Sea-ing is Believing!, page 4
‘What’s going on?’ I asked, pushing my way to the front of the crowd.
‘Well,’ Mum interrupted. She stepped forward and raised her hands like she was about to deliver a speech. ‘Last night, after you’d all gone to bed, Bargeous and I had a chat and we decided that we’d be bonkers not to throw our usual party for Abe’s one hundred and seventy-fifth birthday. Especially now that he’d actually be attending this one.’
‘And when we woke this morning and let Abe know about our idea…’ Dad looked at Abe with glee. ‘You tell them! Tell everyone what you told us!’
‘Oh, righty ho,’ Abe chuckled. He floated slightly higher so everyone could see him clearly. ‘I said we simply must throw a big bash in the ballroom.’
I stopped and thought for a moment.
‘But … we haven’t got a ballroom,’ I mumbled, wondering if being kept up all night by Grogbah had affected my concentration.
‘THAT’S WHAT I SAID!’ Dad blurted excitedly.
‘Ah, well, I’m afraid you’re both wrong,’ Abe smiled. ‘I think you’ll find we do. It’s SPLENDIFEROUS!’
‘Where is it, my wee lamb?’ Nancy asked. ‘I’ve never heard of it.’
‘Ha ha! You’ll see, Nancy,’ Abe laughed. ‘I just need to locate this elusive octopus lock. I know it’s on the reception counter somewhere!’
Octopus lock? I’d never seen that one before and I knew the desk like the back of my hand.
I looked at the keyholes on the front of the stone block and checked them for myself. Everything was just like it had always been. The three slots were encircled by different gold symbols and each one worked an entrance to the hotel.
If you turned the key in the fish lock, Aunt Zennifer’s fountain at the centre of the room slid away to reveal the sea door, a deep well that stretched below the building and out to the ocean. That entrance was mostly used by mermaids, anemenonks, swelkies and kulpies.
The snake keyhole opened and closed the front door to the street.
The bumblebee unlocked the sky door, high up in the dome of reception.
I’d seen Mum operate them a squillion times, and I knew for certain that she was right. There was definitely no octopus symbol.
‘Are you sure you’re not just a bit hazy, deary?’ said Nancy.
‘Not at all! I remember it perfectly!’ Abe glared at the stone desk and stroked his moustache. ‘We used it all the time. It operated the elevator to…’
The ghost’s voice hushed to an almost silent muttering.
‘I think it might be time to get you back to a staircase for more rest. Ooof’s cellar steps are free, I’m sure he won’t mind,’ Nancy continued. ‘You must still be exhausted from your journey, Abe. Does that sound goo—’
‘I’VE GOT IT!’ Abe blurted, stopping Nancy in her tracks.
‘What? What have you got?’ Maudlin asked.
‘Water! We need sea water!’ Grandad Abe clapped his ghostly hands together and wisped quickly around the corner of the desk towards us. ‘It’s all coming back! We had to put an enchantment on the keyhole after an infestation of rumpuswumps got in and practically wrecked the ballroom with their wild partying’
We all looked at each other, not quite sure what to do.
‘I haven’t finished my tea. Will this do?’ Dad said, holding up his mug.
‘No good!’ Grandad Abe replied. ‘It needs to be salt water.’
‘But I’m drinking shrimp-scale tea,’ Dad said. ‘It’s salty as a sardine’s spittle!’
‘MARVELLOUS!’ Grandad Abe barked. ‘In that case… Here, Bargeous – pour it over the top of the desk.’
I glanced at Mum, who was busily nodding her approval at Dad. She looked so excited, I half-expected to see her head floating off her shoulders.
‘You watch this,’ Abe beamed. ‘It’s terrific! Quickly, now!’
Dad lifted his mug above the counter and poured what was left of the shrimp-scale tea over its surface. Then we waited as the pinky-red drink spread over the cold grey block, and…
‘LOOK!’ Mum gasped.
The hairs on the back of my neck prickled and my pointy ears twitched, as the top of the desk rippled and swirled like the stone itself had turned to liquid. From a point right in the middle of the countertop, eight gold tentacles emerged from the rock and spread outwards, wriggling and flexing their suckers until they reached its edges and started squirming down the sides towards the ground.
‘It’s unbelievable!’ Dad wheezed. ‘Tell me you’re all seeing this!’
‘We’re seeing it all right, Bargeous!’ Nancy said, blinking her many eyes in amazement. ‘Och, it’s beautiful!’
Finally, just as the golden octopus tentacles reached the floor, there was a small creak of metal and a keyhole appeared right at their centre.
Nobody spoke.
We all stared with pounding hearts and gaping mouths.
‘Well?’ Grandad Abe finally said, breaking the silence. ‘What are you waiting for, Rani? Give the key a try.’
‘Go on,’ said Dad, patting Mum on the shoulder.
‘Here goes,’ Mum said. ‘Hold onto your bumly-bits.’ She slowly lifted her trembling hand and inserted the key into the octopus lock. Then, with one swift movement, she turned it.
CLUNK!
WELCOME UNDER
There was a violent judder beneath our feet and the ear-splitting sound of grinding gears.
Before we even realised what was happening, the stone counter and a large circular section of the black and white tiles started spinning and lowering down through the floor, taking us with it, and leaving our gobsmacked guests to stand and stare in surprise.
‘Wimble my webs!’ Nancy cried, grabbing hold of my arm with all four of her hands to steady herself. ‘What in the worlds?’
‘Ha ha! I knew it,’ Grandad Abe laughed. ‘You’re all going to love this. Just you wait and see!’
I glanced at Mum and Dad, who were both speechless with wonder as the elevator continued to rumble down into the ground, rotating as it went, like we were standing on top of some massive corkscrew, burrowing into the earth. All around us, gigantic cogs whirred and spun against the walls of the lift-shaft. How had we not known all of this was right beneath the foyer?
Deeper we went, sinking further and further below reception.
‘How far does this contraption go?’ Mum asked nervously.
And what’s at the bottom when we get there?’ Maudlin added, pulling a mangy rabbit-foot charm from a pouch on her belt and rubbing it between her thumb and stumpy forefinger. ‘All this spinny-jiggering is making me feel blurty, so it is!’
Grandad Abe smiled cheerfully at us. ‘Nearly there,’ he said. ‘Don’t you worry, Madam. It’s all perfectly safe.’
‘Madam?’ Maudlin scoffed as she teetered about. ‘You won’t think me so madamly when I’m pukey-pootling all over the place.’
Just as the foyer was becoming a tiny point of light at the top of the deep shaft, there was a gust of dusty air and we emerged through the ceiling of a large room.
‘Oh, good grumptious!’ Maudlin gasped, instantly forgetting she was feeling sick as we rattled past a huge cobwebby chandelier. ‘This place is . . . what is it, exactly?’
The spinning platform made one last full turn and lowered to the floor with a sudden bump.
No one moved.
I swear to you, my human-reader-friend, I’ve never felt more excited in my life so far, as I did at that moment. The room ahead of us was like some kind of . . . of . . . train station!
‘What the blunkers?’ Dad mumbled to himself as he stepped off the lift and shuffled over to a nearby railing to get a better look.
‘Good, isn’t it?’ said Grandad Abe.
Me and Mum ran to join Dad at the railing and we all stood there gawping at the bizarre room spreading out before us.
We’d stopped on a raised veranda with two small staircases curving down on either side to what looked like a wooden station platform below. Dotted along the walkway were lampposts like the ones on Brighton Promenade, and each one had a tatty flag hanging from it with the words, ‘WELCOME UNDER’ stitched across them. Further down the platform stood a wonky snack-cart, advertising ‘POPPED CORNS AND CALLUSES’ and ‘CANDIED CARBUNKLES’. Beyond that was a cobwebby old ticket kiosk with a large sign above its cracked window. The writing on the sign was painted in red and yellow lettering – you know, the old-fashioned kind, all curly and twisty – and despite being covered in a blanket of dust, I could easily read it:
The Briny Ballroom and Pleasure Gardens Admittance: One Shilling
‘The Briny Ballroom?’ Mum half-gasped, half-wheezed.
‘Pleasure Gardens?’ I joined in. I liked the sound of those. Nancy had once taken me on a day trip while she was wearing one of her glimmers (a special kind of spell that made her appear like a human granny in public) to a town further up the coast. We visited the pleasure gardens there, and they had games and amusements and a noisy band playing all day. It was FANTASTIC!
‘Wait till you see it!’ Grandad Abe chuckled at us. He was suddenly beaming with excitement.
‘But…’ Nancy said. ‘Why didn’t I know about this place? I’ve worked at the hotel since it opened. There’s no way I couldn’t have seen it!’
‘Hmmm . . . sounds suspicious,’ Maudlin interrupted. She grabbed what looked like a small magnifying glass from one of her pockets and ogled at the giant spider through it. ‘Let me take a look at you for a winksy second.’
‘Err, what are you doing?’ said Nancy.
‘This here is a swizzlescope,’ Maudlin replied, still peering through the little lens. ‘It can spot bamboozlements from a mile off, and . . . ho, ho, you’ve got one on ya! A bigg’un!
‘What?’
Maudlin fetched another small bottle from her belt and handed it to Nancy.
‘Drink this! There’s a pinch of disrememberment going on here.’
‘What is it?’ Nancy asked nervously.
‘The tears of a fib fairy,’ Maudlin whispered dramatically. ‘Great for removing bamboozlements.’
We all watched as Nancy pulled a face. She looked uncomfortably at the greenish liquid inside then raised the tiny bottle to her lips and swigged it.
‘Bumly-bits up!’ Maudlin cackled.
‘Well?’ Mum said after a moment. ‘Anything?’
‘Oh!!’ Nancy suddenly clutched her hands to her chest. ‘Agh! Of course I knew about it! I loved the Briny Ballroom!’
‘What did I tell you?’ Maudlin cooed with a proud look. ‘Manky Old Maloney can sort out ya’ problems, so she can.’
‘That’s powerful stuff!’ Nancy laughed. ‘It’s all coming back like a bolt from beyond. Regurgita’s the reason I don’t remember it any more.’
‘Sadly, my darling was never much of a fan of water, was she?’ Abe joined in.
‘She’s certainly not keen on washing,’ Dad said, ‘but I don’t understand what that has to do with anything.’
‘Regurgita always threatened that if Abe popped his clonkers and left her to manage the business alone, she’d enchant this half of the hotel and make everyone forget about it,’ Nancy continued, scratching her head. ‘It looks like she kept her promise.’
‘Are you telling me that Regurgita brain-burped the lot of you?’ Mum asked, looking appalled.
‘I’m afraid it looks that way,’ said Grandad Abe. ‘I seem to recall my shmoopsy-poo hated coming down here because the under-the-sea part never really tickled her fancy.’
‘UNDER THE SEA?’ Maudlin yelped. ‘THE OTHER HALF OF THE HOTEL IS UNDER THE SEA!?’
Great-Great-Great-Grandad Abraham grinned another of his mischievous grins and floated over to a metal lever that was sticking up through the wooden platform near the ticket kiosk. It was nearly as tall as I was!
‘Just wait,’ he said.
With that, Abe held out his hands and wriggled his fingers at the lever. There was a sharp squeal of metal and the lever jolted sideways, followed by the high-pitched clickity-clack of rusted wheels travelling along a rickety rail.
THE ATILANTUS
‘Ooooh, it’s coming!’ Abe laughed, fidgeting with joy. ‘I knew she would still work after all these years!’ He pointed to an archway in one of the walls at the far side of the room. ‘Watch! She’ll be here soon!’
Speechless, I peered over the edge of the wooden platform and noticed there was a brass track running along the floor, like the kind you’d see on a fairground ride. I followed it with my eyes and felt a tingle of excitement whiz through me.
The track came out of the archway that Abe was pointing to, ran alongside the station, and then vanished back through a second arch on the other side of the room.
CLATTER! SQUEAK! JANGLE! CLUNK!
‘What’s that noise?’ Mum asked.
‘Any second now,’ Abe said, not really listening to Mum.
And he was right.
Just as Mum was about to ask more questions, there was a flash of light and a brilliantly-polished brass . . . thingy rattled into view.
I don’t even know how to begin describing it. It was one of the most TERRIFIC things I’ve ever seen.
What rolled into the station looked like some kind of train-car in the shape of a giant fish skeleton. There were ribs of shiny metal all the way along it, and ornately-carved fins and a tail at the sides and back. Nestled inside were four rows of plump blue velvet seats, and where the eyes of the brass sea creature should be, burned two lanterns that sliced the dusty air with their bright green beams.
‘Isn’t she wonderful?’ Grandad Abe chortled, when nobody made a sound.
‘W. . .what is it?’ Dad stammered. He LOVES gadgets and machines and stuff, so he was pulling a face like Hoggit, my pet pygmy soot-dragon, does when he’s been a good boy and Mum lets him have the leftovers from our dinner.
‘This, my dear friends and family, is the ATILANTUS!’ Abe said with pride. ‘I designed her myself. Constructed by a team of over five thousand highly-skilled mergullies, she was.’
‘What’s it for?’ Maudlin Maloney croaked.
‘She!’ Abe corrected the ancient leprechaun, stroking the machine like its feelings had been hurt. ‘The Atilantus is a she! And she’s here to take you off on a voyage to the funnest, most excellent, most HONKHUMPTIOUS place you could hope to visit this side of the Bermuda Triangle. ALL ABOARD!!!’
‘I’m not getting in that thing!’ Maudlin squawked. ‘It looks leakish!’ But before she had time to protest, Nancy had scooped the grumpy bad luck fairy up and bundled her into the fish-shaped carriage.
‘Och, I cannae wait to see it again!’
In only a few moments we were all scrabbling between the contraption’s ribs and chattering noisily. Nancy took the back seats all to herself, with Maudlin wriggling about on the row in front of her. Mum and Dad took the next row of plush blue chairs, leaving the front for me and Grandad Abe.
‘Does it go fast?’ Mum said.
‘How long will it take to get there?’ Dad asked, shifting about impatiently. ‘Will we see dolphins?’
‘It’s going to be grand! I was a whirly-girly back then in the Briny Ballroom!’ Nancy cooed. She was gripping Maudlin by the shoulders to stop her from jumping back out.
‘Leave me be!!’ the grizzly leprechaun howled, but Nancy’s four hands held her fast. ‘I’m warning you, spider!’
‘You’ll thank me when we get there, my wee lamb!’
‘I’LL CURSE YOU WHEN WE GET THERE!!!’ Maudlin hollered back.
WHOOMMFF!!
‘Go on, Frankie.’
I glanced up at Grandad Abe and saw he was looking at a shiny brass panel set into the front of the carriage. On it, there was a single button made of glass, right at its centre. It was large and circular, and it glowed the same colour as the beams that poured out of the fish’s lantern-eyes.
‘Push it! You’re in the driver’s seat.’ Abe said with a wink.
I placed my hand on the button and watched as the light sliced up between my fingers, shimmering and dancing across our faces.
‘Don’t be nervous, my boy,’ Grandad Abe smiled. ‘It’s wonderful down there under the sea!’
With his head facing towards me, I noticed Abe’s left eye had turned green in the Atilantus’s glow. For a split-second, the sight of it reminded me of Oculus and the hairs on the back of my neck prickled at the memory.
I opened my mouth to speak, when—
‘WOO HOO!!!’ Nancy, more excited than a gaggle of dust pooks who’d just got into the vacuum cleaner bag, reached across the rows of seats and placed her hand over mine. ‘HERE WE GO! HOLD ON TO YOUR HUNKLES!’
The button clicked loudly and huge clouds of steam billowed out from either side of the bizarre machine.
We juddered on the spot for a moment, like the lid on a pan of boiling water. Then, before we even had a chance to shriek, the Atilantus rocketed forwards with an almighty WHOOMMFF and we hurtled towards the archway ahead of us.
Fusty stale air whipped and whistled through the metal ribs of our fish-shaped train as it careered out of the station room and plunged downwards, nose-diving into complete and utter darkness, clattering and squeaking with rust as it went.
Wind stung my eyes and I gripped the sides of my seat so hard I thought my fingers were going to drop off. The lanterns at the front of the Atilantus only lit up a tiny section of the tracks ahead of us and they were a blur beneath its wheels.
‘WE’RE GOING TO DIE!’ It was Dad who screamed first, followed by Mum and Nancy … and … I’m not ashamed to say I was howling like a baby right along with them. The only voice I didn’t hear as we tore through the blackness was Maudlin Maloney. I think the sudden WHOOOSH had stunned her into gobsmacked silence … HA HA!
‘Isn’t this top notch?’ Grandad Abe yelled above the roar of rushing wind as we seemed to hit a bend in the track, then swooped sharply upwards through the dark again. ‘Thrilling!’
‘THRILLING? YOU BLUNKING EEJIT!’ It looked like Maloney had finally found her voice. I glanced over my shoulder and caught sight of the petrified leprechaun in the green glow, wild-eyed with her ratty dreadlocks streaming out behind her like laundry that had been pegged out to dry in a hurricane. ‘I WISH I’D NEVER SET ME PEEPERS ON THE LOT OF YOU, SO HELP ME!’
