Hope, page 3
part #3 of Brides of the Rio Grande Series
Eli pushed Billy’s gun barrel to point at the ground. “Hey, now. Ain’t no need to get jumpy, Mr. Buchanan. It’s just old Freddie stacking lumber.”
The ringing in Billy’s ears faded and his vision cleared to reveal the general store’s hired help had his hands in the air in surrender. Damn it. His crazy had surfaced again and right in front of Creede’s finest…gossips. Some of Creede’s citizens halted and stared at him. Others stepped off the sidewalk to avoid him altogether. To hell with them.
“I’m sorry, Eli. Sorry, Freddie. I must be more exhausted than I thought hauling all that freight back and forth to South Fork.” He shoved his gun back into his holster and tried to make light of it by following his words with a grin and shrug of his broad shoulders.
Freddie spit tobacco on the ground and never cracked a smile. Instead, the old coot turned back to his work and Billy was certain he deliberately dropped another couple of planks in retaliation.
The sharp sound grated on Billy’s last nerve. His heart pounded in his ears and he had to force his breath to slow. Deep breath. In. Out. In. Out. He somehow managed to hold his ground in front of all the town’s onlookers. The last thing he wanted was for some nosey busy body to run tell Hope a lunatic was trying to court her.
He stuck out his hand to Eli. “No hard feelings?” He watched Eli hesitate and then the wiry little man accepted Billy’s handshake. “No, ain’t no hard feelings on my account, Mr. Buchanan. Can’t say Freddie ain’t mad atcha, but I’m good with ya.”
Eli spit a dark brown spot of chewing tobacco into the dirty snow in the street next to the boardwalk. Billy nodded and managed to keep his face passive in front of the small crowd that gathered. He untied the lead ropes of Gus and Jasper, the two lead draft horses. Without a word, just a small nod toward the curious stares and knowing looks of witnesses to his latest crazy episode, he climbed up on to the bench seat of the big freight wagon, untied the reins from the wagon brake handle and released the brake. He needed to say something, but what? How could he explain to these people why he reacted like he did when he didn’t understand it himself? He called out to Eli.
“Again, I’m sorry, Eli. I get jumpy sometimes. I didn’t mean to scare anybody. You too, Freddie.” Billy watched the old man nod in his direction without stopping his work. Billy guessed that would have to do.
“No worries, Mr. Buchanan.” The man spit another wad of chewed tobacco into the snow and pocketed his tobacco pouch and turn back to his work.
“Yawwwww,” Billy called out to his team. He snapped the reins on their giant rumps and they strained against the harnesses, pulling the heavy freightwagon through the snowy streets of Creede.
He needed to make one more stop before he headed out of town. He guided his team to the end of Main Street and turned on to the side street where the goldsmith had his shop.
“Whoa, boys.” He pulled the horses to a stop and tied his reins around the brake handle again. Billy stepped down off the high wagon seat and onto the boardwalk.
Billy nodded to several passersby and knocked on the goldsmith’s locked door. Mr. Matthews unlocked the door and let him inside his office.
“Well, hello there, Mr. Buchanan. Is today the day?”
“No, not today, Mr. Matthews. But I do have another payment for you. Only two more to go as I see it.” He pulled out his money and laid it on the glass counter.
Mr. Matthews pulled out a large leather binder and flipped its pages until he came to Billy’s account. “Yep. That’s how I see it. Two more payments and that beautiful ring will be yours. She must be pretty special to deserve a ring like that. Seems like you been payin’ on that fine piece of jewelry for some time now. Let’s see,” The goldsmith flipped through his ledger. He raised his eyebrows at Billy. “Nigh on a year and a half the way my books read.” The man pursed his lips and let out a long whistle. “That’s some ring, Mr. Buchanan. Some ring indeed.”
Billy grinned. “Yeah, it’s the perfect ring for the perfect woman. Both of ’em are real special.”
Mr. Matthews nodded and wrote out the receipt for his payment. Billy stuffed it deep inside his pant pocket. “See you next week.”
Mr. Matthews nodded. “See you next week, Mr. Buchanan.”
Billy turned and walked out of the tiny store and climbed aboard the wagon. He pulled the brake off and once more sent his team of drafts through the noisy streets of Creede.
Finally, the cacophony of the town gave way to the blessed quiet of mountain meadows and lush green forests of giant pine trees, most at least a hundred feet tall.
Billy took a deep breath to calm the anxiety he always felt when he stayed in town too long. He wished the cabin was finished and he could move tomorrow, but that wasn’t the case, so he would just have to work harder to earn more money to buy more lumber and supplies. He figured with winter setting in, it would be late spring before he was able to finish it enough to move in.
He knew he was lucky to be living where he was in the meantime. He could have been forced to rent a room at the boarding house on Main Street. The thought made him sick to his stomach at all the noise he would have to endure. He had no doubts he would have gone stark raving mad in the six months of living in that constant noise.
Thank goodness for Mr. Hanover who recommended him to house sit for a family headed back East for a spell. Mrs. Nelson’s ailing parents needed help and the whole family headed back to her hometown somewhere in upstate Maryland. But Mr. Nelson wasn’t happy about leaving their place just on the edge of town unattended, considering the wild nature of Creede. So, he approached Mr. Hanover, who in turn volunteered Billy for the job. When all the cussin’ and discussin’ was done, Mr. Nelson agreed to let him stay in the guest room downstairs in exchange for Billy watching over the man’s home and livestock. It was an agreeable arrangement to Billy for sure.
The house was nice and full of modern fripperies. He guessed Mr. Nelson added the extra nice things because he had a wife and a passel of girls in the house. Especially, the indoor water pumps. He intended to put one of those in his cabin as soon as spring thaw allowed it. There was nothing worse than getting up at first light and having to get dressed to go outside to coax a stubborn pump to spit ice cold water when the snow was up to your ass and it was cold as a miner’s tin lunch pail. He shivered just thinking about it.
John and Grace had a private bath room inside their cabin. It even had a copper soaking tub complete with a pump. It was a glorious convenience that Billy wanted for his family too. John had put it in for his first wife, Lizzie, when he built their cabin, but then Lizzie had died—
Thoughts of Lizzie made him anxious, so he forced his mind into another direction. He would bet his best pair of Sunday boots Hope would like to have a water pump inside the house too. He smiled to himself at the thought of Hope bathing in their private bath room. His imagination flooded with images of her lounging in a tub of bubbles, her head covered in dark curls piled high, her head thrown back laughing as the fragrant bubbles tickled her nose. He had to shift to a more comfortable position on the hard wagon seat at the thought.
Visions of his sweet Hope landed all comfortable like on his mind. He wished he could ask her to marry him now. After all, the ring he bought was almost paid for. He was between a rock and a hard place. The lie he told to protect his friend from the ugly truth about Lizzie was the same lie that kept Hope from committing to him. John had forgiven him, but his mail order bride’s sister wasn’t as forgiving, it seemed.
He had proposed right after Faith had been shot by that lunatic Lavinia Markham. Faith’s near miss with death made him realize life was too short to waste. And he didn’t want to spend one more moment of his life without Hope in his life.
Billy guessed he was lucky she was still in his life at all. And he shouldn’t have been surprised when she said she wanted to wait. After all, he had confessed to trying to steal his best friend’s family. That didn’t make him the sort of man most women wanted to commit to. He understood her hesitation. If he could go back—well, he would try to think of something different, but he had gone too far down this road to turn back now.
He had thought long and hard about telling Hope what really happened that awful day he rode out to confront Lizzie. But would Hope believe him? And even if she did, could he trust her not to tell her sister, Grace? He wasn’t one hundred percent certain she wouldn’t let the truth slip and he couldn’t take that chance. At least, not yet.
So, he would just keep courting Hope, treating her with the utmost respect, working hard to show her he could provide for her and their children. Maybe someday soon, she could look at him as a man worthy of her love and not some reprobate who tried to cuckold his best friend and steal his family.
Billy knew Hope had feelings for him. That much was clear when he caught her looking at him. The need he saw in her eyes nearly undid him every single time. It was clear to a blind man she wanted him, but it was equally clear her doubts were strong enough to keep her from believing in the man she saw before her instead of the man his confession painted him to be.
He sighed at his dilemma. Tell Hope and ruin his friendship with John. Hide his secret to protect John and risk the possibility Hope would never say yes. He pushed the thoughts out of his head for now and turned his attention to his surroundings. The solitude of the mountains soothed his soul. There was nothing around for miles except the cry of a predatory bird or the howl of a coyote. It was a magical place as far as he was concerned. It was a place he could hide from his dark memories and feel at peace among the tall aspens and pines.
He hoped someday he could convince Hope to like the earthy quiet of the mountain forests. Some women didn’t sit too well with the solitude of living deep in the mountains. Unwelcomed thoughts of Lizzie poked around in his brain again. Damn it. Would he ever be able to move past that day? More important than his own tortured memories, would he ever be able to fully justify his lies to John? That was a burden he would have to bear for the rest of his life, and yet if those same lies kept Hope from him—
He forced the unwanted thoughts of Lizzie back to the darkness where they would haunt him again somewhere down the road. He couldn’t avoid that. But he wanted to enjoy this day out in the crisp, cold air amid the wonders of nature. He hated it when his dark thoughts created a mood he couldn’t shake.
Billy tried to redirect his thoughts from the shadowy corner of his troubled mind to a happier place in time. He thought about how he was going to finish the roof today. He thought about the next couple of weeks he would be hauling lumber up from South Fork. He thought about the money he would make and the building supplies he could buy. He worked hard at keeping his mind from falling back down the well of despair. But today seemed to be one of those days he couldn’t turn around.
Soon, memories of a different nature rose up to torture him like an old barn cat who toyed with an unfortunate mouse. The cat wasn’t interested in killing its victim. That would quash all the fun of torturing it until it no longer had the will to survive.
His mother’s sad tired face rose up ahead of him out of the mist the sun created when it warmed the frozen road. She worked herself into an early grave to care for her seven children after Billy’s dad was killed.
He remembered that day as if it happened this morning. Most sons would have mourned the death of a father. A good son would have. The only emotion he could remember that day was profound relief. Relief he no longer had to run or hide in fear when his pa came home at the end of a work day. Relief he didn’t have to hear his momma cry out in pain when Pa didn’t get his supper on time. And relief knowing he wouldn’t be punished unmercifully for transgressions, real or imagined.
These memories were always followed by unwelcome thoughts of his sadistic brother and the things he did. Billy shook his head to clear his mind. He refused to let those memories from his past sour his day so he would keep pushing them away until they stayed gone once and for all.
“Come on, Ole’ Gus. Get your bag of bones movin’. I’ve got a lot of work to do today and I gotta be done so we are back in town by dark.” He popped the reins and the team of six strong draft horses picked up their pace, harness bells jingling through the thin mountain air. A cold gust of chilled wind pulled the earthy fragrance of pine from the trees, his nostrils holding on to the woody scent to allow a little bit of happiness to push away his dark mood.
Billy breathed in the pungent, unmistakable scent of the outdoors. Fresh. Fragrant. Free. At least that’s how he thought of the one place he felt safe these days. The one place he could let his guard down and relax. The one place where he was in total control. Billy was convinced he would never be able to find true happiness anywhere in the world but on this mountain. His gut kicked at his heart when he thought of Hope. Would she be as content as he living out here? He was betting his future on it, but nothing was a sure bet.
Two hours later, he pulled the team to a stop in front of his cabin. It was not much more than four walls of stacked logs and the frame of the steep roof. The cabin was a beauty and it was going to be a warm, comfortable home for him and his family. He built it to withstand anything Mother Nature could throw at it.
He stepped down and unharnessed his team, tying them to a picket line between two trees a few yards from the cabin site. Then, he led each of the six draft horses two-by-two to the small creek just behind a clump of aspen trees and let them drink their fill. Steam rose from the creek’s ice dotted surface. The sun, now high in the sky, heated the air above the frigid water. It was a sight to behold and he was content to sit right here and watch it all day, but he had work to do. The days were shorter now and he had best get movin’.
He re-tied the horses to the picket line where they were content to stand in the sun and rest. One of the horses pawed at the snow on the ground revealing a scruff of grass or two underneath.
Billy began the arduous process of unloading his supplies. Tins of nails, iron spikes, hammers and saws followed by sheets of tin to cover the roof. Tin was expensive but when he built his cabin, he wanted it to last for as long as he did. Wood warped and rotted in the heavy snows this high up. But the tin would protect the wood. He was willing to spend the extra money to secure his family’s future, even if he wasn’t certain at this point just what family that was going to be.
Supplies neatly stacked next to the cabin, Billy began to work. The sun warmed the thin mountain air and soon he removed his outer layers. He worked through lunch and into mid-afternoon taking few breaks. He did as much as he could before he had to head back into town.
Billy was resting on the front steps, drinking the cold clear water he dipped from the creek into his tin cup when he heard old Gus whinny just before he heard the clip-clop of a horse. Soon his best friend, John, rounded the bend in the road and waved at him.
“Hey, Billy. I came to see if you needed any help up here. Sorry I got such a late start, but Grace wanted to take Abbie Rose to hunt for a Christmas tree.”
John road into the yard and sat astride his horse a moment longer to survey Billy’s handiwork before he stepped down and tied the buckskin gelding next to the draft horses. He walked over and rubbed ole Gus’s ears. John had a deep affection for the aging draft horse. The gentle giant had been John’s first purchase when he started his freight haulin’ business. Now the horse was a symbol of all the hard work those two had done together. Billy knew that horse meant everything to his friend and he was honored to be trusted with such a prized possession, especially when John thought him capable of betraying him.
His friend joined him on the front steps and together they looked out across the valley beneath them. “Dang, I forget how beautiful this spot is, my friend. No wonder you’re in a hurry to finish the cabin. It is breathtaking up here.”
Billy nodded in agreement. The sound of the creek running nearby and the waves of wind ruffling the pine boughs high in the tree tops added to the perfection of the place. He sighed with contentment.
“Yeah. I love it up here. I just hope—” he wasn’t ready to share his concerns yet. But as always, John had already guessed the source of his concerns.
“Are you worried that a certain someone won’t want to share this beautiful home with you?”
Billy turned to look at John’s profile. He took a deep breath before he answered. “I—don’t know. Maybe. Truth is, I just don’t know if she’s going to agree to marry me or if she’s gonna want to live up here. This kind of life ain’t for everyone.” The damned words were out of his mouth before he realized it.
John nodded in agreement. “That’s true. But look at Lizzie. She hated living outside of town at first, remember? She wanted to be close to town, to be near her friends and family. And if you will also remember, she eventually fell in love with the place and hardly wanted to go to town at all.”
Billy swallowed the pain inflicted by his friend’s words. The truth was, Lizzie died hating that place as much as she did the day John brought her home to live in it. She had told Billy as much when she refused to listen to reason. Billy kept his eyes averted to the valley below to avoid John’s discerning ways.
John grinned. “Are you gonna ask her to marry you again? I gotta tell you—I saw you comin’ out of the goldsmith shop last week. Shopping for a wedding ring?”
“Nah, I already shopped. I been payin’ on one for a while now.” Billy pushed the past out of his thoughts and grinned back at his friend. John slapped him on the back with a bear-sized paw.
“Congratulations, Billy Boy. I’m glad to hear it. Hope is a smart, hard-working young woman. You couldn’t do any better, in my opinion.” He lowered his voice to a conspiratorial tone even though there was no one for miles to hear. “Even if she is my wife’s sister.”
“Yeah, I think she’s awesome, but don’t go congratulating me just yet. She hasn’t said yes. At least not yet. I’m kinda worried she might not want to live out here. I mean, after all, she is a city girl.”
