Chasing the Phoenix, page 32
“Oh, and I might add that a well-reared young man never spies on family members while they’re engaged in the act of sex.”
Terrible Nuisance muttered something underneath his breath.
“What was that?” Surplus said sharply.
“I said: Then how am I supposed to learn?”
“When the time comes, you have only to convince a more worldly young lady to teach you. There are brothels if you get desperate. But I doubt that a handsome young man such as yourself will have any trouble finding a nice girl who will enlighten him for nothing but the pleasure of doing so. Do you have any more questions?”
“No, sir. But I have a message. The Perfect Strategist sent me to find you. He wants to see you right away.”
* * *
“TO USE a phrase from my homeland, we are royally skunked,” Surplus said when he had heard the news. “Unless you’ve suddenly acquired the Perfect Strategist’s legendary tactical abilities?”
“Alas, no,” Darger said. “Though by giving the two surviving Yellow Sea Alliance ceos free rein to say how they would arrange the order of battle, we can assure ourselves of a respectable opening game. The only question is: How will it then play out?”
“Noble Tiger is said to be a very demon in the battlefield.”
“So I have repeatedly heard.”
“Ironically enough,” Surplus said, “this would have been a good time to have Powerful Locomotive with us. Say what you will about the man, he was not afraid to fight.”
“To say nothing of Shrewd Fox. She was every bit the strategist that I pretended to be. It’s a pity we got rid of the both of them. Ah, well. What’s done is done. Now we have only ourselves to rely on.”
“Unfortunately,” Surplus said, “we know exactly how much that is worth.”
An odd light came into Darger’s eye. “Perhaps more than one might think,” he said. “Have you ever fenced, Sir Plus?”
“I am practiced in all the gentlemanly arts. Why do you ask?”
“When I was young, Master Kane was my fencing instructor. A grim and humorless man but a genius with an épée. I never saw him bested—save once. That time was with a rank amateur who, midway through his first lesson and forgetting all he had been told, began to lash about wildly, as actors do in melodramas, and knocked the master’s sword out of his hand. Some of the other students grumbled among themselves that this proved the uselessness of the skill in real life. But I took from it a different lesson: that anyone, however skilled, can be bested at his own game by random, unpredictable actions.”
“You propose to take this lesson to the battlefield?”
“If there is one thing Noble Tiger knows about us, it is that our military leadership is cunning and full of tricks. He will assume that our every misstep is a feint. He will not be able to read the intentions behind our actions. It is entirely possible that he will so tie himself into knots, guessing, that he will defeat himself.”
“What do you think our chances are?”
“Our army is not much smaller than his, and our morale is far better. Further, the Hidden Emperor’s record for treating his conquests kindly must surely have some of his underlings thinking that losing would not be an unmixed disaster for them. Taking those factors into consideration and assuming that our strategic cluelessness will balance out his strategic brilliance … I’d say we have a sixty-sixty chance.”
“We’d be risking our lives on even odds, then?”
“Against all the wealth either of us could ever desire.”
“There is that.” Surplus bared his teeth in a grin. “Let’s do it.” Then he said, “Incidentally, when you practiced the martial art of gentlemen, what blade did you employ?”
“Foil, of course. It’s the most difficult to master. For your part, I need not even ask. You are a natural-born saber fencer.”
* * *
“HAVE YOU heard?” Surplus asked Fire Orchid. They were riding their mountain horses along the riverfront, looking for boats. “Our spies report that Noble Tiger’s soldiers believe their defeat at the hands of the Canal Army was a ruse on his part. Which means that much of the psychological advantage of that victory has been undone.”
“Don’t talk to me about spies. The children have been playing at spies for days. I caught Little Spider spying on me just an hour ago.”
“Oh? What exactly were you doing?”
“Never you mind that. I was doing things that were none of your business. Look there in the reeds! No, it is just the rotting hulk of a fishing boat. I begin to think that every boat on the river has been accounted for and is under control of the military. How are we going to escape tomorrow, if the battle turns against us?”
“The Perfect Strategist has promised the Hidden Emperor complete and utter victory. So victory is guaranteed.”
Few women could look as fetching as Fire Orchid did when she scowled. “Don’t you make me hit you. My wrist is already sore from paddling Little Spider. What are the real odds?”
Surplus took out a coin, flipped it in the air, caught it on the back of his paw, and pocketed it again without looking at it. “Don’t worry, though. The Dog Pack will be assigned to guard the Perfect Strategist, as usual, and he will be nowhere near the vanguard. Should the tide of battle turn against us, we can slip away in the general rout.”
“That close?” Fire Orchid said pensively. Then, “No, I am sure we will win. Because you are lucky. Look what a beautiful wife you have. Also a nice big family. You didn’t get those by merit. We just fell into your lap. So I think tomorrow will go your way. It is always better to have luck than to have brains.”
“I am glad you think so. Nevertheless, we should secure an escape route. Just in case.”
“It won’t be by boat,” Fire Orchid said. “So you’ll just have to find another way.”
* * *
THE NEW Hidden Emperor was in the very last place anybody would think of looking for him—at the center of the bright cluster of tents that had been specifically set aside for his use. When Surplus and Darger looked in on him, he said, “It feels very strange, sirs, not to be taking care of your needs. Also, to have servants of my own. To say nothing of impersonating the emperor.”
“It feels very strange having servants other than you,” Darger said. “Your replacements are not half as good.”
Capable Servant flushed with pleasure. “It is very kind of you to say so, sir.”
“Our time is short, and there is much to do,” Surplus said. “First of which is to secure a means of escape should the battle go against us tomorrow.”
“The enemy controls the land in three directions. So we must flee to the south. Unfortunately, the White River serves as a wall in that direction, and North destroyed every bridge for many miles when they learned we were on our way,” Darger said.
“White Squall has a portable bridge,” Capable Servant pointed out.
“We cannot, however, put that in place—it would look like we were prepared to lose, and that would wreak havoc with morale.”
“Perhaps,” Capable Servant said, “the Hidden Emperor could speak to his troops, explaining that the purpose of the bridge is not for retreat?”
“He has never spoken to the troops before,” Darger said doubtfully.
“You are right, sir. We should not break with common practice.”
“On the contrary, we do it all the time,” Surplus said. “It is our stock-in-trade.”
With sudden decisiveness, Darger said, “You are absolutely right. Let us inform White Squall that her monstrosity of a walking bridge is needed. Then send messengers to gather together everyone who is not on active duty at the waterfront.”
* * *
WORD PASSED like wildfire through the troops that, against all precedent, the Hidden Emperor would actually appear in public. Not everyone believed the rumor. But everyone who could gathered at the waterfront, just in case it should turn out to be true.
On the appointed hour, the portable bridge walked delicately to the edge of the river, like a tremendous metal praying mantis. Soldiers and horses fled from its every slow step. The new troops from the Yellow Sea Alliance nations had never seen such a thing and were in near panic. When one foot was in the water, the bridge unfolded and refolded itself, lowering its tail so that it touched the far bank and then sticking out one segment, shaped like a roof beam, low over the waterfront.
The door of a cabin in the beast’s interior opened and a yellow-robed figure strode along the beam to the very front.
The astonished soldiers crowded close to hear. Great-lunged loudspeakers stood ready to relay the emperor’s words, sentence by sentence, to more distant heralds who had been trained to repeat what they heard without error. In this way, the speech spread out to the entire assembly.
The Hidden Emperor was silent. He wore a simple gold mask with circles for the eyes and a straight line for the mouth. A hush fell over the multitude at the sight of him. Then, to the astonishment of all, he removed the mask.
Only a few people knew Capable Servant by sight—and since his hair had been coiffed and braided and his features altered by touches of makeup that Surplus had deftly applied, none of those would recognize him.
He spoke:
“It is usual, the day before a great battle, to speak of glory and honor and sacrifice. But you have known all of these things already. So I shall speak instead of greed.
“A year ago, in my greed, I decided that I wanted all of China. Today you have brought me within an arm’s length of having it.” He extended one arm, hand open. Then he closed the hand violently and slammed the fist thus created to his chest. “But what of you, who have served so selflessly under me? Do you not yourselves feel a corresponding greed for the many comforts of life denied a soldier? Does not that hunger deserve to be fed, even as mine has been? What can I possibly offer you that is worthy of all you have given me?”
He paused a long, full beat. Then, raising his voice, the new emperor cried, “A full week of looting! Seven days in the richest city in the world, with no one to stop you from taking whatever you want. Are you a scholar at heart? The libraries are yours. An antiquarian? The museums will be unguarded. Perhaps all you desire is gold. Break down the doors of the wealthiest families and take whatever you want. You may enrich yourselves, day after day, until you are so weary of carrying off riches that you wish for no more.”
The soldiers roared.
“But perhaps wealth means nothing to you. Perhaps some of my brave soldiers, who have been so stalwart when they faced enemies who looked many times more powerful than they and who then broke through their lines as if they were made of paper … perhaps some of you are afraid of the coming battle. The Perfect Strategist promises victory as he has done many times before. Always, he kept his word. But perhaps you think that it was all luck, that this time, as never before, his plotting has gone awry. If so … I will not try to hold you here.
“Let this proclamation go out to all who serve me: that all those who do not wish a share in the glory of conquest or the wealth of North are free to leave. They are neither needed nor wanted. In token of which, I am placing here a bridge across the White River. Those who wish to slink away penniless need merely apply to the Perfect Strategist or the Dog Warrior, and they will write you out a pass stating that the bearer is a coward and a fool. Show this pass to the guards at the bridge and you may depart.”
The camp erupted with scornful laughter.
“Some of us want more, however. Those who desire not only wealth but glory … those who would be remembered, if not by name then by deed, for thousands of years to come … those whom I shall forever love as if they were my own children … need only fight for one more day, collect your reward for the following week … and spend the rest of your lives surrounded by comfort and the admiration of all.”
The emperor took a half step backward to indicate that his speech was over. Then he stood placidly as waves of cheering and applause rolled over him and over him and over him. It was a good speech, Surplus felt, and though much of the phrasing had come from Darger and himself, the essence of it had been Capable Servant’s idea.
The lad was showing a surprising talent for emperoring. Surplus found himself experiencing an almost paternal sense of pride over that.
* * *
DARGER HAD his tent moved to the foot of the portable bridge in order to get a sense of how many soldiers were taking advantage of the Hidden Emperor’s offer of amnesty for all who wanted to desert before the battle. So far there had been few takers, most of which he was convinced were spies hurrying to inform Ceo Noble Tiger of the Hidden Emperor’s confidence and of the high morale of his Immortals. Surplus served as a kind of doorkeeper, wrangling the ceos, generals, and aides, who pored over maps and presented Darger with intelligence and advice he was in no way qualified to judge.
Shortly after sunset, he went inside and murmured into Darger’s ear, “We have some more takers on the emperor’s offer—and you’ll never guess who they are.”
Surplus watched as Darger excused himself and then followed him outside. There, White Squall and Prince First-Born Splendor awaited them.
“We have come to thank you for all you have done,” the prince said. “Though it will puzzle me to my dying day whether your motives were as altruistic as you frequently assured us they were. Also to say good-bye.”
“Good-bye?”
“Yes. My wife to be and I finally sat down together and had a good long talk, as we should have done months ago. We have decided that we are smaller people than we once thought we were and that, far more than glory and wealth, we desire quiet and peace. You do not need a rival in court, much less two, and so I am confident you will use your influence with the Hidden Emperor to reconcile him with the fact that we are both leaving. Just to be safe, however, we plan to be many li away from here by dawn.”
“Shall I write you a pass?” Surplus asked.
“I have a force of two hundred soldiers. No sentry will dare attempt to hinder us.”
“And your father?” Darger said. “How will he feel about your marrying a commoner?”
“I respect my father and will obey him in all things save this one. Also, he loves me and wants me to be happy. So he will put up with it, I suspect. Particularly since we will soon, as you advised, be providing him with a grandson.”
“At any rate, we are going,” White Squall said. She looked happier than Darger had ever seen her—and there had been times, he could not help but reflect, when he had made her very happy indeed. “My machines are gone, and whichever way the battle goes tomorrow, I am no longer needed here. So I am going home to a city I have never seen. To Gold, in the province of Southern Gate.”
“Are there enough archaeological sites there to hold your interest, after all you have experienced and all you have achieved?” Surplus asked.
“I am giving up archaeology for history. I shall write an account of all that has happened in this strange war so that future ages may be guided by our mistakes.”
“You could call it Glorious History of the Hidden Emperor,” Darger suggested.
“I was thinking of The Book of the Two Rogues. But your idea has merit, too. I may put together a collection of your colorful aphorisms as well.”
* * *
DARGER AND Surplus were up half the night, sending and receiving messages, rehearsing Capable Servant in what was expected of him, and in other ways preparing for the battle. Until at last there was nothing constructive left to be done and they both decided to catch a few hours of sleep. Because there was only the one cot, Surplus slept in a bedroll by the door.
Thus it was that shortly before dawn he was the first to hear hooves and wooden wheels outside. He emerged from the tent to discover the Dog Pack, with wagons and donkeys they had surely obtained by no honest means, looking as if they were prepared for a long journey.
Mountain horses stamped and harness fittings jingled. All the Dog Pack was gathered, dressed in civilian clothing. The wagons were fully loaded with food and kegs of water, as well as bundles and caskets that must surely contain pelf that was only by the loosest of definitions theirs.
“What’s all this about?” Surplus asked.
“We are going back home to Peace,” Fire Orchid said. “The family owns a great deal of valuable land there, and I have bad feelings about the city of North. I think you are trying to steal something far too big and valuable for unimportant people like us.”
“I am sorry,” Vicious Brute said. “Very truly I am. All of us in the family genuinely like you. I greatly enjoyed being your brother-in-law. It has been an honor to serve under you, and it will be my proudest boast to the grandchildren I hope to someday have that we fought together.” He grinned shyly. “I will omit mentioning that we killed no one, which is a fact admirable in a man but deplorable in military heroes.”
“Don’t interrupt, little brother.” To Surplus, Fire Orchid said, “I would ask you to come with us, but I know you would not. You are too ambitious. Also, you are too restless, and when we get home we intend to be very quiet people indeed. With money we can become honest businesspeople. Well … honest-enough businesspeople, anyway. We will breed mountain horses and open a shop to sell some of the nice things we picked up along the way.” She leaned down from her mountain horse and swiftly kissed Surplus. “Good-bye, sweet doggy man. You were a very good pretend husband, but I think now I need to find a real one.”
With a peremptory gesture, Fire Orchid led her family away. Several of them turned in their saddles to wave as they left. Little Spider blew him a kiss.
For a very long time, Surplus stared after them. When they had dwindled to first specks and then nothing in the fog, Darger (who was a light sleeper and had put in his appearance early on in the confrontation, though he had said nothing) placed a hand on his shoulder. “How are you holding up?”
“I may be heartbroken, or I may be relieved,” Surplus said after a long silence. “God only knows which.”
Secretly, however, he could not help reflecting on the fact that Fire Orchid had easily doubled his effectiveness. He doubted he would ever find a partner her equal again. Which was so discomforting a thought that he immediately thrust it from his mind.
