Carpe Diem, page 20
“Take care of them,” he whispered.
“Don’t talk like that, you are going to be just fine, just hold on.”
“Flynn, I’m not.”
“Yes you are. You can’t leave yet.”
“We had a good run.”
“And it’s not over yet, there is still more to do,” I tell him.
“You will have to do it without me,” he says, coughing.
“Jack, don’t you dare leave.”
“Flynn, it’s my time. Promise me you will take care of them.”
“Jack I’m not you, they need you.”
“I will always be with them, but now I need you to be the man in their life. I wouldn’t trust anyone else.”
“Jack, no.”
“Promise me,” he whispers even quieter.
“I promise, I will watch out for them,” I tell him as the tears start to fall from my eyes.
He smiled one last smile before closing his eyes and fading away.
I cannot help but think that I have failed Jack in some way. I promised I would take care of Piper and Bryna and here we are waiting as Piper fights for her life.
.
Hour Seven
This is going to kill me. I need to know everything is going okay. How can they leave us sitting here for seven fucking hours with no word whatsoever? The only thing keeping me from exploding is the old saying, no news is good news.
I’m pacing the room for the ten-thousandth time when Doctor Redding finally comes into the waiting room. Everyone is on their feet eager to hear how it all went.
“She did great,” she tells us.
“Thank God,” we all seem to call out in unison.
“There were no complications to Piper or to Helen. They should both recover nicely,” she continues.
“When can we see her?” I ask.
“They are moving her to the ICU so we can monitor her. You will also be happy to know that we are discontinuing the propofol for the induced coma. If all else goes well, she should be awake in a few hours. We will keep you posted and let know you know when you can see her.
“Flynn, now that you know she is going to be fine you need to get some sleep,” Casey tells me.
“I’m fine. I want to wait until I can talk to her,” I inform her.
“Okay, I was trying not to say anything, but you look like shit. You need to go home, take a shower, and get some sleep. You heard the doctor, you have a few hours. Go. We will call you when she wakes up,” she insists.
I know she is right. I have been here in the same clothes since yesterday afternoon. The last thing I want is for Piper to wake up to some scruffy bum who smells like hospital food.
I can feel the ache of my body as I start to wake. I don’t remember going to bed. The last thing I remember was the large tree branch trying to kill me. My eyelids are heavy and do not want to open. My mind is foggy. It’s hard to concentrate. My mind is drifting in and out until I hear my name.
“Piper, can you hear me?” a voice calls.
There is now a bright light flashing in my eyes.
“Hi there, welcome back to us,” a woman dressed in scrubs tells me as she put what looks like a small flashlight in her pocket.
“What? Where? Who?”
“Take your time, don’t rush it. I am Doctor Redding here at Heartland Community Hospital. You have been through quite an ordeal.”
“What happened?” I ask softly.
“You were in a car accident,” she tells me.
“Am I dead?” I ask, still confused.
“No, you are not dead. You have been asleep for a little while, though.”
“Dinner, I need you to call…” I rattle in a foggy panic.
“It’s okay, Piper, your family is here. We will explain everything to you in time, right now I want you to get some more rest,” she tells me.
“All right, but someone needs to cancel the reservations,” I mumble before closing my eyes.
“Mom, can you hear me?” I hear Bryna call.
I open my eyes slowly. When I am able to focus, I see her beautiful smiling face.
“Hi, honey. I’m sorry we didn’t get dinner. I can make a frozen pizza when we get home,” I tell her.
She lets out a small laugh through what looks like tears.
“Honey, why are you crying? I’m fine. See,” I say as I try to sit up.
A searing pain like I have never felt before courses through my abdomen, urging me to stay still.
“Maybe I will just lie here a while longer,” I tell her as I lie back.
“Mom, take it easy, you had major surgery.”
Surgery? What? Looking around the room, I see the tearful eyes of everyone, everyone but Flynn. What the hell happened to me? Why did I need surgery?
“What are you talking about?”
“Mom, you’ve been in a medically induced coma for a month and today you had a liver transplant,” Bryna tells me.
“What? No, I was just, I was just.” The shock takes over when I realize I can’t remember.
“Mom, it’s alright. You’re going to be fine.”
“What happened?”
“The police said you were parked on the side of the road, the other car lost control when it started to hydroplane,” Abby tells me.
“What about the other person, are they okay?”
“Yes, they are fine. But your liver was damaged and you needed a transplant,” she tells me.
My eyes start to fill with tears. The thought that I could have left my little girl here alone breaks my heart, and on the anniversary of her father’s death.
“Honey, I am so sorry,” I tell her.
“Mom, you’re going to be fine.”
“Bryna, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have…” I start.
“Mom, there is more. There was a mass on your liver. They are sending it out for testing,” she tells me.
“Cancer?” I ask.
“They haven’t said one way or the other, just that more tests were needed.”
“The thought of you being here to deal with this, all by yourself,” I say as I start to cry.
“I wasn’t. Abby and Casey have been great, and Flynn has been by my side and yours the whole time.
I look around the room again, where is Flynn, did I not see him? I look and look, no Flynn.
“Where is he?” I ask.
“I sent him home to shower. He looked and smelled like a hobo.” Abby laughs.
“He is on his way back now,” Bryna tells me, smiling.
Doctor Redding comes back to check on me and asks everyone to leave to allow me to rest some more. I kiss everyone good-bye. Each of them tells me they will check back in a few hours after they get some sleep.
My eyes close and my thoughts are running wild. A month. I’ve been asleep for a month. I have a new liver. Holy crap this is a lot to take in. I feel a tear start to escape my eye and then a warm hand wipes it away.
I open my eyes to see Flynn sitting next to me. His face doesn’t hide his exhaustion. It almost looks as if he has aged five years overnight.
“Hi,” he says softly.
“Hi.” I smile.
“You gave us quite a scare,” he tells me.
“Well, it was the only way I could get you to talk to me,” I joke.
“Piper, there are better ways to do that.” He laughs softly.
“Flynn, I am so sorry,” I start.
“Piper no, I was the jackass here.”
“But I shouldn’t have…”
“It doesn’t matter, all that matters is that I still have you. Who gives a shit about all that other crap?”
“You had every right to be mad, I should not have read the letter. It was your letter.”
“It wasn’t you reading the letter that got to me.”
“But—”
“I was going to wait until it was the right time, but when is the time right to tell your best friend’s widow that I am in love with her.”
The words hang in the air, as he waits for my reaction.
“Piper, I was scared that you reading the letter would give my feelings for you away.”
“I don’t understand.”
“I know that I can never and will never replace Jack. He was my best friend, and I know this seems wrong, but I’m in love with you. I have been in love with you for years if I am being honest, and Jack knew that. That is why in his letter he mentioned that I would have his blessing.”
It all makes sense now—he was scared I would find out he has loved me all this time.
“I have wanted to tell you for months now, but I could never bring myself to say the words. It felt so wrong. Even with his letter, it was as if I was cheating on my friend, but seeing you here and almost losing you, I can’t hold it any longer. I need you to know how much I have loved you,” Flynn confesses.
“I… I… I don’t know what to say,” I say, stuttering.
“Then don’t say anything, but I want you to know that if you do not feel the same way, this will be the first and the last time I tell you. I don’t want to ruin our friendship,” Flynn continues.
“No, I mean I don’t know what to say because I do feel the same way. I didn’t know what to do with these feelings, that is why I stopped us that night. I also felt like I was betraying Jack,” I offer as my own confession.
Flynn does not say a word. A single tear runs down his cheek. I reach over to wipe it away and with that, he brings his lips to mine. A kiss so pure and so passionate that any pain I was feeling melts away.
As he pulls away, my eyes open. I get a faint scent of coffee. Jack? I feel like he is here and I don’t know why, but I get a sense that this is okay. That Jack would be okay with this, is almost a feeling of being at peace. I look into Flynn’s eyes and take a deep breath. I know that Jack will never leave my heart. He will always be a part of me.
I think back to that day at the cemetery with Bryna. I told her that if I found someone worthy enough of sharing my heart, I would consider it. Today I realized I found someone who is worthy of sharing it.
Three months have flown by since my release from the hospital. Today marks the one-year anniversary of my Carpe Diem adventure. So much has happened in the last year it is hard to keep track of. In what seems like yesterday, I was given the gift Jack could not by the people in my life that loved Jack as much as I did. They followed me along my adventures and created memories that will last a lifetime. But of all the scary things I did this year the scariest was finding out I could have left my little girl here on earth without me. Instead, I found myself, with a new liver. A new liver from the last person on earth I would have expected.
Someone I once hated with every fiber in my body and with such passion, it could have consumed me until the day I died. However, thanks to Jack, Carpe Diem, and the loved ones in my life, I was able to let that hate go. I was able to find myself and my happiness again.
Because of that, I was able to walk in to face Helen and forgive her, even if she could not forgive herself. She needed a way to forgive herself in order to move on to do the one thing I requested of her. Her giving me the liver allowed her that first step. After Helen healed from the surgery, I got a letter from them wishing me the best and letting me know they decided to move out of state to look for a fresh start. I admit I was relieved to get the letter. The thought of running into either of them scared me. I wasn’t sure how I should act should that day ever come. I do wish her and Kyle a long and happy life and hope that they are able to move past the last few years.
We found out a week after my transplant that the spot on my liver was early stage liver cancer. It was classified as stage one, but they caught it early with the transplant. Today I am considered cancer free.
It is hard to think that if Jack had not died, if Helen had not been in a coma, I would not have been on the road that night for the truck to have hit me. I may not have found out about the cancer until it was too late. Was this some cosmic plan? Did Jack die so that I could live? I will ask myself these questions for many years to come even though the answers will never come…
As I sit here looking at my list, thinking about Jack, I cannot help but be thankful for the adventures I have had so far and I am hopeful that I will continue to add and cross off things on my list. The last year has opened me back up in ways I never would have thought possible.
Get a tattoo
Work at a haunted house
Create a secret family recipe
Fun with Girlfriends
Fall asleep under the stars
Learn to Ski
Try Golfing
Complete 25 acts of kindness
Make a difference in someone’s life
Take a picture in the same spot in each season
Have a whipped cream fight
Eat dinner and go to a movie by myself
Learn how to shoot a gun
Learn to dance
Slow dance in the rain
Sky dive
Take a cooking class
Fall in love
Marry my best friend
Go on a no limit-shopping spree
Ride in a helicopter
Have a silly day
Write something in wet cement
Have a full moon party
Go skinny-dipping
Do a polar plunge
Go somewhere tropical
Win a contest
Volunteer my time
Watch the sun go down and the stars come out
Learn to knit
Go camping
Have my palm read
Create a board game
Go apple picking
Plant a garden
Take a Canoe Trip
Take a walk with my mom
Go fishing with my dad
Eat a six-course meal
Go out on a date
Sing Karaoke at a bar
Do something stupid
Forgive
Find Happiness again
Today I will be crossing off two items. Flynn and Bryna are on their way over to pick me up for our appointment. It has been almost four months since I have been able to cross anything off and I have to make up for lost time.
My recovery has been smooth sailing. My doctor said I should be able to live normally and that she doesn’t see anything wrong with my next choice.
“We’re here let’s get this show on the road!” I hear Bryna announce as she comes through the front door.
“I just have to grab one thing,” I call back to her.
I walk to the hutch and grab the plastic bag. There is only one more piece of red mug remaining and it seems fitting that this is the final adventure where I will be leaving a piece of Jack.
“Okay, I’m ready.”
Bryna and I walk out to the car where Flynn is waiting for us. I get into the front seat, lean over, and give Flynn a small kiss on the cheek.
“Gross, go get a room will you,” Bryna jokes.
“Hey, watch it young lady,” I joke back.
Bryna actually couldn’t be happier to see Flynn and me together. She likes to joke that it was either him or Channing Tatum and since Channing Tatum is already married and unlikely that I would be able to land him because I am too old for him, that Flynn will just have to do.
Whenever the opportunity arrives, she enjoys teasing us about when the wedding date will be. We always laugh and remind her that even though we have known each other a long time, we are not looking to jump into wedding attire just yet. We plan to take it slow. We want to get to know each other in that way. There is no need to rush into anything crazy.
When we pull into the parking lot, we all get a little excited and nervous all at the same time. After all, this is a permanent mark on our body. On the count of three, we all jump from the car and make our way to the entrance.
We walk into the small shop filled with wall random art, idea books, and what looks to be piercing jewelry. Rachel, the receptionist, greets us and tells us that Tina will be with is in a moment.
Tina is a kick ass tattoo artist I have been talking to about what kind of tattoo we want. Something simple, but meaningful. She was able to come up with something perfect for me… An outlined coffee cup and the words Carpe Diem curves around as if it was steam.
Bryna designed her own…
Flynn opted to for a very simplistic design…
I had to smirk when I found out why. Flynn is scared to death of needles. I am not sure if I was more shocked that I learned something new or that Flynn is a big huge baby when it comes to tiny pieces of metal with a sharp edge.
As we wait for Tina, I wander around looking at the pick and stick tattoo books. Why someone would willingly choose some of the options is beyond me. The unicorn with a cloud of “fart” coming from its butt or the scary clown face eating a banana. Who in the hell comes up with these ideas.
Flynn is over looking at the piercing jewelry. I put the book down and walk over to him. I take hold of his hand in mine.
“So are you going to man up and get a piercing too?” I joke.
“The test of a real man is not that of the tolerance for pain, the true test is how fast he can run from a man with a needle,” he replies.
I laugh loudly, causing Rachel to jump slightly. When I glance her way, she gives a small smile and returns to what she was doing.
“Okay who is ready to get some ink?” Tina calls out as she approaches us.
“I am,” I reply.
“Hell yeah,” Bryna adds.
“All right who gets to go first?”
Bryna and I both look toward Flynn. We know that after he watches us, he may very well change his mind.
“Oh no, ladies first,” he tells us, backing away.
“Flynn, you know you are going to chicken out if you go last,” I mock.
He stares at us for a moment, trying to decide if he wants to agree with my point or not I assume. I watch as his eyes soften, victory is mine.
After cleaning Flynn’s arm and adding the stencil, Tina makes sure he is ready one last time before she puts the needle to his skin. Flynn nods to her then turns his head. What a baby, I think to myself.
