Salvaging Love, page 20
“You’re a good man, Jackson Kincaid,” Temple said after a few minutes of quiet.
A strange thing to say to a man who’d caused a mistrial of the scum he was defending, scared a woman, his sister, half to death, nearly broken down in tears in judge’s chambers and right now wanted to punch a hole through the wall.
“We go into law for all manner of reasons. I suspect from watching your career path over the years, you had a desire to help people like your mother. I’m also guessing, as young as you were when you were abused, and your life changing forever with the death of both your parents, regardless of how you felt about either of them, you carry the burdens of guilt and self-blame on your shoulders.”
Jackson let out a breath and sat. Ellie had said the same thing to him. Judge Emmanuel Temple was probably the only other person in the world who could get away with speaking those words to Jackson.
“I hear you’re done with law after this case.”
“You sure seem to know a lot about my life,” Jackson said.
“I know everything. This might be your last day as a trial attorney, but your duty doesn’t end today. Many of your toughest moments are ahead of you. You will face both your client, who, no doubt with his history, will continue to act like the venomous snake he is, and, eventually, you’ll face your sister.”
Jackson swallowed back his emotions. “Yes, sir.”
“But the most difficult task will be when you decide to face your nightmares and deal with them in a way that sets you loose from their harmful bindings. We cannot carry the sins of our fathers or mothers. None of what happened when you were a child was your fault.”
“All due respect, Your—”
“Stop right there with the ‘I-respect-you-but-not-really’ bullshit,” Judge Temple cut Jackson off. “The Boys and Girls Home downtown needs mentors, big brothers and big sisters. All kinds of young ones there from horrible backgrounds believe they need to carry the blame for things their parents or guardians did. Stories worse than yours, stories unlike anything you’d have the stomach to imagine. You might be done with law, but I’m suggesting you not let your experience and knowledge go to waste. I’m suggesting you use them for good. Now, if you’ll excuse me, my calendar is freed up for the rest of the day. I’m going to take off and surprise my wife with lunch.”
He stood up and grabbed his coat. “That’s another thing. Find yourself a good woman and the world becomes a much better place. Sit here as long as you like. Good day.”
Jackson sat in the chambers for a long time while he played the judge’s words through his mind. Lucciano was livid, and Jackson did not look forward to that talk. His fears about Lucciano were shoved aside by the absolute horror on the face of his sister. Jesus Christ, my sister.
‘Find yourself a good woman.’ Jackson had done that, or, rather, she’d found him. Ellie and her ancient Rottweiler and ridiculous puppy and heart of gold. Unfortunately, he didn’t know how he was going to face her after today.
Chapter Thirty-Six
Ellie was worried. Nat had said that the reporters mentioned a mistrial, but that had been at nine o’clock this morning. Now it was after five p.m. She’d been calling Jackson all day and he hadn’t answered. Straight to voicemail every time. Ellie had never bugged him at work before, but this trial was one of the most important of his life, and if there had in fact been a mistrial, she couldn’t begin to imagine what that meant for him. She needed to know he was all right. Even on his busiest days, he left her messages or texts.
“You okay, Ellie?” Nat interrupted her thoughts. Gage stood right behind her. He was picking her up on his bike and taking her out for date night.
“Hey, darlin’,” Gage said, giving her a warm hug.
“Gage,” Ellie said. “Where are you taking Nat tonight?”
“Nope, don’t you change the subject on me, Ellie. You look awful and, knowing that today was the beginning of the trial, I suspect it has to do with that.”
Ellie sat down and saw the worry on Nat’s and Gage’s faces. She had such good friends, but right now, she didn’t know how to ask them for help, or if she even needed it. Maybe Jackson was still at work and couldn’t talk to her. But all day?
“Spill it, girl,” Gage said, taking a seat on the couch in her office. “Or I’m never getting my girl out for our date.
“I’m worried about him,” she admitted.
“I bet you are, honey. Did he explain what happened this morning?” Nat asked.
“I haven’t heard from him all day. Can’t get a hold of him. He’s not answering, not calling me back. He said he’d call me once trial was over for the day. My gut tells me something’s wrong.”
“That man hasn’t called you all damn day? Jesus, but he needs major ‘How to Treat the Love of My Life’ lessons.” Nat raised her eyebrows.
Ellie smiled at her friend, who never had one bit of trouble speaking her mind. “That’s why I have a horrible feeling. You know how good he is to me. And since New York he’s been even more amazing.”
“I’m on it.” Gage got up. “You two head to Lachlan’s for a drink. I’ll check a few places. Won’t be long.”
“What?” Ellie said, “No, I don’t want to ruin your date. I’m sure he’s working or has his phone off. I—”
“That shit wasn’t good at the courthouse today. A mistrial for Anthony Lucciano is either a good thing for Jackson, or his worst nightmare. I know where his office is. He might be dealing with shit that he’s trying to shield you from. Now, I know how tough both of you ladies are and you don’t need a man shielding you from anything, but we men like to believe we’re protecting you, once in a while.” He kissed Natalie, said, “Humor me,” and walked out.
“Whew.” Natalie fanned herself with her hand. “My man is hot! Come on, let’s go order wine and a huge basket of Lachlan’s spicy French fries. Fried food and wine always help, especially if there are brownie sundaes to follow.”
“I ruined your date, Nat,” Ellie said.
“That man lavishes me with a life of goodness, honey. There’ll be more dates. Plus, I love hanging out with you at the bar. I need to get a couple gin and tonics in you and you can tell me how good the sex is with your hottie.”
Ellie burst out laughing. Nat was one hundred percent not shy. She was also trying to take Ellie’s mind off the situation. “I’ll stick to one glass of wine. The last time you plied me with fancy cocktails, I made a complete fool of myself in front of Jackson and I’m still living down the embarrassment.”
She walked out ahead of Nat. “Besides, I don’t need any alcohol to tell you Jackson Kincaid knows what he’s doing in the bedroom. And in the kitchen, and in the shower—”
“Stop.” Nat cracked up laughing. “Wait till I’m sitting down.”
* * * *
Six o’clock at night and the office was still abuzz with activity. Jackson, his sore right wrist wrapped in ice, watched it all through the windows of his office. It felt like watching an action movie with no volume. A movie he’d seen over and over. A movie he never wanted to watch again. And he wouldn’t have to. He hadn’t even had to meet with Lucciano, because the man didn’t want to speak with him. Instead, Jackson’s partner Mark had taken over as lead attorney.
Not having to face Lucciano hadn’t lessened the sick feeling in his gut. Unfortunately, his partner had to go and open his big mouth. ‘Of all the fucking bitches in the world, his wife turns out to be your sister.’ Jackson wasn’t sure if it was the words or the laughter his partner spewed along with them that had motivated him to slam his fist into the asshole’s jaw.
Well, he might have ruined his chance of a good buyout price from his now ex-partner, but the punch had been worth it.
“You gonna sit there all night or get home to your girl?”
“Jesus, fuck!” Jackson turned in his chair to see Gage Kovacs sitting in one of the leather chairs by the coffee table in his office. “How long have you been there?”
“Question is how long have you? Heard court ended early today. This morning, as a matter of fact.”
“You here for a reason or to wax on about my day in court?” Jackson needed to go home and talk to Ellie. He didn’t know if he was scared or in shock, but the rest of the day since court had been like one huge out-of-body experience. Shit was about to rain down on him from all different directions. How in the hell was he supposed to explain everything to his beautiful, open-hearted woman who believed in his goodness? Believed that he could slay demons?
“Hurt your hand, I see. Punch out that sick client of yours?”
“What do you want?” Jackson asked, pulling out a bottle of bourbon, pouring shots into two glasses and handing one to Kovacs. This man was a good friend of Ellie’s. Jackson didn’t know anything else about him.
“Quit fucking around and go get your girl. Get on with your life. ’Cause you have a fantastic life ahead of you. All you have to do is grab it. Instead, you’re sitting here stewing. Ellie, who’s been trying to get hold of you all day, is now sitting at Lachlan’s while my lovely wife, and date for the night, keeps her company so she doesn’t freak out about where you are or what the fuck you’re doing.”
Jackson sat down in the other club chair next to Kovacs. Somehow Kovacs’ temper didn’t bother him at all. All he felt was cold and defeated. “It’s not that easy.”
“It’s the easiest fucking choice of your life, man. What the fuck?”
“I respect your concern for Ellie, but one of the biggest Italian mob bosses in the city wants my body in the gutter.” He stood up and slammed his glass down on his desk. “No offense, but you have no idea what this all means.”
“I know a thing or two. Haven’t always been a laid-back biker husband of a gorgeous woman and father of two beautiful girls. Ever heard of the Piťovci family?” Gage swallowed his bourbon.
Jackson stared at Gage. “The largest Hungarian mob family with ties in fifteen US states?”
“My mother’s side,” Gage said, as if he were ordering a root beer.
“You’re fucking kidding me!”
“Who kids about that? From the time I could walk, I was groomed to be a part of it. Did my time. Hated every moment of my life. Got smart. Collected my own kind of information so I could get out and stay clean and away from that life forever. Good thing too, because the year I left, I met Natalie. Almost fell off my bike in love at first sight and set out making her fall in love with me. Haven’t looked back since.”
“This entire situation is fucked up, Gage. I was already leery of bringing this horrible part of my life into Ellie’s. Now it’s exploded. Who knows what the fuck Lucciano will do? We all know what he’s capable of.”
Gage leaned forward and clasped his hands together. “Here’s the way I see it. He’s not going to do anything. He still needs this firm to represent him, even if you’re not the one doing it. He might be one sick fuck, but he is not stupid.”
“And if he is?”
“You being with her is the best way to protect her. Can’t protect her if you cut her out. You know that.”
Jackson didn’t know anything. He’d never been able to protect those he loved. Every single time he’d been faced with that task, he’d failed.
Gage studied him. “What is it? You’re not just worried about Ellie’s protection, are you?”
“I can’t see, after I explain what happened today, how she could ever want to be with me.”
“Why the fuck not?” Gage asked.
“Because Victoria Lucciano happens to be my long-lost sister.”
Gage whistled and stood. “The reason for the mistrial?” he guessed.
Jackson nodded, waiting for Gage to agree with him and warn him away from Ellie. Instead, he walked around Jackson’s office taking in the awards, the view from twenty stories up over the river and the mountains beyond.
“That is cruel. Must have come as a huge shock. It’s a good thing Ellie can help you deal with this shitty day you had.”
“What?” Jackson faced Gage, surprised at the easy tone of his voice and sentiments. “How can I ever expect her to look at me again? She brings nothing but light into my life. I’m covered in darkness and it keeps coming back. Fuck! I was about to defend the man who put my sister in the hospital!” he yelled. He needed something to punch. He was disgusted at himself.
“Did you beat Mrs. Lucciano?”
“Fuck no!”
“Well then that, my friend, is all you need to know in your heart. That’s all that will matter to Ellie. Deep down, you know that shit.” Gage started to walk out. “Oh, and, Jackson, the way that girl’s blossomed, I’d say you bring plenty of light to her life. None of us are all light or all dark. And if we find the right person, that person helps us beat back the dark.”
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Jackson had texted her to let her know he was on his way home. She kissed Natalie goodbye, left her sitting at the bar with two glasses of wine and half a batch of fries, where Gage would pick her up. She raced to get Buffy and Chewie from the clinic and headed home. The ride to his house was long enough that her emotions had time to swing the pendulum from relief that he’d made contact to worry about what had kept him silent all day to mad at him cutting her out.
When she pulled up to a dark house, her mad worked itself into a tornado. Why the hell had he ignored her calls all day? After their weekend in New York, she’d thought they were done hiding stuff. She’d thought they’d moved on to forming a strong relationship built on trust and care and lots of steamy sex. And love. She loved him and hadn’t even told him yet. She’d thought he had enough respect for her to let her in, to let her know what was happening. Not only had he ignored her all day, but when he did contact her, it was with a text.
A text! Oh, hell no!
The dogs got to him before she even saw him. He stood on the back porch with the doors wide open. She let the dogs attack him with kisses. He glanced at her. “El.”
“You’re okay. Good. I’m glad you’re safe. Thanks for letting me know that today by the way. Since I worried about you the whole damn day!”
“El,” he said, walking toward her.
“Don’t!” she yelled, surprising them both with her temper. “You said we were building an important relationship. One you wanted to last. I trust you to care for me, Jackson. I thought you trusted me to do the same.”
“I do, Ellie—”
“You do? Well, that means not ignoring me all day, especially when something critical happens to you!” she yelled.
“I know. I… They called a mistrial.”
“Duh, I know, that’s why I’ve been worried sick. That and the fact that you ignored my twenty phone calls!” As fast as her anger had sparked, it faded. She was exhausted from the worry, the not knowing, the damn text from him at the end of the day. “You can’t… Don’t shut me out.”
“I wasn’t trying to shut you out, El. You don’t understand—”
“Maybe you don’t understand.”
“Let me explain. Then you can yell at me all you want. I deserve it.” He still stood on the porch but he felt ten miles away, not ten feet. She wanted him to come closer, but he kept his distance. God, how she wanted him to make the decision to close that gap.
“Okay, explain.” They stood there in the twilight with scents of sweet, spring magnolia blossoms and damp rain surrounding them.
“Things were crazy after the mistrial. I wanted to call you, but I didn’t know how to tell you.” His voice was unrecognizable, lost and empty. His silence surrounded them. Fear crept in to replace her anger.
“What?” she whispered. “You can tell me anything.”
In a quiet, defeated voice, he said, “Victoria Lucciano is my sister.”
She blinked, almost unable to process his words.
Then he leaned against the deck fence. “I know it’s a lot to deal with,” he said. “I can hardly comprehend it, let alone stand myself right now.”
His sister? “What?” she asked, the disbelief in her voice evident in the scratchy, high-pitched tone. “Oh, honey.”
“Ellie, Jesus, don’t you get it?” He sat on the end of the lounge chair, his voice full of scars. “I was defending the man who put my sister in the hospital. Who beat her to the point where she was unrecognizable! She still had a cast on her arm today, two months later. And when she recognized me, fuck, the shock and fear in her eyes… I can’t even describe it. Then she ran.” His voice sounded like glass shattering.
She sighed. No wonder he hadn’t called her. He’d been in shock. All the anger drained out of her.
“Fuck. My mom, my sister, I couldn’t protect them then and I sure as hell wasn’t protecting her now.”
Ellie walked to him, took his hands in hers and climbed onto his lap. She wound his arms around her back and put her hands on his face. She needed to get as close as possible if she was going to make a dent in his battered heart.
“Ellie?” His gorgeous eyes held all the pain of the world. She’d never seen such dark circles. Haunted.
“Shhh,” she said, placing her fingers on his mouth. He looked as confused as she’d felt when they first met. Good, she thought, maybe what I have to say will sink in.
“Listen to me, Jackson Kincaid, and listen good. I love you, dammit!” She watched his entire body brace as if she’d hit him. But his arms clenched around her. “I am so in love with you, my heart explodes every day. It hurts. It hurts so much, and it is the most exquisite kind of pain ever. Maybe you don’t love me back, although I think you do, but I’m trying to support you. I want you to trust that I can handle whatever shit happened today, whatever shit happens any day to you. I promise I won’t leave you again, no matter what happens to you or me. I am sorry they called a mistrial because I know this has been weighing heavy on you. I am so, so sorry you found your sister in such a horrible situation. But you are not defending that man anymore, and, more importantly, you did not do anything wrong. Not twenty-one years ago and not today. I’m here with you, for however long it’s going to take for you to get that. Like you promised to slay my demons. I need you to hand me yours. And you need to let me love you. I need you to let me love you.”
