Carter's #Undoing, page 12
“Fellas, I know Serenity,” Carter stated. “If we don’t start answering one of her questions soon, she’ll keep asking us stuff.”
“You want to hear the story about how GB almost shit his pants when we were in China because he ate some shit that lit his ass on fire?” Hennessey asked me.
“She doesn’t want to hear that,” Carter interrupted.
“Yes, I do,” I told Hennessey. “You tell your story first, and then I’ll tell you about the time GB entered our town’s hot chili pepper contest and realized that him and spicy foods don’t mix.”
“Yo, we told you that shit,” Scotch said, clasping Carter on the shoulder. “You always try to put hot sauce on your shit, then wonder why you can’t sit for a week because you’re running to the bathroom.”
Carter shook his head. “How many times have y’all had to listen to me talk about how much I missed Serenity?” My ears perked up as each of the men—even Jackie D—started to groan. “My point exactly. So how about you tell her stories that make me look like the great muthafucka that I am and not the intimate details of my toilet chronicles?”
Hennessey waved him off. “Fuck that, she needs to know why we almost stopped calling you Golden Boy and almost changed it to Crapper Boy.”
Not going to lie, the story was pretty disturbing, and made me question why they’d all been in living quarters so small, they could hear Carter in the bathroom. But, apparently, it was exactly the kind of story that was needed to break the ice.
After I shared the hot chili pepper story, Scotch started sharing some better ones, conversation flowing around the room. Colt even eventually came to join us, and somehow, it felt like I’d known these men for much longer than a few hours. It’s because they’re an extension of Carter, I thought.
While he’d been estranged from his family, he managed to create one of his own. A close-knit group of friends who obviously trusted one another with their lives and secrets. There was still an evil out there. A reason these men had dropped everything in their lives to come to wherever we were. Yet, if only for a few hours, everything felt normal and exactly how it should be.
Fifteen
SERENITY
* * *
Sixteen years ago …
* * *
The moment I stepped into my house, something didn’t feel right. I glanced into my mom and Rodney’s room, but it was empty. Everything in the house seemed in order, but I just had a funny feeling. Unfortunately, the feeling was my new normal when I came home.
It was finally the weekend, and although I hated to feel like I was taking advantage of the Maddens, I wasn’t safe here. There was no way I could be at my house an entire weekend. Carter hated when I came here at all without him, but I hadn’t seen my mom or Rodney’s car in the driveway, and all I’d needed to do was grab a few more clothes and be out of the house before either of them returned. I shot Carter a quick text telling him I’d walked to my house and would be walking to his soon.
Typically, when I was left home alone when I was younger, I’d made sure to peek down the basement stairs and check all the closets. However, since I was trying to make a quick exit, I hadn’t done any of that as I began changing out of the clothes I wore to school to put on something more comfortable.
I’d only taken off my top when my closet door swung open and I was tackled onto my bed. I screamed at the top of my lungs when they cut off the light, hoping that someone would hear me as I felt my jeans being pulled down along with my panties. It took a while for me to realize that I was also being punched in the stomach and that there were two people involved in this cruelty because there were two sets of hands.
I was yelling and kicking, my mind a mess at what was happening to me. I wasn’t sure if someone had spilled something on top of me or if it was spit mixed with sweat, but the wetness smelled foul and wrecked of bodily fluids.
I’m not going to win this. The thought was so terrifying, I almost didn’t want to believe it. I wasn’t giving up, but it felt impossible to fight two people who beat me in strength. So I started praying. I prayed hard enough to drown out the hands that were invading me between my legs. I prayed hard enough to ignore how painful the punches felt to my stomach.
I asked God for any and everything, a part of me feeling as if I’d left my body and was watching this happen to someone else. What had I done to deserve this? What should I have done differently in life to avoid this moment? Did my stepdad really know so many police officers that no one cared about my side of the story or did I not speak up enough when it counted? Was this all my fault for not being cautious enough?
I didn’t know when he’d arrived, but the voice that cut through my racing thoughts was the saving grace I hadn’t known I’d be given until he was pulling them off me.
“Run to my car, Serenity.”
Carter. It was Carter.
I grabbed my pants, shirt and his keys, throwing on my clothes as fast as possible before racing to the car as he fought my attackers. My adrenaline was running, partially from being shook, and the other part from anger.
As I sat there in Carter’s car, I barely registered my mom’s vehicle that was parked a little farther down the street. When I did, I tried my best to hold back my tears to focus on the situation since I wasn’t in the clear yet.
Did she plan this? Her car being nearby made this feel pre-meditated. I’d never liked my mom much, but I didn’t even know who that woman was anymore. She wasn’t Betty Taylor. There was no way that crazed woman I lived with was my mother.
And if she was, how could someone hate their own child so much that they would do the very things they were supposed to protect their child from?
* * *
Present …
* * *
I didn’t know I was reliving a nightmare until I slowly opened my eyes and spotted Carter sitting on the side of my bed, gently shaking me to wake me up.
My hand went to my cheeks that were damp from me crying in my sleep.
“She really was helping him, wasn’t she?” I asked in disbelief, my voice still groggy.
Carter studied my eyes. “Was your nightmare about that night?”
I didn’t respond, but asked again. “Was she?”
He nodded. “Yes. When I got there, she was holding you down while Rodney tried to rape you.”
I closed my eyes. “And they spit on me when they held me down. She’d also been the one punching my stomach, right? Before she helped Rodney remove the rest of my clothes?”
He nodded again, clenching his jaw in a way that meant he was getting upset, but trying to hold it together to answer my questions. “I assumed when you didn’t mention it when we talked about it, that you hadn’t remembered. Or maybe, hadn’t wanted to remember and I didn’t want to remind you. Serenity, you know your mom was sick and Rodney was her downfall. She’d never been a good person, but crack can drive a sane person to do malicious shit. Especially when a man like Rodney gets ahold of a weak-minded person.”
“Doesn’t change the fact that I’ve spent the past sixteen years only thinking about the parts that didn’t make me sick to my stomach. The parts I had to bury so deep I didn’t remember them until now. I used to cry myself to sleep not just because you were gone, and not even because Rodney had tried to rape me, but a combination of everything, and the fact that the woman who was supposed to protect me had failed her child in every way possible.”
“Serenity, if I could take away your pain I would,” he said. “I should have been there to help you pack up some things. I knew what you went through in that house and I still kick myself for not getting there sooner.”
“But you got there when it counted,” I reminded him, my mind drifting back to that nightmare. “When they held me down, I asked God to show me mercy. I actually prayed for it to be quick and for it not to change how I felt about intimacy. I prayed for my mother who didn’t know how to love me and for my father who left me with a woman like her. And I’d even prayed for Rodney as his spit from slurring his words after one too many drinks landed on my face and body. I’d thought that if I prayed for everyone involved, psychologically, I could get over how badly they were trying to break me.”
“But they didn’t,” he said. “They did not break you.”
I exhaled. “There were days when I thought they had, but you’re right, they didn’t.”
Carter leaned his forehead to mine, both of us sitting there in silence for a while.
“I wish I could give you time to process things this morning,” Carter said. “But the guys are on their way here.”
“I thought you said they were staying at a cabin Scotch had nearby for a while?”
“They were, but our contact informed us that Rodney is in New York.”
“Is it because he thinks there’s a chance I’m still there?” I asked.
“Possibly.”
“So we’re headed to New York instead of staying here?”
“Yes,” he confirmed. “Serenity, we’re not going to spend the rest of our lives hiding from this man. I already reached out to Malakai, so he and Crayson know we’re coming. Scotch and the others will head there with us. You don’t really need to pack much, but I’m not taking you to your home, so pack enough for a few days.”
“Okay.” I got out of bed slowly, Carter’s eyes watching my every move to make sure I was okay. “You don’t have to protect me from the truth anymore, Carter.”
The vein in his neck twitched. “Yeah, I know I don’t. You’ve always been stronger than anyone realizes.”
I forced a smile, because even though I didn’t feel like smiling, Carter needed to see that I was okay. “I appreciate you for saying that.”
“It’s true.”
“I know it is.” My eyes held his. “And you’re a good man, Carter Madden. A much better man than anyone gives you credit for.”
“I don’t know about that.”
“I do,” I told him. “Only a man with a heart much bigger than he allows people to see would bury the details of a traumatic experience so that the other person involved doesn’t hurt as badly.”
“What do you mean?” he asked.
“Carter, I know I was driving your truck that night,” I admitted. “I only just remembered in my nightmare.”
He dragged his fingers down his face. “I hadn’t expected them to follow me out of your house, and I couldn’t get you out of the driver’s seat.”
“I know,” I admitted. “I think I was angry and fed up. You hadn’t wanted me to drive because of in the state of mind I had at the time.”
“But you had to,” he said. “Serenity, they were trying to kill us.”
“I remember it,” I replied.
“Then you know they followed us for miles and that you barely swerved out the way before they flipped their vehicle. You may have been driving, but I was the one who left them for dead that night.”
“We’re both responsible,” I told him. “But I’m more responsible for that accident than you are.”
“Self-defense has no room for unwarranted blame,” he corrected. “We’re both survivors of that night.”
The love in his eyes and the strength in his words hit me harder than I’d been prepared for. I walked over to hug him then, the rest of the tears I’d been holding in drenching his shirt. When I felt his body slightly shake, I glanced up and noticed he was emotional himself, only the few tears he had didn’t seem to be for his sake, but for mine. My true hero whether he saw himself like that or not.
He gazed down into my eyes, years of unanswered questions finally resolved between us. I decided right then and there, that no matter what Carter needed from me, I would do everything in my power to provide it. If he needed understanding, I’d empathize every time. Acceptance? He had it. Loyalty? Without question. Forgiveness? I could cry a million tears over the fact that everything he gave up for me was enough to last several lifetimes. Love? Carter Madden had stolen my heart at twelve and I hadn’t given it to another man since. I’d never stopped being his.
I was ready for them to do whatever they had to do to get Rodney out of our lives for good. And when all of this was over, I wanted to start making good on my promises to be the heroine Carter Madden needed by his side.
Sixteen
CARTER
* * *
After an entire day of traveling to get to New York as discreetly as possible, I was wiped and I knew Serenity was probably even more exhausted. She wasn’t used to this kind of life, and our emotions had been high since the start of this.
Before we left the cabin, she clung to Colt, not ready to say good-bye. I felt like that every time I had to leave him behind, but I trained him to be able to live without me for a while—he was the eyes and ears I needed securing the property.
“Why are we in this ritzy ass hotel?” Scotch asked as we all made our way up the elevator.
“I was about to ask the same shit,” Cap said.
“Because my brother has a sick sense of humor,” I replied with a laugh, realizing it had been way too long since I joked about Crayson.
“This is definitely his style,” Serenity remarked, looking at the glass elevators.
I shook my head at how delicate she seemed in an elevator with five men who looked larger than life standing with her.
We stepped off the elevator, Scotch and the others heading into one of the suites while Serenity and I headed to the suite right next door. Crazy as Crayson was, it actually made sense to be in a place that was the complete opposite of where we’d stake out.
“We should probably get some sleep,” I suggested as I placed the key into the lock. I felt something was wrong immediately, slightly cracking the door and whistling to Scotch who was by my side in seconds, while Cap pulled Serenity behind him.
I waited for Hennessey and Jackie-D to get on my right before we pulled out our pistols as I counted down in my head.
Three.
Two.
One.
I pushed open the door, ready to pull the trigger on the first person I saw. Until I noticed that person was Micah.
“And this is why the family nominated me be the first one you saw.”
“What the hell are you doing here?” I asked. I had my answer moments later as my entire family came into view, twelve sets of eyes staring at me.
“Good thing you got the executive suite,” Scotch said, clapping me on my shoulder and motioning for Cap to let Serenity come inside. “Sorry to disturb you, Madden family. Please be easy on our friend.”
“Who the fuck is that?” Crayson asked Malakai as Scotch and the others left me and Serenity to gape at my family.
Damn. I felt like I was having an out-of-body experience as I stared into so many eyes that matched mine … yet, some belonged to sisters-in-law I’d never met. Mom. Cynthia Madden had gotten me through so many rough days, and it pained me to see her hands placed over her heart as she sobbed. My dad pinned me with a look of disappointment that hit me to my core, while my brothers shared a look of disappointment.
Yet, it was my triplet brothers whose eyes were haunted with abandonment issues that I’d helped foster since I was the first person in their lives to ever abandon them. I didn’t know what to say. How to act. I couldn’t explain that we couldn’t involve the police in this mess because then I’d have to confess to my own sins. Own up to my own crimes. A part of me figured one of my brothers must have helped my parents realize it since they were here with me instead of the cops.
I didn’t recognize my breathing was labored until Serenity linked her hand with mine and kissed the back of my palm. My mom was the first to approach me, and I was grateful for it.
“What did they do to my baby?” she asked, her hand going directly to the scar on my face.
“It’s nothing, Mom.”
“Yes it is,” she said. “You could have told us what was going on with you. Mason and I raised you boys to always do the right thing. The courageous thing. Of all our boys, we thought you would have the easiest life. We thought you’d get everything handed to you on a silver platter because you were always so charming and considerate of others. As a boy, you didn’t hide who you were, and being one of the youngest didn’t hinder you in this family. You were our glue, the piece that made us whole. And then you left for sixteen years for reasons your father and I, and your brothers, are only now beginning to understand.”
I squinted my eyes at my brother, questioning if loyal Caden had broken my loyalty by telling our family some of the contents in my letter.
“Just your reason,” he said, reading my mind. “That’s all. Ma and Pops needed to know.”
“He did the right thing by telling us, son,” my dad said. “And maybe I didn’t do right by you boys by not being completely honest.” My dad glanced at my mom before continuing. “I’m not proud of some of the decisions I made in the past, and I won’t go into details tonight, but I want to sit down with each of you and explain how I had to right my wrongs.”
“And he had a lot of wrongs to right,” my mom added.
“Cynthia’s right. I did. I was hanging with the wrong crowd back when I met your mother. Selling drugs to help my family, then gambling what was left to feed an addiction I couldn’t shake.”
“Why didn’t you ever tell us?” Caden asked.
“Because a man is not measured in the mistakes that he made, but rather, the decisions after those mistakes that define his true character.” He looked to my mom. “I fell in love with your mom on sight. Knew she’d be mine no matter how hard I had to fight for her. And I didn’t have a penny to my name, but she loved me anyway. Cynthia forced me to get my act together, not to win her love, but to keep it. Together, we built a great life for you boys. It wasn’t perfect, but it was as good as we could make it. And getting my act together didn’t change the things I’d done. Doesn’t change the guilt I carry around. But I rose above it all, just like I believe Carter can. Starting with his role in this family.”
