The Hate Between Us, page 31
Her tearful eyes were the last thing I saw before she yanked me into a tight hug. “I’m so glad.”
“Glad about what?”
She squeezed me harder. “That you’re not abandoning your dream. That you’re getting better.”
I drew away with a smile and raised my gaze to look at her—really, really look at her. There was something I wanted to tell her that was long overdue. “You’ve always been such a good friend to me, Dee. And I realize I haven’t been that good to you since the accident.”
“No, that’s not true—”
“It is true. You’ve always poured yourself into our friendship, while I contributed nothing to it.”
“I understand why, Kat. You went through a lot. It was a big change.”
“But still, you didn’t deserve me being so difficult with you. I never appreciated you, and I never said how sorry I am for that. I’m really grateful for everything you’ve done for me, Dee.”
More moisture collected in her eyes, and she pulled me back into her hug, burying her head in my shoulder. “It’s nothing, silly. You’re my bestie. I’ll always have your back.”
My arms tightened around her. “I’ll try harder from now on. We’ll spend more time together.”
She sniffled into my hair. “Can’t wait. I also can’t wait to see you on stage tomorrow. It’s a big day, huh?”
I pulled away. “Yeah.”
“Nervous?”
“I’ve already bitten all my nails off.”
A laugh barreled from her mouth, and I joined in her laughter. “It’s going to be alright. You’re going to nail it,” she said.
“I hope so. The whole school is going to be there, and everyone’s eyes will be on me.”
“But that’s a good thing, right? It means there will be more people seeing just how talented you are.”
“That’s true. I mean, it would be a lie if I said I didn’t care anymore what they thought of me as the lead actress in a wheelchair, but I owe it to myself to go on that stage.”
She bumped fists with me. “That’s my girl. And no one will spoil it. Not even that jerk, Jason.”
I nodded, suppressing the pain in my chest at the mention of him. As much as it hurt, I wasn’t going to think about my heartbreak once I was on that stage. For the first time since the accident, I had a shot at something better, and doing right by myself was long overdue. I was going to give it my all tomorrow, and I wouldn’t let anything or anyone screw this up for me.
The centennial celebration kicked off with basketball and football games on Friday and continued with slideshows and a fundraising fair on Saturday. Concession stands occupied the halls, and classrooms were decorated with streamers and balloons. The guests came from all over town, and the local media covered the event, adding to the frenzy that had started to feel like it would never end.
Around noon, the school marching band started off the program in the gym, followed by speeches by our alumni and Principal Myers. The principal spent at least twenty minutes talking about the school, the achievements of our students, and the school’s plans for the future, but I didn’t hear much because only a few hours were left until the play and my anxiety was threatening to get the best of me.
As the minutes ticked by, my stomach twisted harder and harder. My palms were constantly clammy. I’d spent the entire early morning throwing up in the bathroom and dealing with a panic attack before I had to rush to get ready. But the play wasn’t the only thing that had me anxious. As I stole glances at Jason, sitting several rows in front of me, I thought how this was it—Jason and I would go through everything again one final time and then . . . then it would all be over. There would be nothing connecting us anymore. And as I told myself to keep it together and not let my feelings control me on stage, part of me wanted to soak in his kisses one last time. To pretend they were meant for me. Which was a whole new kind of self-torture.
When the ceremony in the gym concluded, Ms. Holloway called for the whole cast to head backstage to get makeup done and change into our costumes, and it was as though someone had turned up a heater, because I felt hot and couldn’t stop sweating.
“You can do this,” Dylan told me and raised her thumbs at me.
“Thanks. See you later,” I told her and my parents.
Just as I reached the gym exit, Liam stepped next to me, his hands pushed into his pockets. “Hi.”
“Liam, hi.”
He rocked on the balls of his heels. “I wanted to wish you luck tonight.”
I couldn’t hide my surprise. “Thanks.”
He scratched his neck. “I know things got awkward between us, but I hope we can still be friends.”
“Of course, Liam. God, of course. I’m the one who messed things up, and I didn’t know how to make things right with you.”
“I get it now. You don’t like me, so . . .”
“Liam, I . . . I’m sorry.”
“You like Jason Adams.” He raised his hand when I opened my mouth. “Don’t try to deny it. You two crushing on each other has been the talk of the school for weeks. I guess that guy has something that makes all girls attracted to him.”
I wanted to say something to refute that, but it would be a lie.
“It’s fine. I guess that’s life. I can’t force you to like me.”
“Liam, look, you’ve been a very good friend to me. You talked to me when I felt at my lowest, and you helped me feel less . . . alone. So, I really, really appreciate you.”
He smiled, but it wasn’t one of his usual smiles. It hinted at something emotionally deeper. “You made me feel less alone, too. So. It’s a big night, huh?”
“Yeah.”
“Go out there and do your best. Make everyone proud.”
“Thank you, Liam. Just to make sure, are we okay now?”
“Yes.” His dimpled smile erased what little discomfort I’d felt in his presence.
Relieved that we’d managed to patch things up, I waved goodbye to him and left.
The theater was brimming with activity as the stage crew did final checks, everyone rushing back and forth in all directions.
“Okay, I’m so nervous. Am I the only one nervous?” Stella asked, biting her nails. She looked as though she herself had spent the morning puking. Lucas didn’t look any better, a pale tint to his skin.
Ling chuckled. “You’re not the only one. I couldn’t eat all day.”
“Don’t faint on us,” Lucas joked, but his eyes were serious, and he looked as if he could faint at any moment himself.
“Don’t stress, guys,” Tallie said. She was the only one of us who was composed. “We’re going to knock it out of the park.”
“That’s easy for you to say,” Lucas said. “You’re not the one who keeps messing up their lines.”
Ling patted his shoulder. “Dude, you have the memory of, like, a two-year-old. Just focus and you’ll do fine.”
Heads turned when Jason walked in. He was dressed all in black, his backpack hanging off his shoulder. His gait was as confident as ever as he took us all in, but his eyes carried the same pain they had had these days, a pain so raw and deep it slashed right through my chest. He smiled a casual smile at Ling and Tallie in passing and muttered something. That smile disappeared a moment later when his gaze settled on me.
My stomach stirred with memories and pent-up emotions. This was the first time we had shared a long look since our fight—the first time he didn’t look away the moment his eyes found me in a room. Did he miss me? Did he realize that after tonight nothing would tie us to each other anymore?
“Katie,” Amy called to me, putting a stop to the torturous route my thoughts had taken. She motioned for me to join her where she was sitting in the corner, and I stopped beside her.
“I wanted to talk to you before you go on stage. I want you to know you’re doing an amazing job.”
My cheeks warmed. “Thank you.”
“I saw you weren’t sure of it at first. Nessa told me you shared your doubts with her about being the right person for the role.”
“That’s right.”
“I never thought you weren’t the right person for the role of Chloe, Katie. I think there’s no one else who can do it better than you, and over time, you’ve proven that. Your acting has only gotten better and better.”
Petals of joy unfolded in my chest, and my lips curved into a wide smile. “Thank you, Amy. It means a lot to hear that from you.”
“There’s really no reason to thank me. I just knew once I saw you that you were going to give it your all.”
“I won’t lie, it wasn’t that way in the beginning.”
She tilted her head. “Why not?”
“I didn’t believe in myself. I didn’t believe there was any point in trying to make something out of myself after my accident.”
“It sounds like something has changed in you, though, right?”
“Yeah. There’s something I realized recently, which makes believing in myself a bit easier.”
“What’s that?”
I stared at my hands, slightly embarrassed.
“You don’t have to tell me if it will make you uncomfortable.”
“No, that’s okay.” I met her gaze. “I realized that every time I made a mistake, I thought it was because I couldn’t do something right, but that’s not true. It was because I didn’t allow myself to do it right. In my mind, I’d already decided I wasn’t good enough, so I didn’t even try. But I promise, I’m going to try my best to make Chloe win people’s hearts tonight.”
She smiled. “I can’t tell you how glad I am that you came to that conclusion. And I just know you’ll win everyone’s hearts.” She placed her hand on my shoulder. “You know, I was just like you. Chloe is testimony to that. I thought I was meant for failure, so I stopped fighting, which is ironic because it was exactly what the real Nathan had struggled with and I’d helped him overcome. So, our roles reversed. He never stopped supporting me and telling me I would beat cancer and make whatever I wanted out of myself. So here I am.” She spread her arms wide. “Doing something I love and having so many plans for the future. It’s progress from the little scared girl who thought her days were numbered?”
I watched her, feeling more pain leaving my chest. Until now, words like these hadn’t had any positive effect on me. In fact, they had done the opposite. When people told me to pick myself up and keep going because there could be sunshine and rainbows if I just let them appear on my path, I wanted to slam my depression in their faces and show them you couldn’t see colors when all you knew was gray.
But it had never occurred to me that somehow, through time or maybe even coincidence, another color could show up. Then another. And another. And soon, somehow, gray was receding, and I saw so many possibilities. I believed in them.
So, hearing her talk about her own sunshine and rainbows after a long storm filled me with certainty that even if I messed something up tonight, I would do alright like her, too. My storm would be over someday.
I gave her my brightest smile. “It’s definitely progress.”
Her eyes crinkled. “And your relationship with Jason is progress too.”
My smile wavered.
“You two had a rocky relationship, to say the least, but both of you are doing great now. It feels different now when you’re acting next to each other. Special. We all see it. So, I just know that you two will do great together tonight. I can feel it.”
I glanced at Jason, and my heart bumped against my chest because he was watching me. Amy didn’t know that my relationship with Jason was just a façade, and it made me want to cry, but there was no time to think about it now.
Ms. Holloway rushed in and gathered everyone to go over last-minute details, talking into her earpiece to the stage director all the while. Jason came to stand next to me. My heart began to pound wildly at his closeness, which became even more difficult to deal with when I sensed him looking at me. I didn’t dare meet his gaze, afraid of what I might find there. As he shifted on his feet, I caught a whiff of his cologne, and my lungs expanded with a sharp intake of breath. Everything in me wanted to savor it, to make it last.
Ms. Holloway looked between each of us, then frowned. “Where’s Jimmy?”
My gaze bounced off everyone. Jimmy wasn’t here.
“He’s not here yet,” Ling said.
Ms. Holloway dropped her hand to her waist. “So where is he?”
Ling shrugged. “He mentioned something about interviewing someone. I dunno.”
“Now? He’s interviewing someone now? I know he’s covering this whole centennial celebration, but he should be here.” She sighed and adjusted her glasses. “Never mind. Do you have any questions? No? Okay, then, let’s get ready.”
Everyone scattered, and I followed Stella and Lori to the dressing room, resisting the urge to throw one last glance at Jason. Three makeup artists were already inside, waiting for us. One of them ushered me in front of a mirror and worked quickly on my face to the excited chatter of the girls around us. As I watched her put finishing touches on my face, which now looked more mature and sophisticated, my own excitement ramped up. This was it. My opportunity to show the world what I could do.
With flutters in my belly, I followed the girls out of the dressing room to the wings, where Ms. Holloway was waiting for us. Jason came out of boys’ dressing room just then, and my stomach flipped at how handsome he looked. Stage makeup had removed all traces of his exhaustion. Previous pain was gone in his eyes. His hair was styled backward to maximize the effect of his sharp cheekbones and prominent forehead, and his biker clothes added a touch of darkness that went so well with his rugged looks. And when his dark, so dark, eyes met mine, it was desire and need all combined in one powerful mix in my chest, calling for the distance between us to disappear and my arms to hold him.
Ms. Holloway gathered us one last time before the start to wish us all good luck, and Jason’s gaze lingered on me across the circle we formed. He looked at me as though he couldn’t get enough of my face. I knew I looked pretty, and part of me felt relief that he obviously still wasn’t immune to me.
After Ms. Holloway finished her speech, Amy addressed us with one of her own. “I want to thank all of you for your commitment and hard work,” she started. “It will be a privilege to see you on that stage, and I’m so happy knowing my story is in good hands. I’m sure you’re all going to shine tonight.” She divided a long gaze between Jason and me. “Good luck, you two.”
I met Jason’s gaze as we all started clapping, and I felt something heavy permeating my chest. He didn’t look away from me, prompting a thousand questions in me. A thousand thoughts I wanted to share with him.
I looked away before tears could sting my eyes. I joined hands with the others, and we all shouted out, “Here we go!”
“Katie,” I heard my dad call.
I turned to see my parents approaching me with looks of pride. At the same moment, Jimmy came out of the dressing room, his brows drawn tight as he searched for someone. His gaze caught mine, and he changed direction, rushing my way across the room before he spotted my parents and stopped mid-step.
Smoothing out my frown, I turned my attention to Mom and Dad. “You’re here.”
They each took one of my hands, and it was as if we all knew just how important this moment was. We separated.
“This is it, sweetie,” Mom said. “You’re going to do great tonight.”
“You think?”
“No doubt. You’ve worked so hard for this night. Everything is going to be just fine.”
“We can’t wait to see you, honey,” Dad added, and now I was dangerously close to tears.
“You two should stop trying to make me cry. It’s going to ruin my makeup.”
Mom ran her hand across my cheek, her mouth turned up. “Don’t worry about anything. Just concentrate on your performance, and everything’s going to be okay.”
“And most importantly—have fun,” Dad said.
I chuckled. “Sure, Dad.”
I could feel some of my anxiety dissipating, and I gave them each a quick hug to show them how much their support meant to me. All this time, I hadn’t been able to give them a single reason to stop worrying about me, but they weathered it all without a single complaint and were always there for me, supporting me. I could finally give something back.
“I’m going to do great tonight,” I said, repeating Mom’s words.
Their eyes crinkled at the corners. They looked at each other with utter joy, and I knew they’d noticed what I’d lacked all these months—optimism.
Dad’s eyes misted as he patted my shoulder. “That’s our girl.”
As they turned and left, Jimmy approached me, as if he’d been waiting the whole time for my conversation with my parents to end. I frowned at the alarmed expression on his face.
He stopped inches from me and leaned even closer. “Katie, we have to talk as soon as the play is over.”
I jerked my chair backward, my frown deepening. “This again? How many times do I have to tell you I don’t want to talk to you? Leave me alone.” I was a second away from raising my voice and drawing the others’ attention.
“There’s something you need to know.” He looked around us before he leaned in to say more quietly, “I just found out something. I think you need to be very careful.”
Ms. Holloway signaled that we had only a few minutes left until the start. I started to move away from Jimmy, but he put his hand on my shoulder, causing the hairs on my neck to rise.
I removed his hand from my shoulder. “Don’t touch me.”
“Just wait for me after the play. I have some things to explain to you.”
“No. I don’t care about your explanations.”
“I know. I know I haven’t made a great first impression. Hell, I haven’t made a great impression, period. But believe me, everything will be so much clearer once we talk.”
