Salvaging Love, page 15
Chapter Twenty-Six
“Hey.” Ellie rushed into Ruby’s spa.
“Lord, this is the best fundraiser you’ve had, Ruby.” Natalie had a glass of red wine in one hand and one of Ellie’s chocolate-salted-caramel brownies in the other.
“Mm-hmm,” Ruby agreed, and fanned her face with her clipboard.
“It’s almost too much hotness for me to handle all at once. Almost.” Natalie took a gulp of wine. “I mean, my man is beautiful over there getting his beard trimmed, but those three together? I. Can’t. Even. How in the heck did you convince those broody, all-man hotties to get pedicures?”
“I don’t know.” Ruby sighed. “I mean, I know I have superpowers, but even I’m not that good. El?”
The girls glanced at Ellie for answers. “I have no idea,” she said, and took in the scene before her. Jackson Kincaid, Lachlan MacGregory and Connor Duggan sat next to one another in the huge massage chairs with their pants rolled up, except for Connor who wore shorts, getting pedicures. Pedicures!
Spa La La was packed with people and noise. David Gray’s voice came through the speakers. Glittery pink streamers, gorgeous dahlia bouquets and balloons decorated the shop, Ruby’s employees and friends who’d volunteered were cutting hair, giving manicures and taking donations. And a large, pay-for-a-plate table of food and drinks lined one wall. But the focus was on three huge men looking ridiculous and ridiculously smokin’ hot getting their feet massaged.
Ellie had almost forgotten—okay, she hadn’t forgotten, she’d tried to pretend she’d forgotten—that she’d invited Jackson to the annual fundraiser Ruby held to raise money for breast cancer every year since her mom’s death. But Ellie expected, if he even showed up, that he would drink a beer, maybe make a donation and hang out with the guys. And by hang out, she’d never in a million years have imagined him getting a pedicure, let alone Lachlan and Connor joining him.
Unlike everyone else here, she was still dressed in her scrubs from work—at least they were pink to fit the theme—and she almost hadn’t come. Things had been going so well with her and Jackson. She’d let her guard down, opened her heart and started to believe that she deserved the love of a man like Jackson Kincaid. Four weeks had passed since her apartment had flooded and he’d not only shared his demons and vulnerabilities with her but told her, showed her every day how much he liked her. He’d made his home her home. Her emotions for him overflowed, happiness, warmth, safety, lust—all these things she felt in his presence. She’d almost blurted out several times that she loved him.
Thank God she hadn’t.
Because, last weekend, reality had slapped her in the face. All it took was Jackson asking her one question, and her warm comfortable emotions were stomped out by sickness, depression, self-disgust and, worst of all, fear. All her old memories and terrors broke out of hiding to taunt her. She’d sensed them resurfacing since the night she met him, but she’d tried to ignore them, bury them back in the pit where they belonged. Now she realized she shouldn’t have. They were a warning she’d ignored. She did not belong in his life.
“Did they pick their color?” Natalie asked and giggled.
Ellie watched her friends laugh and tease. She couldn’t even fake a smile.
“In the words of Lachlan MacGregory, ‘Hell. Fucking. No.’”
“I think Lachlan’s trying to impress you,” Natalie whispered to Ruby.
“What?” Ruby hushed her friend. “Why would he do that?”
“Uh, because he’s had the hots for you for the past year, at least,” Natalie said as if the entire world was aware of that fact.
“Don’t be ridiculous,” Ruby said.
“Hello? Get a clue, girl. Am I the only one around here with an ounce of intuition?” Natalie rolled her eyes.
“He’s dating someone,” Ruby said.
“Maybe he thinks you’re not interested.”
“I’m not.”
Natalie took a sip of her wine. “Uh-huh, keep telling yourself that,” she said into her glass. “At least we can all agree on the fact that Jackson is head over heels for Ellie.”
“True.” Ruby sighed. “It’s adorable, isn’t it?”
No, no, no, you’re wrong, Ellie thought.
“Here, you need wine.” Natalie pushed a glass into Ellie’s hand. “And these brownies are the best thing I’ve ever tasted, but nothing compares to that scene,” she said and they all glanced at the guys. “Please tell me someone’s getting pictures.”
“Natalie,” Ruby said. “You’re married to your own hottie.”
“Thank the Lord.” She blew Gage a kiss from across the room. “But you have to admit, that”—she pointed toward the pedicure chairs—“would make one fine photograph. Maybe eight by ten, or larger. I’m not sure where I’d hang it. The kitchen, where I spend most of my time, or—”
“You’re killing me,” Ruby said and laughed.
“Hey.” Natalie nudged Ellie. “You gonna go say ‘Hi’ to your man? He’s piercing you with his come-hither look. Go, kiss him, then come back and tell us why you were late and what the hell’s going on with you.”
Ellie tore her eyes away from Jackson. “Piercing me and come hither? You sound like a historical romance novel.”
“I do, but it’s the truth. I mean I’ve never seen eyes pierce the way his are right now. It’s like he wants to tackle you right into bed and keep you there while he does delicious things to your body. But that’s beside the point.” She poked Ellie in the shoulder and stared at her. “Don’t change the subject. You’ve been acting weird for days, maybe even longer. Yep, more like the past eight days to be exact. So, what happened eight days ago?”
Ruby faced them. “Wow, you’re good, Nat.” She crossed her arms, studied Ellie and said, “I was thinking it had only been a few days, but you work with her. You’d have a better idea.”
“What are you two crazies talking about?” Ellie said. She tried to play off their interrogation, but her skin always gave her away. Stupid, pale, freckled skin! She could feel her cheeks getting hot. Couldn’t they ignore her and go back to talking about Lachlan’s apparent infatuation with Ruby?
Her friends weren’t crazy. In fact, she was the crazy one. She’d felt off balance. Worse, she felt sick. Ever since Jackson had asked her to go to New York City with him. She should have known Natalie would pick up on her nerves.
“Twice this week you walked by on your way to get coffee without stopping to say hi to me.”
“I did not,” Ellie said to Ruby. But Ruby raised her eyebrows at her.
“And,” Nat began, “you’ve been weirdly quiet, like back-in-your-head quiet how you were when I first met you. Plus, that happy glow beaming from you, ever since you moved in with Jackson, seems darkened by storm clouds.”
“I didn’t move in with him. It’s temporary,” Ellie said and put her wine down. It tasted like vinegar. Her mouth felt harsh and dry. She hadn’t moved in. Her apartment would be fixed in two weeks, and she’d move back home. That was what she’d started telling herself ever since he mentioned New York. He’d brought it up again, said he wanted her with him for a special event he had to attend. He kept saying he wanted to spoil her, give her a vacation. He’d pay for everything, treat her like royalty. She didn’t need a vacation, and she did not ever need to be treated like royalty.
His invite had turned a switch inside her, and all her old fears flooded her gut. New York alone freaked her out, but attending an event with him, at the Four Seasons? No, no, no. She was not part of that life, those people who hid monsters behind their wealth and perfect appearances. She couldn’t do it. The only way she could cope was to tell herself their arrangement was temporary. She shoved those atrocious memories of her past, along with her feelings for Jackson, into the deepest hole and pulled the cover over tight. “He’s letting me stay there until my apartment is fixed.”
“Ellie Blevins, you’re being snotty and flippant. I have never seen you act flippant in all the years I’ve known you. Does he think it’s temporary?” Natalie asked. “Do you think that?”
“You’re the one who warned me not to go too fast,” she snapped at Natalie. God, she was hot. Her scrubs stuck to the sweat on her back.
“Honey.” Natalie put her brownie and wine down and took Ellie’s hands. “I was worried at first. But I’ve watched him, how he treats you, how happy he makes you, how kind he’s been to all your friends. Lord, he changed his mind about his billion-dollar development for you. That man is devoted. What has you looking like you want to run from the monster in a horror movie? Did something happen? Did he hurt you?”
“No.” Ellie shook her head and pulled her hands away, wringing them out as if that would help her racing heart. God, I’m an idiot! She’d known from the beginning he lived a life she could never be a part of. What had she been thinking? “He’s… You’re right. He’s wonderful. But we’re just enjoying each other’s company. That’s all. It’s not going anywhere.”
“Ellie.” Ruby glared at her. “Don’t lie to us. More importantly, don’t lie to yourself. Tell us what’s going on, honey.”
“Here.” Natalie pulled them out of the front door of the spa. “Sit down.” She pushed Ellie down on the bench, and she and Ruby sat down on either side of her. “Talk to us.”
Ellie couldn’t look at her friends, so she faced her lap. “He asked me to go to New York with him for a trip,” she whispered because she could hardly spit the words out. It took saliva to speak and her mouth was desert-dry. She could not go to New York. She felt it in her bones.
Ruby and Nat glanced at each other and back at her. “And?” Ruby said. “That sounds awesome.”
“No.” She squeezed her eyes shut. God, her head ached, a pulsing right behind her forehead, a sharp knife stabbing her. “I can’t go to New York. I can’t ever go back there.” Her hands felt like they’d fallen asleep and were tingling with pricks of pain. She rubbed them on her legs. If she’d had any food in her stomach, it would have come back up by now, if the harsh taste of bile in the back of her throat was any indication.
“I have to go.” What is happening? Not another panic attack. She’d had more panic attacks in the last six weeks than she’d ever had in her life. This one, though…it… This one felt different. “I have to get out of here,” she said, and shot up.
“Ellie.” Ruby tried to take her hand, but she tore it away.
“I have to get back to the clinic… There’s a… I’m going…check…a patient…dog—”
“Ellie, something’s wrong. You’re not making any sense. We’re worried about you,” Nat said. “Please sit down and talk to us. What is it about New York?”
“I can’t…right now. Tell Jackson… Tell… I…have to go.” And she did what her gut had been telling her to do—she ran.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
“Well, I feel like a complete fool, and I never thought I’d say these words, but you were right, Duggan. My feet feel awesome,” Jackson said. He took a sip of his beer and relaxed into the massage chair that dug into the tight muscles on his lower back.
“Genius, isn’t it,” Duggan said and clinked his beer with Lachlan’s and Jackson’s.
“I worry about the kind of info you have in your head, Duggan.”
“Have I ever steered you wrong, my friend?”
“Not answering that one,” Jackson said.
“Lachlan, don’t know you well, yet, but what about you, enjoying your pedicure?” Connor asked.
“Fuck off, asshole,” Lachlan said.
Connor laughed, and Jackson knew his friend was enjoying the heck out of embarrassing him and Lachlan. He hadn’t known what to expect when he’d shown up tonight, but he had to admit he was impressed at the spread Ruby had going on. Her spa was packed and people were having a great time.
As soon as they’d entered, Duggan had bet them they weren’t brave enough to get pedicures. Apparently neither he nor Lachlan was a fan of being called a coward because here they sat, paying a few hundred dollars, or donating it, so a stranger could soak their feet in bubbles and massage them. Although all three men had shut Ruby down when—trying to control her laughter—she’d asked what color polish they wanted.
“It’s a good way to impress the ladies,” Duggan said. Ruby, Natalie and Ellie were grinning at them. Correction, Ruby and Natalie were grinning. Ellie had that veil over her face again. That fucking veil. He had no clue what was going on with her, but something had happened. Like an invisible snake had slithered into her mind and shut it down. Most of the time his ability to solve puzzles was awesome, but this time he couldn’t put his finger on what had happened.
One minute she was opening herself up to him, warm and happy, as free with her heart as she was with her body. And he cherished both. The intimacy she shared with him. The little ways she took care of him. Calling to check in during the day. Leaving him notes on his pillow when he got home late. Wrapping her warm body around his every night. Like she was trying to infuse him with goodness. Fuck, she’d flipped his life upside down and cracked through the anger and guilt he’d been holding on to for decades. For the first time in his life, he saw an incredible future full of love and happiness. Love and happiness were two things he hadn’t even believed in until he’d met Ellie.
Until last week, when she’d sewn herself up. Three nights in a row she’d worked late, which he understood. But she hadn’t woken him when she’d gotten home. And she was gone before he got up the next morning each time, which also meant they hadn’t made love in days. And she’d started answering his texts with normal shit, like, “Okay.” Or a fucking kiss emoji.
Even after he and Duggan had decided to cancel their condo plans, and instead revitalize the buildings with the help of a historical architect, she’d still answered his good-morning texts with silly facts about the old buildings, or a cute story about a family who’d lived in the Corvallis neighborhood for generations. She teased him, and he fucking loved it. For the past month it had been like watching the most beautiful, exotic flower bloom while she came out of her shell and showered him with her goodness.
A switch had flipped and she’d begun to wilt. She was pulling away. He didn’t want fucking kiss emojis—he wanted her ridiculous facts and data about how to apply for historical registry status, because it meant something to her.
“Hey, I meant to ask you, what’s up with you and Ellie?” Duggan said.
Fuck, even Duggan’s noticed. “Why?” Jackson braced.
“Yesterday she called and asked me when her apartment would be ready to move back into. I thought maybe she had a friend in mind for it,” Duggan said.
“What the fuck?”
“Careful, man,” Lachlan said. He took Jackson’s beer from his hand and gestured to the water Jackson had splashed all over the basin and floor when he’d jerked his feet out of the soaking tub.
Why in the hell would she call Duggan instead of talking to me? And why in the fuck does she want to move back to her apartment?
He stood and got out of the tub and focused on Ellie, in time to see her through the spa windows, ripping her arm from Ruby’s and running from her friends.
“Jesus. What happened?” Lachlan asked. All three men stood up, grabbed their shoes and walked to the front.
“No fucking clue,” Jackson said. He pulled on his running shoes. “Natalie, Ruby, what the hell’s going on?” They reached the two shocked-looking women.
“You have to go after her, Jackson,” Natalie said. “She’s freaked out. I think it has to do with New York. What’s going on? I’ve never seen her like this?”
“I don’t have a clue, but I’ll find out.” And he took off after her.
Fucking New York, he thought, racing after her. She’d beaten him to her clinic, but left the door unlocked, again. New York was the connection. That was when she’d started shutting him out. But no matter how many times he’d asked her if she was okay, she’d shoved a brick wall between them and changed the subject or said she had to get to work. And she wasn’t subtle about it. It might have been funny if it hadn’t been breaking his heart.
He found her behind the reception desk, sitting on the floor with her head on her knees, her arms wrapped tight around her legs. “Ellie?”
She whipped her head up and her expression was pure torment. All the color had drained out of her skin and sweat beaded her forehead.
“Jesus Christ, babe,” he said, and sat down next to her. “What’s going on?” He tried to take her hand, but she pulled it from his and scooted away.
“Ellie.” His voice was harsh, but he was a boiling combination of pissed off and alarmed. He hardly recognized her. Little by little this week she’d packed parts of herself away. The sweet, the loving, the embarrassed, the laughter, the fire. Her fire was gone, and he wanted it back. He wanted it all back. He forced a calm into his words. “Talk to me. It’s about New York.”
“I can’t go. Don’t ask me to. I can’t.”
“El, tell me what is going on. Is it the flight—are you scared of flying? I know you don’t like to shop. Is that it? I have a person there who can help you find a dress for the event, if you want, if that’s what’s freaking you out.”
She shook her head at his suggestions, but she wouldn’t make eye contact with him.
“I’ll get my things…from…out of your house so when you come home, we can…we can… It’ll be easier to go back to the way things were.”
“You’ll what?” Jackson stood up. He needed space. “What is going on? I can’t help you if you cut me out.”
“I’m not right for you,” she whispered. “You want someone I can’t be.”
“Please look me in the eye and tell me that.” He leaned down into her face. Her eyes never lied to him.
“We don’t fit, Jackson.”
What the hell? “How did inviting you to spend the weekend in New York with me equal us no longer being a good fit?” Jackson fisted his hands at his side. He wanted to put his hand through the wall. Maybe that would release the vise squeezing his chest.
