Autumn Dreams at Mermaids Point, page 3
‘Never mind about that. Luckily enough I was at a loose end today. For a change.’ There was no mistaking the sarcasm lacing Alex’s tone, and Tom winced, knowing it was aimed inwards and not at him. Poor Alex had been struggling for months now, and he’d been meaning to check in with him.
Tom sank down into his chair. He’d been meaning to do a lot of things and dropping the ball on all of them. If only Anna was here to help…
Three years and the wistful, painful, pointless need for her hadn’t lessened one bit.
Alex set the beer he’d retrieved from the kitchen on the desk and took the seat opposite him. ‘Max had his phone confiscated for looking at – now how did Mrs Henderson put it?’ He tapped a finger against his lips. ‘Inappropriate images.’
Oh, Christ. Tom grabbed for his beer and took a gulp. ‘Porn, you mean? How the hell did he break the settings on his account?’ He knew it was only natural for boys to be curious about such things. Hell, their dad had found a dirty magazine under Tom’s bed once, although he’d been a few years older than Max was now, leading to the most embarrassing conversation of both their lives. But the stuff he’d had access to then was so much tamer than the horrendous hardcore images plastered all over the internet these days.
‘Not exactly.’ Alex pulled a face. ‘Some of the older girls have been persuaded to share selfies and…’
When he hesitated, Tom went cold all over. ‘Not Em?’ he whispered, hoarsely.
‘I’m sorry, Tom. Apparently it started as a dare between a few of the girls and things got out of hand. One of the boys in Emily’s class got hold of them somehow and he sent them to all his mates. They were all around the school in no time. They got sent to Max as part of a group message and he almost got in a fight when he recognised Em in amongst the photos. That’s how his teacher found out about it, and he got sent to the head.’
Tom leapt to his feet, equal parts furious with, and devastated for, his daughter. He made it as far as the study door before Alex restrained him with a tight hand around his upper arm.
‘Don’t, Tom.’ When he tried to shake Alex off, his grip tightened. ‘You need to calm down.’
‘Calm down?’ Tom spun on his brother, shoving him back a couple of steps, his anger grateful for a close target. ‘There are nude pictures of my little girl circulating the school – and God knows where at this point – and you want me to bloody calm down?’ He swallowed a sudden rush of bile. Christ, what had Max seen?
Alex raised his hands in a placating gesture. ‘Not nudes from what I managed to get the kids to tell me earlier. She’s in her underwear.’
‘Like that makes it any better!’ Tom exploded. The desire to lash out, to strike down anything and everything washed over him in a hot wave. He’d never been a violent man, even shoving his brother was several steps too far. Horrified by his lack of control, Tom whirled away. He needed to put as much distance between himself and Alex as possible – not easy in his little matchbox of a study. Keeping his back to his brother, Tom braced his hands on the wall, pushing against the hard surface as though he could force his anger out through his fingers and into the solid plaster and brick. ‘She’s my little girl, Ally.’ His voice cracked on the last word, a long-forgotten name he’d used when he’d been a teenager himself and Alex a toddler. Though his relationship with his father after he’d divorced Tom’s mother, Belinda, had been difficult, he’d never let his antipathy for the man influence his feelings for his much younger brother. It was impossible not to love Alex. He’d been born with a natural charm, and Tom had been the first of many Alex had wrapped around his finger.
A tentative hand patted his shoulder. ‘You’re about five hours behind exactly where I was, Tommy. The head teacher had to lock her office door until I calmed down enough to agree to bring the kids straight home and not go hunting for those little shits.’
Tom turned to face his brother, seeing his own righteous fury reflected back in hazel eyes turned to flint. Knowing he wasn’t alone in this nightmare, that Alex was there to back him up, helped him regain control of his temper. ‘I’m sorry.’ He dragged a deep breath into his lungs, fighting past the claw of emotion squeezing everything in his chest tight. ‘How… how is she?’
Alex retreated to his chair, picked up his beer and took a long drink before replying. ‘Heart-broken, confused, terrified.’ He made a point of looking Tom square in the eye as he said the last word, and Tom felt the look like a punch in the chest.
‘Of me?’ He could barely get the question out, the mere idea of it making him want to retch.
‘Of your reaction, of letting you down.’ Alex scrubbed a hand over his eyes. ‘She’s utterly broken up about it, Tom, and I know things haven’t been great between the two of you since… well, for a while.’
Since Anna died, he’d been about to say. Only he didn’t. No one even said her name to him, Tom realised with a sick ache in his stomach. He’d turned Anna into a ghost, even around his closest family. Even around the children. There was no accusation in Alex’s tone, but there didn’t need to be. Tom carried enough guilt over the chasm between him and his eldest child to bury a mountain.
‘I should go and talk to Emily.’ Although he had no idea where he was going to start. Sorry would be a bloody good opener, though. Sorry for what she’d been put through today, even more sorry for how much harder he’d made things for her with the selfishness of his own grief.
He reached for the door handle, but before he could turn it, Alex was on his feet once more.
‘Give it another few minutes. You can’t go and talk to her until you’re sure you can be calm about it.’ Alex pointed towards the other chair. ‘Sit down and finish your beer.’
Tom didn’t think it would do any good, but he sat anyway. He could sit for five minutes, for five days, for five years and he didn’t think he could be calm about what he’d learnt in the last few minutes.
Ignoring his beer, he reached for his phone and scrolled through the messages and emails from the school. The latest one had come in a few minutes previously, asking Tom to call Mrs Henderson regardless of the hour. He flicked to her name in his contacts and pressed the call button, switching the phone to speaker mode and setting it on the desk in front of him so Alex could hear both sides.
‘Moira Henderson.’
‘Mrs Henderson, it’s Tom Nelson. I’m so sorry not to have contacted you sooner, my phone was on silent mode. No excuse, I know.’
‘Good evening, Dr Nelson.’ She sounded weary, stressed and a little sad and Tom could relate in bucketloads. ‘How is Emily?’
He hesitated for a moment, then said. ‘She’s in her room. My brother has been catching me up on things and I thought it best to talk to you and have all the facts at hand before I speak to her myself.’
Mrs Henderson sighed. ‘It’s a dreadful situation, my heart goes out to the poor girls involved.’ Tom had always found the head teacher to be a sensible, level-headed woman and his admiration for her only increased as she said those words. ‘I’m still trying to get to the bottom of it, but there appear to be two or three ringleaders who’ve pressured the other girls into getting involved.’
Tom shared a quick glance with Alex. ‘Do you know how many girls are affected?’
‘Fourteen so far. Nearly every girl in Emily’s house group, and a few from other classes in the same year. I’ve got a horrible feeling there might be more.’
‘Jesus,’ Alex blurted out before clapping a hand over his mouth.
Tom gave him a look. ‘Sorry about that. Alex is here with me.’
A humourless laugh echoed from the phone. ‘Don’t worry, I’ve said and thought worse in the past few hours. Look it’s only a few days to the end of term, so we’ve decided to exercise some flexibility across the whole of Year 10 while we continue our investigation and get to the bottom of things. We’ve issued a handful of suspensions, but please be reassured that Emily isn’t one of them.’
‘What about Max? I’m still not clear on his involvement in all this.’
‘Poor Max.’ Mrs Henderson sighed. ‘He did rather bear the brunt of things because he was the one caught with the offending material in the first place. He was beside himself with worry about getting Emily into trouble. His phone is locked away in my desk – I meant to return it to him before your brother took him and Emily home, but things had escalated by that point and it slipped my mind. I suggest you have a good talk with him, but there won’t be any further punishment on our part.’
‘That’s some small comfort, and of course I’ll have a talk with him. Alex said something about him getting a group text with the photos in it.’
Another sigh. ‘One of those WhatsApp group chats, I’m afraid. We do our best, but it’s impossible to police these things. Understandably, there are some girls who don’t want to come back in to school. Although we would strongly encourage them all to attend, we won’t report any absence. With the support of my teaching staff, we’re going to run quiet sessions in the library for anyone who doesn’t feel comfortable sitting in their normal classes. I’ve spoken to the external mental health support team and they’re making someone available for the students involved to talk to if they wish. It will be by appointment and entirely confidential. We’re also going to run some workshops with Miss Walker, who is our in-house RHSE lead across all the year groups, and we’ll be particularly focusing on social media, body autonomy and consent.’
He exchanged another quick look with Alex, not sure if he should be relieved or worried about how seriously the school was taking it. Alex gave him a cautious thumbs up and he nodded. Better it was tackled properly, and it seemed like they were using it as a teachable moment rather than seeking to ostracise or punish the girls involved. ‘Sounds like you’ve got everything in hand. Look, I’d better go and see Emily and find out how she’s coping with all this. Do let me know if there’s anything I can do to help. I’m going to contact my locum service and arrange cover for the rest of the week so I’ll be around.’ As he should’ve been from the start rather than trying to play catch up.
‘Thank you. I’ll be sending out an email later this evening or early tomorrow morning with details on the arrangements we’ve made for the rest of term. Do send Emily my best and tell her we’re here to help.’
Tom found himself nodding, even though she couldn’t see him. ‘Thanks, Mrs Henderson. Take care.’
‘Goodnight, Dr Nelson.’ And with that she ended the call.
Tom sat back in his seat and regarded his brother. ‘What a mess.’
‘You’re not wrong,’ Alex agreed. ‘Hey, I think the locum thing is a great idea, and if you want me to stick around so you can focus on Emily, I’m happy to keep Max occupied, take him to school, whatever after-school stuff he’s got, just say the word. Poor kid’s had a bit of a shock so I can have a quiet chat with him when it’s just the two of us and you can concentrate on Em.’
Relief flooded through Tom’s veins. ‘You’re sure you don’t mind?’
Alex shrugged. ‘I’ve got nothing else going on.’
It was on the tip of Tom’s tongue to raise the issue of Alex’s next book, or rather what appeared to still be a lack of Alex’s next book, but that could wait. Perhaps if Alex stayed with them, he’d find a quiet moment in the next few days. ‘Spare room’s made up, and I can loan you whatever you need this evening.’
‘Perfect. I’ll shoot home in the morning after I drop Max off and chuck some things in a bag. Look, you go and see Emily and I’ll check on dinner. I’ll put some rice on and get Max fed. You guys can heat some up later.’
‘Sounds like a plan.’
Tom pushed to his feet, weary to his bones, the weight of the loss of Anna a stone in his gut. She would’ve known what to do, the right words to say. Her natural warmth and empathetic nature had drawn everyone to her – Tom included, even though once he’d worked his way into the fringes of her orbit during their first year at university he’d been hopelessly tongue-tied. For reasons that still mystified him, Anna had taken a shine to him too and they’d had twenty wonderful years together. Not enough. Never enough.
4
Pausing outside Emily’s bedroom door, Tom gave himself a mental kick up the arse. He couldn’t fall back into the indulgent cycle of his own pain; Emily needed him. Had needed him for the longest time.
Grasping the handle, he raised a hand to knock and hoped he wasn’t too late. ‘Em?’ he said quietly as he pushed open the door. ‘Em, darling, can I come in?’
The supine lump under the pretty floral quilt shifted, followed by a breathy sound that ripped Tom’s heart in two. Though his every instinct was to rush in and gather her into his arms, he forced himself to remain on the threshold of her room. Emily’s trust had been violated in the very worst way, the least Tom could do was try and give her a sense of control now.
‘I can stay here, if you’d rather? Or I’ll go away and leave you in peace if that’s what you’d prefer?’
‘Stay.’ It was barely a whisper, but more than enough encouragement for him to hope it wasn’t too late to cross the gap that had been allowed to grow for too long between them.
Stepping quietly into the room, Tom shut the door behind him and slid down the wall to sit beside it, legs outstretched. He’d sat in the exact same spot when they’d been trying to sleep train her, waiting silently for her breathing to deepen before crawling out on hands and knees. The memory of those exhausting nights sent a pang of nostalgia through him. It had been so easy in those days to fix Emily’s problems with a hug and a kiss. It was going to take a hell of a lot more than that now, but he’d sit there all night if he had to. She needed him and he would not let her down. Not this time. Not ever again.
‘I love you, Em. I’m not mad – well not with you. I want you to know that.’
‘I’m sorry.’ A hiccup-sob swallowed the end of the apology and Tom was up on his haunches before he could stop himself.
‘Don’t apologise to me, darling. I’m the one who should be sorry, not you.’ Tom balled his fists, pressed his knuckles into his thighs until he could swallow down the rush of anger. Not at her – at himself for being absent, for being so damn selfish and wallowing in his grief. ‘Do you want to tell me what happened?’
A violent shake of the bit of mussed blonde hair sticking out of the top of the quilt.
Tom bit back a sigh. When Emily had been little, it’d always been him she’d turned to. As she’d grown, he’d taken more of a backseat to Anna, who’d taken on the lion’s share of the childcare while he’d worked to build his practice and secure their future. Without the bright sun of Anna to draw them together, they’d circled alone like lonely planets, isolated in the coldness of their grief. ‘I spoke to Mrs Henderson just now…’
Emily bolted upright, the quilt pooling at her waist to reveal she was still wearing her school uniform. She must’ve crawled straight into bed the moment she got home. ‘Oh God! What did she say? I’m suspended, aren’t I? Amber and Thea made us do it!’
Unable to bear the distance between them, Tom walked on his knees to the end of her bed. His hand found one of her feet, curled gently around the quilt-covered toes. ‘You’re not in trouble, Em. Not with me, not with Mrs Henderson either. She said it’s up to you whether you go in tomorrow, though.’
Emily shoved aside a tangled hank of hair which had fallen across one of her eyes. ‘I can stay at home?’ She sounded so relieved, Tom was tempted to agree, even though hiding from the inevitable would only make things more difficult for her in the long run.
‘You won’t get into trouble if you don’t go in, but I don’t want you to make any snap decisions about it. There are options – you can have quiet time in the library rather than go to any classes. If you went in, you’d be able to see your friends at least, say goodbye to them before the summer holidays start.’
Emily’s face crumpled, and tears welled in her already reddened, puffy eyes. ‘I don’t have any friends, not any more, thanks to Max!’
‘Hey!’ Tom gave her foot a squeeze. ‘You mustn’t blame Max for any of this, he was sticking up for you.’
Arms folded across her chest, Emily glowered through her tears at him. ‘If he hadn’t been stupid enough to get caught, no one would know anything about this.’
He wouldn’t know anything about this, she meant. It was on the tip of Tom’s tongue to fling the accusation back at her; after all, if she and her friends hadn’t been stupid enough to take compromising photos in the first place— He cut the thought off before it could fully take root.
‘I know you’re upset, but you can’t take this out on your brother. Actions have consequences, Em. Once those pictures started being shared, there was no way you could’ve kept a lid on this.’
The moment of defiance shattered and Emily once more burst into noisy tears.
Tom dropped his head onto the bottom edge of the bed. God, why was he so rubbish at this? He had tricky conversations every day in the surgery and always managed to find a way to tiptoe through the emotional minefield when it came to things like a difficult diagnosis. How could helping a patient with stage four cancer be so much easier than dealing with a heartbroken teenager?
Get a grip, Nelson. Pushing himself up from the floor, Tom sat on the side of the bed, not too close to Emily, but near enough she could lean in for a hug if she wanted one. ‘I know it seems like the worst thing in the world right now, but it’ll blow over. You might find it easier than you think, especially if you face it down tomorrow rather than letting it hang over you.’
She raised incredulous eyes to his face. ‘You have no idea what you’re talking about! They hate me now! I can’t go back there.’
She grabbed for the sparkling pink phone he’d given her for her birthday a couple of months back and tossed it onto the quilt between them.
Tom stared at the screen, open on a WhatsApp chat. It was tempting to snatch it up and read it, but he had to tread so carefully. Em’s mood was too volatile for her to be thinking clearly, and it would be all too easy for her to see it as a betrayal later if he pried into her personal messages. He pressed his thumb to the home button, closing the app and returning her phone to the front display. He then touched the power button on the side for good measure, locking the phone before he stood to tuck it into his pocket.
