Carter's #Undoing, page 8
“What?” I asked in confusion.
She took one quick glance at Colt for what I assumed was to make sure he was still standing still, and then she leaned on her tiptoe and kissed the scar on my face. “I said, I hear you sometimes when you’re sleeping. I may have been hiding out in my room, but that didn’t stop me from hearing you at night, your nightmares telling me more about what you’ve experienced over the years than you probably ever would.”
My eyes searched hers. “What did you hear?”
She rubbed the side of my face. “Nothing. Everything. Your words haven’t been illegible, but the pain in your voice and moans filled with sorrow caused me to cry myself back to sleep a night or two.”
Cupping her face in my hands, I leaned my forehead to hers, not believing that she’d heard me those nights. I knew the nightmares she was referring to. I had them more times than I could count. I hadn’t been around someone in so long, I wasn’t sure what I said in my sleep anymore.
I didn’t know she was crying until my hands felt wet from her tears. I kissed them away, wishing she hadn’t cried herself to sleep over my nightmares, but feeling a sense of relief that there were a few less secrets between us.
“Let’s head inside,” I suggested, taking the broom out of her hand.
“Okay,” she agreed, wiping off the rest of the tears from her face. When Colt yawned, her eyes widened and she took the broom back from me. “Is he coming inside?”
“He can stay out here if you want.”
Serenity bent down to observe him more closely. “Why did you call him Colt when he looks so … wild?”
“Colt is one of my favorite guns.”
Serenity looked to me. “You named him after a weapon?”
“One of my favorite weapons,” I corrected. “It’s kind of an old-school brand with this western style to it. First one I ever used had a unique brownish color, and Colt’s fur reminded me of that color, although you can’t tell right now.”
“Somehow, being named after a gun seems accurate for him.” Colt took the opportunity to playfully pounce on her before Serenity knew what was happening.
“Get your beast,” she shrieked as Colt licked her face and got her filthy from all the mud coating his fur.
“Okay, Colt, that’s enough.” I tapped him on his side. “Let’s get you cleaned up first, then maybe Serenity will let you come inside.” I helped Serenity up next. “Are you okay?”
“Nothing’s broken, but I’m in need of a shower.”
“Are you okay if I wash him while you shower, and then I’ll set you up for your call to Avery?”
“Yeah, that’s fine.” She brushed some of the mud off her face, glaring at Colt. “But all the washing in the world won’t convince me that big ass Colt isn’t a wolf.”
“How can you say that? He licked you and everything. What wolves do you know that lick and wag their tail like a dog?”
Serenity crossed her arms over her chest and nodded to Colt. “I’m looking at one.”
I just laughed it off, but I would never tell her that Colt and I ran into a wolf in the woods one time and Colt was almost twice as big as it was. I’d been ready to protect my dog, but Colt had handled that wolf with ease, his growl damn near scaring me, too.
Once Serenity went back inside, I looked down at Colt. “Damn, boy, I think she’s right.” I rubbed him behind his ears. “I did find a wolf and make him my damn pet.”
And I was pretty sure I was losing my mind a little because Colt’s headed nodded like he was agreeing with me. Fleas, bruh. It’s probably just fleas.
SERENITY
* * *
He was beginning to seem more human. That was the first thing I told Avery when she asked me how I was doing.
“What do you mean?” she asked.
“I’ll tell you what I mean when you explain how the hell you managed to keep such a big secret from me.”
“Didn’t you listen to the message Caden and I recorded?”
“Yes, I heard it. It’s the only thing that stopped me from completely freaking out that I was handcuffed.”
“He handcuffed you? On some freaky shit?”
“Not the sexual kind,” I said bluntly. I wanted to tell her everything that had happened since I’d woken up on the couch, but didn’t share many details like Carter had instructed me not to.
“My dad really respects him,” Avery mentioned. “My dad never talks about his job or the people he crossed paths with during that time, so I knew he was special.”
Special. I knew he was, but it sounded weird to hear one of my friends say it. “Next time, can you try to give a sista a heads-up?”
“You wouldn’t have even believed me.”
“Probably not. You do realize he’s communicated more with you than anyone in his family in years, right?”
“I know,” Avery said. “But, sis, I was only the outlet he needed to talk about the people he really cared about. Like you.”
“Sometimes, I forget we’ve been apart and it seems like we pick up where we left off,” I admitted. “He’s beginning to seem less dangerous and more … like the man I remember.”
“I can’t wait to see you and finally hear the stories I’ve waited to hear our entire friendship,” Avery said.
“I know.” I grew quiet after that, wishing I could see my friend in person and get one of those hugs she was always freely giving out.
“Hubby is telling me our time is up,” Avery stated a minute later, “but I don’t want to hang up.”
I glanced at my bedroom door. “Me neither, but I’m pretty sure the shadow in the hallway outside my bedroom is my warning, too.” Carter peeked his head in then. “You know that’s creepy when you stand outside my door like that, right?”
“Wrap it up,” he said, before leaving again.
I frowned, wondering why he seemed so short with me.
“It’s because you’re on the phone with me,” Avery said.
“What is?” I asked.
“If you’re wondering why he seemed different just now, it’s because talking to me is a reminder to him that he’ll have to face his family after all of this is over.”
I sighed. “You’re probably right.” In fact, I knew she was right. I didn’t know exactly how much the Maddens had been told, but it was probably not everything. Something told me no one would ever know everything about Carter. Myself included.
“I love you,” I told her.
“I love you more,” she said. I was still holding onto the joy of hearing my friend’s voice long after Carter had gotten the burner phone and did whatever it was that he did to get rid of it.
Ten
SERENITY
* * *
Over the next few days, Carter and I got into a good routine, the ease of being around each other growing easier each day. I’d even warmed up to Colt a little bit. Granted, I didn’t get closer than the closed screen door, but it was progress.
Every time I looked at Colt I felt like he was sizing me up. Just like he was right now as I got as close as I could to the glass on the front door to try and get a good look at Carter outside. It was one of those days in which the temperature had drastically dropped, and Carter had decided we needed more wood. I’d done an Oscar winning job at acting unaffected when he walked out the front door, but my performance only lasted a few seconds before I was racing to the front of the house to try and get a good view.
“Damnit,” I huffed when I saw him walking too far right. I didn’t even know where he chopped wood at, but I wanted a front row seat. Unfortunately for me, Colt was making sure my ass stayed inside.
Or maybe all you have to do is go outside? I’d barely been outside since Colt returned home, and I didn’t know what Carter was smoking thinking I wouldn’t be afraid of him. True, Colt had a beautiful brown and silky coat of fur, but homeboy looked like a straight up wolf except for his big doe eyes that made me feel like he was indeed mixed with some sort of domestic breed of dog.
Come on, Serenity. Put on your big girl panties. I didn’t know if I was too damn horny or if I was just tired of trying to avoid Colt when he seemed to pop up everywhere around the property.
I opened the front door, my eyes staying on Colt as I did. As expected, he followed my every move as I let the door close behind me and made my way slowly down the stairs. However, when I reached the last few steps, I must have miscalculated and I tripped down the remaining two. I was sure I would stumble into the dirt or possibly fall. But when I managed to catch the rail with one hand, Colt was right by my other side to help me steady myself.
I looked down at him, surprised that he didn’t seem to mind that I gripped his fur accidentally, and when those big, doe eyes looked up at me, I found myself less intimated by his enormous size.
“Thank you, Colt,” I murmured as I rubbed behind his ears. “You’re not so bad, are you, boy?” His tail continued to wag as I paid him more attention than I had since we met. I was so enjoying his company that I almost forgot I chanced going outside to see Carter chop wood until I heard the sound of the ax nearby.
I followed the sound, Colt right beside me as I walked down the short path. Carter came into view moments later, and the delicious sight of him made me stop behind a tree to get a better uninhibited look.
Lawd, please forgive me. I didn’t even know why I was asking for forgiveness, except that Carter without a shirt on and carrying an ax was giving me very naughty thoughts. He adjusted the large piece of wood and swung the ax with his bulging muscles and beautiful scars on display for my viewing pleasure. He probably didn’t see his scars as attractive, but to me, they were a part of him. They told his story. His truth. I understood that now, and I would be lying if I said they didn’t make him look extra sexy when he was chopping wood surrounded by massive trees, his grunts as he brought the ax down fraternizing to the sounds of nature.
Back in the day, I wouldn’t have been able to imagine Carter chopping wood, but now? Well, now I wasn’t sure I could ever see him as anything less than a beautifully scarred lumberjack.
“Glad you finally made a new friend.” Carter glanced my way, a smirk on his face when he noticed Colt standing by my side.
I shrugged. “I felt like it was time he and I get to know each other better.”
Carter shook his head. “Remind me to teach you how to be more discreet when stalking your prey.”
I stepped on a branch. “Um, is that your way of saying you knew I was watching you.”
“Serenity, I heard you the moment you opened the front door.”
Well, damn. “I guess I didn’t do that great, huh?”
“Not even a little bit.” Even from a distance, I saw his eyes grow serious. “We’ll start practicing tomorrow.”
Colt and I walked over to Carter, my mouth practically dropping to the ground at how much sexier he looked close up. “Uh, what exactly are we practicing?”
“I’m going to teach you some self-defense techniques.”
“Okay, I’ll be down for that.”
“Good. Let’s start now.”
My mouth dropped. “I thought you said tomorrow?”
He shrugged. “I changed my mind.” He placed the ax down and began circling me in a way I didn’t understand. “What are you doing?”
“Just admiring you a bit before we get started. I held back a smile as he continued by asking me, “If Colt wasn’t with you, what would you have done to protect yourself in the woods if you found me out here dead or hurt?”
I swallowed. “You just dive right into the training, huh?”
“Answer,” he demanded. “What would you have done?”
I thought about his question, concluding that I would probably, “Run back into the cabin and try and find one of the burner phones to call for help.”
“Return to the cabin, yes. But it would be no point in calling for help when we’re so deep in the woods. A better option would be to find a gun.”
“Where would I find one?” I asked.
“I have thirty on the property and I’ll make sure I show you where a few are.”
“That’s a lot,” I said. “And somehow, not surprising.”
“There’s one buried in this area we’re standing in. Where do you think it is?”
I glanced around and tried to focus. He was still circulating around me and I couldn’t deny it was making my heartbeat quicken. “Is it in that tree stump over there?”
“No.”
I continued to look. “Under those smaller bushes?”
“Nope.”
I turned in a circle, my eyes scanning for anything that looked like it didn’t belong. “What about the base of that large tree?”
He shook his head before bending down right between where we were both standing. “A lot of people look for a weapon in someplace they feel doesn’t belong. When outdoors, I like to bury my weapons in a place that may seem obvious, but is always overlooked.” He dug up a handgun and handed it to me. “This is a 9mm Glock 43. A simple, but effective gun.”
“Is it loaded?” I asked.
He nodded. “Always.”
“How many more guns do you have out here?”
“Several,” he said, not really answering, “among other things. Ever shot a gun before?”
“Yes, I have,” I told him, the look of surprise on his face bringing a smile to mine.
He took the safety off and handed it to me. “Let me see what you got. About twenty feet away, you’ll see a target sheet attached to a tree. Get as close as you can to the bullseye.”
I accepted the gun and followed the direction he’d pointed. “Easy.” I barely registered his smirk before I took the first shot, landing it right on the center of the target on the second one. I briefly glanced to him before I took a third shot, this time, landing an even more perfect shot.
“Showoff,” he huffed. I shrugged as I handed him back the handgun. It felt good to surprise Carter for once.
“Clearly, you’ve spent some time in the gun range.”
“It helps me blow off steam,” I professed. “In college, I wasn’t sure how to handle all the emotions I had after the accident and with you leaving. I took a few self-defense classes, but I found my stride at the gun range.”
He crossed his arms over his chest. “We can work on more self-defense training with and without weapons, but I’m impressed by how you can handle a pistol.”
“Thanks,” I replied, caught off guard by how warm his comment made me feel in the pit of my stomach. He continued to stare at me, his face unreadable. After a while, I began to get fidgety.
As a much-needed distraction, I glanced at all the wood he’d cut. “Did you need help with any of this?”
“Sure. The logs over there are smaller, so you can start with those.”
I followed his line of vision and began grabbing the pieces of wood that looked light enough to carry. Once I’d piled on a good amount, I glanced at Carter who seemed to be in some sort of staring contest with Colt.
“You do realize if you start talking to him and he talks back, I’m demanding that one of your brothers let me stay with them instead, right?”
Carter frowned. “They can’t protect you like I can.”
“Did you forget that one of your brother’s is a private investigator and another owns a security firm?” I asked, referring to Malik and Micah. “And Crayson always looks intimidating as hell.”
“I didn’t forget.” His eyes stayed on mine. “What I meant was, they can protect the family. But when it comes to you, they aren’t willing to do what needs to be done.”
I swallowed. “You really think so?”
“I know so. If you ever want to test a man’s character, threaten the life of the person he cares most about.”
“Carter, I never wanted you to feel like you had to protect me from everything and everyone who tried to hurt me.” Stepping closer to him, I dropped the wood I was holding. “Although I’m grateful for everything you did, I’m so sorry that loving me forced you to miss out on living your life. Required you to leave everyone you know and love.”
He lifted my chin. “Serenity, in case I wasn’t clear to you the other day, I regret a lot of shit I’ve done in my life, but I don’t regret a damn decision I made to keep you safe.”
“But I can see the remorse in your eyes when you look at me sometimes,” I pointed out.
“I wish I’d handled some situations and relationships with my family much differently,” he admitted. “But that look you see in my eyes is the look of a man scared that the opinion he values most in life has changed and will continue to change as she learns all the fucked-up shit he’s done in his life.”
“I’m not judging you anymore,” I told him. “Not since you explained to me why I’m here and that Rodney’s still alive. You’re more like my guardian angel I didn’t know I had. My hero in a way.”
“I’m no hero.” Carter frowned, his voice lower when he said, “Everything I’ve done is not heroic. Some shit may not even make sense to you. But they were my decisions to make and that apprehension you see in my eyes sometimes is because I can’t promise you I’ll never do anything immoral again. Could you handle being with me without knowing all the details that led to a decision I made?”
“I don’t know,” I answered honestly.
“I know you don’t. Not yet anyway.”
I studied his eyes. “You weren’t ready to have to face me just yet, were you? I know you blew up Rodney’s deal, whatever it was, but you didn’t factor in us having to talk the way we are right now, did you?”
“I’m calculated. Precise,” he said, picking back up the ax. “I don’t like surprises, and I made a promise to myself to always be prepared when I realized what I’d gotten myself into sixteen years ago. Some things you can’t prepare for, but I factored in everything.” His eyes briefly dropped to my lips. “My family is protective of you, but you’ve always been mine to defend however I could or deemed fit for the situation. And shit between us has always been explosive. I’m not that same little boy who was afraid to kiss you in his parents’ basement. I’ve just been waiting, giving you time.”
