Hope, page 19
part #3 of Brides of the Rio Grande Series
“Thanks, friend. I’ll save it for later.”
Five minutes later, Hope and Doc Howard left the boardinghouse together and walked up to the wagon.
Hope refused to look at him, but he had to know if it was possible for her to have a change of heart. The only way to know is talk to her.
“Hope, could I have a minute to talk to you before we head out? There’s something I need to tell you.”
Her eyes met his. “I don’t think that’s necessary. We’ve said everything we need to say to each other. And I’ve seen more than enough to know this belongs to you.”
Billy watched as the woman he loved with his soul wrestled his engagement ring from her finger and handed to him. He reached down to take it from her. “But, Hope, I don’t want this back. I want you to keep it. Please don’t—”
“I think considering the circumstances, it will look better on Cora Ludlow’s hand.”
16
Hope’s breath had caught in her throat at the sight of Billy sitting on the wagon seat when she came out of the boardinghouse. He was so damn handsome. And exasperating. And she was in big, big trouble as far as he was concerned. She was crazy about the man, but it was obvious now that he wasn’t husband material. Not now. Not ever.
Hope watched Doc Howard throw his bag over the rails of the huge freight wagon. She handed him her bags and he threw those up too.
John stood beside the wagon and shook hands with her boss. “Doc, how about let’s get some coffee for the road? I think Hope and Billy have something to say to each other.”
Hope saw the understanding in Doc’s eyes. “Another cup of hot coffee would be heaven after the night I had.”
John and Doc walked back into the boardinghouse door leaving Hope and Billy outside.
Billy climbed down from his perch on the wagon seat. She watched him fumble with the reins. And then the wagon brake. And whatever else he could find to focus on. She waited until he was forced to stand still and look at her. She remained silent.
“Hope, I—” She wasn’t going to help him. She shouldn’t help him after his behavior last night. But the forlorn look on his handsome face softened her anger.
“Billy, we just aren’t good for each other. I need someone I can count on. Someone who’s loyal. Someone I can trust. That isn’t you. Perhaps it isn’t your fault. I know you had a tough time growing up, but so did I, but I can’t live this way, always wondering where you are or who you are with. It’s just not going to work out between us. I wish it could be different. I truly do, but I can’t marry you. I’m—sorry.”
“Hope, I—” he stammered again.
“You said that already.”
“You keep saying you can’t trust me, but what is it I’ve done that makes you not trust me? Is it Cora? You know there’s nothing going on between me and Cora. I swear it to you. Nothing at all. My heart belongs to you and only you.”
Hope’s heart broke in two. He couldn’t even be honest with her. He was lying right to her face.
“Billy, this is a small town. Do you think people don’t see where you go? Who you are with? You insult me if you think I’m going to believe your lies. I know about you and Cora. More than one person has seen you with her. Admit it, you are sleeping with Cora at night and courting me in the daytime hours.” Hope’s voice cracked with emotion. “I can’t do this anymore, Billy. Please don’t expect me to. We…we’re done. It’s time I found someone else to build my life with.”
“But Hope, you don’t understand.” She could tell Billy was upset. Well, too bad. She was upset too. She raised her chin just a smidgen and gathered her courage. Billy’s behavior hurt like hell, but she deserved more than a cheating husband, no matter where the hell she came from and she would be damned if she keep letting him hurt her.
Doc and John exited the boardinghouse. Questions as to whether it was safe to approach the quarreling couple wrinkled their brows. She set their minds at ease. “Billy and I understand each other completely. The sun’s coming up so I suggest we get going.” She turned and raised her eyebrow at Billy with a silent question of her own. His jaw twitched, but he said nothing. She felt a sadness invade her heart. She missed him already. Well, to be honest, she guessed she missed the man he never was. She missed the man he pretended to be.
Doc Howard picked up his medical bag and his tin of hot coffee and climbed up on to the wagon bench leaving Billy nothing to do but help her up and on to the big bench seat.
Settled on the wagon seat, she realized just how big the wagon seat was and yet she was sandwiched between two physically fit men and she was not immune to Billy’s charms. In spite of his unseemly behavior, she was still in love with the man. She wished she wasn’t because it hurt too much. She couldn’t turn her feelings on and off just because the man was incapable of honorable behavior. The next time she gave her heart to someone, she would have Hiram or Liam investigate him first just to be certain he was worthy of her affections.
Her sister’s husband was grinning like a loon when he slapped the giant rump of the closest horse. “Drive safe now. I’d hate anything to happen to those handsome six bays of mine. Do you think you’ll be returning in a couple of days, Doc, or should I plan to put another wagon on the lumber haul to South Fork. In case Billy can’t get back in time.”
Hope waited in anticipation for her employer’s answer since it would affect her as well.
“I’m not certain. Babies don’t always follow a schedule. If it’s any longer than a few days, I’ll have Billy leave me and Hope at the Randolph’s and he can get back to haulin’, if that’s okay with you, Billy?” The doctor leaned around her to talk directly to Billy.
“I’m not leaving Hope behind, so I’ll wait. However long it takes.”
Hope started to object, but Doc Howard nodded his understanding and answered instead. “Good. Then, I’ll send one of the ranch hands to let you know how Mrs. Randolph’s progress is with the babies, but like I said, babies have their own schedule.”
“We better get going then.” Billy snapped the reins and the six giant beasts strained against their harnesses, pulling the empty freight wagon with ease. When they reached the edge of town, the horses pace increased to a steady trot and the horses’ harness bells jingled in rhythm to the tufted hooves clopping over the muddy road.
The brisk morning air sent shivers through her body. She pulled her heavy wool cloak closed, tucking the edges under her. It helped she was sandwiched between two warm male bodies. It wasn’t a bad place to be sitting if she were honest with herself.
“Are you cold?” Billy asked.
Encouraged he even cared about her comfort, she nodded. “Yes, a little.”
“Here, take my other coat,” Doc Howard offered. He reached in the back of the wagon and pulled the coat from his bag and wrapped it around her shoulders.
“Thank you.”
Billy snapped the reins against the rumps of the horses. “Get on, you lazy nags.” The sudden jerk of the wagon made her reach for something to hold on to. It was unfortunate it happened to be Doc Howard’s knee. She released him immediately and shoved her hands into the pockets of her cloak hiding beneath Doc Howard’s coat.
Hope could tell by Billy’s clenched jaw, he was angry. She couldn’t believe he had the nerve to be jealous when he was spending time with Cora behind her back.
A side glance to her left caused her heart to hiccup. She missed the happy-go-lucky Billy she fell in love with. He hadn’t been the same since his brother had come back to town. She caught glimpses of the man she loved, but he wasn’t real and the sooner she realized that, the better off she would be. She turned and stared down the road in front of her.
“Why the frown?” Doc Howard’s question startled Hope from her troubled thoughts.
“What? Was I frowning?” She tried to pass it off, but she was certain the doctor was much more perceptive than to believe her.
“Yes, you were. Are you troubled about something, my dear?” He stretched his long legs out in front of him and crossed them at the ankle. He grinned at her and then stretched his left arm up and rested it along the back of the bench seat behind her.
It felt rather intimate to be tucked underneath her employer’s arm. The doctor didn’t seem to notice, but Billy sure did. There was no missing his angry looks even though he was trying his best to keep his attention on the road in front of them. Well, it wasn’t his business anymore who she sat next to.
“Now, tell me what has you so troubled? It’s going to be a long ride. Might as well pass the time talking.”
It was all Billy could do to keep his butt on his seat and his hands on the reins instead of around that man’s neck. How dare he put his hands on Hope?
His jaw ached from clamping it so hard to keep from spitting profanities.
And the man had the audacity to keep talking, monopolizing her time. And Hope. She wasn’t behaving any better than the doctor.
“Doctor, is there anything special I should know about Mrs. Randolph’s condition? If you think she’s expecting two or three babies, should I be studying up on a technique or procedure in case, you know, you have to do surgery?”
Billy cringed at the notion of cutting a person open.
Doctor Howard seemed to have no qualms. Billy supposed that was normal. For a doctor.
“Are you concerned about Mrs. Randolph? I’ll answer any questions you might have about child birth or medicine.”
Hope turned toward the man. “Well, I was curious how you knew Mrs. Randolph was having more than one baby.”
“Ah yes. Well, she first discovered she was with child at the end of last spring. May, I think it was. By the time I was able to see her for the first time, it was during a trip this summer. It was the end of July and I had several babies to deliver along the Rio Grande. She stopped me and asked if I could see her. She was concerned she was much farther along than she counted since her last menstrual because of the size of her belly. Her clothing was already bursting at the seams. I performed a physical exam—”
Billy couldn’t listen any longer to the man’s inappropriate conversation. “I don’t think that is something you should be talking about in front of Hope, Doctor. Or me for that matter. It doesn’t seem appropriate.”
To his dismay, the man didn’t seem to agree. “I understand your reservations, Billy, but considering Hope is my medical assistant, she may be called upon to know these things if I am absent. These things and so much more.”
Hope turned her troubled blue eyes on him. “I need to learn as much as I am able before we get to Mrs. Randolph’s home. Doc Howard is depending on me and I won’t let him down. Now, drive the wagon and let the man talk.” She turned away from him and redirected her attention back to the man on her other side.
So this was how it felt to be kicked in the gut by a heart that’s been broken. It hurt like hell.
“Fine.” It was all he could muster without causing a scene. His pride refused to go down that road without some sort of fight, but he could tell he was losing the battle.
He pulled his hat down lower on his head and tried to ignore the conversation between the woman he loved—and lost—and the damned man sitting next to her. He was jealous. He could admit it. To himself. And he had nothing to blame for it but his own bad behavior.
“Doctor, continue,” Hope urged.
“Mrs. Randolph was correct. She was bigger than someone of her gestation period. I measured from the top of her womb to the bottom. She was several inches over the normal length. Then, I listened through my stethoscope and detected multiple heartbeats. It is my estimation she is most definitely having twins with the possibility of triplets. But we won’t know that until she delivers, which should be anytime.”
“That is fascinating, doctor. I just hope I will be a competent asset to you.”
“You are a very smart young woman, Hope. And you have a curious mind. You are well on your way to being a very successful midwife. The women of this area and parts beyond will be very lucky to have you nearby.”
“Thank you, Doctor Howard.” Hope smile at the man and then turned to look Billy squarely in the eye as if to say she told him so.
“Doctor, I agree with you. Hope is a very smart young woman.” He managed not to smirk at the look of surprise on Hope’s face. “She’s smart enough to know that a woman carrying a child should take it easy, stay home and not be exerting themselves by working too much, don’t you agree?”
He wanted her to hear it from the man she admired so much. Maybe if the fact came from the doctor, she would reconsider working and his marriage proposal. He knew he was grasping at hay straws, but he wanted Hope so bad, he’d try anything he thought would work to change her mind.
“Oh I highly disagree, Billy. Women are not ill when they are pregnant. If they feel like working, then by all means they should continue. After all, a happy mom begets a happy baby.”
He literally choked on the doctor’s words. That didn’t go as he had planned. “Dust. Cloggin’ up my throat.”
“There’s not much dust on a muddy road, but I have some water here if you would like to stop for some?” Hope offered.
“Nope. I just wanna get there and get back home as soon as possible.”
He saw the wounded look on Hope’s face. He didn’t want to cause her pain. But right now, he couldn’t seem to help it. Hope turned away from him. Everything that came out of his mouth was angry and hurtful. He didn’t blame her. He wanted to make Hope happy, but it seemed he screwed up his chance with Hope just like he screwed up everything else in his life. He was a Jonah in his own life.
He snapped the reins against the horses’ rumps.
“Why are we in such a hurry, Billy?” Hope questioned. He could tell she was doing her best to sit on the seat without reaching out to take hold of him or the doctor.
“Just anxious to get up in the high country before the snowfall. That’s all.”
17
Hope clung to the wagon seat for the next hour. She was beginning to wonder if Billy had lost his mind. Why was he in such a hurry? The snow wasn’t due for another day or so. She held on and did her best to keep from landing in either man’s lap.
Hope pulled her wool cloak and Doc Howard’s coat closer to her. She wondered how much longer it would take to get to the Randolph Ranch.
“Billy, you seem to be pushing the horses pretty hard,” she said. “Look at them. They are lathered in sweat.”
He didn’t bother to look in her direction. “They’re used to pulling much heavier loads than this. These horses are bred to pull. Trust me. They are just fine.”
“Well, they may be, but I could use a break.” She hesitated. She felt the heat of her embarrassment on her cheeks.
“If you are hungry, there’s—”
Doc Howard came to her rescue. “Billy, I think Hope is trying to tell you she could use a privacy break. And so could I. If you could spare the time.”
Billy nodded and pulled the horses to a steady walk. “I’m sorry. I should have thought of that myself. I guess my mind was occupied somewhere else. There’s a place just about a mile up ahead with plenty of tree cover for you to—you know, have privacy.”
“Thank you.” She sat back against the seat, relieved not to have her teeth jarred from her mouth. True to his word, about ten minutes later, Billy reined the giant horses on to an open area next to the semi-frozen river.
Billy pulled the team into the opening. “The river’s just over that rise. Doc, you go first. I’ll stay with the horses. Then you can watch out for Hope while I take my turn.”
Pinion pines dotted the landscape beside cedar, pine, spruce, and yew standing alongside the gray stalks of the barren aspen trees, their golden colors long ago drifted to the forest floor.
“I’ll be right back.” Hope blushed and headed for the privacy of a stand of thick trees on the mountain side of the road.
Satisfied she was well hidden, she proceeded to relieve herself of her morning coffee.
Finished, she straightened her clothing and glanced through the thick limbs. Doc Howard was nowhere to be seen. Billy was standing next to the lead horse’s head with a bucket in his hand. She watched him set the bucket on the ground and give the horse time to take a quick drink before he moved the bucket to the next horse.
He was so handsome and he certainly had a kind quality about him, so why did things have to be so complicated? Why couldn’t he be faithful and honest? They could have had such a wonderful life together if only…
She knew Billy was a complicated man. There was the Billy she fell in love with. The funny, kind, thoughtful man. And then there was the other side of the coin. The dark side. The angry man. The unyielding man. The dishonest man.
Despite his unforgiveable flaws, she still loved him so very much. Hope sighed and made her way back to the wagon. Billy could have been a good man if he had only made different choices in his life. Lizzie. Now Cora. Who knew how many other women’s beds he visited when she had been safely tucked away at home. The truth was, she didn’t really want to know.
She approached the wagon and met Billy’s gaze. She saw love there and it made her heart ache. But there was also something else there. Something that caused him to look away that made her sad. Guilt. She thought back to her dream of Billy spending the night in a painted lady’s arms. Now she knew it had been a harbinger of things to come and not a silly dream.
Billy’s behavior didn’t make any sense to her. If he wanted more than one woman, why propose marriage to her? Rosie had taught her and her sisters long ago that men were troublesome creatures and they didn’t always make sense. “They go about stompin’ all over the place and hollerin’ at the top of their lungs when they could just sit quiet like and say what was on their minds.”
