Roman, page 7
“Tell me something.” He leaned one hip against the vanity and crossed his arms over his chest. “What kind of woman do you imagine I want?”
“I don’t know. Someone like the club girls here? Like the woman in the restaurant?” I gave a humorless laugh. “A woman whose face isn’t half destroyed by scars?”
“OK, so first, if I wanted that woman at the restaurant, I’d have taken the invitation she offered. I didn’t. Second, the whores here are free for all. At one time or other, I’m sure I’ve had every single one of them. Every brother here has. If I wanted to be with one long term, I’d have taken one years ago. I didn’t. They’re for fucking before a man takes an ol’ lady. After that, he works out what he needs to with his woman.” He moved then, framing my face with his hands and brushing the pads of his thumbs over my cheeks. “You said you had no idea if you could move further than the kisses we shared together. Are you willing to try to do more? Knowing that I’ll stop the instant you say so, no matter how far we get into it?”
I nodded. “Yes, Roman. I want to. I want to do it all, if for no other reason than to feel normal again. But I can’t imagine trying it with anyone but you.”
“Good. Because I’ve already claimed you. Once your vest gets here with the property patch on the back, it will be official. So, I want you to listen to me. Really listen, Winter. I don’t want to have to revisit this.” When I nodded he continued, “I. Want. You. No one else, Winter. Not the club whores, not the woman in the restaurant. You. Why? Because you’re strong. You fought to overcome your past. You fought for your sister. You’re fighting now for what you want. What I want you to realize is that it makes you brave, fierce, determined. You’ll love and protect your family with everything inside you. And you have quite a lot in your heart to fight with. Not just physically, either. You did all this because not only did you need it, but you knew Serelda needed it as much as you did. If it had all been for you, you’d have stayed at Black Reign and been comfortable because you knew Serelda didn’t want to leave. You didn’t leave for you. You did it for your sister. You told me yourself.”
He kissed me again, this time with more passion. It didn’t make me feel trapped or like he was trying to take something from me. I could feel his need to give me pleasure he had to know I’d denied myself for over a decade. When he pulled back, I knew he could see desire shining in my eyes. Because I wanted this man. Roman. The enforcer of Iron Tzars. The larger-than-life man. My protector in all things.
“Winter, all those things are the reason I want you. The reason no other woman will ever do for me. If we never actually get to the sex part, I want you to understand there will never be another woman I go to. Not for any reason. We’ll work on this together.”
“OK, Roman.” I smiled. Because I actually did believe him. “I believe you. I trust you.”
“Good. I’ll start the water, and you undress. If you want to leave your underwear on, that’s fine.”
“No.” I shook my head. “I think I want us both naked. No reason to hold back at this point.”
He smiled at me like he was… like he was proud of me? Had anyone ever looked at me like that in my whole life? I’d seen pity. Understanding. Kindness. I’d also seen rage, disappointment, disgust. Never had I seen pride. “This is why I want you for my woman, Winter. You’re the fuckin’ bravest person I’ve ever met.”
Roman had said that before. Now, I was beginning to believe him. Not so much about me being brave. But I believed he saw me that way.
I brushed my teeth and undressed. I was slightly ashamed about certain things. Though I tried to keep my body grooming done, I wasn’t very vigilant about it. And I never touched my privates except to clean. I hadn’t really thought of that until I’d undressed. “Nothing to do about it now,” I muttered to myself.
“What was that?” Roman glanced over his shoulder as he removed his shirt. Just like that, I could give two shits about anything other than looking at the work of art that was his upper body.
There was a tattoo of a plain Templar cross that spread the length of his upper back and shoulders. Around it were the words, “Honor, Shame, Death, Sacrifice.”
“I -- nothing. What’s this?” I skimmed my fingers over the cross, then the words.
“It’s my story. My past. You want to hear it?” He gave me a challenging look, daring me to hear what he had to say. “It will change your perception of me. Not for the better.”
“If you’re trying to tell me you’re not a good man, Roman, there’s nothing you can do to make me believe that.”
He removed his jeans and boxer briefs and stepped into the shower. There were more tattoos inked into his skin, but I was too preoccupied with this secret he was tempting me with to truly appreciate the art. Both the tattoos and the muscles flexed and bulged as he moved.
I stepped into the shower, avoiding the spray. Thank goodness the shower was the frameless walk-in kind. There was plenty of room for both of us and two shower heads. One was turned off so I could stay out of the water if I wanted to. I sat on the bench along one end of the shower, drawing my knees up and wrapping my arms around them.
“I was in the Marines. I told you that, remember?”
“Yes.”
“I quit after four years in service.”
That surprised me. “That’s an odd way to put it.”
“I should have been dishonorably discharged, but the Marines didn’t see it that way.”
“OK, that really doesn’t sound like you. You’re not the type of person to do something to warrant that.”
“It was twenty years ago, Winter. I was a different person then.”
“What happened?”
Chapter Six
Roman
I knew Winter didn’t want to tell me her story, and I couldn’t blame her. I didn’t want to tell mine either. But I was serious about making her my ol’ lady. That meant she had to know everything about me same as I needed to know everything about her.
“I killed a kid.” I could tell by the way she sucked in a sharp breath she hadn’t been expecting that.
“There has to be more to it than that. No matter how different you were back then, I can’t imagine you doing something like that for no good reason.”
“You want more? You come to me. Don’t want to tell this unless you’re in my arms.”
She nodded and came to me without hesitation. Either she really wanted this story badly or she was beginning to trust me. Maybe it was her subconscious. Just like she’d let me hold her and kiss her before, she knew I’d protect her.
When she was in my arms, her face resting against my chest, I guided us under the spray before reaching for a washcloth and shower gel. She raised her face to look up at me but didn’t try to move from under the spray. The only time she flinched was when I started moving the cloth from her neck to her shoulders and back again. As I washed her, I talked.
“We were on patrol in Kabul, preparing to reopen the American Embassy. Most of the people welcomed us, but there were a few who’d banded together to lead a resistance. Mainly supporters of the 9/11 attacks. The previous weeks, we’d been in firefights and such as the invasion started. They’d told us not to think of those people like we’d think of people back home. They’d driven out the Soviets twelve years earlier. If we weren’t vigilant, they’d drive us out too. Kids were often used to carry explosives or to get close to soldiers to kill them, and I’d seen the truth of that firsthand.”
I continued to wash Winter. I found the motions oddly soothing as I told my story. She seemed focused entirely on my words. She wasn’t cringing away from my touch or the water. In fact, her hands rested lightly on my chest. I rubbed her skin lightly, but mostly I just let the suds slide down her body. I didn’t want her focusing too much on my movements. Not this first time. Once she realized she could do this, I’d repeat it. Was looking forward to it.
“The only problem we had was some of the kids trying to loot. Even that wasn’t a huge problem. They were just curious, like kids will be.” I sighed. This was harder than I thought it would be. She already knew the outcome. The details shouldn’t be that difficult. “There was one group of kids. They were more aggressive than most. I’d chased them off twice that same day only to have them return. The last time, one of them set off some firecrackers. That got every last Marine in the compound to sit up and take notice. It took a second to realize it wasn’t rifle fire. The sound is distinct, but some of us were still pretty wet behind the ears.
“I caught sight of the little punk and gave chase. Naturally he ran, me yelling after him not to run. I chased him into the city, one of my buddies not far behind me. When we reached a dead end, he stopped. I told him to keep his hands where I could see them, but I said it in English. That was one thing I never respected up to that point. Most of the people there didn’t speak English. Those who did spoke it brokenly and understood it about as well.
“He turned around and put his hand inside his pocket. He started to pull it out, and all I saw was the flash of something shiny. I pulled the trigger on my rifle, and the kid jerked, then crumpled to the ground. The second he did, the object he had in his hand rolled from his palm to the sandy ground. It was a stapler he’d stolen from one of the boxes going into the offices. A fuckin’ stapler!”
“Oh, my God!” Winter looked up at me with horror in her face. “I’m so sorry, Roman.”
“Don’t be sorry for me. I killed a teenager.”
“Roman, the circumstances were awful. And you’d been taught not to think of them as kids. Right?” She closed her eyes, rubbing her cheek against my chest. “I get it. I get why you shot. If that person had pulled out a gun --”
“But he didn’t, Winter. He was just a kid. I realize sometimes sixteen isn’t a kid anymore, but it doesn’t take away the fact that I pulled the trigger. My buddy tried to get me to tell our superiors he had a gun, but I wasn’t about to do that. I’d done it. I’d killed an unarmed civilian.”
I stopped washing her, tossing the washcloth to the bench along the back wall of the shower and just pulled her into my arms before I realized what I was doing. Surprisingly, she didn’t flinch. She even slipped her arms around my neck and held me too.
“My old man was a bastard. He fucked up all the damned time. Lost his job, the boss didn’t like him. Overdrew the checking account, the bank made an error and fucked him out of the overdraft fee. Didn’t pay the house payment, Mom bought too much needless shit. Nothing was ever his fault. He never took responsibility for anything in his life. I swore to myself I’d never be like that. So when I made my report, I told it exactly like it happened.
“My CO tried to take my words out of context, to get me to word it like the kid had been brandishing a weapon earlier that day or that I’d seen him with a weapon as he ran and he must’ve ditched it while I chased him. I clarified everything. I just… shot. I saw the glint of metal when he’d pulled that damned stapler from his pocket, and I reacted.
“In the end, I got reassigned back to Quantico -- mostly because I wouldn’t let it drop. My CO told me I was being ridiculous, but also that he respected me for taking responsibility for my actions.”
“What makes you think this will make me see you differently? I can’t judge you for something that happened during war when I’ve never been there. Besides, it sounds like you had every reason to suspect that person had a gun. I think you’re lying to yourself because you are actually a person with a strong sense of morals. But you can’t beat yourself up over something like that.”
If I hadn’t loved the woman before, I knew I loved her now. She was right. My CO was right. It was just hard to forgive myself.
“You’re a remarkable person, Winter. I’m lucky to have you with me.”
She jerked back then, not out of my arms but to look up at me. “You? Roman, there is no man alive who would say that about me. If you look up high maintenance in the dictionary, my picture will be there! I don’t know of anyone else who would put up with this. I mean, you’ve been with me a few weeks and we’ve only just now started moving in a sexual direction. And I have all these scars --”
I silenced her with a kiss. I did my best to keep it light while still letting her know she needed to shut up with that shit. When I pulled back, I framed her face with my hands, forcing her to keep her gaze on me. “You are not your scars, Winter. And those scars brought you to me. If I ever find a way to figure out who hurt you and your sister, I’ll annihilate them. But there is no way I look at your scars and think they make you less. You are beautiful, Winter. Inside and out.” I kissed her again. “Now. I’ve told you my big secret. Finish telling me yours.”
She let out a breath and slid her arms around me again. “I can’t believe the feeling of our bodies moving against each other like this isn’t sending me running screaming from the room.”
“You sure you’re OK? We can move to the other room.”
“Just a little while longer. It’s been a long time since I’ve been able to stay in the shower with the water… It’s nice.”
“Whatever you want, baby. Can you go on?”
“There’s not much more to tell. They cut us like you see on my body.” She stepped back and turned around, letting me see her front and back. Indeed, there were straight-line scars all over her body. Knife slices. Some were faint marks while others were deeper, raised white clumps of tissue. “There was blood everywhere. They laughed and played with the blood on our bodies. Tied us down… The second they let us loose, we clung to each other. The blood was sticky yet still slippery. I have no idea why I equated the feeling with water. Probably because when our father took us home, the first thing we did was shower. We demanded it. It was the only time we ever stood up to our father. We were in such bad shape I think it shocked even him. Serelda’s face was so mangled, it took a very long time for me to deal with her. It was more than a week after our father got us back before Black Reign found us. By then all we could do was use creams and keep the cuts as clean as we could.”
“Fuck, baby.” I wasn’t at all sure I wanted to hear any more. Thankfully, that was the end of it.
“Anyway. Bones MC had my stepsister, Darcy. Black Reign brought my father to Bones for him and our stepmother to answer for what they’d done to Darcy. They included us in that interrogation, because El Diablo wanted it clear that if Bones didn’t deal with both of them, he had more than enough reason to do it.”
“Then you took matters into your own hands?”
“I did. Weirdly, no one cared. I think Cain raised an eyebrow, but he just shrugged it off. It was then I realized Serelda and I would be safe with any of those bunch. We elected to go with Rycks and El Segador because they’d been the ones to rescue us.”
We stood silently, the water gently raining down on us. She looked at me with such trust, facing at least one of her fears in my arms.
“So, what now?” Her softly spoken question was full of vulnerability.
“I hope you don’t still think I don’t want you, Winter. I do. And not just sexually, though that’s part of it.”
“Are you sure, Roman? Because I’m not sure I could recover from rejection…” She stopped, seeming to think over her words. “I was going to say after you made love to me. But if I’m honest with you and myself, I’m already too far in to ever be able to let you go willingly.” There were tears overflowing her eyes, mixing with the water droplets on her face.
“I’m yours, baby. Ain’t goin’ nowhere.”
To my complete and utter surprise, she smiled brightly up at me. Almost in relief. If I lived to be a hundred, I was sure I’d never see a more glorious sight than her smile.
“Roman.” She breathed my name like a prayer, pulling me down to kiss her.
I took the opportunity to give her more, to show her I was serious about my attraction to her. I was getting ready to turn off the water when she pushed away and turned, picking up a razor from the edge of the shower with the cap still on.
“Will you help me? Serelda was always the one to help, but I want it to be you.” She didn’t look away in embarrassment though her cheeks flushed with it. What she hadn’t figured out yet, but what I’d do everything in my power to get her to believe, was that I’d do anything she wanted me to. If she wanted me to shave her legs or under her arms, or anywhere else, I’d do it.
“With pleasure.”
She sat on the bench, putting one foot flat on the surface, her knee bent. I lathered her skin carefully and dragged the razor over it. I was careful of the numerous raised scars and managed to do it quickly and without cutting her delicate skin. Her other leg followed, then her underarms. There wasn’t an area of her body free of scars. Then, with a breath that was obviously for courage, she scooted to the edge of the bench and spread her legs. I took the opportunity to move between her legs -- I was on my knees on the shower floor -- and wrapped my arms around her.
I dipped my head and captured one nipple between my lips and gently sucked before licking with the flat of my tongue.
Winter cried out, her fingers tunneling through my hair and clutching me to her. “Oh, God!”
“Mmmm…” I growled against her skin, moving from one breast to the other. “So fuckin’ sweet.”
Every movement along her sensitive flesh sent shivers through her. I tried to pull back to gauge her reaction. I never wanted her scared or to equate what we were going to do with what had happened to her thirteen years ago. When I did, she whimpered and pulled me back.
“Don’t stop. Please, Roman.”
“You tell me if anything I do frightens you or triggers you. We need to get out of the shower.”
“Aren’t you going to… you know. Shave me?”
“We’ll do that next time, baby. I want to clip it first, so I don’t hurt you. Besides, it may help you from getting oversensitized. Especially this first time. That will help you keep more control.”
“I never thought of that. I guess it will feel different.”
“It will. And it will be something we’ll explore together another time. Assuming you still want to.” I stood, taking her with me and turning the water off.
