Beyond the Footlights, page 18
So he’d reached over and Kilmer hadn’t protested the touch. He hadn’t complained when Tanner wrapped his fingers around that strong wrist to feel Kilmer’s pulse, or pulled back when he’d impulsively closed his grip to hold him in place.
Hadn’t complained. Who are you kidding? He will never complain about something like that.
And that was what frightened Tanner the most. He needed to know Kilmer’s limits. Where he wasn’t going to go, what he wouldn’t accept. Jumping in without setting those clear boundaries had got him into trouble once, and he had never taken the chance again. Never impulsively gone deep into a scene or, very often, done it with all the stops in place either. He just didn’t trust himself to read the signals right.
Clearly giving blow jobs was more than just okay with Kilmer, though. He was about as enthusiastic about giving one as Tanner was receiving one. And he was practiced at it. He’d asked—no begged really—to be allowed to do so. There had been no guesswork involved.
Tanner had entertained thoughts of drawing it out, being careful, but Kilmer’s surrender, his soft sounds and willingness to be manhandled, had shot that idea down instantly. As he panted through the aftermath of his orgasm, Tanner knew it was foolish of him to ever have entertained the idea that he was over being the dominant partner.
He stared down at Kilmer, stroked his cheek, ran a thumb over his plumped, spunk-damp lips. “Well done,” he growled.
Kilmer stared at him, blue eyes as open as Tanner had ever seen. So vulnerable. He cupped his palm to Kilmer’s cheek, and Kilmer turned into the touch, closed his eyes, kissed his palm.
“You okay?” Tanner asked.
Kilmer swallowed.
“Speak.” He had to know.
“I’m good.” Whispers of sound, pretty, floating things fluttering up to settle into Tanner’s soul. Pretty things with talons of steel that were not going to let go easily.
“You hard still?” Tanner asked, feeling his way along the silken tether holding them in the moment.
“Fuck,” Kilmer whispered, still turned into his hand, eyes still closed. His lips curled down in a frown, and once more he swallowed. His breath came faster, like he was having difficulty catching it.
“Take your time,” Tanner whispered. “Easy.” He pried Kilmer’s fingers free of his jeans and shucked them down his legs so he could step out of them. With both of Kilmer’s hands in his now, he pulled his lover to his feet. “Come with me.”
Kilmer followed, complacent and silent. When they entered Tanner’s bedroom, Kilmer faltered. It was so slight, Tanner wouldn’t have noticed if he hadn’t still been holding one of Kilmer’s hands.
“Something wrong?” He stopped and turned to face Kilmer. “Talk.”
Kilmer cleared his throat, nodded toward the bed, and bit his lip. “That’s sturdy.”
Tanner grinned. “It is.”
“You build that too?”
“I did.” He studied the bed, trying to see it through another’s eyes. It did look sturdy. It was hardwood and carefully constructed to disguise the fact the design would withstand a lot of torque on the headboard and the slats. But someone who knew what a piece of furniture needed to withstand a strong man tied to it would see immediately all the potential Tanner had built into the bed.
“Do you like it?” he asked Kilmer.
“Very much, yes.”
“Then you should get on it. On your back.”
Kilmer glanced over at him.
“Naked.”
“I—” Deep swallow. “—can do that.”
“Good.” Tanner peeled his T-shirt off, tossed it aside, and crossed his arms over his chest. He ignored his own mostly flaccid cock and eased his gaze, slow and deliberate, down Kilmer’s body. “Don’t keep me waiting.”
Another deep swallow that made Kilmer’s Adam’s apple bob, but his chin dipped ever so slightly in ascent, and he got to work on peeling away his clothing.
The body revealed did not disappoint. Tanner figured he’d see lean abs and torso, muscled shoulders, and defined legs. He’d even talked himself into accepting that Kilmer would be bigger and probably hairier than what he’d thought he liked and had determined not to let that bother him.
Far from bothering him, the vision revealed before him only drew him closer.
Kilmer’s build was mouthwatering and perfect, with rounded mounds of muscles in his shoulders and a broad, filled-out chest that heaved, quick and light, like he couldn’t quite catch up to his own breath. Tanner wanted to reach over and touch the curls of golden hair that spread in soft drifts and swirls from pecs to ankles. It matched the fuzz Tanner had already noticed on Kilmer’s arms. He wasn’t furry, by any means, but he was far from bare and clearly had no interest in altering that fact to please anyone.
The curls nesting around his very prominent dick were a shade darker, the hair on his belly slicked and plastered to his skin with a generous coating of precome.
“Turn,” Tanner ordered on impulse, suddenly and ragingly curious to see if the man’s ass was also covered in that golden halo of fluff.
Kilmer did, spinning in place slowly, hands out from his sides, fingers spread, clearly demonstrating he knew exactly how to show off his assets to anyone who demanded it. The only giveaway that nerves still plagued him was the rapid gulps for air that didn’t seem to be cooperating with his lungs. He stopped when he once more faced Tanner but said nothing.
His silence was only further demonstration—whether he realized it or not—that he was a very well-trained sub. Maybe no one but a Dom would pick up on it. A lover not familiar with the lifestyle might read Kilmer’s silence as nerves. Tanner saw it for what it was. He hadn’t told Kilmer to speak, so he simply didn’t. This learned obedience got his heart rate up. Here was a man who might be his match in a lot of ways that younger, more inexperienced, or weaker men might not be.
Tanner took the last step that separated them and drew his finger through the damp hair at Kilmer’s groin. A shiver passed through Kilmer, but he didn’t move or say a word. He did lick his lips, and his eyes, filled with want, fixed on Tanner’s mouth.
“How do you feel about lying down there and hanging on to that headboard?” Tanner asked, studying Kilmer’s expression.
It wasn’t his imagination that Kilmer caught his breath, that his chest heaved for more air, that he once more swallowed hard, or that his lids flickered, but he acquiesced without a word.
“Very good.”
Kilmer rewarded Tanner’s praise with a flitting grin and at last took a bone-deep breath.
He seemed to settle a little deeper into the mattress after that. His fingers were white around two of the iron bars interspersed between the wooden ones, giving away some of his tension. He watched Tanner, eyes sharp, lips parted slightly, as he shifted Kilmer’s feet apart, spreading his legs until there was room for Tanner to kneel between them. The position left him open, exposed, and his chest was rising and falling a little faster again.
“I need you to do something for me,” Tanner told him. He splayed a hand over Kilmer’s chest, laying some weight there, not enough to hold him down but enough to make him take notice and, oddly, to calm his rapid breathing.
“What?” Kilmer’s voice was rough and short.
“Hang on to that headboard. Speak up if you need something. Need me to stop.”
“Yeah. Just….” Kilmer gulped. “Course.” He gulped again. “I know the drill.” Sweat had broken out over his chest, and he glowed with it, the sheen deepening the shade of his tanned skin.
Slipping his hand lightly over the hair of Kilmer’s chest, playing his fingers over Kilmer’s nipples or pushing weight against his ribs, Tanner explored Kilmer’s reactions. He didn’t apply a lot of restraint, just a firm and grounding touch. He knew this was only a mere suggestion of what Kilmer wanted. He could see the hunger for more in the man’s eyes, but they hadn’t talked. He didn’t know what Kilmer liked, what he couldn’t do.
He leaned over him, dragging his callused palms up the tender skin of Kilmer’s exposed inner arms. He reveled in the shudder it drew. His own blood rushed as he looked down on the harnessed strength beneath him. A surge of power overwhelmed him, and he bent to take a kiss from Kilmer that left them both panting and Kilmer groaning.
Tanner cupped his chin and gazed into his eyes. “This is important. Are you listening?”
Kilmer moaned and licked his lips, but he scraped a yes out.
“You have to speak up if there’s a problem.”
“You said that. I know the drill.”
“This isn’t a drill.” Tanner caressed his cheek, more softly than he’d meant to, and Kilmer blinked at him. “This is real. It’s small maybe. Beginning but….” He caressed Kilmer’s cheek again, ran a thumb over his lips. “Potential,” he murmured and sat back on his heels.
“Potential for what?” Kilmer squirmed like he thought about sitting up but changed his mind. He settled back again and stared at Tanner. Still that hunger haunted his gaze. He wanted more than just to get off. Tanner wanted more than to get him off. But the last time….
“Potential for disaster.”
Kilmer shook his head. “No. You don’t get to—”
“We both have to want this.”
Kilmer’s Adam’s apple worked some more, but he pinched his lips closed and glared. Then his gaze softened, like he could calm himself through force of will, but the deeply ingrained war between defiance and surrender never left his eyes.
“Don’t get me wrong.” Tanner drew soft lines over Kilmer’s face, following his cheek bones, his jaw, and traced the delicate line of his throat. “I want it. You.” He allowed a grin, and let it show just a hint of the power he couldn’t deny he craved. “Tied up, maybe. Begging.” He rested the pad of his thumb on top of the ever-moving Adam’s apple and licked his lips.
The man was so hot, with the hunger and the fierce self-protectiveness. All of it, the uncertainty even, was appealing in a way. Tanner wanted to shelter those delicate bits of Kilmer and challenge the defiant ones. He wanted to meet every challenge the man threw out, overthrow them, and bring them to heel. He wanted to free him from the fear and worry that made his breath short, and to remind him what it was to trust. To fly.
“Sounds like we want the same things, then.” Kilmer’s tone, cajoling on the surface, hid depths and turbulence that could hurt them both.
Tanner placed a finger over his lips. “I have limits,” he said. “You always have to be facing me. You always have to have an escape route.”
“Then it isn’t real,” Kilmer growled. “If I can escape the bonds—”
“It’s as real as you let it be. But I won’t budge on that.”
“Why?”
“It takes less than a minute for panic to set in and things to go wrong. People get hurt.”
Kilmer released the headboard and sat up so swiftly Tanner found himself on his ass between his lover’s legs, then wrapped up in his arms tight enough he almost couldn’t breathe.
“What the—”
Kilmer released him. “This sounds like a ‘kitchen table’ talk, not a ‘grab the headboard, I’m about to fuck you stupid’ talk.”
Tanner sighed. He was probably right.
Kilmer lay back down, a serene smile on his face. “It’s fine. I accept your terms for now.” He gripped the headboard again and settled into the mattress. His erection hadn’t flagged, nor had the want gone from his gaze, but his breathing was more even. The tension no longer rippled through his body in tight waves.
“What changed?”
Kilmer studied him for many heartbeats before he spoke. “You have limits.”
“Of course. Everyone does.”
“Not Jacko.”
Tanner filed that for later, at the kitchen table, and nodded. He leaned in, kissed Kilmer, not hard or deep but lingering, taking his time over every detail, until Kilmer’s breath was short again, his chest rising and falling in a staccato cadence, and every ounce of his attention was riveted on Tanner.
“You hang on to that headboard,” he ordered.
Kilmer licked his lips. “Yes,” he whispered, breathy and trailing off over the Sir he didn’t say.
“Good.” Tanner ran fingers through his hair and left another kiss on his already swollen lips before trailing kisses down over his jaw and throat, skipping over the heavy chain without comment. He tried very hard not to imagine what it meant that Kilmer hadn’t removed it yet. He continued over Kilmer’s pecs even while he began to smooth his hands over his abs and thighs.
A strangled sound issued from Kilmer in a tangle of unintelligible words, making Tanner stop his methodical explorations to look up. Kilmer was biting his lower lip and his fingers were white with the effort of holding on.
“Something wrong?” Tanner kept his voice low and rumbly on purpose, the edge making it commanding, but the low register keeping it soft enough to be nonthreatening.
Kilmer shook his head and closed his eyes.
“Hey.”
Kilmer groaned. His legs twitched under Tanner’s palms, and Tanner couldn’t decide if it was involuntary or not.
“Talk to me, Tex,” he cajoled, sliding a hand up to curl fingers comfortingly over Kilmer’s hip and apply just enough pressure to get his attention. “What’s going on?”
“No. Nothing.” Deep pull of breath. “Swear.” Another heavy draw of air into his lungs. “Don’t stop.” Kilmer’s unfocused gaze flitted past Tanner’s face, and Tanner dug the heel of his hand in a little deeper against Kilmer’s hip.
“Look at me, Kilmer.”
Kilmer huffed, squirmed, and finally his gaze landed on Tanner’s face.
“You’re holding back.”
“Not.” Kilmer blinked. “I’m not.”
“Biting your lip.” Tanner touched his lower lip. “Holding your breath.” He ran a palm over Kilmer’s chest. “Why so hell-bent on not making any noise? Don’t you want me to hear how much you want this?” He flexed the fingers on Kilmer’s hip, gratified by the sharp intake of air and the almost immediate release of it in a throaty huff.
“Sorry.”
“As you should be. Don’t be afraid to make noise. I’m not him. I’m not going to judge or punish.”
Kilmer’s eyes got a fraction bigger and his forearms flexed, but he didn’t let go. “I wasn’t—I just….”
“Habits.” Tanner kissed him gently. “I get that. But you can break the bad ones. Now.” He smiled and trickled his fingers from Kilmer’s hip downward. “Where was I?”
As he ghosted a hand over Kilmer’s erection, a satisfyingly audible groan came from his lover’s lips. And he rewarded the heady sound by wrapping his lips around said erection and applying heavy suction.
Kilmer’s hips came off the bed momentarily. He groaned again, squirmed a bit, and Tanner heard his name spill in a rhythmical cadence from Kilmer’s mouth.
More like it.
He applied himself to the blow job with a ferocity that had Kilmer thrashing and swearing in seconds and coming in mere minutes, his entire body tensing, then shuddering with the release.
Kilmer’s fingers went slack on the headboard as he came down, though he left his arms above his head and Tanner had to pull them down to his side for him. He spent some time dropping lazy kisses over Kilmer’s stomach and chest until he felt Kilmer’s fingers slowly combing through the stray ends of his hair.
“You with me?” he asked, lifting his head to look at Kilmer.
Kilmer nodded. “I think.”
“Yeah?” Tanner offered a crooked smile that Kilmer sloppily returned.
“Well. Maybe not right this second. I think you…” He made a twirling motion with his finger spiraling away from his head and grinned again as his hand flopped back onto the mattress. “Thinking… maybe tomorrow.”
“Heh.” Tanner crawled up to plant a kiss on Kilmer’s lips and was barely done before a soft breath popped from Kilmer’s lips and he sighed into sleep.
21
IT SHOULD have surprised Tanner to wake up and find Kilmer still asleep in his bed. Tanner was a hard worker. When he was working on-site, his construction days often started very shortly after dawn. He expected a rancher would be much the same and that the habit would have him awake by dawn. But there he lay, sound asleep, relaxed, and looking more peaceful than Tanner had ever seen him, with the golden glow of morning sun skimming over his stubbled features.
The fact he was slumbering after nine in the morning was probably testament to how poorly he’d been sleeping lately. Carefully he slithered out of the bed and moved softly around the room to gather clothes and slip into the bathroom to shower.
Kilmer was still asleep when he came out, so he left a note that he was taking the dog for a pee walk and left the house. They wandered past Kilmer’s house and found the site was sunlit but empty. If Vance and Len had planned on dropping by today, they hadn’t shown yet. Tanner took the dog to Eats to pick up coffee and muffins, then returned to the house.
Everything inside was still. Quiet. Tanner had the momentary panicked thought that Kilmer had ducked out while he was gone, but then he noticed the bass case on the couch was open and a moment later glimpsed Kilmer himself sitting on Tanner’s favorite stool by the living room window, watching out across the park as he absently plucked a few strings and hummed.
He didn’t seem to have noticed that Tanner and the dog had returned, so Tanner unclipped the lead. He watched the dog get a drink while he set their minibreakfast on the table. He pulled juice and butter from the fridge, set out glasses and plates.
Kilmer was watching him by then but hadn’t moved from his stool or put his instrument down. He seemed content, especially when his dog wandered over for a pat and settled in a curl around the bottom of his high perch.
