Roman, page 4
I had no doubt she was right. We’d be fast friends.
Chapter Three
Roman
If I lived to be a hundred, I’d never forget the sight of Winter as she took care of business with the club girls. The look on her face was fierce and determined. And the viciousness with which she delivered her punishment to Jezlynn gave me the hard-on from hell.
I sat next to Winter as she and Iris chatted lightly. Sting had his arm around Iris, a smirk on his face as if he knew exactly what a lucky bastard he was to have Iris as his ol’ lady. Before, I hadn’t really seen the appeal. To me, women had been a pleasant pastime, but I’d never really connected with one on an emotional level. Maybe I’d just never cared. But this girl… Yeah. I knew her past. Knew how she viewed it as shaping her present. By God, I wanted to be the one to claim her future.
Glancing at Sting, I could tell he knew something was up with me. He didn’t call me out on it or say anything, but he gave me a knowing look. Yeah. I was going through a struggle similar to the one he went through with his woman. Did I keep her? My loyalties would be divided if I did. There was no way I could put my club over my woman. I wasn’t built like that. I protected what was mine. So my club, or my woman? It was an impossible choice.
“I need to get back to Serelda.” Winter stood to leave. “Thanks so much for taking time to get to know me. I hope we can find a place to fit in here. Having watched how the Iron Tzars men worked together to get Jerrica back, I know they’re good people.” Winter smiled warmly at Iris. “I’m so glad you found Sting, Iris. I’m glad you and your sister have a strong protector.” Winter’s sincere comment dropped a veil over her expression. Just like that, I could see shadows of her past haunting her. My heart went out to her, and everything inside me demanded I make life perfect for this woman. I wanted to find the men her father let touch her and strangle them with their own entrails.
“I’ll walk you to your room.” I stood and snagged Winter’s hand before she could resist. I’d studied Winter and knew she wouldn’t draw attention to herself by protesting. As long as I didn’t do anything to make her uncomfortable or embarrass her, she’d go along with me to avoid an open confrontation. Jezlynn had pushed her too far, and that was the only reason she’d fought back. If I was right, one fight was all she was up for in a day. And only because the club girls had challenged her first.
Before I took her out of the common room, I snagged some burgers and chips to take up to Serelda. Winter gave a soft gasp as she looked at the plate.
“I forgot to get Serelda something.” Her voice was barely above a whisper, and she looked horrified. “How could I have forgotten?”
“Relax, honey. This is all overwhelming. Besides, you did get in a bar fight and stab someone.” I teased her gently, but that seemed to make her discomfort worse.
“I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.” She glanced over her shoulder. Probably to Sting and Iris’s table.
“Yeah, you shoulda. No one gets to talk to you like that, Winter.” My tone came out harsher than I meant it to, but it was the fucking truth. It made her focus on me, though. She turned back to face me, her eyes wide. “No one. Not me. Not Sting. Damned sure not a jealous club whore.” I sighed, knowing I needed to tone it down. “Come on, babe. Let’s get back to your room so Serelda has something to eat if she wants.” She let me take her hand once more without protest.
I took her back through the clubhouse, until we stopped at her door. She looked up at me with those pale blue eyes of hers, and I was fucking lost. “Don’t look at me like that, honey.”
She blinked rapidly and looked away, only to glance at me again. I liked to think it was because she couldn’t take her eyes off me, but she was probably making sure I didn’t pounce on her like I probably looked ready to do.
“I don’t understand. How am I looking at you?”
“Like you want me to claim you. Make you mine.” She shook her head slightly, but her eyes widened, and her lips parted. “Yeah, baby. I think that’s exactly what you want.”
I took the plate, balancing it in one hand. With my free hand, I gripped the back of her neck and pulled her to me. Her hands landed on my chest. Instead of pushing me away, her fingers curled into my shirt and bunched the material in her fists. With a groan, I brought my mouth to hers, sweeping my tongue inside as she whispered, “Sweet Jesus…” like a plea. Maybe she was praying for deliverance. If she was, her actions belied her prayers. Because, God above, the woman kissed me back like she’d been waiting her whole life for this kiss. I wanted to howl with the rightness of it. I also knew without question Winter would be mine.
She was sweet. Like morning dew warmed by the first rays of sunlight. Her hunger mirrored my own, though she was tentative. The longer I kissed her, the more she let herself go. God, I wanted to see what she would be like once she unleashed the pent-up passion inside her! Winter was a powder keg waiting for the right man to make her explode. Though I hadn’t been sure at first, I knew in my heart I was that man. Her man. She was still fragile and probably wasn’t ready to take me on, but I could get her there. I was sure there were things I needed to know about her past, but I was a patient man when I wanted something badly enough. And I wanted Winter with every fiber of my being.
Very gently, I ended the kiss, wrapping my arm around her shoulders instead of gripping her nape to hold her steady. I pulled her to me and let her cling while we both caught our breath. I could feel her trembling, but she still clung to my shirt. One arm slid up my chest to hook around my neck, and I breathed a sigh of relief. She was accepting me. At least for the moment.
“You good, baby?”
She didn’t speak, but nodded, still clinging to me. I kissed the top of her head before resting my chin there and held her for long moments. Finally, she pushed away and turned to open the door to her and Serelda’s room.
“Thank you, Roman.” She didn’t look at me. “For everything.”
“You have my number in your phone?”
She nodded.
“I want you to text me. Or call. If you need anything. If you want to talk.”
She turned to look at me over her shoulder. “Do you really mean that?”
“I do, Winter. I expect it. I find out you needed something -- anything -- and didn’t call me, I’ll be pissed. You get lonely or wake up in the night and can’t go back to sleep, I expect a call.”
She glanced over my shoulder. “Are you going back to the party?”
I held her gaze. “I’ll be there with Sting and Iris. Maybe Brick. No one else. You want to join me, you’re always welcome.”
Again, she looked over my shoulder before ducking her head. I glanced behind me where a club whore had draped herself lazily against the wall two doors down from us. It was obvious she was waiting on me to leave Winter so she could approach me. Yeah, it was going to take some time for the whores to get the message. I didn’t blame them. It was what they were here for. To provide sex to the men. They were chosen specifically for that purpose. They kept the club members satisfied when they were called upon, and they entertained any guests we invited over. Especially if there was business involved. A little bit of playing always made for smoother deals. I’d taken my fill from time to time, but never again. It often made for competition amongst the women. Each of them had men they enjoyed or wanted for themselves. They never landed a brother for more than a night or two at a time, but it didn’t prevent them from trying. Besides, Sting was the only one of us with a woman. Warlock had had Bev, but that was it. And they were both gone now. The whores hadn’t adapted to the new surroundings yet. They would.
“Will you have… company?”
“No, Winter. The only woman I’ll have with me is you. You don’t feel like joining us now, that’s OK.”
Her lips parted on a little gasp. “I don’t… I don’t understand.” Her voice was so soft it was hard to make out her words. Her face flushed scarlet, and she brought her fingertips to her lips, then moved her palm to cover the worst scar over her cheek, which she’d tried to cover with heavy makeup.
“Then I’ll spell it out for you, baby.” I stepped back into her space, placing one arm beside her head on the door. “I’m not gonna be with a club girl or any other woman for any reason. I got my eye on you. I’m not a nice man, but I never go back on my word, and I never betray those I care about. I won’t betray you, Winter. Not with another woman. Not for any reason.”
“You don’t know me. I’m not even sure if I can…” She trailed off, swallowing nervously. “I have a past that’s not pretty.”
“We all have pasts, Winter. Yours might be uglier than some, but everyone has things that haunt them.”
“But mine might not let me carry things any further than we just went.”
“Then I’ll have a lot of showers in my future to take things in hand.” I leaned in and kissed her lips lightly. “You don’t want to take a chance, that’s your choice. But if you trust me, I swear I’ll never betray that trust.”
“You’ll stop if I say?”
“Honey, always. No matter when or why. I will never hurt you. Especially not like that.”
She nodded several times, still casting furtive glances at the club girl watching us intently. “I -- I’ll think about it.” With a glance up at me and a small smile, she took the plate back, entered her room and shut the door.
For the first time in my life, I felt a thrill of… something. Excitement? Nervousness? Peace… Seemed like an oxymoron, but there it was. I’d known I wanted her before, but this…
Winter was the woman I wanted for myself. She had scars. Both physical and emotional. She wouldn’t be easy, but I knew in my very soul she would be worth all the effort it would take to be with her. Winter… was mine. She seemed to have destroyed her demons, but they still haunted her. Anyone could see that just by looking at her. Tonight, when I’d kissed her? I think that was the first time she’d ever considered she might want something from a man. I could see her struggling but wanting to embrace the pleasure she’d found. With gentleness and a lot of coaxing, I thought I could give her what she needed. And make her crave so much more. The tentative nature she showed to me now was so at odds with the women who’d taken it to the club girls harassing her that it was oddly stimulating. I didn’t want a simpering female, and that wasn’t Winter. But she was vulnerable. Which meant I had to be careful.
I rested my palm against the door after she’d closed it. So help me God, if it was the last thing I did, I’d make that woman realize she was so much more than the sum of her scars.
* * *
Winter
I’d never felt so alive as I did when Roman had kissed me. I stood there with my back to the door, the plate of food for Serelda in my hands, and my heart raced. I wanted to run back out that door and straight into his arms. At the same time, I was terrified.
“Winter?” Serelda came from the bedroom. “What’s wrong? What happened?” Serelda looked alarmed and like she might dissolve into tears at any moment.
“Nothing. I’m fine. I swear.” I put my hand over my chest. My breasts ached, and I was sure my nipples were poking hard against the material of the sports bra I wore.
“You’re not fine!” Serelda took the plate and practically tossed it to the table before locking the door and propping a chair against it. I wanted to reassure her, but I could barely catch my breath.
“Really, Serelda. It’s good.” It was all I could manage.
She snagged my hand and drew me farther into our suite of rooms, away from the door. “What happened? I’ll call Rycks, and he’ll send Viper and Cain after us.”
“No! I swear, Serelda, everything is good.” I pulled my sister into my arms and hugged her. “I’m fine.”
“Tell me. Please. I don’t want to stay here. I want to go back home.” Tears did stream down Serelda’s cheeks now. Her whole body trembled, and she was pale as a sheet.
“Sit down and I’ll tell you. Come.” I moved to the window seat where she’d set up a nest of blankets and pillows. She’d liked to sit next to the window in our room at Black Reign and watch the ocean or read a book. It didn’t surprise me she’d claimed this place for herself.
I took her hands firmly in mine. “I kissed Roman. Well, he kissed me, but I kissed him back.”
Serelda blinked several times, her mouth opening, then closing again. “You… what?”
“I know, right?” I giggled, unable to help myself. “I kissed Roman. He wants… well, he said he had his eye on me. He said he wasn’t going to be with another woman. That he wanted me.”
“You believe him?” Serelda tilted her head to the side. I could tell she wasn’t sure what to think.
“I don’t know! I want to.” I sighed happily. I felt like a schoolgirl with her first crush. In a way, I guess I was. Our father had whored us out in our early teens. Before I’d ever taken an interest in boys. After that? Well. It had taken me more than a decade to allow another man to touch me. I’d been attracted to Roman from the second I’d seen him. Now that I’d had a taste of what it would be like to let him have me, I thought I might be ready.
“Are you sure he won’t hurt you? I don’t really see it in any of these guys, but I don’t want to be wrong.”
“I don’t think he’d hurt me. Not physically, at least. Though, I think it might break my heart if… Well, I can’t imagine letting another man kiss me like he did. If he went to another woman… If I’m just a novelty to him…”
“Just be careful.” Serelda leaned in and put her arms around me, hugging me to her. We often held each other when we were scared. It had started soon after the first time our father had given us to a man. He’d wanted to play with twins and had taken our virginity. It hadn’t been pretty, and we’d both huddled in our closet for two days before our father had dragged us out to meet the second “client.”
The second those memories shoved their way into my mind, I shuddered. All arousal I’d felt disappeared in a flash. Who was I kidding? There was no way I could be with Roman. Not in any meaningful physical way.
“I will, sis.” I tried to put on some bravado even though I knew Serelda would see right through me.
“Don’t let Dad win.” Serelda’s soft plea found its way into my head. The pain in her voice was enough to push my demons back behind the door I tried so hard to keep them behind, and I could breathe again. “Run with this if you trust him. I can always call Rycks. He’ll get us out if we get into trouble.”
“I know. I’ll be all right. I’m just a little scared and overwhelmed. But I really want him, Serelda. For the first time in my life, I think I’m ready to try to be in a normal relationship.”
She pulled back, swiping at her tears before brushing her thumb under my eye to catch my own. “You know you’ll have to tell him. Right?”
“I don’t want to.” I turned to look out the window, knowing she was right. “He’ll see me as a victim. Even after what happened today.”
“Wait. What do you mean after what happened today? I thought you kissing Roman was what happened today.”
I winced, turning back to face my sister with a sheepish grin. “I might have accidentally gotten into a fight.”
“You what? But you hate violence!”
“I know!” I twisted my hands together, glancing up at Serelda before looking down again. “And I might have cut one of the club girls with a broken beer bottle.”
“Winter!” When I looked at Serelda she was fighting a smile. The woman actually looked happy about this.
“Yeah, well. I also stabbed another club girl. But only after she tried to stab me.” I hurried to finish, needing to get it out before Winter could say anything to make me not tell her all of it.
To my surprise, she did laugh then. “I don’t know why that surprises me. I guess she pushed you just a little too far.”
“Yeah. She did. I’ll have to watch my back, though. She let it go now, but I’m sure that won’t last long.”
“Not if they’re anything like the girls in the other clubs. Not unless Roman makes you his ol’ lady.”
“Slow down, sister. We’re not nearly that far yet. We’ve only kissed once.”
She laughed, hugging me once before getting up from her seat. “You have to start somewhere. Come on. I want to see what you brought to eat. You hungry?”
“Nah. You go on.” I hadn’t eaten, but I wasn’t hungry. Too many butterflies in my stomach for that. “I think I’m going to take a shower and go to bed. It’s been a long, tumultuous day.”
“I’ll save you something. You can reheat it later if you want.” Serelda gave me a smile and gripped my shoulder.
“It’s OK. Eat all you want. I’ll get something fresh tomorrow. You want to think about going down with me?” I knew it was pushing, but I was beginning to believe we both needed pushing. I’d been pushed by the club girls. I could push Serelda in a gentler way.
She looked away. “I don’t know. Maybe.” She shrugged, her head down. “We’ll see.”
Having planted that seed in Serelda’s mind for later, I went to the bathroom for a shower. As I undressed, I looked at myself in the mirror. I usually tried to avoid my reflection. It was a stark reminder of everything that had happened to me I’d tried so hard to forget. Scars crisscrossed my entire body. Even my face. The worst scars, though, were on the inside. Those scars were the ugliest of all.
I hung a towel over the mirror like Serelda and I usually did. Would I ever be able to look at myself in the mirror and not flinch? It had been more than a decade, and I still cringed every time I saw my reflection. I’d been a beautiful girl. The woman? Not so much.
As usual, I hurried through the shower, not wanting to touch myself any more than I had to. After all these years, the scars abrading my palms and the feel of the water slipping over me nauseated me. Using a washcloth or loofah didn’t help either. It seemed like I could feel the raised skin through anything. It was the same reason I didn’t put on lotion. I tried to stay out of the spray of water as much as I could, only stepping under it to rinse.
Chapter Three
Roman
If I lived to be a hundred, I’d never forget the sight of Winter as she took care of business with the club girls. The look on her face was fierce and determined. And the viciousness with which she delivered her punishment to Jezlynn gave me the hard-on from hell.
I sat next to Winter as she and Iris chatted lightly. Sting had his arm around Iris, a smirk on his face as if he knew exactly what a lucky bastard he was to have Iris as his ol’ lady. Before, I hadn’t really seen the appeal. To me, women had been a pleasant pastime, but I’d never really connected with one on an emotional level. Maybe I’d just never cared. But this girl… Yeah. I knew her past. Knew how she viewed it as shaping her present. By God, I wanted to be the one to claim her future.
Glancing at Sting, I could tell he knew something was up with me. He didn’t call me out on it or say anything, but he gave me a knowing look. Yeah. I was going through a struggle similar to the one he went through with his woman. Did I keep her? My loyalties would be divided if I did. There was no way I could put my club over my woman. I wasn’t built like that. I protected what was mine. So my club, or my woman? It was an impossible choice.
“I need to get back to Serelda.” Winter stood to leave. “Thanks so much for taking time to get to know me. I hope we can find a place to fit in here. Having watched how the Iron Tzars men worked together to get Jerrica back, I know they’re good people.” Winter smiled warmly at Iris. “I’m so glad you found Sting, Iris. I’m glad you and your sister have a strong protector.” Winter’s sincere comment dropped a veil over her expression. Just like that, I could see shadows of her past haunting her. My heart went out to her, and everything inside me demanded I make life perfect for this woman. I wanted to find the men her father let touch her and strangle them with their own entrails.
“I’ll walk you to your room.” I stood and snagged Winter’s hand before she could resist. I’d studied Winter and knew she wouldn’t draw attention to herself by protesting. As long as I didn’t do anything to make her uncomfortable or embarrass her, she’d go along with me to avoid an open confrontation. Jezlynn had pushed her too far, and that was the only reason she’d fought back. If I was right, one fight was all she was up for in a day. And only because the club girls had challenged her first.
Before I took her out of the common room, I snagged some burgers and chips to take up to Serelda. Winter gave a soft gasp as she looked at the plate.
“I forgot to get Serelda something.” Her voice was barely above a whisper, and she looked horrified. “How could I have forgotten?”
“Relax, honey. This is all overwhelming. Besides, you did get in a bar fight and stab someone.” I teased her gently, but that seemed to make her discomfort worse.
“I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.” She glanced over her shoulder. Probably to Sting and Iris’s table.
“Yeah, you shoulda. No one gets to talk to you like that, Winter.” My tone came out harsher than I meant it to, but it was the fucking truth. It made her focus on me, though. She turned back to face me, her eyes wide. “No one. Not me. Not Sting. Damned sure not a jealous club whore.” I sighed, knowing I needed to tone it down. “Come on, babe. Let’s get back to your room so Serelda has something to eat if she wants.” She let me take her hand once more without protest.
I took her back through the clubhouse, until we stopped at her door. She looked up at me with those pale blue eyes of hers, and I was fucking lost. “Don’t look at me like that, honey.”
She blinked rapidly and looked away, only to glance at me again. I liked to think it was because she couldn’t take her eyes off me, but she was probably making sure I didn’t pounce on her like I probably looked ready to do.
“I don’t understand. How am I looking at you?”
“Like you want me to claim you. Make you mine.” She shook her head slightly, but her eyes widened, and her lips parted. “Yeah, baby. I think that’s exactly what you want.”
I took the plate, balancing it in one hand. With my free hand, I gripped the back of her neck and pulled her to me. Her hands landed on my chest. Instead of pushing me away, her fingers curled into my shirt and bunched the material in her fists. With a groan, I brought my mouth to hers, sweeping my tongue inside as she whispered, “Sweet Jesus…” like a plea. Maybe she was praying for deliverance. If she was, her actions belied her prayers. Because, God above, the woman kissed me back like she’d been waiting her whole life for this kiss. I wanted to howl with the rightness of it. I also knew without question Winter would be mine.
She was sweet. Like morning dew warmed by the first rays of sunlight. Her hunger mirrored my own, though she was tentative. The longer I kissed her, the more she let herself go. God, I wanted to see what she would be like once she unleashed the pent-up passion inside her! Winter was a powder keg waiting for the right man to make her explode. Though I hadn’t been sure at first, I knew in my heart I was that man. Her man. She was still fragile and probably wasn’t ready to take me on, but I could get her there. I was sure there were things I needed to know about her past, but I was a patient man when I wanted something badly enough. And I wanted Winter with every fiber of my being.
Very gently, I ended the kiss, wrapping my arm around her shoulders instead of gripping her nape to hold her steady. I pulled her to me and let her cling while we both caught our breath. I could feel her trembling, but she still clung to my shirt. One arm slid up my chest to hook around my neck, and I breathed a sigh of relief. She was accepting me. At least for the moment.
“You good, baby?”
She didn’t speak, but nodded, still clinging to me. I kissed the top of her head before resting my chin there and held her for long moments. Finally, she pushed away and turned to open the door to her and Serelda’s room.
“Thank you, Roman.” She didn’t look at me. “For everything.”
“You have my number in your phone?”
She nodded.
“I want you to text me. Or call. If you need anything. If you want to talk.”
She turned to look at me over her shoulder. “Do you really mean that?”
“I do, Winter. I expect it. I find out you needed something -- anything -- and didn’t call me, I’ll be pissed. You get lonely or wake up in the night and can’t go back to sleep, I expect a call.”
She glanced over my shoulder. “Are you going back to the party?”
I held her gaze. “I’ll be there with Sting and Iris. Maybe Brick. No one else. You want to join me, you’re always welcome.”
Again, she looked over my shoulder before ducking her head. I glanced behind me where a club whore had draped herself lazily against the wall two doors down from us. It was obvious she was waiting on me to leave Winter so she could approach me. Yeah, it was going to take some time for the whores to get the message. I didn’t blame them. It was what they were here for. To provide sex to the men. They were chosen specifically for that purpose. They kept the club members satisfied when they were called upon, and they entertained any guests we invited over. Especially if there was business involved. A little bit of playing always made for smoother deals. I’d taken my fill from time to time, but never again. It often made for competition amongst the women. Each of them had men they enjoyed or wanted for themselves. They never landed a brother for more than a night or two at a time, but it didn’t prevent them from trying. Besides, Sting was the only one of us with a woman. Warlock had had Bev, but that was it. And they were both gone now. The whores hadn’t adapted to the new surroundings yet. They would.
“Will you have… company?”
“No, Winter. The only woman I’ll have with me is you. You don’t feel like joining us now, that’s OK.”
Her lips parted on a little gasp. “I don’t… I don’t understand.” Her voice was so soft it was hard to make out her words. Her face flushed scarlet, and she brought her fingertips to her lips, then moved her palm to cover the worst scar over her cheek, which she’d tried to cover with heavy makeup.
“Then I’ll spell it out for you, baby.” I stepped back into her space, placing one arm beside her head on the door. “I’m not gonna be with a club girl or any other woman for any reason. I got my eye on you. I’m not a nice man, but I never go back on my word, and I never betray those I care about. I won’t betray you, Winter. Not with another woman. Not for any reason.”
“You don’t know me. I’m not even sure if I can…” She trailed off, swallowing nervously. “I have a past that’s not pretty.”
“We all have pasts, Winter. Yours might be uglier than some, but everyone has things that haunt them.”
“But mine might not let me carry things any further than we just went.”
“Then I’ll have a lot of showers in my future to take things in hand.” I leaned in and kissed her lips lightly. “You don’t want to take a chance, that’s your choice. But if you trust me, I swear I’ll never betray that trust.”
“You’ll stop if I say?”
“Honey, always. No matter when or why. I will never hurt you. Especially not like that.”
She nodded several times, still casting furtive glances at the club girl watching us intently. “I -- I’ll think about it.” With a glance up at me and a small smile, she took the plate back, entered her room and shut the door.
For the first time in my life, I felt a thrill of… something. Excitement? Nervousness? Peace… Seemed like an oxymoron, but there it was. I’d known I wanted her before, but this…
Winter was the woman I wanted for myself. She had scars. Both physical and emotional. She wouldn’t be easy, but I knew in my very soul she would be worth all the effort it would take to be with her. Winter… was mine. She seemed to have destroyed her demons, but they still haunted her. Anyone could see that just by looking at her. Tonight, when I’d kissed her? I think that was the first time she’d ever considered she might want something from a man. I could see her struggling but wanting to embrace the pleasure she’d found. With gentleness and a lot of coaxing, I thought I could give her what she needed. And make her crave so much more. The tentative nature she showed to me now was so at odds with the women who’d taken it to the club girls harassing her that it was oddly stimulating. I didn’t want a simpering female, and that wasn’t Winter. But she was vulnerable. Which meant I had to be careful.
I rested my palm against the door after she’d closed it. So help me God, if it was the last thing I did, I’d make that woman realize she was so much more than the sum of her scars.
* * *
Winter
I’d never felt so alive as I did when Roman had kissed me. I stood there with my back to the door, the plate of food for Serelda in my hands, and my heart raced. I wanted to run back out that door and straight into his arms. At the same time, I was terrified.
“Winter?” Serelda came from the bedroom. “What’s wrong? What happened?” Serelda looked alarmed and like she might dissolve into tears at any moment.
“Nothing. I’m fine. I swear.” I put my hand over my chest. My breasts ached, and I was sure my nipples were poking hard against the material of the sports bra I wore.
“You’re not fine!” Serelda took the plate and practically tossed it to the table before locking the door and propping a chair against it. I wanted to reassure her, but I could barely catch my breath.
“Really, Serelda. It’s good.” It was all I could manage.
She snagged my hand and drew me farther into our suite of rooms, away from the door. “What happened? I’ll call Rycks, and he’ll send Viper and Cain after us.”
“No! I swear, Serelda, everything is good.” I pulled my sister into my arms and hugged her. “I’m fine.”
“Tell me. Please. I don’t want to stay here. I want to go back home.” Tears did stream down Serelda’s cheeks now. Her whole body trembled, and she was pale as a sheet.
“Sit down and I’ll tell you. Come.” I moved to the window seat where she’d set up a nest of blankets and pillows. She’d liked to sit next to the window in our room at Black Reign and watch the ocean or read a book. It didn’t surprise me she’d claimed this place for herself.
I took her hands firmly in mine. “I kissed Roman. Well, he kissed me, but I kissed him back.”
Serelda blinked several times, her mouth opening, then closing again. “You… what?”
“I know, right?” I giggled, unable to help myself. “I kissed Roman. He wants… well, he said he had his eye on me. He said he wasn’t going to be with another woman. That he wanted me.”
“You believe him?” Serelda tilted her head to the side. I could tell she wasn’t sure what to think.
“I don’t know! I want to.” I sighed happily. I felt like a schoolgirl with her first crush. In a way, I guess I was. Our father had whored us out in our early teens. Before I’d ever taken an interest in boys. After that? Well. It had taken me more than a decade to allow another man to touch me. I’d been attracted to Roman from the second I’d seen him. Now that I’d had a taste of what it would be like to let him have me, I thought I might be ready.
“Are you sure he won’t hurt you? I don’t really see it in any of these guys, but I don’t want to be wrong.”
“I don’t think he’d hurt me. Not physically, at least. Though, I think it might break my heart if… Well, I can’t imagine letting another man kiss me like he did. If he went to another woman… If I’m just a novelty to him…”
“Just be careful.” Serelda leaned in and put her arms around me, hugging me to her. We often held each other when we were scared. It had started soon after the first time our father had given us to a man. He’d wanted to play with twins and had taken our virginity. It hadn’t been pretty, and we’d both huddled in our closet for two days before our father had dragged us out to meet the second “client.”
The second those memories shoved their way into my mind, I shuddered. All arousal I’d felt disappeared in a flash. Who was I kidding? There was no way I could be with Roman. Not in any meaningful physical way.
“I will, sis.” I tried to put on some bravado even though I knew Serelda would see right through me.
“Don’t let Dad win.” Serelda’s soft plea found its way into my head. The pain in her voice was enough to push my demons back behind the door I tried so hard to keep them behind, and I could breathe again. “Run with this if you trust him. I can always call Rycks. He’ll get us out if we get into trouble.”
“I know. I’ll be all right. I’m just a little scared and overwhelmed. But I really want him, Serelda. For the first time in my life, I think I’m ready to try to be in a normal relationship.”
She pulled back, swiping at her tears before brushing her thumb under my eye to catch my own. “You know you’ll have to tell him. Right?”
“I don’t want to.” I turned to look out the window, knowing she was right. “He’ll see me as a victim. Even after what happened today.”
“Wait. What do you mean after what happened today? I thought you kissing Roman was what happened today.”
I winced, turning back to face my sister with a sheepish grin. “I might have accidentally gotten into a fight.”
“You what? But you hate violence!”
“I know!” I twisted my hands together, glancing up at Serelda before looking down again. “And I might have cut one of the club girls with a broken beer bottle.”
“Winter!” When I looked at Serelda she was fighting a smile. The woman actually looked happy about this.
“Yeah, well. I also stabbed another club girl. But only after she tried to stab me.” I hurried to finish, needing to get it out before Winter could say anything to make me not tell her all of it.
To my surprise, she did laugh then. “I don’t know why that surprises me. I guess she pushed you just a little too far.”
“Yeah. She did. I’ll have to watch my back, though. She let it go now, but I’m sure that won’t last long.”
“Not if they’re anything like the girls in the other clubs. Not unless Roman makes you his ol’ lady.”
“Slow down, sister. We’re not nearly that far yet. We’ve only kissed once.”
She laughed, hugging me once before getting up from her seat. “You have to start somewhere. Come on. I want to see what you brought to eat. You hungry?”
“Nah. You go on.” I hadn’t eaten, but I wasn’t hungry. Too many butterflies in my stomach for that. “I think I’m going to take a shower and go to bed. It’s been a long, tumultuous day.”
“I’ll save you something. You can reheat it later if you want.” Serelda gave me a smile and gripped my shoulder.
“It’s OK. Eat all you want. I’ll get something fresh tomorrow. You want to think about going down with me?” I knew it was pushing, but I was beginning to believe we both needed pushing. I’d been pushed by the club girls. I could push Serelda in a gentler way.
She looked away. “I don’t know. Maybe.” She shrugged, her head down. “We’ll see.”
Having planted that seed in Serelda’s mind for later, I went to the bathroom for a shower. As I undressed, I looked at myself in the mirror. I usually tried to avoid my reflection. It was a stark reminder of everything that had happened to me I’d tried so hard to forget. Scars crisscrossed my entire body. Even my face. The worst scars, though, were on the inside. Those scars were the ugliest of all.
I hung a towel over the mirror like Serelda and I usually did. Would I ever be able to look at myself in the mirror and not flinch? It had been more than a decade, and I still cringed every time I saw my reflection. I’d been a beautiful girl. The woman? Not so much.
As usual, I hurried through the shower, not wanting to touch myself any more than I had to. After all these years, the scars abrading my palms and the feel of the water slipping over me nauseated me. Using a washcloth or loofah didn’t help either. It seemed like I could feel the raised skin through anything. It was the same reason I didn’t put on lotion. I tried to stay out of the spray of water as much as I could, only stepping under it to rinse.
