Carpe Diem, page 16
“I COULDN’T HEAR YOU AND THEN I SAW YOU GO DOWN THE HILL,” I yell back.
We are approaching the bottom. The building that once looked like a little doll house is growing in size much faster that I am used to.
“I NEED YOU TO SLOW DOWN.”
“HOW THE HELL DO I DO THAT?”
“PIZZA.”
I push out on my skis like I had done before, but my speed doesn’t slow as much as I need it to.
“PIZZA, PIZZA,” Flynn instructs.
“I’M TRYING,” I scream back.
Flynn sees the panic in my eyes and moves to position in front of me as we approach the last stretch to the bottom.
“PIZZA! PIZZA! MORE PIZZA!” Flynn yells one last time.
I push out the back of my skis as hard as I can, my speed finally starts to slow unfortunately not enough.
“Uuuuug.”
“Oooooowwww.”
“Arrrrh.”
“AHHHH.”
I slam right into Flynn, who had come to a stop in front of me. We lie on the ground not more than five feet from the wall of the warming house, tangled up in each other.
“So how was it for you,” Flynn asks.
“I’ve had better.” I laugh..
Flynn starts to untangle from me when I feel it.
“Ahhhh,” I scream.
“What, what is it?” he demands, concerned.
“My knee, it hurts a little,” I tell him as I start to give it a rub.
Flynn carefully stands up and unlatches both our skis to avoid causing additional pain to me. He gently helps me stand up, then again with no effort, he scoops me up into his arms.
A few people around us make sure we are okay as he carries me into the warming house. I feel like an idiot. I should have known Flynn would not leave me to fend for myself at the top of a dangerous hill. I should have known that he was going down the hill to get back on the lift to meet me.
Flynn finds an open table and sets me down gently in one of the chairs, then props up my leg with another.
“Try to get your ski pants off while I go get you some ice,” Flynn tells me.
“Okay, do you think it’s broken?”
“Your knee? No, I think you twisted it, but I will get some ice and the ski patrol to have a look.”
A few minutes later Flynn returns with the ice and a woman from the ski patrol. After a short examination, she determines that I was lucky and only twisted it, and I should stay off it as much as possible. She suggests that if I still have the same level of pain tomorrow I should see my doctor.
“So, not one of my more graceful moments.” I laugh.
“I would agree, but I’m glad you are okay.”
Flynn lifts my leg just enough to sit in the chair. He then places my foot on his lap. I watch as he begins to massage the muscles around my knee. It hurts, but it is a good hurt like he is working out the knots. I lean my head back, close my eyes, and enjoy as his hands connect with my skin. His hands are still slightly chilled from holding the ice pack he brought back.
When I finally lift my head, I see Flynn’s attention is not on my knee but on me. I can feel my cheeks blushing. I can’t say that I have ever seen him look at me like this. I cannot explain it.
My heart is starting to race and I feel something I haven’t felt in a long time. My core is fluttering and my skin is tingling. What the hell is happening here? Stop it, shake it off. It’s Flynn. He is only being a good friend, nothing more.
“So maybe we should get going,” I blurt.
“We can do that. I can’t imagine you will want to go down another hill today. Even if your knee would allow you to,” he says, smiling.
“Yeah, that would be a big fat negative, Ghost Rider.” I snort loudly.
“Settle down there, Maverick. Let me go take care of our equipment. You wait here.”
I nod and without hesitation, he is off to retrieve our skis and things that we left outside where we fell.
While he is gone, I roll down my pant leg and place the ice pack on my knee. My momentary distraction doesn’t last long and my thoughts are brought back to my little moment with Flynn.
Actually, is it a moment if he was unaware of the part he played in it? Was this all a product of my adrenaline high coming down? Did I imagine the look in his eyes? I mean it is Flynn, we have been friends for almost twenty-five years. He can’t possibly have felt what I felt… could he?
“Okay, you ready?” Flynn asks.
His voice startles me away from my borderline obsessive thoughts.
“Yep. Just have to do one thing before we leave,” I tell him.
“I figured. I have the spade right here.”
I smile when I see Flynn is holding a little spade shovel to help us bury my red piece of mug.
Wow, time is flying by as if it is in a race to the finish line—Valentine’s Day already. It seems like it was summer only yesterday and I was finding out about this crazy plan Jack had for me.
I can’t believe that Jack has been gone almost two years. This is my second Valentine’s Day without him. Again, not that we ever made a big deal about the holiday especially since we always had Bryna’s birthday on February fourth. What little money we had in the beginning we always spent spoiling our little princess.
When Flynn texted last week letting me know that I have plans for Valentine’s Day and not make any, I knew it was the next adventure.
The last few weeks have been filled with thoughts of Flynn. Ever since he dropped me off from our ski adventure, I have been trying to analyze everything he says and does. Is it out of friendship or is there more there?
So far I have been able to convince myself that it is only a figment of my lonely imagination. If I were to try to get all-Freudian on myself, I would have to conclude that between the holidays, my drunken attempt to fill the void I feel, and his heroic actions that saved me from serious injury, I have managed to manifest fake feelings for my dead husband’s best friend. Something that is not there and projecting my feeling of gratitude for everything he has done for me into some sort of way.
I have to laugh at myself for all the crazy thoughts that I have allowed my brain to conjure up. If Flynn knew even half of the thoughts I have had about him, he would probably laugh his ass off then have me committed for sure.
By the time Flynn arrives at my door I have successfully regained my sanity. We sit down at the table to have a cup of coffee before we leave. He looks very somber, he is definitely not his normal self.
“Is everything okay?” I ask.
“I’ve been dreading today,” he tells me as he plays with the rim of his cup.
“Oh, why is that?” I ask.
Long pause.
“Because today is the day I will be giving you the last letter from Jack,” he tells me.
“I see.”
“I knew this day would come and that I would have to tell you that it is the last one, then I would have to watch your heart break all over again.”
I can see he truly is saddened by the idea of seeing me suffer once again at the thought of losing the last thing I have to look forward to where Jack is concerned.
“Thank you,” I tell him.
“Thank you? For what?” he asks, confused.
“For everything, for being there when the police came to the door, for going to get Bryna, for helping me around the house, for bringing to life this grand adventure, for giving me one last piece of Jack to hold on to,” I tell him.
“And now you have to live through that loss all over again.”
“No, I don’t. You have given me something that I could never have imagined. You have given me the last piece of Jack that existed in this world,” I explain.
“And now there is nothing more.”
“Flynn, yes of course I looked forward to each month because the hope that you would bring me a letter was there, yes I was disappointed when I didn’t get one and yes it would only give me hope for the next month, but knowing that this is the last one is kind of a relief.”
“How so?” he asks.
“Because I know that this is it, I don’t have to wonder if there will be another, I can move on past them,” I tell him.
Flynn offers a smile before he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a folded envelope. He places it on the table and slides it over to me. I take a deep breath before I tear it open.
Piper,
This will be our twenty-second Valentine’s Day together. I still remember our first. I was walking through the halls of the high school with a bouquet of flowers waiting for fourth period to end. When the bell rang, I waited for you to exit your classroom and I began singing. I can’t remember what song it was, I know it was horrible and off key. However, I do remember the look on your face. The shock, the horror of the public display of affection so grand that the whole school stopped to watch. Then when you saw that no one was laughing and that all the other girls wanted to be you, you finally let yourself take it in and I could see the tears of joy fill your eyes.
I had no clue that day that I would be sitting here more than twenty years later with the same beautiful girl. Don’t worry. I won’t be recreating anything of the sorts today, and I will not make you endure any other forms of embarrassing public displays of affection.
In high school we had no idea what each day would bring, but today we are going to take a glimpse into our future.
Keep this in mind—no matter what we are told today, know that I will always protect you, forever be by your side and I will spend eternity loving you.
Jack
The tears did not wait until the end of the letter, they formed the moment I saw my name. Flynn sat quietly while I read and reread the letter. I am not sure at what point he grabbed the tissue box for me, but there it was ready for me to grab one to absorb the tears I cannot control.
“He loved you more than that letter could ever tell you,” he tells me once I put the letter down.
“I know, and I will always love him, I just hope he knows how much. Thank you, thank you for giving him back to me, if even just for this moment.”
Once my tears stop, Flynn lets me know that we were going to be seeing a Madam Kallista for a palm reading. Jack thought it would be a fun and goofy way to spend Valentine’s Day.
After changing, we are soon on our way to her home to have the reading. Flynn does a good job of lightening the mood with jokes about how it is all a load of bull. Telling me that all the chick does is pick up on signals from you when all they have done is start off with a generic topic making you think they are tuned into you.
“’Cause it’s real hard to tell someone that they can feel a deep pain in them when they come in with a scowl on their face, or that they see great joy when someone comes in all bubbly?” he jokes.
“I never said I believe this was real, I just always thought it would be fun and entertaining.”
“I just hope you don’t buy anything she is selling.”
“Don’t worry, I will keep an open mind.”
We pull up to a house painted purple and a neon sign with a triangle and an eye in the middle of it.
“I think it is the neon light that gives them their power,” I joke.
Flynn puts the car in park and we make our way to the front door. A woman fully dressed in stereotypical gypsy garb answers the door.
“Flynn, Piper, how nice of you to join me today,” she greets.
“Don’t read anything into that, I made an appointment,” Flynn whispers.
“How did you know my name?” I ask, playing along.
“Madam Kallista knows everything, my dear. Please come in.”
Madam Kallista brings us to her reading room and asks me to take a seat at the small table and offers Flynn a chair off to the side.
“Now my dear, let me have your hands,” she instructs me.
Madam Kallista takes a hold of my hands, holding them palm up. She closes her eyes and concentrates on my aura. After a few moments, she opens her eyes and starts to examine my palms.
“Oh, yes you are a strong one. You have overcome many obstacles in your life.”
I hear Flynn let out a small chuckle behind me.
“Haven’t we all?” I ask.
“Yes, but yours are of the heart,” she answers.
“I see.”
“You have lost a great love. You feel this loss still today. But I see soon you will love again, she continues.
“But am I ready to love again?” I ask, playing along.
“Oh yes my dear, you already feel the weight of your loss lifting, releasing you of the guilt of taking a new lover. That release will usher in a new sense of freedom, it will allow you to love again, this is near in your future,” she tells me.
“I see. Does it tell me with who?” I ask ,holding back my smile.
“The fates do not give details, they only allow me to guide you on your path,” she answers.
“Hmm, I do see one more obstacle in your path to love.”
Before she tells me any more, she re-examines the lines on my palm.
“You are harboring a secret, a secret that has power over you. One that only you can release.”
My heart skips a beat. That has to be a standard thing to say. I mean everyone has secrets right? There is no way she could know. There is no way the lines on my palm can tell her something like that, right?
“You must let go of this power. It is darkening your heart. If you do not release this power it will grow. I see that the love awaiting you will not be able to withstand the darkness that will consume you.”
What the hell. Is she for real? Is she really sitting here telling me something negative? I thought they didn’t do that and only told you about the puppies and rainbows in your life.
Madam Kallista goes on to tell me some more about how I will have a long life and that it is up to me if it is lived in darkness or the light as she sees both paths, but until I make the choice my future is unclear.
“So basically, I’m at a crossroads?” I ask.
“The future is unwritten. I am here to point out the paths in front of you,” she tells me.
Flynn and I thank her for her time and make our exit gracefully.
“Wow, I can’t imagine why you didn’t want to have your palms read,” I joke as we walk back to the car.
“I told you it was all bullshit.” He laughs.
Flynn once again pulls the spade shovel from his coat pocket. We walk over to a large bush in front of the house and Flynn begins to dig a hole.
While he digs, I can’t help but think about this secret that has power over me. Could she really have seen that on my palms?
I call out a, “Thank you, Nancy” as I leave the hospital room.
It’s been nearly a month since Flynn and I saw Madam Kallista and although I told myself I wouldn’t make my visit to the hospital again after that night, I find I am still drawn to the dark, or so Madam Kallista called it. I know this is not good for me and I know I am only making it harder on myself, especially after meeting Kyle. After hearing his story and seeing the pain he has been holding on to, it was hard to leave this time.
As I open the door to my car, I tell myself this is the last time. No more. Enough is enough. I sit down in the driver’s seat, staring at the large white building in front of me knowing I will be back. I’m about to turn the key to start my car when I get a text.
ABBY: Carpe Diem, your place tonight. GIRLS NIGHT
ME: Does it have to be tonight? I’m kind of tired
ABBY: Carpe Diem does NOT mean I will do it later.
ME: Fine, what time?
ABBY: Casey and I will be there at seven, movies, pizza, and pj’s in tow
ME: See you then
I toss my phone on the passenger seat and head for home. Why does it have to be tonight, and why a girls night? I didn’t put girls’ night on my list. Is she using Carpe Diem to get me to hang out on a whim? I would not put it past her.
When I get home, I pull my list off the hutch and scan the items remaining… Then I see it.
Fun with Girlfriends
Dang it. All I want to do is order some food, then curl up with a Lifetime movie, maybe take a hot bath before bed, that is it.
Before long Abby and Casey are pounding at my door.
“Let the fun begin,” Abby shouts as she makes her entrance.
“Oh goody, it’s going to be tons of fun! I can just feel it,” I tell her sarcastically.
“Come on, liven up. How often do we get to do this?” Casey asks.
“Um, like once a week for a while there, this is not our first ever girls night,” I tell them.
“Yes we know that, but Jack didn’t actually have anything planned for March. I can’t blame him. It’s kind of a hard month to plan for given the items left on your list… so here we are,” Abby tells me.
“I see. Well, we could have just skipped this month then.” I laugh.
“Nope, skipping a month was not part of the plan,” Abby blurts.
“So this is the best you guys and Flynn could come up with? You could have created a new item,” I tell her.
“Don’t get her started, she wanted us to go to one of those pole dancing classes,” Casey tells me.
I look to Abby and see the grin on her face indicating that if it were up to Abby alone, I would probably be swinging from a pole right now.
“Movies it is,” I agree.
Three slices of pizza, two bottles of wine, and a chick flick later, we are on to the gossip portion of the evening.
Abby is busy ranting on about this new receptionist at Dave’s office, and how she is always dressed in short, inappropriate skirts with tiny tops. She is pissed at how no one seems to care.
“Hello, dress codes are there for a reason people, they need to be enforced.”
“I hear ya,” I agree.
“So did Flynn tell you about the girl he has been seeing?”
She just had to wait until I was taking a sip of wine to drop that bomb. I spray my wine all over the coffee table when I hear the news.
