrow right here to the clubhouse.
Maybe I could just live in denial and wait for my fate to catch up with me. The more I looked around this strange but familiar room, the more I thought about Judas, the easier it was for me to picture myself an old lady, his old lady. Maybe we could get a little farmhouse, I could pop out babies and pretend like I didn’t know what he was doing when he didn’t come home at night. I could let myself go, focus on trying to raise well-balanced kids in a life they’d never choose for themselves. If I could do a little better than my mama and daddy, that would be alright, right?
Snap the fuck out of it, Athena. That’s the kind of shit thinking that got your father and most of his men killed. Live in denial and somebody will definitely kill you when you have your dick out.
I grabbed Judas’s laptop, breathing a sigh of relief that it wasn’t password protected. His background picture was of him and a shaggy mutt with three legs. They both looked like they were smiling ear to ear. I didn’t think I’d ever seen him smile like that before. He was such an odd duck. His little off quirks were endearing in their own right, maddening on a level of trying to understand what was going on in his head, though.
I pulled up a browser, and as I went to search my name, all I had to type in was Ath and pages and pages of search history of my full name popped up. Should I be flattered or creeped out? I wondered what went through his mind when he saw what I was doing. I suddenly felt extremely naked. I’d never been ashamed at my history in porn; I’d always been extremely sex positive. It was always all in good fun. At least that’s what I convinced myself. I wondered if he saw it that way too, or if he was secretly judging me this whole time? That’s how most men were—dying to get me in bed, but disgusted to be seen with me in public.
Judas wasn’t like other men, though. Not even a little bit.
I was dying to check my email. Harold was probably going nuts by now. The only phone number he had of mine was the one for the phone I left behind, laying on my bed. I was positive after not showing up for my show last night, my fans were going equally crazy. It was obvious from the tweets that showed up on the first page of the search result, trending hashtag #wheresathena. Of course Harold was casually responding to all of them with comments like “she’s recovering from a stomach bug, she sends her love to all of you XOXO”, but my fans weren’t dummies.
It was an insane concept to me. Fans. People who didn’t even know me but loved me in ways that my family never even showed me. They were genuinely concerned about my well-being, not just because I put on a good show. Living right up in that lifestyle, it was easy to separate myself from them, pretending like they were just faceless keyboard warriors, but now that I was feeling more alone in the world than ever, I started feeling this twinge of compassion toward them.
Maybe I should log in to Twitter, just to give everybody some peace of mind. I began to type in my log-in details, then realized how fucking stupid I was being. I was letting my ego get in the way of my safety.
I scrolled down a little further.
“Bitch ran off with my money #wheresathena” a tweet from a man with the screen name bruno67 had written. It had fifty likes and twenty retweets. The hair on my arms stood up straight.
“Somebody deliver me that slut #deadoralive #wheresathena” another one read, this one from josephlee44. A hard lump formed in my throat as I gulped for air.
“You think this is a game? Hope you had your fun. We’re coming for you. We have men all over the world looking for your sweet ass, and when they find you, all bets are off. We don’t even need the money. It’s the principal #wheresathena #1000000reward” from anonymousinvegas. I immediately slammed the screen shut, backing away from the computer as quickly as I could. My heart was racing. They were definitely coming for me. This was not a game.
I knew the men had limited awareness as to what was up, only knowing what Isaac told them about why we had to bail last night. I needed to show them this. My very presence here was compromising their lives as well as my own.
Telling them would probably mean more running, though. More running that I definitely wasn’t ready to do right now. My body felt weak and tired, going on almost twenty-four hours without sleep, the last nap I took a Benadryl-induced coma thanks to my wasp stings. I needed to get my energy back. I needed a few hours to breathe. I double-checked the lock on the door. I took my pistol from my backpack and slid it under the pillow. I turned out the lights, the room pitch-black and silent. Just a few hours of rest and I could start back on my mission. I wasn’t going to sleep too heavily; I’d hear anybody coming from a mile away.
I hugged his pillow tight to my body, something about it feeling oddly comforting. I wasn’t supposed to feel safe here. That was how they sucked you in, but for one moment of delusional denial, I let myself think as long as I had Judas around, everything was going to be alright. I might be distanced from my family, but they’d never give up my cover. They’d never sell me out; at least that was my solitary prayer. It didn’t take long before my brain caught up with my body and I was out like a light.
My dreams took me to a place where I had been longing to go for ages, only the Montana cowboy was now a tall, muscle-bound biker. It didn’t matter where we were. As long as he was around, I was at home.
18
Judas
“Coming in hot,” Rosie shouted as he wheeled the massive carpet extractor off the ramp of the trailer. Our secretary, he was tall as a tree, dumb as a rock, and a favorite amongst the ladies. It was probably a sight to behold, our biker gang standing around geeking out over cleaning equipment, but anything that would make our job easier was a welcomed addition to the arsenal.
“Three hundred bucks,” Breaker said. “These things retail for over four grand.” He pulled his long brown hair back with a rubber band and started ripping the machine apart on the concrete floor of the garage. That kid was crazy like that, obsessed with what the inside of everything looked like. He was a great treasurer, though, and the auction was definitely worth the trip from the looks of the haul.
Miles jumped so high he damn near hit the ceiling as he flipped the switch on the industrial floor buffer and it started to rotate across the room with a loud whir. “That shit would’ve come in handy last night,” he said.
Last night felt like a decade away.
“Decker said y’all did a bang up job,” Colt said. “Sorry I had to miss it.” I rolled my eyes at him. He lived for any chance he got to get his hands dirty. I, on the other hand, preferred things a little more quiet around here. I handed him the envelope of cash.
“You guys are so cute,” Tressica shouted from the garage door, “playing with your new toys.” She was dressed in her work clothes, black high heels and a pencil skirt that was so tight it left nothing to the imagination. It still blew my mind such a hot smart chick was slumming it with us. Slumming it with my married best friend.
“I’ll show you cute,” Colt said, grabbing her around the waist, kissing her passionately on the lips until she turned a bright shade of red. He heaved her over his shoulder, his hand cupping her round ass, and wandered off. Nobody could deny that they were a perfect match. That broad turned Colt into a totally different man than his usual cocky asshole self. It was probably why he still kept Zelda around. He knew if he committed to Tress full-time he’d officially have to straighten up. I didn’t know how much longer she was willing to put up with his shit, but as of this moment, they were like two teenagers in love.
“What about you?” Law asked, poking me in the ribs with his elbow. “I didn’t think you’d be leaving your room for a solid week.” Even when he teased, he looked angry, serious. That man had seen some shit. He’d worked for government agencies we didn’t even know existed. Our enforcer, he was the smartest guy out of all of us; brains and brawn, a double threat. The only time I ever saw him smile was when he was trying to figure out complicated shit, digging bullets out of arteries, or hacking complicated computer systems.
“Y’all aren’t right,” I said. “What was the point of that?” I still hadn’t figured out why they went to the effort to drag her back here if she didn’t want to be here. I still didn’t understand what the hell that had to do with me.
“We were sick of you moping around all the time. Plus Reena wouldn’t stop bitching,” Delaney said. “Dude, we delivered you your dream woman, who happens to be a porn star, and you’re standing here with your hands in your pockets?”
“She’s crazy about you, brother,” Breaker said. “Law had her all drugged up and she wouldn’t stop rambling about you on the ride to the hotel. Hours and hours of ‘where’s Judas’ and ‘I miss Judas.’ Whatever you did to that bitch, she never forgot about you, that’s for sure. I think you’re the only reason why she even agreed to come back.”
“You drugged her?” I asked, trying to control my temper. It was like everyone in the world was just trying to make me snap in the last twenty-four hours. “Y’all kidnapped her and drugged her?”
“She was having an allergic reaction to the wasps,” Law explained. “Is her face still all swollen up? How about her ankle? She twisted it pretty good.”
“What the fuck did you guys do to her?” I shouted.
“There it is,” Delaney chuckled. “Reena totally called it. Our little Judas is in love.”
“Fuck off,” I said. I wasn’t in love. Sure, I felt for her in ways that I didn’t understand, but I knew one thing: I wasn’t going to fight for some broad who didn’t even want to be here. I wasn’t going to put myself out there for somebody who was just going to run off again. I’d rather spend the rest of my life alone and miserable than waste it on chasing around some bitch who didn’t care about me. She’d made it perfectly clear she hated the club. She made it perfectly clear that in her mind I was no different than any of the other dudes who jerked off to her porn videos. “She’s taking a nap and then she’s out of here.”
“Absolutely not,” Law said sternly. “She’s tangled up in some bad shit. If she wants to keep on living, she’s not going anywhere. Not right now at least. Not til we figure out how to get her out of this mess.”
My mind went back to the conversation on the porch, Colt scolding her for her being outside. She was obviously in trouble. Law explained the situation, the cash cards she maxed out but swore it wasn’t supposed to be like that, the kind of people she robbed. When he pulled out his Twitter and showed me what was trending in terms of her name, I felt the rage start burning inside me, stronger than I’d felt it in a long time.
She was in serious danger.
Lucky for her, she was in the right place. Maybe she didn’t give a shit about me, but deep down, I knew she was the only women I’d ever truly love. I wasn’t going to let anybody hurt her ever again, especially not these keyboard warriors and their threats, putting a bounty on her head like she was some sort of prized possession. I had half a mind to call them out. Call them here. Show them what the Indignant Few were capable of, and what happened when they fucked with one of our own.
She had to come around. I was going to show her a side of me that she never saw before, the side of me that made me the man everyone feared as much as respected. Whoever said ‘this isn’t a game’ was right. I was done playing with her. Athena Morgan Fisher, it’s time you figured out who you really are. I was going to show her, whether she liked it or not.
19
Athena
I wasn’t sure how long I passed out for. The nightstand lamp was flicked on, and a plate of food wrapped in tinfoil sat on the little island that separated his bedroom from the kitchen. I shivered from head to toe as I hopped out of bed. Judas had always liked things really cold. Clinical. Exactly like how he acted toward me earlier today.
There was a bright pink beach bag sitting on the armchair in the corner of the room with a yellow Post-it note stuck to the top. “Just to get you through until you have time to go shopping. Sorry if it’s way too big, XO Tress,” it read. I wondered how she got in without me hearing her. The thought sent a chill down my spine. I needed a better security system. Apparently I wasn’t as light a sleeper as I thought.
My stomach was growling loudly, and I devoured the plate of fried chicken and macaroni salad that was left on the table. If there was one redeeming quality about my mama, it was that she knew her way around the kitchen. For all I knew, she laced it with poison, but at least I’d die a happy woman.
I dumped the bag of clothes out on the bed. Tressica always had a great sense of style, and that definitely hadn’t changed. Her taste was even better, a lot more expensive than it was when we were growing up. I couldn’t believe some of the names on the tags. She might not be a lawyer, but whatever she was doing, she was raking in some major cash. I took the sheer maxi dress—long sleeved and ruffly, totally bohemian, black with yellow flowers—and held it up to my body. Something about the perfect dress was enough to bring a smile to my face. I might be a piece of shit petty criminal hiding out in a den of crazies, my life might be completely off the rail, but at least I could look pretty.
