Free Fall at Angel Creek, page 21
Dear Squirt,
I miss you so much! So far, I really like the army. We get up real early and it’s hard work, but I’m learning a lot, and I’ve made some friends. I hope I can come home and see you after I graduate from basic training in a few weeks. Please write to me!
I love you, Sissy
“So she never saw any of your letters because your father took all of them. I’m surprised he kept them, especially since we weren’t allowed to say your name in his presence,” Bill said.
“Wow. I knew he was a control freak, but I never thought he wouldn’t let Naomi see my letters. She must have thought I didn’t care about her anymore. That fucking old bastard. Sorry. I didn’t mean to swear in front of you girls.”
“That’s nothing compared to what Mama used to say.” Brin seemed almost proud of her mother.
“I wish I could have heard her cuss just once. She was such a goody two-shoes growing up.”
“Well, we have a really funny video of Mama cussing up a storm. Want to see it?” Taylor asked.
“Sure I do.”
Taylor sat on the other side of Dee, punched buttons on the TV remote, and brought up the video clip of Naomi on the screen. It was Christmas, with a decorated tree in the background and holiday music playing. Naomi was teaching Taylor how to make cookies, and when she opened the oven door, thick smoke poured off burned cookies. Naomi was so mad, she let loose with a string of curse words, stomped over to the back door, flung it open, and hurled the smoking cookie sheets outside into the snow. She stomped back into the kitchen, still cursing. The video ended with Naomi looking directly at the camera and saying, “Merry fucking Christmas!”
They all howled with laughter, which then turned into tears, with Brin and Taylor holding on to Dee. Clasping Naomi’s daughters in her arms, Dee felt her sister in each one of them. River was right. Naomi still lived in both her girls, and in Dee. Overwhelmed with love for Brin and Taylor, she silently promised to protect them for the rest of her life.
“Read another one,” Brin asked.
Dee opened the next white envelope, also with a Minnie Mouse sticker on it.
Dear Sissy,
I miss you so much. It’s really lonely without you. I’m not allowed to talk about you, or Daddy gets mad. Why did you leave? A big sister is supposed to look out for you, not go away. Please come home soon.
I love you, Squirt
She could hear Naomi’s young voice in her pleading words. The guilt was crushing her. She held the letter to her heart and rocked back and forth. “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry, Naomi. I never meant to hurt you.”
Brin and Taylor both hugged her, and Bill gave her a tissue.
“You don’t have to read any more letters, Aunt Dee. We don’t want you to cry.”
She wiped her eyes. “I’m okay. I’m glad I get to look at these with you girls. Then it’s not too hard.”
She read more letters to them and told them about her life in the army as an MP when she wrote her letters. Then she noticed a change in the tone in Naomi’s writing. She still missed Dee and wanted her to come home, but her words conveyed a new strength, especially with regard to their father. Naomi was angry with him, and she wasn’t afraid of him anymore. She wrote about making her own decisions for her life and no longer doing what he told her to. It became clear that Dee’s absence had made Naomi learn to defend herself and stand up to him. I’m proud of you, Squirt.
The girls would have stayed up all night listening to the letters and watching their mother’s videos, but Bill made them go to bed. Both Brin and Taylor hugged her before they went upstairs, and Taylor said, “Thank you for coming, Aunt Dee.”
Bill came over to Dee after he put his daughters to bed. “I can’t thank you enough for being here. I’ve been so worried about them, especially Taylor. I don’t know how you did it, but Taylor said more to you this evening than she’s said since the plane crash. Maybe it’s because you’re so much like Naomi.”
“I am?”
“Oh, yeah. Your voice is the same, your gestures are the same, your eyes, even the way you laugh. It’s uncanny. You’ve been able to connect to them, and I’m so grateful.”
“They’re great kids. You and Naomi have done a wonderful job raising them.”
Dee was surprised she felt so comfortable talking to him. She’d been filled with apprehension about meeting him and had expected him to blame her, but he’d showed her only kindness. He was a good man, and a great dad, and so different from her own father. She wanted to get to know him better. “So how did you and Naomi meet?”
“We were high school sweethearts. My dad was a tank commander in the army and got stationed at Fort Hood. So we moved to Killeen, and I transferred to Naomi’s high school when we were both seniors.”
He smiled as he gazed into the distance, clearly remembering Naomi.
“I never believed in love at first sight, until I met her. The first time I saw Naomi, she was speaking at a school assembly, asking for everyone to elect her to our student council. She was so smart, and funny, and she really cared about our classmates. I couldn’t take my eyes off her. She had the most captivating dark-green eyes, so expressive, like she was looking directly into my soul. I knew right then I was in love with her, we were meant to be together, and I would marry her. Amazingly, she felt the same about me.”
“That’s incredible. So what’d you think about my father and mother?”
“I liked your mother, but she was so quiet and submissive. And she didn’t smile very much. I thought it was because she missed you. Your dad, well, he was a piece of work. He was a bully, and he warned me to stay away from Naomi, which didn’t work. I think he was really a frightened, small man. He was so desperate to control all of you, he only succeeded in driving you all away.”
This was all news to Dee. She was surprised, and pleased, that Naomi had followed her heart, against their father’s wishes, to be with this kind man who was so clearly in love with her.
“So when did you and Naomi get married?”
“Well, she got pregnant in December of our senior year, and we got married in the chapel at Fort Hood on Valentine’s Day. Your father refused to attend, since we were ‘sinners,’ but your mom came, and so did everyone in my family. They all loved Naomi. She was going to drop out of high school, but Dr. Wilkinson wouldn’t let her. She arranged for Naomi to complete her classes online, and she and Gretchen let us move into their garage apartment for free.”
“They let me live there too, after my father kicked me out. We were lucky to have them.”
“Naomi and I sure were. Doc helped us get scholarships and student loans for college, and I got a full-time job at a tire shop. Doc insisted we both walk across the stage to receive our diplomas when we graduated, even though Naomi was six months pregnant. Then three months later, Taylor showed up, and we both started junior college. Two years later, we transferred to the University of Texas, I finished my degree in mechanical engineering, and Naomi got her degree in social work. Taylor was three, Naomi was pregnant most of our senior year, and then Miss Brin joined us the week before we graduated. Naomi graduated with honors.”
Dee was blown away. Instead of falling apart by her absence, Naomi had grown a spine of steel and a will of iron to accomplish everything she did, especially with no help from their parents.
“That’s an incredible story, Bill. I’m so happy you and Naomi found each other.”
“We were very lucky. Naomi and I had fourteen happy years together and two beautiful girls, but I really miss her.” He wiped his eyes. “Well, you must be tired after they talked your ear off. I’ll show you to your room.”
Dee got settled in the comfortable guest bedroom and stood at the window looking at downtown Chicago. She’d been so afraid to meet Naomi’s family, thinking they’d blame her for their mother’s death. But they were sweet to her and surrounded her with love, though they didn’t even know her. She checked her phone to see if River might have sent her a text. She ached to call her and tell her all about Naomi’s family, but the knife of betrayal was still deep in her heart.
Chapter Twenty-eight
Day 11
River was relieved to wake up in her quiet, peaceful house. The stress of the investigation and the way she’d left things with Dee had drained her. She could manage basic tasks such as laundry, but that was all. She was worried about how Dee was doing with Naomi’s family. Hearing her cell phone ring in the kitchen, she ran to answer it, disappointed it wasn’t Dee.
It was her assistant. “Oh, hi, Maggie.”
“Nice to hear your voice too. The insurance company wants to know when they’ll be getting your report.”
“Tell them three days. I need a little more time to finish it.”
“Okay. They have another job for you. They want you to the review the report from a cargo plane accident in Indonesia.”
“Tell them I’m not available.”
“Did you pick up something else? You don’t have to travel for this one.”
“No. I just need a long break, maybe a permanent one. I’ll call you later.”
River needed to make a change in her life, and she needed to begin today. Cleaning out her attic was the first step, and then she’d work her way through the rest of the house. She’d get rid of everything non-essential, then put the house on the market.
It was too difficult to face any more accident investigations, so she would make inquiries at USC. Maybe she could find a purpose in the world of academia and train the next generation of investigators. Nothing was keeping her in Denver anymore, not even her grandparents’ old house.
* * *
After a restless night, Dee woke up to the smell of coffee and made her way downstairs to find everyone dressed and ready to go.
“Good morning. We have a big favor to ask Aunt Dee. Don’t we, girls?”
“Sure. Anything.”
“We have an appointment in one hour with a family therapist, and Taylor just agreed to come with us, but only if you will too.”
Outplayed by a thirteen-year-old. “Let me get ready. I’ll be happy to.”
Everyone was quiet in the van during the drive. Maybe they were all as apprehensive as Dee. The woman therapist was very gentle with Brin and Taylor. Bill expressed his worry for his kids, and Dee mainly listened.
Then the therapist turned to her. “And what are you feeling, Dee?”
I hate this. She took a deep breath. “If I hadn’t been so stubborn when I was eighteen and could’ve keep my mouth shut with my father, I could’ve stayed at home, stayed connected to Naomi, and she never would’ve been on that airplane. I never thought he’d kick me out. Daddy expected me to come crawling back, to repent at church in front of everyone, and act right after that. But I just couldn’t do it, so I had to abandon Naomi to save myself, and I’ll regret that to the end of my life.”
The woman looked at her with great sympathy.
“Dee, you did nothing wrong. You simply survived, when a lot of gay teens weren’t able to. Your father, not you, was responsible for all the pain he caused your family. He tried so desperately to control you, your sister, and your mother that he suffocated all of you.”
When Dee took in her words, a cloud lifted. Leaving the session, she felt lighter. Everyone was quiet on the way home, and the tension level in the van had lessened.
Bill pulled Dee aside after they went inside. “Thank you for your honesty in therapy today. I think it really helped Brin and Taylor. I talked to the girls, and we need your help. Can you stay with us for the next few weeks? I have so much to do with the funeral, the paperwork, the house, and the therapy that I’m overwhelmed. If you could stay until Taylor’s comfortable with the family therapy, I’d be very grateful.”
“Of course, Bill. I’ll do anything you want.”
Over the next many days, Dee, Brin, and Taylor went through the difficult task of sorting through Naomi’s things. They saved beloved mementos, attended therapy, watched family videos, told stories of Naomi, and Dee read them the rest of the letters. One letter really touched her.
Hi Sissy,
I have the best news. I met a boy at school and he’s super nice, plus he’s gorgeous. I really like him, but Daddy said I can’t see him. We’ll see about that! I know now why you had to leave. Daddy tried to force you to be something you weren’t. I’m not mad at you because you left home. You had to save yourself. And Daddy can’t stop me from seeing Bill. That’s his name, by the way. I miss you and I hope you’ll write back to me.
I love you, Squirt
Naomi understood why she’d had to get away, and she’d grown into a strong woman, who could stand up to their father and seize her future. Reading about her falling in love with Bill was an amazing gift.
* * *
Day 16
In the last few letters Dee read to them, Naomi wrote about their mother.
Hey Sissy,
Mother’s not doing well today. She’s very tired. The doctor says it won’t be long now because her cancer has spread. I’m so glad she was well enough to come to my wedding and got to see our baby, Taylor. She told me to never give up on you, no matter what Daddy says, and I never will. I know you didn’t have a choice when you left home, and I understand now. I will find you again, I promise.
Love always, Squirt
Dee carefully folded the letter and put it back in the envelope. There was only one more letter left in the pink suitcase, at the bottom of the stack. It was in a new envelope. Dee would save this one until later. She wanted to spend as much time as she could with Brin and Taylor learning about their life with her sister. Naomi had not only survived her absence, but she’d thrived and created an amazing family.
Then she heard a familiar voice in the background. It was coming from the den, where the TV had been left on. When she pushed the door open, she gasped and put her hand over her mouth.
“Do you know her, Aunt Dee?” Brin had followed her.
Dee put her hand down. “Yes, I do. We worked together on the crash investigation. Where’s the remote? I need to turn this up.”
River’s image was on the TV screen, and Dee’s heart pounded. River was sitting at a table with Ronald Moore and three other NTSB investigators in a press briefing answering questions about flight 402. Enlarged pictures of the reassembled DC-10 were displayed in the background. A reporter asked her a question.
“Dr. Dawson, what was the key evidence that led you to find the cause of this terrible crash?”
“We had exceptional teamwork and support from many federal and state agencies on this case. In particular, I’d like to thank the Portland Police Bureau for sending us Detective Dee Rawlings. Her work was essential in discovering the critical evidence of this accident.”
Taylor turned to her. “Wow, Aunt Dee. Who is that lady?”
“A very special friend.”
* * *
Day 22
River kept herself busy, but she constantly thought about Dee. She was eager to know how things were with Dee’s family. She longed to hear her voice, with her little hints of Texas twang, and to gaze into her green eyes. The last time she’d looked into Dee’s eyes, she’d seen only hurt and betrayal.
Her time alone, when she didn’t have a thousand demands on her, had brought her life into sharp focus, and she didn’t like what she saw. She’d worked so hard for prestige and professional success, but she came home to an empty house. Her whole life was empty without Dee.
River had grown a tough shell to survive in a career field where women make up less than seven percent of all pilots. She hadn’t even noticed, but over time, she’d become a person she couldn’t stand. In a world where men treat knowledge as power, she was now someone who had to be right about everything. The depth of her own arrogance stunned her.
She’d been so sure she knew what was best for Dee. And she’d made so many wrong assumptions about her, she didn’t blame Dee for not speaking to her. Keeping the letters from her because she didn’t think Dee could handle them was a huge mistake, based on her own feelings about her mother’s death. At age thirteen, her fear, anger, guilt, and hopelessness had overwhelmed her, and she’d seen Dee through those same thirteen-year-old eyes.
Dee Rawlings was the opposite of fearful and hopeless. She was courageous when she’d joined the army at eighteen and learned to fend for herself. Then she demonstrated fearlessness when she worked on the investigation, and she showed such grace when she talked about how much she loved her sister. River kept replaying their conversations and kept seeing images of her, especially at bedtime.
When she closed her eyes at night, she longed to curl up next to Dee. She wanted to touch her skin, inhale her scent, and kiss Dee’s lips. Even though it was torture, she remembered every detail about their lovemaking and the way Dee had touched her body and her soul. When she experienced the full force of Dee’s desire for her, she trusted her and finally was free enough to lose control, to give herself to Dee.
I can see your face, I can hear your voice, I can almost touch you.
River relished every moment with Dee, when neither of them held back, when their passion combined into a swirl of fire. Nothing in the universe mattered as much as joining with her and becoming one. She’d given herself to Dee with complete abandon and with the hope of forever.
Chapter Twenty-nine
Day 23
Dee lingered over the shoe box of treasures from Naomi’s closet. Baby-ultrasound pictures, her girls’ footprints, their graduation and wedding pictures, and Dee’s wooden Camp Fire Girl beads.
