The Hate Between Us, page 34
He put me down on a patch of wet soil right next to the water. The water that looked like a shimmery cage waiting to snap shut around me. I’d never been a good swimmer, but now, without my legs, I knew I couldn’t even consider that route to escape him.
He sat next to me, and I tried to scoot as far from him as I could. He didn’t let me, his hand around my arm preventing me from leaving his side. I wrapped my arms around my waist, already trembling hard from cold and fear. What was he going to do? How was he going to—to kill me?
The moon illuminated the sharp planes of his face, adding depth to his disturbing expression. His eyes moved down my body, and I felt like he was violating each inch of me. I recalled that night, him doing that to me. Him eliminating my choices and making me feel worthless. Marking me forever.
There was no presence of humanity in his eyes when he raised his hand toward me. I flinched, thinking he was going to hit me, but he only tucked my hair behind my ear. He chuckled at my reaction.
“It’s nice here. Right? Quiet and secluded. Samantha and I used to come here often. We’d fuck like there was no tomorrow.”
I pressed my hand against my mouth to stifle a bout of queasiness. Just a little while ago, I’d felt the happiest I’d ever been on the stage. I’d felt like I’d been living a dream.
And now I was in a nightmare. A real, bloodcurdling nightmare.
“How could you have done that to me? You raped me, Liam.”
His teeth flashed. “Oh, come on. Don’t tell me you didn’t enjoy it at least a bit.”
“I didn’t want it. I didn’t want you, Liam.”
His repugnant fingers traveled across my face, and my hand twitched with the urge to smack them away from me. “Too bad for you, because I would’ve taken care of you. And look at it this way—if you’d stayed with me, you wouldn’t have gotten in that accident. You wouldn’t have been a useless cunt in a wheelchair.”
I moved my head to the side so I wouldn’t have to keep looking at him, but he grabbed my chin and forced my head back.
“I’m curious about one thing. When did you remember?”
“I remembered it t-t-too late.” My teeth chattered.
He released another chuckle. “Is that so?”
I shuddered from cold, and his eyes dropped on my chest.
“Look at those nipples. All hard and ready for me.” He groped my breast, and that night in his car flashed in front of my eyes all over again.
No. What the fuck was I doing? I couldn’t just sit here and let him get away with this. I couldn’t just do nothing. Not again. I had to put up a fight. I had to do something.
“Stop!” I swatted his hand away from me and tried to pull myself away from him, but he slapped me hard, sending me to the ground. I felt my lip splitting, my blood filling my mouth.
Too fast, he pounced on me, pressing me into the ground and holding both my hands above my head.
“No. Let me go!” I screamed, writhing against him, but he took out his knife and pressed it against my waist, sinking his body against mine. The tip of the blade broke through the thin material, grazing my skin, and I cried out at the sharp sting.
“I was patient with you, but that ends now. First, I’m going to fuck you. Just because I can. And then . . .” He ran the tip of his knife over my chest and stomach.
He brought his mouth to my neck. He kissed me aggressively, more hurting me than anything else, and I couldn’t breathe with all the fear building quickly in me.
I felt so powerless. He was violating me all over again, and I couldn’t do anything. I couldn’t use my legs or arms. He was going to rape me and then—no. No, no, no.
I couldn’t go through this again. No.
I looked around for anything in this darkness, anything that I could use to help myself, hoping for a miracle. My eyes caught on a rock lying almost within my reach, and I had to blink twice just to confirm it was really a rock and not something else that looked like a rock in the dark. He held my arms tightly above my head so I couldn’t move them, but maybe I could grab it eventually and hit him with it.
But that would be risking getting stabbed.
It’s my only shot. I’m going to die anyway if I don’t do anything.
As he ground against me, I tried not to think about what he was doing to me but about how I could reach for that rock. He would have to release my hands or his knife to reach for his zipper, and I had a hunch he wouldn’t risk freeing my hands.
An idea quickly formed in my head. I had only one chance, and it was mostly based on whether I was lucky enough that he moved the way I hoped he would.
He shoved himself against me hard, as though simulating how it would be once there were no clothes between us, and I almost lost to my fear. But then he placed his knife on the ground next to us and reached for his zipper, and I forced myself to stay focused.
Because this was it. My only chance.
I jerked my head upward and bit into his nose as hard as I could. The metallic taste of blood filled my mouth as his scream filled my ears, and the moment he released my hands to reach for his nose, I extended my hand toward the rock.
My fingers barely brushed over it, and I strained to reach it . . .again and again . . . Finally, my hand closed around it, and I screamed, hitting him once, twice, three times. His screams abruptly stopped after the second hit. He crashed to the ground, and I shoved him off me, my muscles quivering with how hard I had to push. I rolled onto my belly and frantically crawled away from him, hoping he was unconscious. Hoping I could get away from him. Crawling and crawling and crawling.
I pushed against the high grass, the distant sound of a car engine reaching my ears. Someone else was here.
I tossed a look over my shoulder to see if Liam was still down, opening my mouth to call for help, when a body crashed onto me, flipped me over, and pressed me into the ground, hands wrapping around my throat.
“I’m going to kill you!” Liam spewed out, his spit hitting me on the cheek. I barely got a look at his bloodied face before my vision started blurring, unable to breathe. Oh, hell no!
I couldn’t get any air in. I raised my arms to claw at his face, but they felt so heavy. My vision darkened. I couldn’t breathe . . .
I was going to die. He was going to kill me.
But I didn’t want that. I finally knew that now, with all my being, as I stared death in the eyes. I didn’t want to die. I wasn’t useless or worthless. I had so much to accomplish. I’d only began to scratch the surface of what I wanted out of my life.
But now it was too late. I was dying.
I want to live.
Everything darkened, and everything quieted. There was nothing.
The hands suddenly released me, and my mouth jerked open around a long inhale as my lungs struggled to get as much air in as they could. I gasped and gasped for it as the sounds of a scuffle erupted near me. Someone’s arms wrapped around my waist and helped me sit up.
“You’re okay now. We’re here.” Jimmy’s voice filled my ear. “I just called 911, and the police will be here soon.” His hands squeezed my shoulders reassuringly.
I opened my eyes to see Jason sitting on top of Liam and punching him brutally in his face, the headlights of Jason’s car flooding them with light. I’d never seen Jason this violent . . . this furious. After the fourth hit, Liam stopped resisting, and his body went limp. After the sixth hit, I was positively sure he’d blacked out.
With a shout, Jason landed a final punch to Liam’s face and jumped to his feet, not even giving him another glance as he rushed to my side.
He dropped to his knees and cupped my face with shaky hands, looking at me as if I might disappear into thin air. “Are you alright, baby? Are you hurt anywhere?”
Before I could reply, he checked me for injuries, his eyes bouncing all over me. I needed a moment just to soak this in—that he was here. That he didn’t hate me. That he’d just saved me.
“You’re freezing,” he said and took off his jacket in three jerky moves. “Here.” He helped me put it on and zipped it up to my throat.
“My . . . my throat hurts,” I croaked out.
“That son of a bitch,” he hissed. He ran his hands down my hair over and over again. “You’re okay now. Nothing bad will happen to you. You’re okay now.” He muttered these last few words, sounding as though he was trying to convince himself more than me. He pulled me into a hug, and I leaned into him, seeking his comfort and the safety of his arms.
“Jason, I was so scared. So scared. I thought . . .”
“Shhh.” He left a kiss on the top of my head, rocking us back and forth. “You’re safe now.” His arms tightened around me. “I’m sorry we didn’t come sooner. I’m so sorry.” His voice broke as if he was going to cry, and a whole load of emotions crashed over me like an avalanche. I grabbed the front of his jacket, holding tightly onto him.
“We came as fast as we could,” Jimmy said as he stood and went over to Liam. He pressed his fingers to Liam’s neck to check his pulse. “He’s alive.”
“I should kill that bastard,” Jason growled.
I drew away to look at him. “How—how did you find me?”
“Jimmy and I noticed you missing from backstage, and when your parents came and asked where you were, Jimmy knew there was something wrong. We found all your stuff in the dressing room. Your phone, your clothes . . .” He ran his fingers over my jaw. “Jimmy told me everything on the way here. About Liam. About Samantha Hawkins.”
“I assumed Liam would bring you here. The spot where he killed Sammy,” Jimmy said. “It was a lucky guess, really,” he added when I gave him an impressed look.
My lips tilted up, trembling. “Thank you. Both of you.” I pressed my hand against my mouth as I looked at Liam. “He—he brought me here to kill me. I was sure I was going to die.” I shuddered, and Jason’s lips twitched, his eyes glowing even in the dark with cold fury. “But that wasn’t all. He tried to—to rape me first . . . again.”
Jason went unusually still. “What do you mean again?”
Jimmy ran his hands down his face. “No. Motherfucker.”
I dropped my eyes down to my hands, fresh tears pouring down my face. I didn’t want to talk about this. I didn’t want to admit it. But I had to say it.
I looked at Jimmy. “I remembered right before Liam took me. That night, when you stopped in that alley. I was there with Liam, in some hidden corner. He had me locked in his car. I managed to escape, but not before he—before he forced me to—” I closed my eyes, shame pouring deeply through me. “Take him . . . my mouth . . .”
My eyes snapped open at Jason’s loud curse. “I’m going to kill him.” He moved to stand up, but I grabbed his arms, keeping him by my side.
“No. Don’t.”
Jimmy’s face was contorted with anger, and I could see it—he just realized he’d been there and could’ve actually helped me.
“It’s not your fault, Jimmy,” I said.
“I could’ve stopped him. I should’ve looked more carefully.”
“You couldn’t have known. I just wish I’d taken your warning seriously.”
“And that’s my fault too. If I weren’t such an asshole . . . I’m really sorry for that.”
“You more than compensated for it tonight.” I tried to smile at him, but my lips wouldn’t listen. They only turned downward when I turned to look at Jason. It was dark, so I couldn’t quite discern his face, but it seemed his eyes were teary. “Jason?”
“I thought I lost you. When I saw him strangling you—I’d never been more scared in my life.”
“I’m okay now.”
He sniffled. His hands wrapped around mine. “But nothing about this is okay. I should’ve been by your side. I shouldn’t have fucked up everything again.” He brought me into his embrace again, his body tense against mine. “I’m so sorry, baby.”
My heart contracted on a wave of love, and I found myself hugging him back. “No, I am sorry. For what I’ve done.”
“No, don’t even say it. You have nothing to apologize about.”
I wasn’t sure what this meant, if I was forgiven and everything was okay between us, but right now, I didn’t care. Right now, I needed to feel him, to be as close to him as possible, to let him help me forget the horrors of the night. To remind me that it was over.
Police sirens rang out in the distance, and Jimmy went over to Liam’s car to fetch my wheelchair. I pulled away from Jason so I could transfer, but he didn’t let me, grabbing my face and bringing his mouth down on mine. I didn’t waste a second, kissing him with everything I had. His warmth penetrated me and pushed away all the cold, dark, and ugly from the night. It eliminated the distance that had existed between us since our fight and promised more moments like this to come. I never wanted to separate from him again.
“I missed you so much,” I whispered against his lips.
His fingers caressed my cheek over and over again, his lips landing on my nose, my chin, my forehead. “I missed you, too. I never stopped thinking about you. You were always on my mind.”
“I thought you hated me. I thought you would never let me be close to you again.”
He shook his head. “I wanted to hate you, but I couldn’t. I missed you so fucking much. And now, realizing I could’ve lost you—” His mouth covered mine, and he gave me a hard kiss, bruising in its intensity. “I was such a fool to push you away from me.”
“It’s okay, Jason. It doesn’t even matter anymore. After tonight, I’m just glad to be alive.”
Jimmy unfolded my chair, and Jason picked me up. He lowered me into my chair, moving me so carefully like he thought I might break if he didn’t handle me with utmost care, and emotions clogged my chest. I burst into tears, letting Jason pull me into an embrace as police officers joined us, letting him shield me against the negativity, fears, and stress of this night.
And with him by my side, I felt whole again.
After he came to, Liam had been taken into custody and was currently awaiting his trial. He’d woken up shortly after the police officers had arrived and in the midst of a complete nervous breakdown, he’d confessed to the murder of Samantha Hawkins and everything he’d done to me, starting from the night of the accident.
Only the next day, after I gave my statement at the police station, did the events of Saturday night hit me, and I went through an overload of emotions—from disbelief to anger to grief to confusion. My parents insisted I take a week off school and scheduled me an emergency session with Dr. Peterson, and I told him everything—from my fully regained memory to the events at the lake. He promised me he would do everything in his power to help me to overcome the trauma of being a rape victim, taking into account it had led to my suicide attempt.
I’d spent the rest of Sunday closed in my room, trying to sort out everything. Liam had stolen my innocence and my choices, and I knew it would take me some time to come to terms with what had happened to me. I felt I’d feel the impact of it only later, but Dr. Peterson reminded me to keep a positive mindset and remember all the good things I’d achieved over the past few weeks, the last being that the talent agent from L.A. had been impressed with my performance and told me to call him when I got better. He wanted to talk about a job opportunity, and it was part of what kept me sane throughout the next few days.
In the end, the centennial celebration of Lake Gate’s founding was marred by Liam’s actions. The media covered everything—from Liam taking me to the lake to his murder of Samantha Hawkins, and Principal Myers wasn’t happy about it. He’d wanted to make a splash, yes, but not like this. These events overshadowed the school’s festivities and the monumental moment in its history, and the principal didn’t hide that he felt responsible for not keeping his students safe. Not that anyone blamed him, because Liam had fooled all of us, starting with his own mother, who didn’t hide her shock that her son was capable of what he’d done and came to my house to apologize for him.
She told me Liam had always been a difficult child, and it had been hard to raise him as a single mother. She often couldn’t be there for him, which had left Liam to his own devices most of the time, something she deeply regretted now. But I couldn’t blame her even if I wanted to. Maybe she wasn’t the best example of motherly love, but she certainly hadn’t wanted to raise a monster.
On Monday, Dad took the day off and took me to a park. We spent hours talking, the peaceful nature around us at odds with the topics of our conversation. It felt strange that I could feel at ease after going through so much, but as the trees swayed and the wind provided a soothing tune, I felt like Saturday had happened decades ago.
Dad gave me a worried look for what seemed like the hundredth time since we’d gone out. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
I chuckled. “You’re fussing about me too much, Dad.” Not that I was complaining, but I didn’t want to keep worrying him. Not after how happy he’d been when I was on the stage.
“You went through something terrible, honey. Something like that . . . it can leave marks.”
“I know, but I’m getting better.”
His eyes watered a little. “You are?”
“I’ll need time to process everything that happened with Liam, but right now I want to focus on the positives. These last two months showed me I hadn’t been putting any effort into my acting before, but Ms. Holloway gave me a chance despite that. I didn’t believe her at first, but then I remembered how when I’m on stage, everything feels right. Acting makes everything feel right.”
Jason had told me about finding sense one day, and now I knew how right he’d been. I’d found sense—acting was my refuge, my source of happiness, my passion. I’d given up on it once, but Saturday night had shown me how my life mattered so much more than I’d ever given it credit for. I wasn’t average or worthless. I had my purpose in the world. And knowing I had a second chance to make something out of myself, I wasn’t going to give up on myself, come what may.
“I want to keep acting, Dad. I don’t know if anything will come out of the meeting with the agent, but I want to look for more opportunities. Also, apply for college.”
