Free Fall at Angel Creek, page 9
She had to stop a moment to control her breathing, then sat down to continue. She couldn’t look at Dee.
“The last words I heard ever from my mother were, ‘We’ll be okay.’ Then we hit really hard, my mom’s hand was ripped out of mine, and everything went dark. The next thing I remember was waking up in a hospital room with my dad looking down at me. He told me I’d been unconscious for two weeks and was lucky to be alive. Then he told me my mom was gone.”
The memory of those words from her father were burned into her brain for all eternity. Her eyes overflowed onto her already-wet shirt. She didn’t try to fight her tears because it was futile. For thirty-one years, every time she talked about that moment, the result was the same—overwhelming sadness.
After drying her face, River returned to Dee and sat next to her on the bed. “So you see, we do have something in common.”
They gazed at each other, then someone knocked on the door.
“The food’s here. Let’s eat something and continue this later.”
By a mutual unspoken agreement, they didn’t talk anymore about the accident. River was happy to see Dee dive into the bacon cheeseburger she’d ordered for her. They ate in companionable silence and watched Jeopardy on TV.
“How do you know the answers to all the questions? Have you seen this episode before?”
“No, but my mind is filled with useless information. The only thing my freakish memory is good for is trivia contests,” River said.
Someone knocked at the door, and when River answered it, Mike Bowers was standing before her. “Here are the car keys and the bag. You ladies have a good night.” Then he turned and walked away.
“I asked Mike to bring your car over from the hangar.” She handed Dee the keys to her car and her gym bag from the back seat.
“Thanks, but you didn’t have to do this.”
“I was just looking out for you, like I would for any team member. This is difficult work for all of us, and sometimes we need to take care of each other.”
“I get that. We had to do the same thing when I was in The Sand Box.”
“When were you in the Middle East?” River asked.
“When I was in military police in the army. I did three tours—one to Iraq and two to Afghanistan, from 2005 through 2007.”
“That must have been difficult duty.” River wanted to know more about Dee’s past, but she had to wait until Dee was ready to talk about it.
“Yeah. It’s a nasty place, next door to Bum Fuck, Egypt, but we were busy, which was good.” Her voice trailed off, and a blank stare filled her face.
It was the look of nothingness. River had seen this look before on the faces of other soldiers, usually when she was flying them on a KC-10 back home to the US. It was the classic PTSD stare. She recognized the signs of exhaustion in Dee and knew she needed rest.
“Hey, I don’t know about you, but I’m really tired. I think I’ll get a shower, and then I need my beauty sleep.” River took the food trays and set them out in the hall.
Dee got the hint and went into the other room with her gym bag.
River put her hand on Dee’s arm before she closed the door between their rooms. “I want you to know, you don’t have to keep working on this investigation. There will be very difficult days ahead as we uncover more evidence. There’s no shame in just taking care of yourself.”
Dee was quiet for a moment, then looked at River. “I have to keep working. It’s the only thing I can do.”
Chapter Twelve
Dee was glad to shut the door between herself and River. She appreciated her for trying to be helpful, but she wasn’t in the mood to talk about her past, her sister, the plane crash, or anything else. She opened the minibar looking for something to help her sleep, but closed it in frustration. No amount of alcohol would take away her pain or give her the oblivion she craved. If she had one drink, she’d drink them all, and that would be pointless. Plus, she didn’t want River to see a pile of little booze bottles by the bed.
The hot water felt good on her tight shoulders, and she stayed in the shower a long time. She thought about everything River had said, surprised at her candor. Initially, River came across as someone very intelligent and competent, but also rather cool. She didn’t hang out with the guys and preferred to eat alone in her room. Maybe she wasn’t comfortable working with men. Dee knew all about that after working with men for eight years in the army and another eight at the police department.
She’d developed a tough skin from living with her father for seventeen years, so she was used to getting yelled at in army training. She figured out how to work with her male coworkers, earn their respect, socialize with them just enough, and avoid dangerous situations, especially after she was almost assaulted in Iraq. She shivered as she recalled that incident.
She’d finished an all-night patrol and crashed on her cot, grateful that her tent mates were on duty and the hooch would be quiet. She remembered waking up with a start when a hot, sweaty hand covered her mouth. She couldn’t move, pinned by his heavy body on top of her. Struggling, she was able to free her right hand, feel for her gun in the cubby next to her cot, and jam the hard, steel barrel into his thick neck. He froze, then removed his hand from her face only a second before she was about to blow his brains out. Remembering the vivid details made her heart race. She was one of the lucky women in the army who got away, although she’d always regretted not shooting him in the ass as he ran out her door.
Well, that was another cheery thought.
This crash and her thoughts of Naomi were triggering her PTSD. She would have to use all her coping techniques to get any sleep. She went to the door between their rooms and heard soft, steady snoring from River’s room. Reaching for the lock, she stopped herself and slid her fingertips down the face of the door. Then she turned and closed the bathroom door, left the small light on, and double-checked the deadbolt lock.
Her alarm was set, her pistol lay on the nightstand, and the bed was comfortable. She concentrated on tightening, then releasing all her muscle groups from her feet to her head. Then she counted her breathing, a three-count inhale, four-count exhale, and repeat. Her normal sleepiness wouldn’t come. She conjured up her well-used meditation images: the beach, small gentle waves, sunlight dancing on the ocean. Feel it. Smell it.
She inhaled deeply for the scent of salt air, felt warm sand between her toes and a cool breeze across her face. She saw herself walking toward the waves, letting cold seawater splash over her feet. Raising her face to the sun, she let peace enfold her in golden light until sleep mercifully took her as she tasted the salt of the ocean in her own tears.
* * *
A sound awoke River from a deep sleep. She listened for more and heard a noise coming from Dee’s room. She went to the door separating their rooms and heard sounds of a struggle. Throwing open the door, she saw Dee thrashing in the bed, her arms and legs flailing wildly. She ran to the bed and touched Dee’s shoulder to wake her so she wouldn’t hurt herself. In the dim light, River saw movement and ducked just before Dee hit her in the face.
“Dee. Wake up. You’re having a nightmare.”
River lay down on the bed next to her, put her arms around her, and threw her leg over Dee’s lower body to stop her from thrashing. “You’re safe. I’m with you. It’s me, River. Stop fighting, please. I won’t hurt you.”
She kept repeating these words over and over, making her voice as soft as possible. Finally, Dee stopped, and her body relaxed.
“Wha…what’s going on? River?” Dee’s voice was hoarse.
River let out the breath she’d been holding. “You were having a nightmare. Are you okay?”
“Yeah. I think so, but I’m cold.” Dee started shivering.
“You’re soaking wet. I have a spare tee shirt in my room.”
She started to get up, but Dee held her arm tight against her. “Please don’t go.”
She was still shivering.
“All right.”
She nudged Dee to turn onto her side, then pressed herself against Dee’s back. She reached down, pulled the covers over them, put her arm around Dee’s waist, and pulled her close. Finally, she whispered into the back of Dee’s neck. “Do you think you can sleep like this?”
Dee laced her fingers through River’s hand. “Yes. If you’ll stay with me for a minute.”
Dee’s breathing deepened, then slowed.
“Sure.”
* * *
From the depths of sleep, Dee sensed delicious warmth along the length of her back. More lusciousness pressed against the back of her legs. A soft hand rested on her belly. This was a beautiful dream she didn’t want to wake up from. Steady breath on the back of her neck made her want to stay in this place forever. She moved her hips into the velvety skin against her bottom, wanting more. The hand on her belly pulled her in closer.
“Mmm.”
Then, the arm around her waist tightened, and breasts pressed into her back. It was pure heaven. She put her own hand on top of the fingers caressing her stomach, gently urging them to move lower. Just then, all movement froze. The soft hand on her belly was withdrawn, and cold air assaulted her back as the warm body next to her left. She was fully awake now and realized she’d been rubbing her backside against River. Oh, hell, what have I done?
She didn’t move from her spot, even though she wanted to grab River’s hand and pull her back into bed. She pretended to be asleep because she didn’t want to have some sort of awkward conversation. River got out of bed, put the covers back over her, and left the room. Dee had been warm and happy for a moment, but now she was alone and cold again.
Maybe this whole thing was an incredibly bad idea after all. Working on this investigation with River made her feel useful and gave her a temporary escape from her grief, but was the cost too high? River didn’t want her here, that was very clear, and the accident was triggering her PTSD in a big way.
She remembered having a hard time getting to sleep earlier, and the nightmares coming. Various images of the horrors she’d seen in combat, at crime scenes, and now airplane crashes swirled together and tormented her all night. In her dreams, she’d tried to fight them, but she was paralyzed, until River woke her from the nightmare. When River held her in her arms, she felt like she’d been saved. Then River had showed her kindness by staying with her all night.
Dee had no idea what to do next. She just pulled the covers tighter around her, humiliated by her behavior in front of River. Not only was she an emotional mess, but now River knew she was psychologically damaged. Usually, she was able to manage her past trauma with the techniques she’d learned during her army PTSD treatment, but Naomi’s death made her feel like she was at square one again. Then, on top of that, Dee had thrown herself at River in bed.
The only recourse was to use the tried-and-true “I can’t remember what I did last night” excuse. If it worked for drunks to avoid consequences for bad behavior, it should also work for PTSD. If that didn’t take care of it, her only other option was to crawl into a hole and die. Hopefully, River won’t bring it up, and they could pretend it didn’t happen.
As Dee tried to relax and go to sleep again, whenever she closed her eyes, all she could think about was the sensation of River’s body next to her. It took her back to a time in her life when she was briefly happy with Marci. Even though she and Marci had to sneak around on base, were in the middle of a war zone, and didn’t know if they’d be alive from one moment to the next, they’d been happy together. Even understanding it would never work out for them, she couldn’t keep from falling in love with Marci all those years ago. They’d had amazing sex, but her favorite memory with Marci was when she fell asleep in her arms, safe from the chaos and war around them.
River had given her that same comfort, and she responded by making a pass at her. River was just trying to take care of her, like she would do for any other team member, and it didn’t mean anything. River was only interested in being kind, as a fellow surviving family member, and nothing more. As she tried to sleep, she forced thoughts of the sensation of River’s closeness from her mind: three-count inhale, four-count exhale, beach, small waves, sunlight.
* * *
River closed the door between their rooms as quietly as she could when she went into her bathroom. She turned the light on and looked at her reflection with disappointment. “What the hell are you doing?”
She shook her head, not knowing what she should do next. Her heart was racing, and her skin tingled where she had been next to Dee. She had only intended to help Dee through this trauma, but then she ended up in bed with her, touching her stomach. She was no better than a lecherous man taking advantage of a helpless woman. On top of that, the symptoms of a migraine headache were beginning.
She found her medication in her travel bag and downed it with a big glass of water. The light in the bathroom hurt her eyes, and everything had a golden shimmer around the edges. She hoped it wasn’t too late for her meds to work. Otherwise, if this turned into a full-blown migraine, she’d be incapacitated for two days.
River looked at her watch. It was already three a.m. If she was lucky, she’d get five hours of sleep and might be able to make the morning briefing at nine. She blocked all light in the room, put in her ear plugs, set her alarm, crawled into bed, and tried to stay as still as possible. Her head was throbbing in waves of pain, but she hated the nausea worst of all. She tried to relax and wait for her meds to kick in, slowed her breathing and cleared her mind, but thoughts of being next to Dee continued to creep into her consciousness.
She’d found Dee thrashing in bed throughout the night, fighting her invisible demons. River used all her might to keep Dee from hurting herself, but she was very strong despite her slight build. Dee would calm down for a few minutes, then start twitching, which would turn into moaning, and then her fists went flying. As the night wore on, she repeated this cycle, with less and less fighting. After Dee finally calmed down for more than a few minutes, River drifted off to sleep holding her. She’d been worried about Dee and was so relieved when she finally slept that she let her own guard down and closed her eyes. The next thing she was aware of was a warm body next to her and a lovely round bottom sliding against her hips. Soft, velvety skin under her fingertips invited exploration. When Dee put her hand on top of River’s and urged her to move lower, her own arousal almost took over, before she realized what she was doing and stopped.
Even through Dee wasn’t herself, her own reaction surprised her. Out of professional necessity, she’d learned how to always keep her emotions in check and was careful not to reveal her feelings unless it was important. When she’d felt Dee next to her, part of her had wanted to let go of her tight control and simply enjoy the sensations. Then she remembered she was in bed with Dee, supposedly trying to help her. River’s behavior embarrassed her, and she hoped they would never speak of it. Both of them were exhausted and stressed out. It was nothing more than that. At least she hoped so.
Chapter Thirteen
Day 5
Sunlight streamed into Dee’s room through a gap in the curtains, and she woke up disoriented. She looked around the room to get her bearings, checked the clock, and made herself some coffee. When she examined herself in the mirror, she hardly recognized the woman looking back at her. Her hair was a rat’s nest, she had dark circles under her eyes, her skin color looked grayish, and she ached all over. Another hot shower gave her sore muscles relief, but she was still tired from her restless night.
As she dressed, she listened for any sounds from River’s room and heard nothing. River was probably still asleep, and she was relieved she didn’t have to talk to her right now. Maybe later today it wouldn’t be so awkward to converse, and she could just gloss over last night’s embarrassing incident. She would never forget it, but she hoped she wouldn’t have to discuss her behavior face-to-face with River.
Her stomach growled, and she got dressed and went downstairs to the hotel’s breakfast buffet. Many team members were already there, busily stuffing their faces and talking. She got more coffee and a plate of food, then saw Mike Bowers sitting with a group of guys.
“Mind if I join you?” she asked.
“Not at all. Have a seat,” Mike said.
“What are you guys working on today?”
“We’re continuing our search flights and are hoping to find the location of the black boxes. We have a direction finder in our airplane that can point to the radio signal from the pinger. I was thinking of asking River where she thought they might be. She’s been spot-on with helping us find other stuff.”
“I’m sure she’ll have some suggestions.”
“We’re going to head over to the airport for the morning briefing in a few minutes. Do you need a ride?”
“No, but thanks. I’ll see you guys there.”
Dee kept watching the doorway of the dining room, expecting to see River walk through it, but she didn’t. Where was she? Maybe she’d already left for the airport without telling her. Maybe she didn’t want to speak to her this morning either. Whatever the reason, she’d better check on her before she left the hotel for the day.
