Black Light: Charmed (Black Light Series Book 15), page 21
Sliding her thumb over the screen, she pulled the picture back into view, staring at his face and then looking closer at the buildings behind him. The names on them.
“Holy shit, he’s outside! He’s here!” she shouted, looking up at all of them to see Wyatt shrug, chuckling.
“Yeah, I think he said something about how he’d rather sleep outside a bar than miss the chance to apologize to you.”
“Oh my God.” Standing up from her chair, she looked at Vanessa, who was smiling, unable to contain her excitement.
“Go!” Vanessa urged.
“You know you want to, Cass,” Abelita said, and she actually smiled. “For the record, he told Vanessa that I inspired him to do this little Instagram confessional thing.”
“What?” Cassandra asked, confused, but Vanessa tugged at her arm.
“Later! You can talk about it later! Go talk to him!” her friend practically pushed her toward the door, but she didn’t need the encouragement. She’d wanted to talk to him, to see him, she just hadn’t known how she could possibly have the conversation she needed to… but he’d started it. And he’d said more than she’d ever expected, more than she thought he was capable of.
Slipping between the other customers, Cassandra finally made it to the front door and pushed it open, stepping out onto the sidewalk to find him. Logan wasn’t right in front of the bar, he was leaning next to a light pole off to the left, staring at his phone. After a moment, he saw her, and she swallowed down the urge to run over and hug him, or hit him, or kiss him, or — whatever. As he walked over, he tucked his phone into his jeans.
Jeans. He’s wearing jeans, and a sweater.
When he got close enough, she could tell he wasn’t himself. All that cocky bravado he usually wore like armor was missing. Hair all mussed, eyes red-rimmed, but he was still handsome as fuck and so much more approachable in the comfortable clothes. This wasn’t the corporate asshole who had shouted at her on Friday night… this wasn’t a Logan she recognized.
“I’m sorry, Cassandra,” he said, his voice that perfect blend of low tones and polished upbringing that she’d been torturing herself with by listening to his voicemails over and over.
But, while the posts he’d made were amazing, and as insane as him actually posting them was, she couldn’t just let go of how much he’d hurt her. No matter how much she wanted to feel his arms around her again. Steadying herself, Cassandra crossed her arms and met his pretty blue eyes.
“You’re going to have to do better than that, Logan.”
Chapter 25
Logan
His hands were definitely shaking, and he tucked them into his pockets so he wouldn’t reach out and touch her — because that’s all he wanted to do. After Wyatt had texted him to confirm she was inside, he’d posted the things on Instagram and waited for her to come out. Waited, and waited, and waited until he’d started to convince himself that it hadn’t been enough. That his last-ditch effort to show her that he’d changed had failed, and he’d lost her forever.
But then she’d come out.
Beautiful and incredible and standing in front of him.
You’re going to have to do better than that, Logan.
Nodding, he didn’t even have the vaguest urge to argue, and he was so relieved just to hear the sass in her voice again that all he wanted to do was kiss her. But he wouldn’t, he hadn’t earned that.
“You were right,” he started, clearing his throat as they moved to the edge of the sidewalk so others could pass more easily. “I never should have spoken to you like that, and it was stupid anyway. I have so much respect for you, Cassandra. For how hard you work, for how talented you are, and I lashed out like an asshole because I was miserable, because I was drunk — and I know that’s a shit excuse. I’m not even trying to use it as an excuse, because it’s inexcusable. My father was an absolute bastard when he drank, and when I woke up that day… that was all I could think about. How much like my father I’d been when I lashed out at you for something you had nothing to do with, something you’d tried over and over to help me with.”
Groaning, Logan rubbed a hand over his face, shoving his hair back from his forehead as he looked at the tense expression on her face. Brows pulled together, that soft lip tucked between her teeth… but she was listening. That’s all that mattered. She was listening to him.
“I absolutely hate myself for what I did. I hate who I let myself become in trying to fill his shoes, to run my family’s company like he had, but… I don’t want to be that man, Cassandra. I don’t want to grow old and die bitter and alone and angry at the world like he did.”
“What do you want?” she asked, her voice almost too quiet to be heard over the traffic and the bustle of people.
“The same thing I’ve wanted since Roulette. You. I want you, Cassandra, and I know I don’t deserve you. You are beautiful, and light, and full of so much goodness that I feel like I taint you just by being near you but… fuck. I—” He took a breath and made sure to look her in the eyes as he laid down the biggest gamble of his life. “I love you, Cassandra. I can’t imagine my life without you in it. I don’t want to take another photograph alone. I want you in them with me. I want to build a life with you and enjoy life with you.”
“Logan…” she said, her arms dropping to her sides with a sigh, but he raised his hands, wordlessly pleading for her to listen a minute more.
“Listen, I don’t know how good I’ll be at enjoying life, but I swear to you I will do my best if you’ll just give me the chance to show you who I can be, who you make me want to be.” He stopped, running out of all the phrases and ideas he’d thought through over and over, and all he could do now was hope it would be enough as he dropped his gaze and forced his hands back into his pockets. “I’m sorry I cut you off, I just… I just wanted to tell you that.”
Cassandra shook her head slowly, looking out at the traffic and the others on the sidewalk as she seemed to struggle with what to say. He knew exactly what he wanted to hear, but something about the sorrowful look on her face told him it wasn’t coming.
“I believe you, Logan. I can tell you’re sorry, that it was a mistake, and I really appreciate that you did all this to show me how sorry you are. I mean, hell, you made a fucking Instagram account with your real name and your face just to tell me everything because I wouldn’t take your calls!”
“I don’t blame you at all for that,” he replied, smiling a little.
“Yeah…” Sighing, Cassandra bit her lip again, and he could swear that she was about to cry, her voice cracking a little as she continued. “But… Logan… this was never going to work. Us. I’m about to leave to be with my family for Christmas, and after that I’m heading back to London for my first shoot of the new year. My travel schedule is just as crazy next year as this year, even more so, and we’re going to end up in the same situation we were after Roulette. You wanting to meet up, me never being in town, and both of us disappointed.”
Sniffling, she swiped at her cheeks, brushing away the few tears that managed to escape, and he took a step closer, hands leaving his pockets on instinct because he wanted to pull her against him. To wrap his arms around her and tell her everything would be okay.
He’d made her cry enough already. Vanessa had made that very clear.
“So, while I appreciate your apology, and I want you to enjoy your life… I can’t be a part of it,” she finished, her voice breaking as she turned away from him, taking a step the other direction, but he grabbed her wrist before he could think twice about it.
“Cassandra! Wait, please,” he said, pulling his hand back as soon as she looked at him again.
“Logan…” Her voice was full of pain, and he knew he’d put it there. Vanessa had been right about it. If he’d ever had a chance of Cassandra believing in them, of her seeing a future with him as a possibility, his actions had ruined it — but he wasn’t giving up. He couldn’t.
“Look, I wasn’t kidding that I want to start enjoying my life.” Spreading his arms, he laughed a little, hearing the bitterness in his voice. “I’ve spent the last couple of weeks blaming everyone else for the issues we’ve had at the company. For the accounts we’ve lost, the money we’ve lost… but it was me. I was running the company into the ground because I was trying so damn hard to be like my father. Tough, knowledgeable, infallible, and I forgot that I had an entire team of people with experience and ideas that could have helped me. But I’m not doing that anymore, Cassandra. I had a long talk with my COO about everything that needs to change, and I’m one of the biggest issues. Me. My micro-managing, my insistence on being involved with everything so that I can control it. And I’m done.”
“You’re not done, Logan,” she said, wiping at tears again as she shook her head.
“I am! For years all I’ve done is work. Day and night. I’ve been burning the candle at both ends, never stopping for even a minute to step back and really fucking see my life. You were absolutely right when you said that all I’ve done is focus on the bad. The mistakes. The problems. The issues. I haven’t looked at any of the good in my life, not ever. Not until you. Not until I saw the sheer joy you live your life with… and then spent a few days without it. Then the truth was pretty clear… I’ve been burned out for a long time.”
“I agree with you, and I’m glad you see this stuff now, but that’s not the issue here.” Cassandra crossed her arms again, her shoulders curling in as she focused on the ground, and it killed him to see the lights catch on her tears.
“Cassandra, I have spent my entire life worried about living up to my father’s legacy, and I worked so hard trying to impress him, to not embarrass him… that I forgot how much I never wanted to be him. I forgot that I wanted to be different, to be better, and I’m going to be. I’m not going to try and follow in his footsteps anymore, and to start with—” He took a steadying breath, trying to get his heart to stop slamming against the inside of his chest. “To start with that means I’m not going to be at work 24/7 and I’m going to travel. Hopefully to see you, if you’ll have me.”
“You can’t leave your job, Logan!” she snapped, groaning as she scrubbed at her cheeks again.
“You’re right! I can’t walk out on the job. It would tank the company. Hundreds of people would probably lose their jobs, and I won’t be responsible for that… but I don’t have to be President and CEO of Whitney Asset Management. Just because my father and my grandfather were, it doesn’t mean I have to, and my COO has already agreed to take over the role of President — as soon as the rest of the board approves it, but something tells me they’ll be celebrating as soon as I’m not in the room.” He chuckled a little, but Cassandra wasn’t laughing. “As CEO I’ll still have responsibilities, but Jared will take on most of the day-to-day stuff, and I’ll be able to take a week here and there and not be here in L.A. I’m grateful I have my job, but of all the things in my life that I need to be grateful for… you’re number one on that list for me, Cassandra. And I’ll do whatever it takes to prove that to you.”
“My hours on shoots are insane. Early mornings, very late nights, it’s—”
“Worth it,” he said as he moved a little closer, and this time she didn’t step back. “I don’t care if I only get you for one meal, or for a few hours a night. I don’t care if all I do is take care of you when you’re tired… if you’ll let me. But I want to fight for us. For what I think we can be.”
“And what do you think we can be?” she asked, looking up at him as she allowed him to slide his hands over her waist.
“I think we can be forever.”
When Cassandra reached for him, pulling him into a kiss that felt like an electric current attached to his spine, he was pretty sure he could have levitated. Right then and there, on the sidewalk outside of a bar in Los Angeles.
There was absolutely nothing better than having her in his arms. Nothing in the whole world.
Chapter 26
Cassandra
She barely remembered getting back to Logan’s car. They’d been making out like kids on the sidewalk, not giving a flying fuck who saw them — but eventually he’d asked if she wanted to go somewhere else… and she’d chosen his place.
Dealing with Abelita could be done in the morning.
On the drive to his house, Logan seemed like a completely different person. More animated, warmer, although he hadn’t lost the commanding side of himself. Asking her about her schedule, making plans before she even had a chance to process that he was really doing this. He was actually going to change his world so she could be a part of it.
Who really did that for someone else?
It felt impossible. A real Christmas miracle, just like Vanessa had predicted, and she wasn’t going to ignore it when the universe lit up a runway this brightly. She’d felt it before she ever went to his house that night, the inkling that he could be so much more than just a date, or a boyfriend… he’d felt like a possible future.
And he felt the same way.
He’d said he loved her.
He’d said they could be forever.
What else was she supposed to do except kiss him? It’s all she’d wanted to do since she was standing in front of him. The shadow of scruff on his cheeks just begging her to touch, to remember what it felt like to feel him against her again.
“I want you to know, that I will never violate your trust like that again,” Logan said, pulling her out of her thoughts as he turned down his street.
“Learned your lesson?” she asked, grinning, and he squeezed her hand a little tighter.
“Yes, I believe I have.” He chuckled, looking at her with a smile she’d never seen before. So free, so… happy. “But, if I ever fuck up near that bad again, please feel free to slap me and tell me I’m an idiot.”
“I’ll keep that in mind. Although… I’m pretty sure Abelita is ahead of me in line to slap you, and Vanessa might be close on her heels.”
“Oh, I’m well aware of what Vanessa thinks about me. I think her favorite phrase was either ‘Grade-A Douchebag’ or ‘dickless idiot,’ but both of them were effective,” he said, and she couldn’t help laughing.
“I guess I’ll have to tell her she has to stick to ‘Grade-A Douchebag’ because you are many things, Logan, but you are definitely not dickless.” Grinning, she felt the rush of heat up her chest when he looked over at her like he wanted to pull the car into a random driveway and bend her over the hood. Fortunately, it was only another minute or so before they were at his house.
“Finally,” he growled, slamming the car into park before he caught her by the back of the neck and pulled her into another kiss. This would have never been acceptable on the sidewalk. This kiss was a half-step from ripping her clothes off in the car, and while his garage was secluded, his bed was way more comfortable.
“Inside,” she gasped when their kiss broke for a moment, and Logan stared at her like he was afraid to stop touching her. “Please?”
“God, I love when you beg.” He shoved open his door, and she followed, letting him take her hand to pull her into the house. The plan was to make it upstairs, but she yanked him to a stop when she saw the Christmas tree.
It had to be fifteen feet tall, fully decorated, and lit up with soft white lights that reflected off all his windows like a hundred stars trapped in his living room.
“Logan this is beautiful, did you do this for me?” she asked looking over at him.
“I was hoping you’d come back here before you left town, and I know it bothered you that I didn’t have any decorations up.”
“So… you did this?”
“Well, I paid someone to do it. I’m not even sure where I’d buy a Christmas tree, to be honest. But that doesn’t matter,” he replied, and then he scooped her off her feet, tossing her over his shoulder.
“LOGAN!” she shouted, laughing as the world inverted, and her purse landed on the floor.
“You can look at it in the morning, I promise.” A sharp swat to her ass had her focus back on the very attractive dom carrying her up the stairs, but she stole one more glance at the beautiful tree before it disappeared.
“You’re ridiculous,” Cassandra said through her laughter, just before he dropped her onto the bed. Every nerve-ending in her body was lit up like the fancy new tree downstairs, glowing with need, and more than ready to feel him on top of her again… but he was just standing there.
“You are so beautiful,” he whispered, running his fingers down her leg in an almost reverent touch. “And smart,” he added, slipping her heels off to set them on the floor. “And so much better than I can ever hope to be.”
“That’s not true, Logan.” She reached for him, but he caught her hand, kissing each of her fingers before he let go.
“It is, but since it’s only beneficial to me if you believe that… I’ll drop it.” Smiling at her, he reached for the bottom of his sweater, and then froze. “You know, we don’t need to—”
“Take your damn clothes off.” Rolling her eyes, she sat up to pull her blouse over her head, tossing it off the side, before she sent her bra after it. Then she lay back, unzipping her skirt as Logan finally threw his sweater to the side. It still felt like too long before he was kissing her again, a low chuckle rumbling in his chest as he inched down her neck.
“I think I’m the one who’s supposed to give you the orders.” A nip over her collarbone had her back arching as he soothed it with a lick.
“Just trying to keep you out of your own head, sir,” she answered, grinning as he caught her nipple gently in his teeth before teasing her with his tongue. “Since you tend to make bad decisions when you spend too long in there by yourself.”
