In His Dreams, page 19
Marsha rose. “Can I do anything for you?”
“No.” She turned and headed back to her room.
Marsha crossed the kitchen and followed her into the bedroom.
Jeff waited, hearing their voices from down the hall. He rose and filled another bun with the meat. As he sat, Marsha’s footsteps drew nearer. When she eyed his plate, he nodded. “Okay, I admit it. I’m eating another sandwich.”
She grinned, then looked thoughtful. “Do you think she’s upset because Al and Lindsey went home?” She sat again, nibbling on some chips while she watched him eat.
Jeff shook his head. “That’s not it.”
“Are you sure? Lindsey finally softened up a little.”
“Bonnie told me today she’d be glad when Lindsey was gone.”
Marsha chuckled. “Lindsey did have her moments, didn’t she? Still, I almost felt sorry for Al. It’s hard being a part-time parent.”
“I can’t even imagine.” When he felt resentment sometimes, he needed to recall this moment. What would it be like to have his child only every other weekend? How difficult would that be?
Marsha didn’t say anything to break his thoughts and, when he focused on her, she rose and began putting away the leftovers. “Thanks for the dinner.”
He stood and pushed the chair back, hearing it scrape against the floor. He moved behind her at the counter and laid his hand on her arm. “Listen.”
Marsha stood a moment as if listening, then turned to face him. “Listen to what?”
“To nothing. We’re really alone.”
She swung her arm toward the hallway. “What about Bonnie?”
“She’s probably asleep, already. She’s been like this all day. I had to force her to say goodbye to Al and Lindsey. She’s been moody for the past week—off and on. Today it’s on.”
“I’m sorry. She’s been doing so well, too.”
A flash lit the sky, and Jeff glanced at the counter. “I’m prepared.”
Marsha smiled. “Don was a Boy Scout. Were you?”
“Aren’t all little boys?”
While she chuckled, he linked his arm in hers and pulled her closer. “Let’s sit.” He motioned toward the living room.
He guided her to the sofa and patted the cushion, then sat beside her.
“Do you think Bonnie’s okay?” she asked.
“It’s either a summer cold or too much excitement. It’s hard to tell.”
“And don’t forget, girls do get to an age when they become moody.”
He saw her searching his eyes and knew what she was going to ask.
She lowered her gaze. “I’m sorry, Jeff, but I’m concerned about Bonnie. You’ve seen her mature even in these past weeks, and you know what happened on the Fourth of July. It’s not just her behavior—she’s about to—”
“I will, Marsha. I will. I promise.”
She rose and wandered to the glass door as the lightning flashed an amazing display in the distance across the dark water. “I know it’s not easy,” she said, gazing into the night. “It would be easier for me, but I’m not her mother…” She turned and faced him. “It’s best if you talk to her about things like that.”
Jeff felt his shoulders knot. “I said I will.”
Marsha gave a tiny shrug and silenced.
He hated to be short with her, but Marsha had no idea how many times he’d tried to broach the subject. How could he explain to his daughter about being a woman, about the changes in her body and what it meant? He wished Marilou were alive to do it, or even his mother. He had no one on earth to count on…except the Lord, and he figured the Lord wasn’t going to take over that job, either.
The silence unsettled him, and he knew he had to change the subject. He had so much to say.
He searched Marsha’s shadowy face, her eyes questioning, and, for a moment, he took the easier topic, the one that made him curious. “What happened with Barb? Why did she leave?”
She exhaled a lengthy breath and plopped beside him. “She said she’d be more comfortable at home. I thought she was finally enjoying herself.”
“Me, too.” He traced his thoughts, trying to think of what had happened to make her decide to leave. “I hope you’re not upset.”
“Just curious, really.”
He could see hurt, or maybe confusion, in her eyes.
“Barb told me she wants to find an apartment. She’s not happy living with me.”
Jeff’s chest pushed against his heat. “That must hurt a little, but it does solve one of your concerns.” Though he should be sympathetic for Marsha’s situation, knowing that Barb had made the decision to move seemed a problem solved.
“It does, but I didn’t want to bring it up today and cause hard feelings.”
He rested his hand on hers, feeling the softness, then lifted it and kissed her knuckles, then her palm. “I hope you told her about us, at least. It was the perfect time.”
“Barb mentioned how close you and I have become a couple of days ago, but I didn’t feel ready to say anything, not after what she’d just said. I hinted, but—Maybe she knows and she’s afraid of what will happen to her if…”
He drew her other hand into his and decided to speak his mind. “I know you’re sensitive to Barb’s situation, but I am disappointed. I really hoped you’d just be open and tell her the truth.”
Marsha’s eyes searched his. “I’m disappointed in myself, Jeff.”
Before he could say anything, Bonnie tromped down the hallway, and he heard the bathroom door give a bang.
“Daddy!”
Bonnie’s frantic cry caused them both to jump. He rushed to the bathroom door, grasped the knob, then stopped himself. “What’s wrong?”
“Blood.”
Blood? “Where?”
Her answer nailed him to the floor. Why hadn’t he listened to Marsha? He clung to the doorknob, not knowing which way to turn. Time had run out. He wanted to kick himself.
Blood? Marsha waited while Jeff went to Bonnie as her frustration and compassion fought for first place. She’d told him over and over to explain things to Bonnie.
In minutes, Jeff came through the doorway and gave Marsha a helpless look.
“What do you want me to do?”
“Help me.” He looked as if he’d been accused of a crime. Guilt spilled from his eyes, and Marsha hugged him instead of saying I told you so. How could she be angry? She didn’t mind helping, but it would have been so much better if he’d done it before the fact, before Bonnie was frightened over something so natural and so much a part of a woman’s life.
“Okay, but you’re not escaping this fully. She’ll need to talk with you, too, later.”
He nodded.
“Is she in the bathroom?”
“Her bedroom now. I told her you’d be in to talk to her. I—I’m sorry. I—”
She pressed her finger over his lips. “Do you have anything in the house? She’ll need pads.”
He looked frantic. “I haven’t cleaned out the linen closet. Maybe you’ll find something there.”
Marsha backed away and headed into the bathroom, recalling her first experience. Her mother had explained things to her when she was eleven, probably because she, too, had begun to blossom into a woman. Yet even knowing, she’d nearly fainted when she saw the evidence of her first menstrual experience.
Bonnie’s recent moodiness settled into Marsha’s mind. Though her tantrums had diminished, she’d shifted into mood swings. Why hadn’t Marsha realized?
She pulled open the linen-closet door, shifting things around, hoping she’d find what she needed. Her stomach twisted for Bonnie. Now Bonnie truly had to understand what this meant and the danger she could be in, the fears that Barb had expressed so much. Jeff couldn’t baby Bonnie, anymore. She needed to learn to be an adult and monitor her behavior around boys.
When Marsha moved some tissue in the back corner of the lower shelf, she relaxed. She found the package she needed, drew out a pad and placed it on the sink counter.
She needed to approach Bonnie with a quiet understanding, the kind of understanding that God gave his children when they gathered together. The experience bound people, united them in a common fellowship and, now that Bonnie had become a woman, she, too, was bound in the fellowship of womanhood. The beauty of it all covered her negative thoughts.
When she returned to the hallway, Jeff stood nearby, waiting. The silence surprised her, and she realized the storm had faded. “I’ll explain what this means and how to use the pad, Jeff, but you need to be in on the rest. You need to talk with her about what it means to become mature and the dangers.”
He agreed and strode to Bonnie’s door. He tapped and spoke through the wooden barricade. “Bon, Aunt Marsha’s here. Can she come in?”
Bonnie’s voice was so soft Marsha couldn’t hear her response.
He motioned to Marsha and pushed open the door.
Marsha stepped inside alone and sat on the edge of Bonnie’s bed. “You want to talk, first?”
She shrugged. “Daddy said it means I’m a woman.”
“Pretty close. It’s something God gave us so we could have babies when we’re old enough to get married, but not before.”
“I’m too young to get married.”
“You sure are, but He’s preparing you to be a woman.”
She held Bonnie in her arms and explained how to care for herself. When she’d finished, she sent Bonnie to the bathroom to take a shower.
Jeff hovered by the doorway, his face wrought with anxiety. “Thank you.” He drew Marsha into his arms. “I didn’t know what to do. I told you I feel so inadequate about things like this. My mother never talked with me. I learned everything from Don.”
“I bet he was a good teacher.”
Jeff grinned. “Actually, he was. He believed in morality and saving himself for marriage. I’ve always followed his lead.”
“I wouldn’t have thought anything else of you. You’re a good man and so was Don. He would have made a good father just like you.”
Jeff held her more tightly. “You’re a good mom.”
Gooseflesh rose on Marsha’s arms, hearing the words. Mom. She’d never longed for motherhood, but she loved her connection with Bonnie, and she hoped Jeff was right. She might never be a mother now, but she could certainly mother Bonnie.
“You mean everything to me,” Jeff whispered in her ear.
Her pulse jumped and her mouth opened to tell him the same, but the bathroom door opened and Bonnie came out, ready for bed, looking shy and uneasy. She headed back to her room, then stopped in the doorway and looked at them.
The moment had passed. Marsha decided to save her declaration for tomorrow. No matter what else, she knew in her heart she loved Jeff.
“It’s your turn,” Marsha said, gesturing to the bedroom door. “The storm’s passed, and I’m going home. Hopefully, the lights will be on in the morning.”
“You can stay here.”
Marsha shook her head. “I’ll borrow your flashlight, if you don’t mind, and I’ll talk with you tomorrow.
He stepped toward her, but she held up her hand. This is the time for you and Bonnie. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
He didn’t move for a moment, then closed the distance between them and kissed her gently. “I don’t know what to say.”
“Say good night.” She gave him a quick kiss, then grabbed her coat and motioned to Bonnie’s doorway. “She needs her dad.”
She opened the door and stepped into the dark night without waiting for his reply.
Chapter Eighteen
Sunlight peeked through the bottom of Marsha’s shade, and she covered her eyes. The storm had ended just as she prayed her personal storm would end soon. She’d made a decision last night while she’d lain in bed, thinking of Jeff and all they’d been through. How could she doubt what God had in mind for her?
She knew exactly when she’d fallen in love. His first kiss had been so brief and so unexpected it had frightened her. But that was the day she knew that Jeff was more than a friend. She’d tried to pretend otherwise, but her heart knew the truth.
Recently, she’d given God thanks so often for all He’d done for her—for the relationship she’d found with Jeff, for his new-found faith, for the love she felt for Bonnie, for opening doors between her and Barb, for the myriad blessings He’d poured over her. Now she had to act on those blessings and make things right. Sorrow rolled over her, thinking how she’d doubted, how she’d ignored God’s leading.
Marsha adjusted her head to miss most of the sunshine that stretched along her pillow. She thought about her plan. She hoped Jeff wouldn’t be disappointed when she told him.
As she tossed back the blankets, she shifted her feet to the edge of the bed, then slipped to the floor. She needed to get moving and call Jeff. She hoped Bonnie felt better this morning.
Marsha plodded into the kitchen and started the coffee, then dialed his phone number and her heart tripped when she heard his voice.
“How’d it go?”
“I told her how proud I was of her handling becoming a young woman and how much she’s matured in her behavior.”
“That’s good, Jeff. That’s what she needs to hear. All those positive things.”
“Oh, yes, and I told her how talented she was and how happy that made me.”
“I prayed about it last night, too. I hope both of us look at Bonnie with new eyes. You’ve made a great start with her.”
“Thanks. It’s taken me a while, but with your prodding, I finally did a few things right. I know last night I nearly botched things up, but you came to my rescue. Again.”
“That’s what I like to do. I’m a rescuer.”
“You’ve rescued me, Marsha, and you’ve given me so much more. I wanted to talk about some things last night. You asked me about the truth and you startled me, but, with Bonnie, we didn’t have a chance—
“We will today. I’m going to church this morning, and then we can talk about it. I have some thoughts, too.”
“Should I be worried?”
“I hope not.”
She heard a release of breath. “I’ll check with Bonnie and see if she wants to go to church this morning. She’s still in bed.”
“I’ll drop by in a little while,” she said, feeling as if things were finally falling into place.
“Bonnie.” Jeff rapped at her bedroom door. “Are you awake?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Can I come in?”
“Okay.”
He turned the knob and stood in the doorway. “Do you want to go to church?”
She stretched her arms out from her sides and yawned. “Sunday school.”
“Okay. Sunday school.”
She nodded.
“Then, you’d better get up. I’ll make breakfast.”
He stepped into the hallway and closed her door. He still reeled when it struck him that his little Bonnie was starting to grow up. The change had happened before his eyes and it had taken his awareness too long to catch up.
Breakfast took only a minute to prepare. He made coffee, pulled down cereal boxes and bowls, and, by the time the coffee was ready, Bonnie had come into the kitchen, dressed in pants and a cute top.
He handed her a bowl and let her choose her cereal, and they sat together, eating while his mind struggled with what he wanted to say to her.
“You like Marsha, don’t you?” he asked, knowing it was a rudimentary question but a way to begin.
Bonnie lifted her head, a piece of cereal clinging to her lip and studied him. She lifted the napkin and wiped off the food before speaking. “I love Aunt Marsha.”
“I thought you did.”
“Do you love her?”
He caught his breath. “I do.”
“Is she your girlfriend?” Excitement rose to her face. “Like in the movies?”
“I guess you could say that.” He hid his grin.
“Will you get married?”
“That’s a good possibility.”
“Hooray!” she said. “Then, Aunt Marsha would be my new mom.”
“She would be your stepmom. Would you like that?”
Bonnie nodded. “I miss Mom.”
He couldn’t respond for a moment. “I miss her, too, Bonnie.”
She patted her dad’s hand. “It’s okay, Daddy. She’s with Jesus.”
“I’m sure she is.” His heart melted hearing his daughter’s words and filled with joy at her acceptance.
They quieted again, finishing breakfast until the back door opened and he heard Marsha’s voice.
“Everyone up?” she called.
“In the kitchen.” He focused on the doorway, waiting for her to appear.
She stopped and looked at him with questioning eyes.
“We’re great,” he said, assuring her that Bonnie seemed perfectly normal.
Marsha moved to Bonnie’s side and bent over to kiss her cheek. “How are you feeling this morning?”
“Better.” She gave Marsha a shy smile.
“You look good. You have rosy cheeks today.”
“So do you.”
Marsha chuckled. “I cheated though. Mine are from a compact.”
Bonnie gave her a quizzical look, then grinned. “You’re daddy’s girlfriend.”
Jeff wanted to sink below his chair. “Bonnie, that talk was between you and me.”
“You, me and Aunt Marsha. She’s supposed to know, too.”
Jeff chuckled at Marsha’s fiery blush. “You didn’t need that compact this morning.”
“I wasn’t expecting to be greeted with this kind of information.” Her eyes searched his. “Should I know anything else?”
“After church. Can you wait?”
“She can wait,” Bonnie said. “It’s time for Sunday school.” She rose, set her dish in the sink and grinned. “Ready?”
Jeff wagged his head, amazed. “I think we are.” The words held far more meaning than Bonnie could guess, but he hoped Marsha was as ready as he’d become.
As they headed to church, Marsha sorted through the things she wanted to talk about with Jeff. First, she was most curious about the girlfriend comment. What had he said to Bonnie? The thought made her grin.
