Autumn Dreams at Mermaids Point, page 8
‘There was a rack with leaflets in it on the wall in the pub,’ Emily said. ‘I saw it as we were leaving with Nerissa.’
Nerissa. The one thing Tom had been trying desperately to keep off his mental list, because if he let his mind go there, he was transported instantly to that awkward moment in the darkened corridor. Awkward because she’d stepped into his personal space without him even noticing, and what made it worse was it’d felt like she was supposed to be there. For the past three years he’d worn his grief for Anna like a shield – like some kind of messed-up Ready Brek forcefield that kept everyone else away from the space beside him that had belonged to Anna since the day they’d met. He didn’t want anyone else filling that gap. Or more truthfully perhaps, he didn’t want to want anyone filling it because that would mean he was ready to close the door on Anna. And that felt like a betrayal.
‘Dad?’
The uncertainty in Emily’s voice dragged Tom from the precipice of yet another pity spiral. He thrust his hands into his hair, willing the dark thoughts away and forced a smile he didn’t feel to tilt the corners of his lips. ‘Sorry, I was thinking about what to do about breakfast.’
The lie landed between them, so obvious and heavy it did everything but thud on the table. She watched him for a long, silent moment before shaking her head in what looked unpleasantly like defeat and lowering her eyes to the notepad. Maybe he should be more open with her, but it was so hard to put his burdens on her slender shoulders. Emily shouldn’t have to carry a single speck of his grief. He was the adult. He was the parent. It was his job to suck it up and cope with the shitty hand life had dealt them. He’d wait until that evening and the kids were in bed and give Alex a call. Misery loved a bit of company, and the only person with a more tragic personal life than Tom might just be his little brother. Tragic because, although the woman he’d loved beyond distraction was still alive, she was as out of reach as Anna was to Tom.
When Emily finally spoke, there was no inflection in her voice. ‘There’s a café on the seafront. We could go there for breakfast.’
Knowing he’d hurt her, but not knowing how to avoid it without hurting her even more, Tom ignored the ache in his chest and stretched his smile wider. ‘Is there? We should look up the opening times.’ He reached for his phone. ‘Any idea what it’s called?’
She shook her head. ‘Nerissa mentioned it. Someone in her family owns it, I think she said. Just search for cafés, there can’t be that many in a place as small as this.’
‘Good point.’ Tom scanned the results generated by his maps app. A couple of cafés were flagged, but only one on the seafront. He clicked through to the information page. ‘Looks like it opens at 8 a.m.’ Placing his phone flat on the table, he slid it across to show Emily the pictures that had come up. ‘It looks nice.’
‘Laurie’s Place,’ Emily nodded. ‘That must be it – I’m sure that’s what Nerissa said her niece was called.’ She scrolled through the photos, pausing on one showing a display case filled with tempting cakes and biscuits. ‘Wow, look at those! Can we have cake for breakfast?’
She’d asked with a smile that said she was half-teasing, but Tom decided to run with it. ‘We’re on our holidays, sweetheart, you can have whatever you want.’
A pleased little glow lit her face. ‘Do you really mean it?’
Tom nodded. ‘Just don’t make yourself sick.’ He took the phone back and studied the photo. ‘Those cakes do look incredible. I might have one as well. Maybe two, even.’ He patted his stomach as it gave a little grumble of appreciation.
‘I’d better wake Max. We can show you the beach before we eat – you haven’t had a chance to see it yet.’
Emily was halfway out of her seat when Tom reached out and caught her hand. ‘Hold on a minute.’ His original plan had been to wait until the end of the week before broaching the subject of him taking over from Malcolm, but the children deserved the chance to explore the village and its surrounding area with the full facts before them. ‘There’s something I’d like to discuss with you first.’
Emily dropped back into her seat, her previous excitement replaced by a look of worry. ‘Is something wrong?’
‘No, nothing like that.’ He reassured her. ‘I… I’ve been thinking that things need to change. I need to change, I want to change, but it’s not something I can do on my own. There are some big decisions to be made, and you and Max need to be included in making them.’
‘Okay.’ Emily hooked her hair over one shoulder and started playing with the strands – something she did when she was nervous or worried. ‘Like what?’
‘Nothing bad, I promise,’ he replied, hurriedly. Tom wanted to kick himself for not thinking things through before speaking to her. Having suffered more than any child her age could be expected to cope with, she tended to fear the worst. ‘First, I want to spend more time with you both. I’ve been spending too much time at work and I need that to change.’
Her gaze dropped to her lap. ‘Is this because of, you know, what happened?’
‘A bit.’ When her head snapped up, Tom held up his hand. ‘But only because I realised I didn’t have any idea what was going on with you guys.’ He swallowed, knowing he couldn’t dance around the subject. ‘I know it was easier for you to talk to your mum about stuff, but I want you to feel like you can come to me – and that’s not possible if I’m never around.’
Emily swallowed. ‘It would be nice if you were home a bit earlier.’
God, this was hard, Tom thought, as a jab of guilt shoved into his conscience. But he had no one to blame but himself. He’d seized this nettle and he was just going to have to let it sting until he’d said everything he needed to. ‘And how do you feel about home? Our home, I mean. Do you like it there, or do you think you might like to try somewhere new?’
‘You want to sell the house?’ Emily’s voice was fraught with anxiety.
‘No! Not if you don’t want me to. I just thought it might be a bit easier if we were somewhere else for a bit – somewhere we don’t feel quite so sad all the time.’ It was Tom’s turn to swallow around the lump in his throat. ‘If we had a little break away from the house, then when we went back we might remember more of the happy times there.’
‘You want us to forget about Mum?’ She said it in such a small voice it reminded him of the little girl who’d only need a kiss and a hug from her daddy to make everything better.
Tom shoved out of his chair so fast it clattered on the floor behind him as he rushed around to crouch at Emily’s side. ‘No, sweetheart. Never in a million years would I want you to do that – me either. I want us to be able to remember everything about her, and not just the fact that she’s not here any more.’
Emily twisted on her chair until they were facing each other. ‘But where would we go?’
‘Anywhere you like. We’ve already talked about you taking a year out and Maxy’s got another year before he has to think about his GCSE options so a change of school wouldn’t be the end of the world for him.’ Tom settled back on his heels. ‘One of the reasons I brought you here to Mermaids Point is because Malcolm, the doctor I helped last night, is ready to retire and wants someone to take over his practice.’
‘You… you want to move here?’ Emily tucked her heel on the seat and propped her chin on her knee. ‘Why here?’
Tom shrugged. ‘Why not? Imagine waking up every morning with the sea right on your doorstep? Wouldn’t that be more fun than the noise and fumes of the traffic in London? We’d live at the surgery, so I’d be right there whenever you need me.’ He reached for her hand, stroking the delicate fingers so fine and fragile compared to his own. ‘It’s not a done deal, Em. It’s not even halfway to being a deal, it’s just something we could think about and that’s why I wanted to be honest with you now, so you have some time to think about it while we get to know the place a bit better.’
‘And if I didn’t want to move here?’ She sounded more curious than defensive, and Tom felt a flutter of pride in how well she was taking on board the possibility of such a big change.
‘Then we don’t do it. Same with Max. Moving to Mermaids Point – or anywhere else – has to be a unanimous decision between the three of us. No one gets a deciding vote – we’re either all in or we’re all out. That’s why I wanted to talk to you while it’s just the two of us. If you think it’s a terrible idea, then we’ll drop the whole thing and just enjoy ourselves for the week, but if you think it’s something you might consider, then I’ll have a chat with Max later and see how he feels about it.’
‘What about our house in London?’ A hint of worry had crept back into her tone.
Tom rubbed the bridge of his nose as he considered the best way to respond. ‘That depends on how things work out. If we did decide to give Mermaids Point a go, we could give ourselves a trial run until next summer, say. We could rent the house out. I think we’d know well before then how we feel and if we don’t want to stay, then I’d just have to look for someone to replace me as the doctor here.’ It would be a bit more complicated than that, but those were things he’d address as and when they came to them. He wanted Emily and Max to have as much freedom to choose without feeling any burden or responsibility over those choices. He squeezed Emily’s hand, then let it go. ‘What does your gut say?’
She rested her chin on her knees as she pondered the question. ‘That I’d like to think about it.’
Tom patted her leg as he rose, groaning when his left knee creaked in protest at him squatting for too long. ‘When did I become an old man?’
Emily laughed. ‘Ages ago.’
‘Gee thanks, mate!’ Tom hobbled around to his side of the table, making a show of it because he knew it would make her laugh again and there was no greater joy than hearing the carefree sound. When he’d sat down and taken a sip of his coffee, he settled back to regard his daughter. ‘Do you want me to talk to Max about it, or wait for a bit to give you some time?’
She frowned for a long moment and he had to hide a smile at the intensity of the look. ‘You can speak to him. Like you said, he has as much right to decide as we do.’
‘Great, and thanks, Em, for being brave enough to even think about it. You’ve been through so much, the last thing I want is to stress you out.’
‘You’re my dad, it’s what you do,’ she said, but with enough of a smile he knew it was a continuation of their teasing and not a criticism.
‘I try.’ Tom toasted her with his mug when another thought came to him. He’d been trying hard to avoid thinking about Nerissa, but this was something that needed to be addressed head on. Hoping his voice wouldn’t betray any of the unsettling feelings his close encounter with her had stirred up, he said, ‘Hey, there’s something else we have to consider in all this. Nerissa is Malcolm’s housekeeper as well as working in the surgery. If we did decide to move here, then we have to think about her too. She might not want to take us all on if she’s used to a quiet life, but we’d have to give her the option to stay – at least for a trial period. It wouldn’t be fair to ask her to move out of her home straight away.’
‘Oh, I hadn’t thought about that.’ That funny little frown creased Emily’s brow once more and Tom wished again he was better at reading her.
‘If I had to go out on call when someone was sick, it wouldn’t mean leaving you alone in the house, if she was there.’ When Emily’s lips twisted in a mutinous expression, Tom raised a hand. ‘I know you’re more than capable of looking after both yourself and Max when I’m not around, but the point is you shouldn’t have to. I’ve put too much expectation on you, Em, and that’s not fair. If you want to go out with your friends, then you shouldn’t have to babysit Max, for example.’
‘I’d need some friends, first.’ Her hands were back in her hair, fiddling and stroking the strands.
‘That’s something else we need to look into while we are here this week. I don’t want you guys stuck here with no one your own age to get to know. We can ask around about clubs and activities – find out if there are other families around with teenagers.’
‘Nerissa might know. She said she’s lived here all her life. And she’d know everyone anyway if she works at the surgery.’
There was something in the way Emily kept mentioning Nerissa so easily that gave Tom some hope. ‘You like her.’
Emily shrugged. ‘I don’t know her, but she was nice to me last night.’ Tom waited while she wove her hair into a scruffy plait and shoved it out of the way. ‘I liked talking to her,’ she added quietly.
A pang of something tweaked his gut. He should be the one Emily found it easy to talk to, not some stranger she’d barely met. He shoved the petty thought away. Emily’s needs were more important than his own hurt feelings. All he could do was keep encouraging her to reach out, even if it wasn’t to him for now.
‘Maybe we can set up a visit for you to go to the surgery on your own? Nerissa could show you around and you can ask her whatever you want.’
Emily’s smile lit up her whole face. ‘I’d like that.’
10
‘Tom’s a nice chap, don’t you think?’ Doc’s question came from the other side of his newspaper. It would be easy to take it on face value – a reasonable observation about someone who just happened to be at the right place at the right time. A fellow doctor who’d stepped in to help out, with only the welfare of an injured man in mind. But Nerissa hadn’t spent the past dozen or more years in the almost constant company of the wily old man across from her without growing wise to his tricks. She knew his traps and there was no way she was putting her foot in this one. He was up to something and until she figured out exactly what it was, she would hold her peace about the events of the previous evening.
Her mind flickered back to that moment in the corridor, the firework flash of awareness between her and Tom that had taken her so completely by surprise. With the kind of clarity only morning could bring, she knew the false sense of intimacy had been created by the lack of light and their unintentional proximity. Unfortunately, her mind had lacked anything close to rationality long into the wee small hours of the night as she’d tossed and turned and replayed the moment over and again. As a result, she’d woken grumpy and not a little embarrassed with her behaviour. Goodness knows what he must have thought as she all but ran away from him. The last thing she wanted was to be drawn into a conversation about him now, especially when she was sure Doc had an ulterior motive. Her hand rose to toy with Gareth’s ring only to find nothing there. For the first time she’d forgotten to put her necklace on after her morning shower. I must be more tired than I thought. Unwilling to contemplate any other possible reason for forgetting it, she turned her attention back to Doc.
‘Your breakfast is getting cold.’ That had been the first clue that something was up because Doc preferred his food only a couple of degrees below nuclear hot. He also had a terrible poker face, which was no doubt why he was lurking behind his daily copy of The Times.
‘Goodness me, I was so absorbed in this article I quite forgot my breakfast!’ Doc folded the paper shut and dropped it on the table next to his plate. Picking up his knife and fork, he brandished them with a hearty smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. ‘Well, this looks delicious.’ The fried eggs he’d insisted on against her offer to poach or scramble them were beginning to congeal, little pools of grease sitting on the top of the yolks in a most unappetising fashion.
Nerissa watched his knife hover for a moment before sinking into one of the eggs. Doc placed the square of egg and toast in his mouth, the skin around the corners of his eyes tightening a fraction as the lukewarm food hit his tastebuds.
Serves him right.
It was an uncharitable thought, and any other morning she would’ve offered to make him a fresh meal, but she was tired of Doc and his games.
‘Your first patient is due in less than twenty minutes so I’d better head next door and get everything ready.’ She stood and gathered her empty plate, scraping the crumbs from her toast into the food caddy on the windowsill a little harder than was necessary.
When she turned back to Doc, he was washing another mouthful of cold eggs down with a swallow of tea and a grimace. A pang of guilt hit and she was on the verge of removing his plate when he spoke again. ‘Now, as I was saying, I like the cut of Tom’s jib, don’t you? The way he stepped in like that to help Keith.’
Ha! He’d have to catch her with better bait than that, even after a bad night’s sleep. And he could kiss goodbye to any thoughts of a fresh breakfast.
Circling the table, she swept the lightweight cardigan from where she’d hung it on the back of her chair and headed towards the surgery door. As she pulled it open, she glanced back at Doc over her shoulder. ‘How fortunate for everyone he just happened to be in the pub at the time.’
In a flash, she was in the corridor with the door shut firmly on any follow-up Doc might have made. She spent the next few minutes tidying up the treatment room and making sure all the surfaces were clean. They had a brilliant cleaner who came in each evening, but she wanted to make sure everything was hygienic after Keith’s unexpected visit. Bas was just about to embark on his second year of A levels and wanted to earn some extra cash to support his mum and younger sister. They’d been using a contract agency before he’d dropped into the surgery and asked if there was any work going. He’d been up and down the main street, but most of the jobs available were weekend or daytime hours. Impressed with his enthusiasm, Nerissa had had a chat with Doc, and they’d given him a trial run which had soon become permanent. After a week or two’s supervision, it was clear he could be trusted, so they just left the door to the kitchen open, and he popped his head around to say hello and goodbye. He’d stuck diligently to his work throughout the summer holidays, when she was sure he’d rather be hanging out on the beach with his mates. He had high hopes of winning a university place, and though he still had another year with them, Nerissa knew they’d miss his cheerful presence around the place when he did leave.
