Loving Sarah, page 19
part #3 of The Caversham Chronicles Series
Her husband stood and began to pace the tiny area between the hearth and where she sat near the window. “When I arrived, my grandfather did not want me in his home. He said that I wasn’t fit to wipe mud from his boots. He called my mother a common whore and my father a traitor to the crown. I was sent to Rugby School and on my breaks lived with my aunts, except for that annual meeting I was forced to make to my grandfather. After….” He stopped at the window and looked out on to the back garden. “Well, when I reached a certain age, I never went back to visit him. The man detested me, a child, without knowing me. As soon as I became old enough to refuse to see him, I quit torturing us both.”
Sarah watched his back as he struggled with his inner demons. “Why didn’t you go back to Baltimore? Didn’t you have friends there?”
He shook his head and Sarah felt sorry for him. “There was nothing left for me in Harbor Village, where I’m from. No one. My mother died when I was a child, I had no siblings, and my father was dead within a year of my leaving.”
Her attitude softened, but she still wanted to know why he’d never mentioned this lack of desire for children until now. She wanted children very much. It would devastate her to remain in a marriage with a man she was growing to love if he did not love children as much as she.
Ian turned to face her as he leaned against the window frame. “Obviously, there was plenty of opportunity for you to conceive during the race, and if you had I would have….” He gave her a sheepish shrug of the shoulders. “I guess I would have welcomed a child.” He came to her side. “I know you are sad because you did not conceive, but in all honesty, I am happy to not have the added worries and responsibilities of a child at this time. That’s not to say I will never…. Sarah?”
She heard loud roaring of water whooshing to the beat of her heart, and it drowned out anything more he was saying. She made out snippets, as bile began to rise in her throat, burning its way out. Running to the chamber pot, she made it just in time.
“I thought you were feeling better,” he said, concern evident in his voice. “Shall I ring for your maid?”
Sarah rested back on her heels and nodded. After wiping her mouth, she met his concerned gaze, fully intending to call him out on not sharing this idea of his. “I understand you had a less than loving upbringing, and I sympathize with that. But…welcomed? You guess you would have welcomed a child?” She was simply astonished at his attitude. “As though it was a visitor and you had a choice? And at any time, did it ever cross your mind that I might want to know of this…this…lack of desire for a child?” He turned away. “Perhaps you should go, Ian. I would hate for you to get sick before leaving for China.”
“I….” Sarah never heard what else he said because she had to turn her head to the chamber pot again.
“I’m sorry. Please, just leave, Ian.”
He stood on the other side of her privacy screen, listening to her heaving the emptiness from her stomach. “I shall return, Sarah,” he said. “Before I leave for London. I will come back to make sure you are well.”
“Don’t bother, Ian. Really, I’ll be fine as soon as I get over this upset stomach.” She sounded far braver than she felt. And her husband must have understood her loud and clear because he turned and left the room without a glance back.
As soon as he shut the door, she burst into tears.
CHAPTER TWELVE
Summer soon gave way to fall. The miserable wet, cold season had always been Sarah’s least favorite time of year. And this autumn was no different. Hearing through family conversations, because she would never ask directly, she learned that Ian and Lucky had gone to the Chinese port of Fuchow to load their ships with crates of tea for England.
Every man on board those two vessels—from the old salts to the young boys—had earned her respect and admiration for the work they did, so she prayed nightly for their safe journey and that all the men she met on both ships would return to their loved ones, including Ian.
Yes, she prayed daily—several times a day, actually—that he would realize she loved him and that he might grow to love her in return. Oh, she was certain he had some sentiment for her. He’d said he missed her, and she held on to that delicate thread, hoping that was his meaning, hoping he was growing to love her as well.
Sarah sat in her bedroom window seat that dreary afternoon in October, watching as a light rain fell. She stared out at the vast, masterfully tended lawn of Haldenwood, the grass beginning to turn its autumnal green-golden color. A light wind blew the first of the dead leaves from the trees, and they began to line the macadam drive in the distance. Nearly the entire length of the drive was lined with oaks planted centuries before her birth, and the duchess’s garden designs hadn’t changed from the days her grandmother had placed each shrub and bush into the earth when Sarah was a babe. According to Lia, they would not change for as long as she was the duchess, because to look at them, she’d said, reminded her of a woman she loved and respected during the short time they knew one another.
She saw the light carriage come down the drive and knew it was time to ask an enormous favor of Ian’s aunts. Sarah prayed they didn’t refuse her. She didn’t see why they should, as they were her aunts now too. And they would be relieved to know that her brother had given his blessing to the plan, but only after she agreed to his concessions.
She caressed her expanding belly lovingly and thought of her child’s future. Ian might be furious when he returned, especially when he learned of the entirety of her doings. But this was her babe, and she was doing what was right for her child and her family’s future. Hopefully, her husband would one day see it this way too.
She rest her palms on her belly, feeling the light fluttering of life within. If anything should happen to her during or after the birth, she prayed that when Ian learned of his son or daughter he would be pleased.
Her maid entered the room, notifying her that Ian’s aunts had arrived and that she was invited to meet the duchess and the guests in the yellow salon.
“Thank you, Trudy,” she said. After checking her appearance in the tall pier glass, she smoothed her skirts and went below. As she entered the salon, she smiled at the two elderly women seated across from Lia. Ian’s aunts were about to learn of her changed condition.
“There you are, dear,” one elderly twin said.
“Yes, how lovely to see you again,” said the other.
Two silver heads bobbed in unison as they commented on her healthful looks. Sarah didn’t have to imagine their thoughts at her appearance, because she knew she’d gained weight. They discussed the earl’s degrading health and his tenacity to cling to life even when certain death was imminent.
“He is the strongest, most invincible, man we know,” said one twin.
The other’s turbaned head bobbed. “Oh, yes. He will not pass from this earth until he is ready.”
“I am very happy he is doing well and have prayed for him daily. I know that Ian has said he wanted no relationship with the man, but I feel that if his lordship would just make an overture toward peace, surely I can get my husband to speak with him. They need to put this behind them both.”
“We agree, dear,” replied Lady Stone. “But it’s not likely to ever happen.”
The room fell silent a moment until Lia said the reason she’d invited the ladies on this afternoon. “I have asked the Ladies Royce and Stone to visit and mentioned that we have a proposition for them.”
Sarah nodded. Ian’s aunts had learned of their wedding while in Edinburgh as they read the newspaper one morning. And after the earl had once again made an amazing recovery with this latest bout with his bad heart, the ladies returned to Haldenwood to gush over how they were both thrilled with the union. They then confided a deep concern over the rift between their father and their nephew. She couldn’t speak of it yet as her plans were not final, but if all went as Sarah was planning, next summer the earl would be at their home for a visit while her husband bounced their child on his knee. Then perhaps Ian and his grandfather would finally make amends or come to some peaceful situation between them. At least that was her plan.
Lia turned to the ladies. “The tenants at Greenwood have finally moved out, and the remodeling and updating have begun in preparation for Sarah’s arrival.” A maid arrived with the beverage cart and over tea they spoke of the renovations to her mother’s dower house that were now underway, and of the modern plumbing going into the home. The ladies ooh-ed and ahh-ed over the work being done, and even recommended several interior designers of their acquaintance.
“The proposition we have for you dears,” Lia began, “is rather necessary and of the utmost importance.”
“It seems His Grace does not wish for me to reside down in Surrey all alone until my husband returns from China in the spring,” Sarah added. “He thinks I should have companions, and this is where you come in.”
Sarah nodded to Lia who knew both ladies much better than she did. “You see, ladies, the future Countess Mackeever is expecting a happy event. We would love for you to accompany her to her home and stay with her until her husband returns at the very least….”
“Or for however long you wish,” Sarah added, “as I would never presume to tell my husband he cannot captain his ships if that is what he desires.”
The sisters both cried out in joy at the news, immediately exclaiming their complete and whole-hearted agreement with the plan. Both widowed, the ladies lived together in a cottage on Haldenwood at the invitation of their godson, the duke.
“We accept this honor without hesitation, Your Grace,” Lady Stone.
“Absolutely. Imagine,” Lady Royce turned to her sister, “Eugenia, a baby! We’ll be great-aunts.”
“Why, this is simply wonderful news my dear,” exclaimed Lady Stone. “We are so very, very pleased.”
“That would explain the weight gain, my dear,” said Lady Royce sagely. “Why when I carried my Edgar, God rest his soul, I must have gained three stone. Of course, after his birth, it disappeared, albeit slowly.”
“Yes, dear, do not worry at all,” offered Lady Stone. “All expectant mothers gain weight. You know, that’s the real reason we retire to the country during our confinement. I shuddered at the thought of having had to appear in public while I was carrying. Why my fingers alone looked like little sausages.”
Not to be outdone by her sister, Lady Royce chimed in. “And thank heaven for our long dresses! My legs were so swollen they looked like tree trunks.”
Sarah wondered if this was what she had to look forward to for the rest of her confinement—legs the size of tree trunks and growing as big and round as the water fountain in the front drive. She thanked them both for their insight and well-wishes, then said, “I am certain Ian would love to have his favorite aunts in residence. He loves you both very much, you know. And our baby will have family around other than me.”
“Only until a sibling comes along.” Lady Royce winked at her sister, who agreed with her.
Sarah groaned inwardly as she smiled and nodded to her new relations. She just prayed to make it through this confinement safely. She certainly was not planning beyond that right now. Well, except for the invitation to her new grandfather, which she would send as soon as she was settled in her new home.
“Do you agree with my idea?” she asked.
“Obviously you both like the plan,” Lia said. “It would relieve both my husband and myself of the worries we’ve had about Sarah’s move down to Surrey.”
“Absolutely.”
“We would love to.”
The approximate time line for moving was discussed, and it was decided that they’d all move down after the first of the year. This gave the contractors time to complete their jobs and Sarah the opportunity to spend Christmas at Haldenwood with the family. This would give her plenty of time to get comfortable in her home before the early April birth of her son or daughter.
One hour later, after the ladies had gone, Sarah turned to her sister-in-law. “That went over better than I’d expected.”
“Why? The ladies are Ian’s family as well as Ren’s. They are both mothers and familiar with carrying and childbirth. They will know when to send for our physician.”
“It was a truly inspired idea. Thank you.” Sarah was thankful that Lia understood and even championed her case for living independently to her brother. When they were planning what to say to Ren, Lia had come up with the idea of asking Lady Royce and Lady Stone to be her companions. Her brother would only agree if she would take them and keep a hired security specialist among her household staff, as they did here and at Caversham House in Town.
“You’re welcome. I’m full of wonderful ideas on occasion.”
Sarah linked arms with Lia, and together they went up the stairs, Lia slowing her pace to keep up with Sarah’s. “I feel so bloated, Lia. Everywhere.”
“That’s normal dear. Do not let Trudy tighten your stays. In fact, I’ll let you in on a secret. I never wore a corset the entire time I was pregnant. With all three children. And I would advise you to do likewise, even though you think it helps you fit into a gown.”
“Then I shall need a dressmaker to pay a visit, because I already cannot wear most of them.” When they reached the landing, she turned to Lia. “You know, I’ve been wondering lately if there isn’t more than one babe in here.” She rubbed her belly. “It feels as though there is an entire litter of children playing inside me.”
“Hmmm,” Lia took in her appearance. She held Sarah’s hands and felt how swollen they were, then she studied her ankles and face. “You are swollen. Perhaps we should call for Prescott to pay a visit. He might be retired, but I trust his opinion.”
The very next morning, before her brother had a chance to leave the house, Sarah asked him for a meeting in his office. This was the second part of her plan: providing security to Ian and her child should anything happen to her while she gave birth.
“I would like to pay Ian’s portion of the bank loan he took out to purchase the two boats. Could you find out which bank holds the note and arrange for this? Also, release my dowry into his name, leaving my inheritance to me and our child.”
“Are you certain this is what you want? Even knowing it goes against Ian’s wishes?” Ren asked.
His once coal-black hair was now peppered with gray, giving him a more distinguished appearance, if that was possible. As a child, she used to think he was frightening. Now she wondered why she ever thought that. He’d never raised a hand to her, nor his voice either, except when she deserved a lecture on her reckless behavior—a pattern of hers since her youth. There was also a time when she was very young that she thought Ren was her father, as she didn’t remember her father or her mother. When she’d grown old enough to understand, Lia had explained as gently as she could the fact that her parents had passed away many years prior and that her brother had taken on the great responsibility of raising his two sisters as his father would have wished.
From that moment on, she worshipped her brother.
“Yes,” Sarah replied. “There’s more than enough money in my inheritance to pay for the refurbishing of Greenwood Manor, and for me to live on quite comfortably. Ian should receive the dowry as he would if this were a normal union.”
“Did you know Greenwood is a part of the dowry? Do you want me to have that removed and replaced?”
“I didn’t know that.” She thought a moment, then replied, “Yes. I want Greenwood as part of my inheritance. I think you should replace the fair value of the property in the dowry with the equal amount in shares of that new rail company you bought into.”
His gray eyes widened appreciatively. “Good choice.”
She gave her brother a sly grin. “I guess I’ve learned a thing or two from you sitting at the same dinner table all these years.”
“Good, I’ll have my secretary make inquiries as to which bank holds his note and send for the banker. Then I’ll have him send for Graham Davies for the legal contracts.”
“I remember his name. Is he the new partner in Michael’s firm? Would you recommend him?”
“Yes. He’s been with the firm for years. I trust him with my own affairs.”
“Then I shall use him for mine.”
They were silent a moment, then Ren said, “I’ve always heard it was unwise for men to educate their women, for fear that one day they might want their independence. But I’m glad that you and Elise had an education beyond needlepoint and dancing. It makes me proud to know that as you go out into the world you will not be hoodwinked by bankers, brokers, or tradesmen because of your sex.”
“Yes, my education was rather unconventional. Why, if a tradesman were to attempt such foolishness, I could shoot their toes off before they knew I held a gun in my pockets.” One day she would have to thank him for the opportunities he gave her, allowing her to grow up as she did.
Ren laughed. “Not to mention chase him down whilst astride a horse with no saddle.”
They laughed a moment, then stared at each other, Sarah with tears in her eyes. Her life was different now. She was no longer the girl of whom they spoke.
“I shall teach my own daughters the exact same skills you taught me. And if I need any assistance you’ll just have to come and help me.”
“You know I will, baby sister.”
By late November, Sarah had been confined to her suite at Haldenwood. What made the confinement even worse for someone like her—someone who actually enjoyed a little solitude every so often—was the fact she now had around-the-clock companionship. She couldn’t be alone even if she wanted solitude. She was the girl who could sail alone on their private lake for hours on end. She was the girl who could go on a walk or ride alone for hours and return reinvigorated and ready to take on the day’s tasks.
A bed was moved into the adjoining dressing room, and Trudy now shared her suite. When her maid wasn’t in the room with her, there was a constant stream of visitors. Her brother, her sister-in-law, the Ladies Royce and Stone, and her nieces. Of course, Dr. Prescott made his weekly trip up from London for his cherry tarts, and to check on her. As he was retired, he usually spent one night at Haldenwood then returned to Town the following day. Each week he pronounced her in good health for one her size given that she was carrying more than one child.
